Chapter 30 Josh's Reactions

Josh took the glass of water and sat in the chair in the corner. I could tell he was still tense and ready to run but he at least he sat down. Was that the submissive part or was that actual reason on his part, it was unclear, but I would take what I could get. Moving carefully and slowly I came closer to him and sat in the other chair there.

"Ok, first off I will explain what happened to you. Then I will wait for you to ask me whatever you want. I will explain the side effects and everything as well. You have to know that I would never hurt you. Now first off, I was drugged with a very unique drug and I have a high tolerance to it which is why my body always pushes the tainted blood out my skin and always from my back. No idea why it only happens there but it does. Anyone who touches the tainted blood gets affected by it and passes out. They are affected by the drug then too but to a lesser degree. The side effects are either fight or flight. With you it seems your flight has been triggered. I keep watching you look at the exits from this area like a lifeline. Do not worry I wont move from this chair until either I have to use the restroom or you tell me I can move. Following me so far?"

Josh nodded and cleared his throat. He picked up the glass of water looked at me and then set it back down without drinking any of it.

Sighing, "Would you like me to take a drink of it again? To prove nothing is wrong with the water. The baker's wife brought it up with the porridge for me. The water will help clear your parched throat and help clear your head. On my name and word, there is nothing wrong with it at all."

Josh gave me a look I couldn't read and picked up the water and drank half of the glass in one sitting. I smiled at him and he paled and looked terrified. I realized why he was acting that way a moment too late.

"The moment I drank the water, you smiled at me. What did you do to the water that would only affect me and not you?" Josh said with panic in his voice. "Am I going to pass back out or worse die now?"

"Josh, I smiled because you trusted me enough to drink the water that is all. There really is nothing wrong with the water. Now please listen to me, you are safe." I said with a sigh.

Josh looked at me warily and nodded his head. "I will trust you, so why do I feel so bad? Everything is telling me to run and keep running until I am alone and away from everyone. Yet when you make a suggestion, I am almost forced to obey you. I do not like this at all!!! Where is Sam?"

I reached out an offered my hand, he hesitated but then took my hand. "What you are feeling right now is the side effects of the drug. I know you do not like this feeling, but it is better than the other option. If you woke up in fight mode, you would have attacked me and anyone else who showed up in your vision until you came back to yourself. I know how bad you would have felt if you had attacked and hurt me or Sam. So, what do you want to do right now? You could run like you want to but where would you go? If you run into the bakery, there are 4 people down there right now. How would Sam feel if he tried to come close to you and you show you are afraid or worse you run away from him. If you run outside right now, there are wolves surrounding the building. So, if you run out there then you will die. Running is not an option for you right now in my opinion at least. Now you decided to be my bodyguard, so that means that I am your boss. Would you be afraid of the person who puts their life in your hands?"

Josh let go of my hand and slapped himself in both cheeks. I could see the fear start to melt away. Apparently, pain helps him focus. I would have never guessed that of him, but it made more sense now for Sam and him to be together as they both have odd ways of pulling themselves together.

Josh sat up straight, "Ok, you are right. It would be stupid for you to harm me intentionally in any way shape or form. You put your life in my hands, and it is my job to protect you. Man, I wish Sam would have been affected instead of me. If he was submissive right now getting him to agree to marry you would be easy then. Although I was thinking that I might make a better husband for you then he would. Although I am not the best at cooking or housework, but I could give you a future and protect you like a husband should. I am not sure why I am telling you this other then I realized that since getting to know you, feelings have shown up that I was never expecting to ever have."

At that last statement he blushed and went silent. I had no idea what to say to him, so I gave him silence and tension and awkwardness became quite apparent. Thinking about what I could do vs what I should do, I was still coming up with nothing to fix this situation. I have never had someone confront me like that with feelings of affection. Besides, Sam and him were a couple, yet he also had feelings for me now, but was still trying to marry me off to Sam. It was very confusing, if he felt affection for me shouldn't he offer to be the one to marry me.

Sighing again, "Josh, I do not know what to say to you right now. I mean you love Sam right?"

He nodded.

"Then you now have feelings for me? In what way? You said you could give me a future and protect me like a husband should... What do you mean by that? I know what it would mean to me but it is VERY important to know what it is that you mean exactly. Also what does that mean for Sam? He is my best friend and I do not want to see him hurt."

Josh cleared his throat and then looked me straight in the eye and went dead serious. I had never seen him so serious before and got worried about what he might say as he always has an air of cheer or joking or its an air of indifference.

"Marie, I do have feelings for you, I think it's more than just a friendly affection or lust. I have N E V E R felt this way towards a woman EVER. As for a future, I would treat you just as a husband should with respect and caring. I am not sure if it would lead to children or not though. Hell, I don't know if the way I feel for you would even lead that way. I DO love Sam with most of my heart. Used to say all of my heart and soul but there is another creeping in now and that is YOU. Take this as you will but I am dead serious and mean every word I have said. I will talk to Sam about this as well and figure out what it means for him and I, but I need to know what it means on your end as well."

I went big eyed and then shifted in my seat, I wanted to run away now as it was too confusing, and I had feelings for Sam and never even gave Josh a single thought until just this moment. He is gorgeous and smart, but I had always kept my distance and never even looked at him as an actual man. He was always my best friend's lover.

"I need to use the bathroom. I am going to get up now." Getting up I noticed that Josh no longer seemed scared or even under the influence of the drug. Also, he finished the water and got up with the glass in hand and followed me. He opened a door I though was a closet and there was the bathroom and then gestured me inside with a wink. He turned and walked over to a sink and started to fill his glass with water again. I turned and went into the bathroom, shut the door and locked it.

I put the lid down and sat down on the top of the toilet, not actually needing to use it. I just needed away from Josh's intense gaze in order to collect myself. What the hell was I going to do? I mean I could accept him but that would mean he could not be my bodyguard. I could not have Sam as my bodyguard as its clear he is not suited to it. I have no feelings other than friendship with Josh and I do love Sam. OK, I think I know what I need to do. Ahh, who am I trying to kid here, I am completely clueless. I think I will let Sam and Josh figure things out and go with what happens. It feels really weird to put my fate of marriage and my future in their hands but that is exactly what I am doing. If Josh marries me then I will need another bodyguard and it can't be Sam, can it? If I marry Sam, then there are no kids from him in my future, but he would be the model husband and it would make sense since we have been childhood friends. Do I even want kids? I am so confused.

"Hey, are you done in there? Something is going on downstairs and I think we need to check it out. I am ok now, I promise." Josh said through the door.

I took a deep breath and still sat there in silence.

"Marie, listen I am sorry I put so much on you right now. I know I made things weird, and I am very sorry about that. There is no pressure to give me your answer. Take as much time as you need ok. Sam and I are not going anywhere and besides before I know what Sam thinks, I cannot commit to anything in any form yet myself. You now know my thoughts; I will wait for yours. Remember you are only 16 and have a couple years before you could even get married, so you have all the time you need. If you choose not to marry at all, we will still be here for you and that will not change EVER. So please, just come out of the bathroom and stop hiding. This hiding is not you and you know it. You attack things head on and with such a passion that everyone is bewildered and dazed." Josh said with caring.