Chapter 22

I woke up in a cold sweat. Hacking my lungs out, I reached for a water bottle on my bedside table. It was rare for me to dream, much less have nightmares. I had dreamt that I was fighting Orochimaru in the middle of Konoha, as if I were the Third Hokage at the end of the chunin exams. He raised two coffins out of the ground and inside were my parents. He told me that he would bring them back to life but I had to give up something he wanted. And then Nodoka and Seishirou attacked me. I remembered having a sword in my right hand, fending off Seishirou's kenjutsu, and having a staff in my left hand, warding off fire ninjutsu. All I could remember after that was that I had to kill Orochimaru. He had to die or something terrible was going to happen.

"Fucking dreams. Weird dreams are never a good thing." I rubbed my eyes in the dark, trying to see the time on my alarm clock. "Four more hours until I need to be up." I fell backward into my bed and sighed deeply.

I spent over an hour trying to figure out a counter to the Impure World Reincarnation before I managed to fall asleep again.

I woke in my bed, the first light of day filtering through my window curtains and landing on my face. A quick check told me that my alarm clock was about to ring in about two minutes. "Obviously the best way start the day," I thought sarcastically.

I sat up and started to put on my clothes, silently wishing to myself that someone in this world would invent a proper dress shirt and slacks and shoes. My eccentric black coat was literally the closest thing I could find to 'Western' clothing, and that was because I had it custom made. I slipped my arms and ankles through sets of sealed training weights, making sure I had the right combinations for that week. Then, I put on a strangely generic black shirt and black pants that were baggy enough not to get caught on the weights. I tied down the ends of the pants to my ankles with straps of fabric that could be used as bandages in a pinch. And then I collected my coat from its place on the wall, feeling its familiar weight despite the several dozen extra pounds weighing down my body. As soon as I was finished, I touched my alarm clock, stopping the alarm just as it went off.

I fixed myself an extra-large bento in case Naruto forgot to bring lunch again. I scooped cold rice out of the cooker, casually eating out of my lunch as I added egg and meat and vegetable to it. When I finished packing lunch, I secured the lid with built in plastic clamps and stuffed it into an insulated part of my unassuming, square-ish black school bag. I checked myself in the mirror before I left, zipping up my coat and scowling at the sight of my face until I put my hood on.

Outside, I locked the door to my apartment and began to focus my physical energies. I exhaled and then launched myself to the roof of a neighboring building, skipping the stairs that only led to the ground. It was a short gauntlet to reach the Academy, stepping on the side of chimneys and running across the back of billboards. I was not the only person who took such a route as part of their morning routine, judging by the many headbands I saw every morning.

At the Academy, I quietly proceeded to the classroom. Being one of the first few people there, I chose a seat at random and hoped Shino wouldn't be offended. I thought about the practicality of an anti-chakra field and wondered whether I should experiment with chakra suppression. It wasn't like I was a baby with no stamina anymore. I hadn't been paying attention to who was entering the classroom when someone tapped on my shoulder and spoke.

"You're in my seat." It was Kiba.

"I'm sorry, Inuzuka-san." I moved to the next seat over. The spiky-haired boy seemed dissatisfied with my response as he sat on the table and tried to peer into my hood.

"I don't get it. How come Naruto likes you so much? You ditched us yesterday and then he spends the whole time talking about how great you are. What's your story, Mr. Creepy? You got some kinda weird deformity under that hood of yours?" asked Kiba suspiciously.

"Naruto is an old friend of mine. And I'm going to tell you now. Don't touch my coat." I was still in a bad mood from that nightmare I had. Realizing that I'd probably have to study a lot of traditional fuinjutsu to deal with Orochimaru had turned my mood sour before the day had even begun. Also, I honestly wished I could have gone to Ichiraku's with them yesterday but Kurenai had put an end to that plan by sticking me in a room full of girls.

"Nah, I won't do anything," Kiba assured me. But before I could tell him I was sorry about missing him and Naruto yesterday, I felt my hood being pulled back by a puppy-sized Akamaru. Time froze for a moment as Kiba's face shifted in slow motion from mischievousness to surprise. I could already feel my eye twitching even before Kiba stammered out, "You...you're...are you?"

In a panicked rage, I stared into Kiba's eyes. He would see tendrils from my shadow grab ahold of his limbs and slowly drag him into a sea of darkness to drown horribly. It only took me approximately three seconds to realize how childish I was being, releasing him from the illusion as soon as I realized what I had done. It was completely inappropriate and I felt shame as I replaced my hood.

I stood up and went back to the seat I had chosen the day before. Kiba just sat there shocked as Akamaru tugged at this clothes to try to snap him out of it.

At lunch, Naruto had forgotten to bring lunch again. I felt like an enabler but shared half my bento with him just like yesterday, listening to him talk about a princess he had met in Land of Tea. Kiba was among the small crowd of students who listened to Naruto's story. He hadn't said anything to me all day since the incident.

Naruto had just explained how the princess was working at a tea-house, on the run from her evil uncle who wanted her to fulfill an arranged marriage, when Kiba said the dumbest and most ruinous thing he could have possibly said.

"Are you Naruto's girlfriend?" Kiba asked me, oblivious to the fact that we were surrounded by gossipy students. He didn't have a malicious look on his face. He was simply curious.

Naruto and I both were awestruck at the random question, although you couldn't tell my jaw had dropped under my hood.

"What are you talking about, Kiba?" Naruto asked, not comprehending the question Kiba had asked me.

