The Embrace

~~~~~ MATURE CONTENT AHEAD~~~~~~~~~~~

The feeling of her lips leaving gentle kisses down his neck, set his heart racing, but that could have also been from the way her arms were wrapped around him or that her breasts were pressed against his back. He couldn't be sure.

Gaara sat faced away from Rin, hating himself for his lack of courage.

This was the perfect moment and he was ruining it.

He knew there was some primal instinct inside that would tell him what to do, but any time he thought of turning around and seeing her divine beauty, he froze.

Nothing was going how it should. How could he face her like this? What kind of man was he?

Rin's lips ceased her trail of delicious kissing, when she realized it wasn't desire that made her partner shake.

"Gaara?"

He raised a hand to his face, shielding it from her sight. "Rin... I...."

"What's wrong?"

His mouth opened, but no sound came out, just a stream of sentences that died in his throat.

She tilted her head. "Did I do something you didn't like?"

"No! That's not it. I just...this is so embarrassing."

"Embarrassing? What's embarrassing?"

"This! Me! All of it!" His voice carried on the desert wind, as his other hand joined its brother, completely hiding his expression from her.

"Gaara, I don't understand. Can you explain what's going on?"

"I know you don't understand because I don't understand either! I'm feeling all these different emotions and I don't know what to do with them."

Rin's eyes widened, surprised at the intensity of his voice. "Which emotions exactly?"

"I feel ridiculous explaining them. How can you understand when I don't even get it?"

Her hands came to his elbows, gently turning him to face her, though he still covered his face.

The feeling of him shaking beneath her grasp, made her heart hurt. "Try me. Take a breath and tell me one by one. We'll figure it out together."

Gaara inhaled the scent of steam and night air. "I feel... shame."

"What are you ashamed of?"

His breathing was unsteady. "That I'm screwing this up. That I have no idea what I'm doing and this is unbecoming of me."

Her heart clenched in her chest. "That's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone goes through this at some point. Despite the common belief, no one is an expert naturally. We all learn as we go."

"I'm the Kazekage. I should be calm."

She wanted to laugh, but held it in. "So Kages aren't human, too?"

Rin's fingers trailed up and down his arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

He sighed. "I can't get his words out of my head."

"Who's?"

"Orochimaru's."

Her memory flared with the image of her creator and the cruel words he spoke.

The final knife wound before giving up his favorite toy, that did more damage than she realized, but exactly what he intended.

"That you aren't man enough for me?"

He didn't reply.

Rin's hands came up to his. "Gaara. Look at me."

"I can't."

"Please? I have something to tell you. Something important."

She helped him lower his guard and when his eyes found hers, she saw the pit of shame and self-loathing that waited beneath his stone expression.

She held his hands under the warm water, running her thumb along his index finger. "I know that you're already aware what my purpose on this earth was; why I was designed in the first place."

"Yes."

Her expression was honest, though her words were distant and reaching, as if she were pulling them from deep within herself. "Did you know that a man is more likely to slip secrets in the bedroom versus a prison cell? In fact, the difference is so stark, that the method has been used for generations, spreading over various cultures. There is something about the softness of pleasure that drops the male guard."

The ripples of glowing water rose and fell with her words, warming them both.

"Needless to say, I'm very good at getting information and my... skills have been exploited for several years."

Gaara's breathing was calm and steady, the gravity of her words sinking into his mind. "Exploited?"

"Yes."

"Meaning, you didn't have a choice?"

Her eyes lowered. "I never had a choice."

The steam danced in the night air, twirling around itself like hands stretching towards the dark sky.

His hand came to rest on her face, brushing her wet hair back over her shoulder, his problem suddenly feeling small in comparison. "I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."

Rin held that hand tight and kissed his palm. "I'm not saying this for sympathy. I acknowledge my past, there's no use in denying my origins or dwelling on them. I'm saying this because I've never been with someone who loved me; genuinely loved me."

"Haru?"

Her smile was sad. "Yes. Haru loved me in his way, but we were very young and in a terrible situation. When you can be valuable one day and discarded the next, you experience things differently. What he and I had was a comfort in a hopeless place; a mutual desperation to just feel something before we didn't feel anything again."

Gaara focused on the droplets of water that trickled down her skin, reflecting against the shining water. She looked more an angel now than he'd ever seen her, especially with that vulnerable expression on her face.

Rin slid closer to him, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her head in the crook of his neck. "You're my first."

"Your first?"

Her eyes closed against the swell of emotion threatening to take her. "You're the first man who didn't want to claim me for his own needs, but treat me as something precious to him. I've never been precious before and in a lot of ways, I'm nervous too."

He couldn't comprehend how someone as fierce and lovely as Rin could be nervous about anything. "What makes you nervous?"

Her grip tightened slightly. "That I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

The pale green of his eyes widened, the surge of protectiveness and adoration rushing through his body like a desert hurricane.

