Prologue

I knew I was awake for the past 5 minutes and I chose to open my eyes after 4 more. I took a deep breathe and it astonished my own self and the depths of my subconcious mind. Like pressing the slow-mo button, I slowly took vision and saw vivids of the ceiling; it shifts to my left pale counter top filled with the landscaped photo of Mason, Gabe and I in wood-pastel frames and a glass portrait of Mom and I. She looked good in ivory green and I looked weird in that black suit and unseen suspenders. But I looked like her. It took me a few seconds to notice that the counter felt too spacious. Shouldn't my keys be there? Or did I forget my song book and left it in my locker again. The thought bugged me but I didn't hate it, like how infuriating those bits of chocolate look from my post to the bedroom's ashgray floor. I flash at the ceiling once again. It's the third day but it still feels like the last. However, it felt lighter. I didn't think about Tokyo, Mason, my dad or even my next appointment with Dr. Cameron. I seized to think about anything. It felt undeniably empty. It's as if my soul swirled out and it slowly unleashed itself from unlocked chains that captured my spirit from my own physical body and it vanised into thin air. I don't feel a sense of sorrow, empty is the better word. It felt like life but I know I wasn't completely alive. I know since I just woke up and for the very first time, it kind of felt right. Because for the very first time, I was between in control and not, I'm normal. And maybe that's how normal people work, it's not a clear setting of exact emotions but it's finally the reality, a sound of a knock on my door like how mom does when she's prepared soft pancakes for breakfast. The left corner of my lips curved but not too much for the smell of chocolate from downstairs. And I smell the scent of existence, of life and a nightmare turned into a comfortable deep sleep.