The past and forgiveness

Today I said something terrible to the person who loved me the most. I don't regret my decision because there is a meaning to it. What should I do? I was wondering what happens next.... I came back to my room. While bathing on the tub, I had started thinking about my past and the past three months are precious very precious of them. I got hurt by the society and I'm hurting the people around me... I'm worst of all, I think my existence is a futile thing... God, give me a break....

After coming out of the bath, I had seen the raining clouds outside from the window. It was a heavy rain today. I was really hungry, so I had opened the fridge door but everything is empty in it. I went outside to get some food, but the rain is really irritating me for some reason. It became hard for me to hold the umbrella properly. I got some food from the nearby store and returned back. I stopped at a place and realized it was the crossroads, I had visualized terrible view of Akia standing at the exact place in this stormy rain, I had turned back to check , I felt relieved since she is not there. Moreover she is not a person who behaves like that. I wonder what she is doing right now. I came back to the home, and started eating. After completing the dinner, I had opened the novel which Akia gave me two days ago. Its name is "sound of a heart" by 'Tanmaya Vana ', I thought it will be interesting by the title but it really touched my heart. I have never imagined there would be a great novel like this, I think the author was really sad at the time of writing it... normal people won't get it but I can feel his emotions. Apparently Akia had four volumes of it and waiting for the next one. I don't know when they are going to release it.....

Today, I woke up a little bit late. I am still worrying about the previous day, is she going to forgive me?... I had walked to the school with a lonely feeling. I had seen the hitomi teacher coming out from the staff room. Good morning hitomi, it's looks like you are early today. Oh! Shiva teacher, good morning. I have some exam work to take care of. I forgot, Akia said that I have some work needs to be done, see you later. Wait, didnt she told you, Shiva?... what is it, hitomi? So, you don't know about it..... What do you mean

Yesterday, Akia came to the school in the evening, she had worked all the night and completed it, and also she had completed yours too. I see, I don't know about it, I am really saved now. Where is she now? I to thank her. Shiva, I thought both of you are close, but she didn't told you about it. I think some things never be changed... about what? I don't get it, hitomi? SHE HAD RESIGNED... she is not coming here anymore, I think some people will be happy about it and some are not.....

What? Resigned? You are joking right... she won't do that, I know about her. Shiva, there is no need for me to lie, go to the principal office if you want the confirmation. I ran towards the principal office without any delay, why did she resign for a small thing...I had opened the door with a heavy force. The principal was silent by the time I had entered, he was looking at a painting on the wall. I had asked him in a rage voice, did she mention the reason? No, he gave me a fast reply. I was thinking, why she had done this in an uneven time. What happened, Shiva?...He had asked me normally and I had explained everything to him about what happened yesterday... Shiva, did you observed this painting... my friend, Akia father had placed it here when he was the principal. He always used to look at it wherever he has the free time. One day I had asked him, what is the meaning in it? No matter how many times I had seen it, I can only see one person who was repairing the broken boat in a small island. What did he said? I had asked him without any delay... "If you don't understand a thing in something means that was the beauty of it". I had started laughing after his answer, I couldnt be able to stop for a minute. What is it, Shiva? Whats so funny about it?... sorry, sorry... I shouldn't laugh but I couldn't stop... it's not that your friend can't explain, actually he didn't want to explain it you. there is term called questioning the question with another question, he thought, maybe you won't understand it even if he had explained about it, so he had given a strange answer like that.. It means, stopping the conversation even before it starts. Just as you said principal sir. I don't know but why did you involved the painting while we are discussing about Akia. I'm getting to the point, Shiva. After her father left, Akia didn't even come out, she had locked herself in the room and one day she had fainted on the ground due to the illness. After the incident she admitted in the hospital. The doctors said, she was mentally disturbed; so she needs to be in the observation for a while. Even though she had a good health, she was admitted in the hospital for six months. One day suddenly, the doctor said, she is completely fine now, you can take her to the home. When I looked at her, she was a complete different woman. After that she had joined in the school and started her career as a teacher, she was calm, serious and does her job perfectly. I dont know but for some reason she always used to visit my room to check the painting. She don't care about others and continued her life like that,.. But one day I had seen her smile, she had the same smile when she was discharged from the hospital and it was day when she had introduced you, Shiva. She was so happy because you're here for her. And when you said you are leaving, she thought something important to her is leaving forever, may be... may be.... I get it, principal sir. I understood what you mean by... don't worry, something's won't be changed no matter what... give me another chance. Sorry to say this Shiva, I forgot to bring my lucky pen today, so I'm not going to sign on anywhere. Did you get it? Yes, one day you say, that is more than enough time for me to bring her back. I'm leaving now...

Wait, I forgot to tell you, it's not just a normal painting with the person, it's painting for describing hope. "No matter what happens, I need to go back. There is a person who is waiting for me, I am not going loose them. "When our feelings are stronger, our hope burns brighter and leads us to a new future". That was the representation of that painting. I think, your friend sees it all the time because that person is working very hardly, I'm not different compared to him. I had left the place by saying it. Tanmya vana, the author of one of the greatest novel 'sound of a heart', I think you are a great guy like him, Shiva...

I had waited until the exam is over, when the bell ranged, I had collected all the answer sheets and submitted them in office room. When I got out of the school, there is a taxi on the road. I went inside, shown him the address. He started driving to the destination. I was so worried about her, what is she up to?...

I had reached the destination; I went inside her house without any delay. Akia mother was seated on the sofa, she has the same worried face. Where is Akia? I had asked her, I thought she would mad at me. She is on the upstairs, knock the door before you enter. I never thought Akia mother would speak to me in this manner. Making a step by step, I went to her room but the thing is... she is still sleeping...

I was surprised, I thought she would be depressed from what I had said but I know Akia is not like that... she is sleeping like a small kid, I can watch her all the day... should I woke up her or wait for sometime... Shiva, what are you doing in my room, she asked me. What? I had talked too loudly, what should I say... Akia fresh up, We going out.

I came downstairs without saying anything else, Akia mother was looking at me and I was trying to divert her attention off me. You... what? You are the one who slapped by me on the other day right... Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't intend to do it, it happened unexpectedly... don't worry, I am good at understanding others. Thank god, I thought you would hate me, I have some relief now. I forgot to ask you, are you Akia's childhood friend?... no, no I'm just a colle... suddenly Akia interrupted the conversation and said, no ma, he is my fiancé....