Enlightenment

"Young miss, isn't this a nostalgic sight?" He Ying asked in a too-bright voice as they all stood at the entrance of Tranquility Courtyard.

Zhao Shuang swept a careless glance over the area, her voice bland: "Yes, this place does hold some memories."

Despite its elegant name, however, the courtyard had long fallen into disrepair. Weeds crept up all over the place, covering most of the muddy path to the main building. And much of the building's exterior was falling apart: wide cracks webbed through the walls, the paint was faded and most of it was chipping off, and more than a few of the roof tiles were missing.

In fact, if it weren't for Lin-mama and her son Lin Feng who did their best to maintain the place, they most likely wouldn't be able to even make it to the main rooms.

Without any warning, she set off, He Ying and Xiang Lan rushing to catch up. Thankfully, she still remembered where to step so that no mud got on her pearl-encrusted shoes.

Yet just as she reached for the handle, the door was thrown open and Zhao Shuang was enveloped in an unexpected, yet achingly familiar embrace.

"Young miss! This old servant has dearly missed you!"

Unbidden, tears came to Zhao Shuang's eyes as she hugged Lin-mama for the first time since being reborn.

This caring old woman was her wet nurse, the main source of maternal love in either of her lifetimes.

She was the one who had raised her, after her mother was too bitter and resentful to care about her newborn baby. The one who had sung her lullabies to sleep, had played games with her when no else would, had brushed away her tears with gentle, loving fingers after her mother had shouted at her once again.

The one who died because of her relentless need for revenge.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," Zhao Shuang murmured almost incoherently as she wept into Lin-mama's shoulder. Even more tears rushed forth when Lin-mama patted her back, whispering comforting words as if she were still a child.

Indeed, it felt like she'd reverted back to her younger self, still seeking solace in her wet nurse's arms when faced with her mother's cutting words and venomous eyes...

After what seemed like a long while, Zhao Shuang finally calmed down. She stepped back, unable to meet Lin-mama's eyes as she wiped away her tears. Even her maids were staring at her.

"I apologize, I don't know what came over me."

Lin-mama shook her head gently, then grabbed her hand and led them all inside.

The building was composed of only two rooms: the drawing room, and what used to be Zhao Shuang's personal chambers. Filled with sparse, shabby furniture, and a few decorations here and there, the drawing room was a far cry from the rest of the manor's opulence.

Lin-mama guided Zhao Shuang to a small table that creaked every now and then. Pressing a light kiss to the top of her head, her wet nurse stepped back and gave her a loving smile.

"Stay here, young miss, this old servant will be back soon."

As she watched her walk away towards her maids, warmth rose in her heart and suffused her entire body. She lowered her head, hiding the smile blooming on her lips.

This truly was a new life.

In her past life, after her vow to take revenge, she'd shut Lin-mama and everyone else out of her heart. She'd even sent her away to live with her son once she turned eighteen. It was when Zhao Shuang was to get married that Lin-mama served her once more, but only after begging her.

And just like the others, Lin-mama ended up dying in her struggles against the fake Zhao Luan.

But this time, there would be no senseless deaths for her selfish revenge, no underhanded schemes to harm others for her own benefit.

Only happiness.

"Young miss, please have some."

The clink of ceramic startled her into looking up, seeing as Lin-mama placed some cups and a plate of pastries before her. In fact, now that Zhao Shuang glanced around the room, she found they were the only ones left.

Lin-mama smiled at her, settling into a rickety chair across the table. "This old servant sent those girls to finish the preparations for the trip."

Then, a frown wrinkled her aged face. "Now, Xiao¹ Lan tells me this trip was decreed by Her Majesty...but must we leave in two days? Isn't that much too early, young miss?"

Zhao Shuang picked up one of the sugary pastries, examining it for a few moments before placing it back on the plate.

"In truth, Her Majesty didn't specify when I had to leave."

She met her wet nurse's worried gaze with a carefully blank expression.