Gaara's arms came around her, holding the woman he loved tight, the yearning in his heart painful and wild.

Rin had been unclothed all this time, but in his heart, he knew this was the first he'd seen her truly naked.

She was breathtaking.

His lips came to her forehead, kissing the wet hair and trailing down the curve of her jaw. "Rin."

"Hm?"

Those wonderful, fiery kisses traveled to her neck, tasting the soft skin. "My beautiful Rin."

She smiled, the vibration of his words sending shivers down her spine. "Yes, Gaara. I'm yours."

He kissed the curve of her shoulder, nibbling here and there, intoxicated by the small gasps she breathed at his touch.

Rin shifted so that she was sitting on him, her arms resting loosely around the back of his neck. "Look at me."

His eyes found hers and her stomach leapt with the heat behind them.

His gaze burned hot as he took in her face. "Yes?"

She leaned forward, soft breasts pressing against his firm chest. "Let me show you how much I love you."

"You love me?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

His gaze traveled to the hollow of her neck, where the dip of her collarbones called to his lips. "You've never actually said it before."

Her mouth stitched into an aroused smile. "Is that what you want to hear?"

His breathing came in short, rising pants, her wet skin driving him mad. "Yes."

Rin spread her legs so that she was straddling him, the feeling of her body intoxicating. "I love you."

"Again."

Her lips found the corresponding symbol on his forehead, the one he kept so carefully hidden away by his hair. "I love you."

His hands slid up and down her waist, memorizing the curves of her body. "Again."

Rin bucked her hips so that she rose out of the water a bit, making sure he got a good look at her.

The way his hungry eyes focused the shape of her body, made her want to devour him. "I love you."

Gaara wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back to him, their bodies pressed together in the hot spring water. "Again."

She brought her lips to his, speaking around the taste of desire in his mouth. "I love you."

He moaned at the swelling need in his body. She wasn't close enough to him, he had to find a way to bring her even closer.

Rin was his addiction and he was mad for her.

Her tongue pressed against his lips, asking for permission to enter and he obliged. He didn't know how it was possible, but she tasted like strawberries; sweet, sun-ripened strawberries on a hot day.

Rin's hands came to his arms, her fingers memorizing the curves of his biceps, the strength as he held her.

All at once, she felt something new to both of them and her smile was pleased at the sensation on her leg.

Her hand came to his chin, tilting it up so he was looking in her eyes. "Do you want this?"

"Yes!"

"Are you sure? We can wait. We have all the time in the world."

He growled. "No."

The need in his voice was almost enough to send her over the edge, but the love in his eyes, the sheer adoration for everything she was, did.

Rin lowered herself down, taking him in, her gaze never breaking from his.

She wasn't going to miss this new expression for the world.

His eyes turned from needing to surprised and from surprised to elated. "Rin!"

"Mm hm."

His voice choked with pleasure. "Oh god, Rin."

His fingers dug into the delicate skin of her waist and she winced at the strength in them.

She took those hands into hers and laced her fingers, using him as support. "This is my love for you, Gaara."

His breath came in sharp, needing gasps, the sensation of her, sending fire through him in a near dizzying inferno.

Nothing could feel like this. Nothing would ever match this rapture.

Until her hips started moving.

Gaara's grip tightened. "Rin!"

She laughed, enjoying herself just as much as he. This felt different than before. He was different and so was she. This was just as much her first time as it was his.

Gaara felt the storm within threaten to release and his eyes came to hers, begging for permission.

The smile on her face gave it.

His world transformed into a rush of pleasure; a release of everything he'd never known and some things he knew for certain.

Blinding, heavenly release.

Rin breathed in time with him, her own tingles shooting up and down her legs, but fading into a gentle buzz of electricity.

She slid a hand behind Gaara's head, holding him to her chest, savoring the embrace between them as he panted. "Rin..."

"Yes."

"Rin... I..."

"I know."

He trembled in her arms, feeling a rush of exhaustion take him.

Rin moved off his lap and sat beside him, watching his expression to see how to proceed. What she saw made her heart dance within.

Gaara's eyes were half-slits, his breath still heavy as he combed through all the new sensations he'd just experienced.

She smiled and took hold of his arm, gently pulling him down so that he was leaning against her. He was weightless in the warm water and she held him close, tenderly scratching her nails through his hair. "Gaara."

"Hm?"

"I love you."

He moaned softly.

Rin's lips came to his forehead, as her hand delicately closed his eyes. "I love you."

And he was gone.

She continued to scratch his head and hummed softly to herself, taking in the clear stars above her.

There was a time when Subject 18 became Rin, redefining her world.

In this moment, with the man she loved, sleeping so deeply beside her, the lingering sensation of his desire for her still sending tingles through her body, Rin became something entirely knew.

She became his.