I’m Sorry

I had lost count already on how many time I had succumbed to the darkness. I wondered if Li Fei was indeed this weak or had I gone too far in my venture?

Then again, I had rested for quite enough even before I was discharged from the hospital. The doctor had said at that time, the result of my overall check up had identified that my body had been recovering well thus, they freed me from their treatment.

In any case, the data couldn't be wrong. I trusted their work. So, the only possibility would be Li Fei was indeed a weak young lady.

Not surprising though, she had never handled a heavy chore in her life before. Not to mention washing her own dishes, even her meals were prepared by the Huang's family servants. I doubted she could even handle a plate with her small dainty hands. She would surely end up with a dozen shards of ceramics floating in the sink.

Her delicate fingers belonging to a young heiress would be ruined then and she would drop in value. That couldn't happen for the head of the family since she was one of his valuable asset.

Daughters were meant to be spoiled they said but no where did it say, daughters were meant "only" to be spoiled. If it could strengthen his household, that old crook would never hesitate to do whatever it took.

I felt pity for Li Fei. She had everything, but also nothing at the same time. Even if she was born smart, due to her father's indulgence, she lacked the strength to utilize her brain.

Living alone would be harsh and painful for her, yet she still preferred that instead of living under her father's tyranny. She had done whatever it took to be free of her family although she had failed when she encountered her source of obsession. Still, in the aspect of stubbornness, she was the same with her father. After all, they were parent and child, and no one could deny the blood tie.

I knitted my eyebrows as I felt the throbbing pain creeping in to my head. I was feeling a little lightweight beforehand, but when I heard the faint buzzing noise, which had slowly pulled me to my conscious, the dizziness intensified.

Slowly, my ears adapted to the situation and the gibberish was clearing into a solid conversation of two men. I knew one of the voices. How could I not? It was far too familiar. It was the voice that could render my brain inactive immediately.

"Is she really gonna be okay?" He asked.

The only thing that I found different was the seriousness in his voice and the eerie calmness that was hidden in his words. It was strange how I could still hear his concern in that cold voice.

"She's fine, but I do recommend you to take her to the hospital for a medical check up," the other party spoke. This man's voice sounded gentle and kind that you could hear the patience in his voice as well. The total opposite of Jin Longwen's.

For some reason, I felt assured after hearing that voice and an unconditional trust was born out of it.

"Last time you said she's fine as well, but she passed out for almost a day. And now, she's fine again but it's almost five hours and she hasn't woken up?" There was a certain degrees of coldness imbued in Jin Longwen's voice. Though he was saying it in a slow and a rather stoic manner, I could still hear the anger brewing in it.

I wondered then, 'Why is he angry? I'm the one who had passed out and yet, he's the one who's this jumpy.'

But a thought came to me in a matter of seconds as though answering my stupid question.

'I'm your friend.'

When I recalled his voice again saying those words, a surge of warmth washed over my heart. I couldn't deny it. Yes, he was at least a 'friend'.

"That's why I told you to take her to the hospital. Right now, I can only examine her on the surface. We don't know what's going on inside. So, I can only tell you that she's overexerted her body. She has a light fever now but she's fine," the other party explained patiently to Jin Longwen.

Afterwards, he sighed before he continued to ask, "From the start, didn't you know what happened to her, Jin?"

It didn't click to me directly at that time what that person meant. I was delirious and my mind disoriented. So, I could only wonder groggily. What had happened to me?

My curiosity was eating me, but I didn't hear the answer that I wanted from Jin Longwen. I could only hear a serene silence before a big hand cupped my cheek.

Even in my weaken state and my eyes still heavily closed, I could immediately recognize that warm touch smoldering my cold skin. It was him, Jin Longwen.

I was slowly snoozing away under his gentle caressing. But just before I was pulled into another slumber, I heard his soft mellow voice whispering in my ear.

"I'm sorry."

.....

"Hey."

The first thing that entered my vision as soon as I opened them was his gray eyes staring back at me. They were glimmering magnificently under the bask of sunlight.

"Hi." I greeted him back with my slightly husky voice.

He smiled. Not the usual cheeky smile, but a genuine heartfelt smile.

"You're finally awake," he was still speaking in a low voice as if he was afraid to awaken someone. But then again, there was no need for him to speak aloud considering the distance between us.

Jin Longwen was currently lying sideways beside me while he rested his head on his right arm. His other hand was positioned right in front of his belly.

"How long was I out this time?" There was a hint of joking in my voice.

He chuckled softly before he reached out to tuck a lock of my dark hair behind my ear. "Not too long. Just a couple of hours this time."

I wasn't that surprised when I heard his reply this time around. I still remembered the conversation I heard when I was in my delirious state. Thus, I yawned slightly instead.

"Not surprise?"

I shook my head. And cheekily said, "I should apply for a sleeping beauty role or any role that requires me to just sleep on set."

That caused a series of laughter to escape from the man's lips. He nodded then. "Yeah, you should. I bet you'll nail it and become the Sleeping Queen."

I smiled looking at how cooperative he was. "Right? I thought so too."

And the both of us laughed. I was happy. I really was. But, nothing could stop the reality from setting in.

"I'm sorry." He issued the conversation first.

"Yeah, I heard."

He raised his eyebrows. "You heard?"

I nodded again. "It's hard to miss it when you whisper that close."

He chuckled. "That's true."

After that, the silence returned, engulfing us in a peaceful moment where we only gazed at each other. Me at his beautiful gray eyes and him to my obsidian eyes.

It was at this moment when I had caught a glimpse of fear coloring his eyes. A slight 'thump' erupted in my heart.

I forced out a smile as I broke the ice. "What are you sorry for?"

"Do you really want me to spell it out for you?" He snickered.

My brain had directly projected an image of the possible situation if he really spelled it out and I had to say I was not amused by the awkwardness. "Yeah, I guess not."

I looked back at the man and continued, "But, you do know that it takes two people to do...that, right?"

My voice stammered a bit when I almost mentioned it clearly.

"I know." A self-deprecating smile appeared on his face. "But still, it's my fault."

"How is it your fault?"

"I started it first. Even though..." he paused momentarily before continuing, "Even though I know you're hurting."

My mind went blank in that instant. I knew I had been too obvious. But to hear him pointing it out so openly still caught me off-guard. Though from here I knew, he had indeed cared for me, hence he was paying attention.

"I shouldn't have done that...to you. I should've controlled myself better." He smiled. But that smile stung my eyes. It was painfully bitter.

"That's why I'm saying sorry to you. I knew yet I dismissed it. Isn't that the biggest crime?"

I could see the incorrigible pain shrouding his entire being as he looked at me with such bitterness in his smile. And in that moment, an immense guilt had painfully tore my heart open and sent my eyes burning.

I parted my lips slightly trying to push out the words left hanging at the tip of my tongue. Yet, the man had beat me to it.

"Don't say it," he said. "Don't say it's not my fault and that you're okay, 'cos we both know you're not."

And my heart broke into a million pieces. The tears came crushing down like a heavy rainstorm, staining the white sheet with marks of woe. The reality was set alight.

I had betrayed Lian-ge.