"You should already know about my plans, Lin-mama. The issue is, there's only a week and a half left before the Hundred Blossom Meet, where my engagement will finally be announced. Hence the need to set off as soon as possible."

What she left unsaid was the fact that curing Zhao Luan wasn't going to be a simple task. Especially if she didn't manage to find the person she was looking for.

Lin-mama didn't reply right away, her lips pursed. As silence settled over them for a few minutes, Zhao Shuang took the chance to finally taste one of the pastries.

Her eyes lit up, then softened as she glanced at her wet nurse. These were her childhood favorite...

Eventually, Lin-mama spoke up, her voice much more careful than before.

"Pardon this old servant's overreach, young miss, but why have you suddenly decided on this?"

Zhao Shuang bit her lip, lowering her gaze as she deliberated on what she should say.

She hadn't wanted to lie about this before, and now even less. But there was no way to tell the truth without making Lin-mama think she was crazy or worse, possessed.

Hopefully, this would suffice: "I had a terrible dream about the future."

"This old servant didn't know the young miss had become superstitious," Lin-mama said in a light tone, but her brows were still creased.

Zhao Shuang sighed. She took a sip of watered-down tea, and braced herself for her next words.

"The dream was too real, Lin-mama. I saw all of you die because of me, because I wouldn't let go of my revenge. Even if it's not real, I can't risk it."

Despite her best efforts, her voice still quivered as she bared her heart through this lie, the first time in years.

"And it made me realize how distorted I've become because I allowed the hatred in my heart to control me. All these years I've taken all of you for granted, and even hurt my sister, the only one of my family to show me true kindness. That's why I need to do this, to give back the life I stole from her as atonement for my sins."

By the end, Zhao Shuang had closed her eyes against the turmoil of emotion her words had awakened.

Because the shameful truth was that it had taken a horrible death for her to regret, not simply a dream.

Yet like a balm to her soul, Lin-mama's soothing voice washed over as she felt a warm hand cradle her cheek.

"You've had a tough life, young miss. No child could have endured what you did without lashing out in some way."

When Zhao Shuang's eyes snapped open, Lin-mama chuckled. "This old servant is not saying young miss's actions were correct. Certainly, the junzhu² had no fault in being the legitimate daughter of the Great General, and didn't deserve to be the target of your resentment. But what this old servant wants young miss to understand is that your 'sins', as you call them, were a product of the unforgiving environment you grew up in."

Zhao Shuang's eyebrows furrowed, leaning away from her touch. "I don't understand what you're trying to say, Lin-mama. None of that excuses what I did."

Lin-mama gave her a soft smile, taking one of Zhao Shuang's hands into her own.

"Yes, young miss is right, your actions cannot simply be excused by your difficult past. And it is only expected that you work hard to make amends. But, young miss, for you to continue on this new path you've chosen, you must eventually forgive yourself."

She gave her hand a comforting squeeze, her gaze solemn.

"Because if you don't, all that hatred young miss is attempting to let go of will still remain inside of you, eating away at your very soul."

Zhao Shuang snatched her hand away as if she'd been burnt, shaking her head repeatedly.

"No, Lin-mama. Not yet. I can't forgive myself just yet. Not until I've fixed everything."

She leapt to her feet then, and after restoring some semblance of dignity to her appearance, turned to face Lin-mama with her usual aloof mask back on.

"Thank you for listening to my words, Lin-mama. Now, I'll retire for the rest of the morning, but there's no need for you to remain here." She gave her wet nurse a small nod. "And please, tell your son I will also require his assistance on this trip."

Ignoring Lin-mama's sad, knowing eyes, Zhao Shuang strode towards her old room without looking back.

❄️

Compared to the drawing room, the personal chamber of Tranquility Courtyard was in a much better state, thanks to Lin-mama cleaning it every morning.

On one side of the small room was a platform bed, covered with a worn yet thick quilt, and a mahogany dressing table that had seen better days.

The other side was reserved for the young Zhao Shuang's daytime activities: whether it was practicing any of the four arts, reading tomes about medicinal herbs, or brewing new poisons and their antidotes, it was all done on the old desk placed near the room's only window.

