Coward

I am a coward.

But that's the only reason i am probably still alive.

I hate myself so much, i can't change anything.

At this point i want to sabotage myself just so i would feel better because if i tried my best and still didn't achieve my dreams i don't think i will be able to deal with it, funny thing is no matter what way i choose i will end up dead.

The funny thing is even if i achieve my dreams i will still feel useless.

Nothing i do matters when the destination is the same

Nothing ever matters.

Maybe i will have a change of heart if i meet my sun, the one person who will pull me out of the darkness like all the stories i have read.

Time is ticking and i don't see such a person.

Maybe i will remain a coward and not do anything and stay the same.

Maybe i will lose my smile if i haven't already.

Maybe one day i will be stuck forever in my own head.

Maybe someday i will finally have the courage to take my own life, i hope that if such a day is ever to come, i am all alone and no one to mourn me, that will make me happy, just disappearing without worrying anyone.