The red-cheeked boy counted his lines of reasoning on his fingers. "Well, she brings you food every day, and she said that she's known you for a long time, and she's really pretty."

"She? Are you talking about Haru? Haru is a guy!" Naruto said correctly.

I just sat on a low cement wall, completely frozen from having underestimated how absurd the universe could be.

By the time taijutsu rolled around, I was confident I had cleared things with up with the improbably dense Kiba Inuzuka. 'No, I'm not Naruto's girlfriend. I'm actually a guy. Naruto and I grew up in the same orphanage and that's why we're old friends. Naruto eats my lunch because he's too unorganized to pack his own lunch, despite me reminding him before the end of school. No, I will not 'prove' anything to you. And the reason why I hide my face is complicated.'

However, it took so long to get all that through Kiba's skull that by the end of taijutsu, girls were already asking me about 'my boyfriend' as we ran laps around the Academy. I sincerely hoped the entire day was simply another nightmare and that I would wake up and be late to the Academy and that I could avoid speaking to Kiba forever.

"Congratulations, Haru-chan! Did Naruto get you a nice ring? Have you already decided on a date for the wedding? Oh, my, I have absolutely nothing to wear! Would you like to go look at dresses with me after kunoichi studies, Haru-chan?" Kurenai looked like a cat that had just eaten the mouse and the entire mouse family in one sitting.

"Just kill me now, Kurenai-sensei."

"Now, now, look on the bright side. I just won 100 ryo from Ebisu. He thought you'd make it at least a week before the entire school mistook you for a girl." I thought only Tsunade was capable of the devious look occupying Kurenai's face at the moment.

"Do you know any genjutsu that can make an entire Academy lose a day's worth of memories?" I asked facetiously.

"Even if I did, I wouldn't give up this moment for anything. Now, quiet. The rest of the students are coming."

Today's kunoichi lesson was the identification of common plants and flowers in the immediate area. Kurenai shuffled the entire platoon of girls, myself apparently included, outside to a field that was a short walk from the academy. She took a while to describe the characteristics and useful properties of various plants that she pulled from a hip pouch. And then she told us to find samples of the plants she had shown us.

I actually knew most of the plants from my days at Yamanaka Flowers. I hadn't collected plants in the wild but they should have been common enough. I left in search of the fauna, tired of hearing whispered comments like "She's so weird," and "Did you hear about her and that weird Uzumaki Naruto kid?"

I was collecting some samples of athelas flowers when a few particularly repugnant girls surrounded me in a triangle formation.

"Do you have no shame?" asked a purple-haired girl.

I simply shrugged, tucking away the plant samples I collected into a glass bottle that I pocketed.

The girl continued her futile attempts at making fun of me, "What's with those stupid clothes? Who wears all black? It's so creepy."

I stood up and faced the girl who did most of the talking. If she insisted on provoking me, she should at least have the courage to speak to me directly. I waited for her to speak, but instead her sidekick with the brown afro said, "Let her have it, Ami!"

I continued to do my best Grim Reaper impersonation as I waited for this 'Ami' to talk. I had spent half the day regretting my immature outburst at Kiba, who I couldn't expect to be anything but a child, unlike myself. I'd just wait and peacefully deflect whatever the girl decided to do. But eventually she averted her gaze, clenching her fists and muttering "Naruto's too good for you. He deserves someone better."

"Naruto? Not Sasuke? Naruto has fangirls? What?" I was flabbergasted once again on this ridiculous day.

The other sidekick, with spiky brownish-red hair, chimed in softly, "You can do it. For Naruto's sake."

Before the leader of the trio could come with another lackluster putdown, a pair of small hands landed on my shoulders. Whoever had come in behind me said, "I think Naruto needs saving from you three more than anything."

"This doesn't concern you, Yamanaka," Ami snapped.

"Nor does it concern you, unless there's a consolation prize for last place," Ino said with a smirk, talking over my shoulder like a quick-witted parrot.

"We can't let Naruto-sempai fall into the hands of Creepy here!" yelled the leader girl, pointing at me. I felt a smidge miffed at this point.

"I'm sure that under that hood she's a completely normal girl! Isn't that right?" Ino asked me, her genial demeanor wavering when she realized she didn't know what was under my hood.

I finally resigned myself to fate and pulled back my hood, smiling weakly now that I was completely devoid of hope and subsisting completely on catharsis. I felt all three girls staring at me for a long moment.

"Woah! We've been completely defeated! Girls, fall back!" ordered the purple-haired Ami. "Don't think we'll forget this! We'll save Naruto one day!" shouted the nearly-crying girl as the trio ran off into the distance.

"Yamanaka-san, you didn't know I was a guy?" I asked Ino, looking over my shouder at the blonde.

"What did you say? Wait, do I know you? You look kind of familiar," Ino said, walking around to stand in front of me, her eyes squinting as she tried to recognize me.

"Yamanaka-san, it's been a long time. Is your father well?" I asked, smiling. I hadn't seen Ino in about two years. "You sure have changed. I'm glad to see you've finally found some confidence. It wasn't that long ago when you would hide behind the counter whenever there was a stranger in the store." It really was pleasant to see her again after so long.

"Eh?! Haru-sempai?!" Ino exclaimed. I was glad that Ino had remembered me, but maybe I shouldn't have brought up embarrassing memories, judging by how much Ino was blushing.

"Maybe kunoichi studies wouldn't be so bad if I had a friend to take the class with?"