Two small bookshelves were placed behind it, containing numerous texts left behind by her mother. And in the farthest corner, a human-shaped dummy hung from the ceiling.

Zhao Shuang stood at the doorway, slowly going over every detail of this run-down place she had lived in for three, pointless years.

Three years of naively attempting to gain her new family's love and approval, of enduring their contempt in the hope that someday they would accept her.

Three years of being constantly compared to Zhao Luan behind her back, of ignoring the poisonous echo of her mother's last words.

Yet no matter what she accomplished, or how well she behaved, it never amounted to anything in their eyes...

She shoved the unpleasant memories away and made her way to one of the bookshelves. Her hand ran along the spines of dozens of books, full of titles such as Types of Toxins, Habitats of Poisonous Herbs, Essential Guide to Poison Creation, until she arrived to the one she was looking for.

Taking the thick tome off the shelf, she brushed some dust off the cover. Written across it in her mother's elegant script was Rare Poisons and Their Antidotes.

She went over to the desk and sat down, setting the book before her. It opened near to the middle, as if this page had been consulted many times in the past.

Feeling a bit nauseous, she began to read the first few paragraphs.

"Life Force Parasite is a poison composed of many rare and highly toxic herbs. As its name suggests, the poison sucks away the victim's vitality.

At low doses, it accumulates in the meridians, leaving the victim with a severely weakened body in a short period of time. Most doctors will be unable to detect the cause of deterioration unless they're experienced in the art of poisons.

Meanwhile, at high doses-"

Zhao Shuang stopped, shivering as she recalled her gruesome death. She slowly exhaled, and forced herself to keep reading.

"-the poison will aggressively attack the body, devouring tissues and organs. The victim will be tortured for many hours, screaming and scratching at their skin until they ultimately die from blood loss. Even so, the poison itself will continue consuming the victim's body until nothing is left.

As for the antidote, it only works for those poisoned at low doses. Many rare herbs, as described later on, will also be necessary for its preparation. But the most important ingredient to successfully create this antidote is the roots of the Rainbow Jade Lotus. Otherwise, any attempts will result in failure."

She finally closed the book and leaned back, the chair groaning in protest. Her eyebrows furrowed. That antidote wasn't going to be easy make.

The Rainbow Jade Lotus was one of the mainland's legendary treasures, rumored to have miraculous healing properties. Even just breathing its scent for a sufficient period of time was said to clear the body of impurities.

It only bloomed every hundred years, in only one place in the whole mainland ⁠- Tianshen Temple.

This was her main reason for visiting the temple, to steal this very flower.

The problem was, however, the Rainbow Jade Lotus was highly guarded, and only two people even knew it actually existed. One of them was naturally the emperor, and the other was the Grandmaster, a mysterious man in charge of predicting the nation's fate.

In fact, the only reason she even knew of this was due to her mother's extensive records, which she'd memorized from a young age in her past life. She didn't know how her mother could have possibly known, or from where she'd learned the art of poison that Zhao Shuang had later inherited.

Even now, her mother's real identity was a mystery to her.

Shaking her head, she stood up and went to return the tome back to its place. But as she reached the bookshelf, her body stiffened.

In the previously empty space, there was a small pendant.

It was made of translucent white jade, glowing with a pure radiance like the clearest water. A majestic dragon was carved on its surface with its jaws open in a silent roar.

'The truth behind this world is contained there', an otherworldly voice whispered in her ears.

The book she was holding slipped from her grasp. But she didn't pay attention, her eyes fixed on the pendant as she reached for it. Her hand moved little by little, as if she were slogging through sludge, until finally her fingers curled around it.

The next instant, a blast of light exploded from the jade, blinding her.

Wave after wave of information crashed over her.

This world was the setting of a novel, which told the story of Wen Xinya, a young woman from an unfamiliar era known as the 21st century.

