The fragile MInd and what passes

twist scene

What are you thinking? I guess I'm thinking about the past year or so. What specifically is on your mind pertaining to this year? My progress I suppose. When did I step through that door? When did it open for me to walkthrough? I have not the slightest idea. Has he noticed this change in your ...attitude? No. Do you want him to? There's really nothing to notice I suppose. I've just been stuck in my head, wondering why isn't really what I want in his head. He has his own problems to deal with.

In our last session, you mentioned that you're trying to help him with that. I like to think I am. Do you think you are stable enough to do so for another person? Probably not but I think I can be for him. He needs me. What do you think the outcome of your suggestion to him will be? Probably not what I want. Yet, you're going to do it anyway, why? As I said, he needs me, I'm not used to people needing me. He has always wanted me around. I'm used to the opposite, I don't want to be used to that anymore. It's painful being lonely, I'm tired of losing people that I thought needed me only to find out, they really didn't. I love him. I don't know what that means yet but that's how I feel I suppose. That's good. Can you describe to me what you think that means? In my perspective, I think it means I'll do anything for him. -The therapist scribbles this down. She then inquires, how do you feel about his ex? We've been over this she says in a monotone voice. -Again she scribbles something down in her notes. Well, how do you feel as of now? Fine. What are you writing? If you will answer my questions honestly, I will answer yours, Alice. Fine. I still detest her. Good, thank you for being honest. Now will you answer my question- I am writing that you still show a lack of emotions in situations where you would feel stress. How does that make you feel? It doesn't, I was just curious if my guess was right. What guess? My guess as to what you are writing. How did you guess? Because that's what I would write. Oh, empathy that's good, very good.

Dazed

-Nudging her shoulder Ali... Alice??? Hey Alice? Wha- what, ya? You were sorta out of it thought you were falling asleep. Oh, what were we doing again? Watching resident evil. Oh haha silly me I must have started dozing off!

Hazy

Alright, that's it for today's session, same time as before? Um, yes. You're going to hang out with Jake right?

Alice? Uh ya absolutely! Alice, it's me, Jake! Are you okay? What? What do you mean? You were talking to yourself for a sec and seemed really out of it.

Remembering, what if one day he doesn't need me? What was I saying? I think you were saying you have to sneeze but you were sorta half asleep. Oh haha! Sorry about that Jake. I think I'm just overtired. Ya, I think we should call it quits and I should go home now. Oh, okay... are you s- sure? Ya, I think you should get some sleep. It's not that late. Ya but you keep falling asleep it's not healthy if you're exhausted and keep trying to stay up, do you think I want to be here if you're asleep?! What, what do you mean, I didn't mean to fall asleep. Ya well, you did fall asleep Alice, and guess what I don't even want to be here. Why are you saying that?! He gets up and storms out slamming the door.

Startled Alice wakes up on the couch, Jake sitting next to her watching the movie. Wha-!? what happened?! Oh, you fell asleep while watching the movie about twenty minutes ago, I didn't want to wake you haha. Wait, what?! We were just talking about you going home you went out the door because I fell asleep?! What do you mean Alice? I haven't gotten up, and I was gonna leave after the movie was over, didn't want to leave you alone until you woke up enough to go upstairs after locking the door. That's strange did I just dream that conversation up? It felt so real she grimaced. Well, I am awake now, lets finish this movie! She says as she slaps her cheeks. Fifty minutes later, yawn, alright up up Jake. Goodnight get home safe! Make sure to lock the door Alice, goodnight I had fun tonight, see you later.

Today was odd, first I was talking to my therapist and next thing I know I was in my living room watching a movie with Jake. This doesn't make sense I can't tell which was real and which was a dream, or a memory. It's all so real, she holds her head trying to make it make sense. Let me think. I went to meet my therapist, was that today? I think so but then how and when did I get to my house? I don't even remember inviting Jake over. Got to check my phone. There it is, I texted him. But, I don't remember that at all. She laughs an empty nervous laugh. I haha have to call her. She dials her number. Hello? It's me. Oh, Alice how can I help you. ... it's happened again... Are you alone? Ya Jake just left. Can you get him to come back? No, I don't want him to know yet. Is there anyone you can call? Besides you not right now, my parents are out for the weekend. Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes. Thank you. Stay on the phone okay Alice. Okay. Turn your lights on and try to get as comfortable as possible where you are.

What happened was Alice blacked out early in the morning after meeting her therapist. When Alice is stressed or her brain feels she is in danger she blacks out and leaves. She can't control it and it can be triggered by anything. Due to severe childhood trauma, her brain created this coping mechanism, and anything she experiences when she is "asleep" as it appears seems like a hazy dream, but she cannot discern a dream from reality. Due to her PTSD, her dreams seem as real as real life, making it hard to tell what is real. When she blacks out she expresses less emotion but she is also like that when she is fully aware as well. Alice is only bright and expressive towards and around Jake and her family. As her friendship with him has grown so has her ability to cope and express herself. Because of his friendship, however, she can not tell when she has blacked out due to its frequency of occurrence decreasing. Currently Jake is not aware of this so he does not know that she is acting weird. It appears to those who don't know as exhaustion or falling asleep because she can still talk respond and take actions. Her brain has learned that Jake is a solution or a relaxer for stress, so that is the reason she texted him when she blacked out, thus she was able to feel safe and "wake up".

Alice if you like I will spend the night here. Yes, please. We can have a sleepover here in the living room with pillows and night lights she says warmly. That sounds nice. As they lay down, thank you for coming over I don't want to be alone. Any time Alice, I will always be there if and when you need me. Goodnight, miss Adumont. Goodnight Alice.