Chapter 10: The chaos has started
The chaos in my mind has started. I have started to hallucinate Michelle every where I look, I keep thinking of her and the worst part of it was that I enjoy it, I love every moment of it, although its just day dreaming mostly. Seriously! I am stump I guess...
I am not a very religious person myself nor am I an atheist but while growing up, my surroundings were against people being together with the same gender!!
No, no, no! what am I thinking?!
Hey wait, am I telling myself I am in love with Michelle, "love" and wants to be with her?. No! No way, it cant be, I guess its just kinda of a crush. Yes, a crush thats right. Nothing else, nothing more. I am just being paranoid. I rolled on the bed, screaming inside my pillow.
To top it all up,apart from all my day dreaming Michelle doesn't even know of my existence,! I am sure, forget about my "lovey-dovey " feeling. All these facts brought a sudden cloud of sadness over me (unwillingly, unknowingly).
Knock, knock "Ash! is someone there with you?" mom called out. Huh? " No, no" I replied. "I thought I heard conversations. Anyways, come down and have your dinner."
"yes, mom. Coming in a second "
I shook my head, and brought myself back to reality. Why am I behaving like this, I have started doubting myself, my choice, when it comes to Michelle. I wanted to be a confident lady,for goodness sake!
After dinner, I went for a walk to cool myself down,and clear the mess which was going on in my head. It had to be cleared as it, was the most important thing to do now, as exams are approaching.
I need to do well to impress Michelle, eh I mean my friends, Ahem! I reminded myself again. I need to bring myself back, as I was getting loss along the way. Right now the only thing, is to have my mind to focus on my exams, which means its time to make, black is black and white is white.
All the excitement I brought on myself to make a "new" me, changes in surroundings must be creating this chaotic feeling I finally told myself. These personality changes maybe effecting my changes in the choices and clouding my senses of judgements. I brain washed, on myself to clear off all unwanted scenarios.
As I was about to return, I saw a familiar person, this time it was not Michelle but it was my dad. I was glad, to see him I hopped and skip towards him. He was facing the window holding some chocolates. I was excited thinking of grabbing those and stuffing myself, but my legs automatically stopped. Another women glided beside him a hold on to his arm.
I did not think otherwise and continue on towards dad untill I was almost about to reached out for the door, when I saw her tipping up and giving a light peck on my dad's cheek. Immediately hide beside the poster with my mouth wide open! I didn't know what to do!! Should I run? Should I greet them?