The Length of My Insanity

"What are you sorry for?"

Huang Qian sighed. "Please understand-"

I scoffed. Understand? Even before he finished his sentence, I could already predict that I wouldn't understand a fucking thing he said.

I saw him gulping nervously from my reaction. But I gestured for him to continued. Thus, he spoke again, "You're our oldest sister, so I had to make that choice."

I exhaled a sigh as I tried to keep my patience intact. However, I couldn't stop myself from laughing derisively. "Because I'm the oldest," I repeated his words, "That has always been your ultimate reason, huh?"

Shaking my head in disbelief, I asked him, "My dear brother, sometimes I wonder if you ever use that fucking brain of yours."

His iris dilated. Perhaps he was caught off-guard by me swearing in his face.

"Or maybe it's just there for a show," I added.

That completely shut him off. Gritting his teeth, he stared at with resentment. I smiled. 'That's more like him. He should stop being a goody two shoes 'cos the role of a kind brother does not suit him at all,' I thought to myself.

Afterwards, my expression turned serious again and I faced him indifferently. "Go on. Tell me, what choice did you make, brother?"

And then again, I saw the hesitation in his action. I knitted my eyebrows. I wondered if there was a need for him to keep up with the pretense at this point. Why would he hesitate at all? Any choice he made, whether it would cost me or not, I doubted he would care.

"I'm waiting here, brother," I said, "I'm waiting for you to disappoint me yet again."

In that moment, I saw his eyes dimmed and he gazed at me in disappointment instead. I sneered inwardly. 'He dares to stare at me disappointingly like that? Truly, what a shameless creature,' I thought.

But, he finally spoke up then. Closing his eyes and turning away from me, he confessed, "I chose Huang Kun over you."

Thump!

I felt a bad premonition was about to befall me all of the sudden. I clenched my fist as I stared at Huang Qian unwaveringly.

Still with his back on me, he continued, "Dad wanted to marry our little sister off."

I felt short on my breath.

"The partner is an old man. But he has his hands on a large scale project in City B. If father could join in this partnership, our business would surely bloom. Moreover, Lu Tianfeng was also involved in the project."

At this second, I could no longer feel my breathing nor my heartbeats. The only thing I had my focus on was his words as Huang Qian broke the news one by one to my face.

"You know this old man. It's Bai Fu Ran. He's quite well-known in this circle of business. He's ruled over several successful projects."

Yeah, he was also well-known for his perverted side and the row of mistress ready at his beck and call. Even his wife had already given up, but stayed married to him for his wealth.

"Father has met up with him, you see. And after the discussion, father got a chance, but-" he paused.

Even when he didn't finish his sentence, I knew the end of it already. And my vision had blurred.

"So, I'm sorry," he said, "I suggested to him..." I could hear him exhaling a heavy sigh. "He rejected it at first but.."

He paused again momentarily before he pushed through it. "But, I convinced him by telling him that even though you were married to Lu Tianfeng, you two never..."

"Had sex."

I didn't know what went through my mind at that time as I had absentmindedly finished the sentence for him.

After that, there was a suffocating tension lingering in the air and a deafening silence had settled between us.

My eyes didn't move from the beginning to the end. They stayed fixed on Huang Qian, though my head was currently a blank sheet. Everything felt like it had suddenly come to an abrupt stop.

Time seemed to have frozen in the present.

It took a while for me to process what Huang Qian had said. Even more so to believe that it was directed at me.

Me.

Airi.

When that realization hit me, all the emotions came crushing down at me. It catapulted me back to reality and my breathing automatically quickened.

Perhaps it was because of my abnormal breathing that Huang Qian finally turned around to face me.

But, before he could say anything, a loud piercing slap landed squarely on his face. It was surprisingly strong enough that his head was thrown to another direction.

I saw his hand slowly reaching for his read cheek. When he was finally sure of the pain, he turned around once again to look at me in shock.

"You're a fucking animal," I sweared at him.

"S-Sis," he stammered, "Y-you h-hit me."

"You deserve it," I said, "God, you even deserve to beaten to death."

I laughed manically then as I sat back down on the bed. "I know why Huang Lijie's so fond of you now." I stared at his wretched state then. "You're the same breed as him."

"Fuck," I cursed as my tears began to fall but I kept my voice strong and steady, "I know you're heartless because you had accused me back then. But I never knew, you would be this despicable."

"What was I supposed to do then?!" He yelled back at me, "As a sister, you were never th-"

His sentence was cut short as a photo frame had smashed to his face. Fortunately, he was quick enough to block it with his hand but still, he was cut from the silver edge.

"I don't fucking care what you do!! But why do you have to sacrifice me? You bastard!" I screamed in madness as I began hitting him.

I punched him, jabbed him, I did everything to hurt him even landing a blow to his head but, Huang Qian never lifted a finger. He let me hit me again and again, until I finally stopped and dropped weekly on my knees.

"Are you finished?" He asked coldly.

My eyes burnt again at his question and the rage within me exploded. This time, I rushed to him murderously. I saw it in his eyes, how surprised he was when I slammed him back to the bed railings behind him by choking his neck with both of my hands.

I had lost all of my reasoning by then and I didn't even realize it myself as the sheer of humanity within me was slowly slipping away.