Chapter 1 - Glimpses of the Past

First day in class, I am now in the phase of adulthood. All of the students look like very intelligent, I think I am just a trash here. Courage drives my ambition to become a broadcaster, hoping that I will be head up in the shining future. Dream like it is impossible, because if we settle for possibilities, there will be the chance of having a low quality of outcome. The road I am going to track is tough, there's something that pushes me to be tougher! Hey first day in college!

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It's my last year in school. Walking down the stairs of the newest building of the university, I feel like I am just like air that invisible. Though I am intangible but I believe that I am useful, that I have a purpose to humanity. While reading stuffs for upcoming class and eating my favorite snack: toasted bread with butter on top paired with lemonade, I remember the moment where there someone gave this to me. I actually hate it but I love the person who shared.

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While sitting at my office, waiting for someone to come, I am only finishing my overflowing paper works. At the sudden, I found records that change my whole perspective. I love him, I mean I loved him! There were no secrets that lasts, but I admit, I am deeply in love with him. I have degree, I am an outstanding performer in school, I have all of my needs, but why I feel like my life controls over my decisions. Despair provokes when I realized that I am not what I think I wanted to be. He deserves his love to me when I don't deserve to be loved.

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I am now on the downfall stage of my whole life. Time consumed to sadness and jealousy. Why we are always to find something that we don't have? Contentment is not in my vocabulary. This is not what I deserve! While ear buds stuck in my ear, Jessie J's song slaps my face, when karma comes back around. It's hard to stitch news for I am the only one is responsible of my actions. The society is telling me to stop, I am inevitable.

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While carrying a child, the shape of his face reflects the face of the man that I wanted to forget. "I told you not to be with me for I have something to fulfill. I chose you but there's something I wanted to have, I have you but I am not satisfied of what I am going to do." The door bangs and someone is fast approaching to me. It's my choice, a choice doesn't have any options.

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They perceive me by my flaws, but I am not what they think I am. I am now in the state of my life where everything is in control, it is a little bit confusing that hinder the way I think as of the moment. I have everything that I wanted, I have people and I have him. The question is, am I on the spot that he really trusts me again? "I deeply in love with you too, but it is not only the need to succeed this way!" a line that engraved in my heart. Yes, I used him, I am making him as a puppet that I controlled his life. That is not what I meant, I hope there's someone understands me. Bye for now, I am going nowhere.