In her first life, she was the descendant of a powerful family proficient in medicine. Wen Xinya was the most brilliant one of her generation, and her grandfather's last direct disciple. She even developed a miracle drug at the young age of twenty, able to cure many diseases in one go.

Beautiful, exceptionally talented, and about to marry her wonderful fiancé, she had it all.

But who could've known that everything would be taken from her by her identical twin sister!

In the end, she died all alone in prison, while her sister married her scumbag fiancé and replaced her as the family's heir and the miracle drug's inventor.

Endless regret burned in Wen Xinya's heart, wishing to tear all of them to pieces!

But instead, the next time she opened her eyes, she found herself in a blank space with a fluffy ball of light fluttering around her.

It cheekily introduced itself as Susu³, or more formally, a Rebirth System. An intelligent entity, it was created to give unfortunate souls like her a second chance in another life. The only thing she had to do in exchange was fulfill the previous host's last wish or regret, and then the new host would be able to live the rest of their life freely.

Clearly, Wen Xinya agreed, and that was how she became Zhao Luan.

After inheriting her memories, Wen Xinya became enraged that Zhao Luan was just like her, betrayed by her younger sister. She vowed to take revenge for the previous host, even if she didn't desire it.

For the next three years, Wen Xinya traveled the jianghu⁴, making friends, learning martial arts, and saving lives with her godly medical skills. With this, Zhao Luan's rather vague wish, to live an exciting life, was essentially accomplished.

Then, the rest of the story detailed the female lead's counterattack against the white lotus villainess, Zhao Shuang.

For that, Wen Xinya first needed to return to the capital in full glory.

With Susu's help, she saved the crown prince of Tianshen, Feng Hao, after he was ambushed by assassins. Grateful, and enamored by her unique personality, Feng Hao brought her back to the capital and granted her many rewards: a higher princess title, her own princess manor, and even pardoned the exiled Zhao family!

It was here when her conflicts against Zhao Shuang, the then crown princess, truly began.

Not only was Zhao Shuang humiliated by her husband's public favor for another woman, her sister's magnificent return ruined all of her plans!

Naturally, she didn't hesitate to scheme against Zhao Luan, who of course was now Wen Xinya.

But no matter what Zhao Shuang did, Wen Xinya was always one step ahead, managing to overturn things against all odds. In the end, one of Zhao Shuang's plots went too far, and everything she had done throughout the years was exposed by Wen Xinya: from poisoning Zhao Luan to stealing her position as the crown prince's fiancée to framing the Zhao family!

Shortly after, Zhao Shuang was deposed, and set to be executed on the coldest day of the year if Wen Xinya hadn't intervened.

After the villainess's death, Wen Xinya joined hands with Feng Hao to defeat all their enemies and finally ascend as emperor and empress. On the novel's last page, it said they lived happily ever after, with the country flourishing into a golden age under their combined rule.

Thump!

She jolted as the tome landed on the floor, time flowing normally once more. Her head ached from the onslaught of information.

Then, slowly, Zhao Shuang looked down at the pendant in her trembling hand.

What had just happened?

❄️

¹Xiao [Name]: A form of nickname used to express closeness and intimacy, frequently used with loved ones, family and children/younger people.

²junzhu (郡主): Technically third-ranked princess, but for the story's purposes it will be second-ranked princess. A rank usually given to a daughter of a first-rank prince or princess.

³Susu (蘇蘇): Su (蘇) can mean 'to revive, to rise again'.

⁴jianghu (江湖): Literally translates as "Rivers and Lakes", but figuratively refers to the "Martial World" or the "underground world of martial arts". A section of society consisting of martial artists, gangsters, thieves, beggars, prostitutes, merchants, entertainers, and anyone else wanting to operate outside of mainstream society or in the grey area of the law. (Source: immortalmountain. wordpress. com/glossary/wuxia-xianxia-xuanhuan-terms)

❄️

Names:

Wen Xinya: Wen is a surname, Xin (馨) means 'fragrant', Ya (雅) means 'elegant, graceful, refined'. The female lead's name will change later on, however.