What the Moon Knows

The halls used to be so quiet.

Gaara rested in his father's room, which was a novel in itself. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been here.

Rin occupied their normal space and since he knew all eyes would be on him for a scrap of favoritism, he'd have to avoid her at all costs. It was just a few days; it shouldn't be that hard.

Her eyes flashed in his mind as she took the hall.

She looked so scared, but so resolved at the same time. He'd wanted to silence every whispering mouth and running tongue in that room, but he knew he couldn't. That was up to his desert rose, who could be a viper, if she set her mind to it.

By the display of her justu and the way the councilwoman shook afterwards, he knew the venom was real and as deadly as ever.

It would only be a matter of time before everyone else knew how powerful she could be.

His steps led him to the large desk, two worn dents in the wood from where his father's arms rested. How many nights did he spend here to warrant those marks?

Gaara's eyes trailed across the quiet room, made unnaturally still by the absence of its master. Death perched at the window, blocking the moonlight from draping the floor in its cool beauty. It filled the corners of the room, suffocated the air of its warmth and the current Kazekage along with it.

He couldn't stay here anymore. Not tonight.

Gaara rushed out of the yawning darkness and slammed the door shut behind him, his chest heaving with the corrupted memories of his father's expression flooding his mind.

Without realizing, his feet were moving, heading down the hall, to where she was. The person who quieted the anger and fear; the warm hands, the soft voice, the scent of jasmine.

He came to the familiar door and rested his hand on the handle.

It was quiet. There wasn't her familiar laughter or her constant humming, he didn't even hear Koji's duckling steps following hers.

"She's asleep. Of course, she is. She must be exhausted."

His hand left the handle and shook when it rested against his side. He couldn't wake her; it would be irresponsible, and she deserved her rest after that terribly rude display in the hall.

The anxiety he felt after seeing his father's room still bubbled in his stomach, filling his veins with its sickly sludge. He needed to move. He needed to get away. He needed…. her.

Gaara forced himself away from the door, moving quickly down the hall.

"You're a monster."

He squinted against the words in his mind. Each hitting him like a fresh blow.

"You killed your own mother."

He panted. "It wasn't my fault."

"You need to be destroyed. You're too dangerous to remain alive."

Gaara's pace quickened. "No. I… I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"Liar."

His eyes watered, his heart raced, as the shadows of his father's assassins popped up in the corners of his vision.

"Calm down. Calm down. It's over. He's dead. You aren't the same person you were. You're stronger than that."

He burst through the doors of the balcony, where the full moon's light painted the village in silver.

The warm desert wind wrapped around him, as he made his way to the railing, gripping it with all the strength he had. "He's gone. You're not going to hurt anyone. You're not going to hurt anyone. You've changed. He's dead. He's dead. Just breathe."

"Lord Fifth?"

His racing thoughts came to a screeching halt.

The feminine voice filled his mind, but when he turned to face it, the eyes that filled his dreams, didn't stare back at him.

These were not kind eyes. These eyes were meant for very different purposes.

They didn't tame the wilderness in a man's heart but seized it in their wake. They didn't soothe fear or find the good in people, they stirred fire and captivated all who made the mistake of staring for too long.

Beautiful, kohl-lined danger.

"Are you all right, my lord?"

Gaara inhaled a sharp breath and brushed a hand through his hair, before giving a bow of his head. "Yes, I just needed some fresh air. If you'll excuse me, Lady Oribe?"

"My lord?"

He waited.

Mai looked like she wanted to say something, but the words stilled in her mouth. This was her chance. Possibly her only opportunity to be alone with him. A gift delivered by the universe and she wasn't going to squander it, but what was she meant to say?

"Yes?" He asked, clearly wanting to disappear back into the safety of the estate.

The eldest Oribe daughter cleared her throat, delicately lacing her hands behind her back. "Is something troubling you, Lord Kazekage?"

"No." He was quick to deny it. Too quick.

It didn't sound convincing for either of them.

Mai's lovely gaze flicked up to him and back down to the ground. "If I'm not too bold to say, my lord, I think you're lying."

"Liar." His father's voice echoed in his mind.

"Why do you say that? You don't presume to know what's in my mind." Gaara's voice was harsher than he intended, and it was evident by the flinch that took the woman before him.

He wished she wouldn't. He hated when people did that, especially when he was the cause.

His words softened. "Forgive me, that was unbecoming."

"It's quite all right."

They both stood in the warm night air, neither sure of how to continue. Gaara was about to make his second attempt to leave, when the beautiful creature before him spoke. "You used to come out here when you were young too."

"Pardon?"

Mai drifted to the edge of the balcony, her movements a fluid grace so that she floated like mist over the floor. It didn't even seem like her steps were real.

She looked out over the village, her pretty, bronze skin gleaming in the moonlight, as she pointed out. "You see the lights over there?"

He looked to where she was pointing. "Yes."

"Those are the lights of the Oribe Clan. They stay burning all night."

Of course, Gaara knew that. He knew every single light in this village. He'd counted each one come on and turn off, leaving him alone in the darkness as a child. It was true, those lights always stayed on and more than once, Gaara found himself drawn to them.

Mai spoke, interrupting his thoughts. "The room to the right. That one is mine."

He studied her face, bare from the lack of jingling veil and was surprised to find it shy under his gaze. He never knew the Oribe girl to be shy. He vaguely remembered her from the gatherings he was meant to attend in his teenage years.

Though it never stopped his father from trying to kill him, he still was forced to be schooled, trained, all the things expected of a royal member of the Sand. Part of that training involved meeting with the influential families for banquets and the like.

For the most part, Gaara either didn't attend or showed for a few minutes, before excusing himself to train on his own.

Mai smiled to herself, a small, coy smile. "I used to sit in my window there and I could see the balcony on clear nights. You came up here a lot."

He was surprised, to say the least. "You weren't afraid I'd notice and come for you?"

The question was mostly rhetorical, if not slightly bitter, but she answered anyway. "Of course. However, I had a feeling you wouldn't."

Gaara thought back to his younger self, the child who was hunted and hated by the village, who believed not a soul cared for him. Their eyes, their hatred, the abandonment he felt, why wouldn't she be part of it? He'd earned that hatred for a reason.

"Why not?" His question was soft.

Mai shrugged one shoulder. "Because you always seemed so sad."

His eyes widened.

She braved a look up at him. "I remember you when were five, you know?"

He tried to think back that far, but it was mostly a blur.

Mai gave him an indulgent smile. "We were at a banquet. That's when you were living with your uncle, before the Kazekage gave his orders to… well…"

"To kill me."

"Yes."

He could feel her unease. Gaara rested his forearms against the railing, breathing in the night air. "It's okay. Go on."

She nodded. "You were happier back then. It was my first banquet. My mother forced me into a dress that had so many frills, I could barely move, let alone play. I had to sit in my chair all night."

"Wow, that sounds…"

"Miserable. That's the word you're looking for and you would be correct. I was miserable."

Her manicured hands came to the railing and she pulled back to stretch a bit. "I wanted to cry. I could see all the other kids, including Kumi, laughing and playing at their table, while I had to be stuck with the adults. Oribe children didn't play. We didn't socialize with those lower than our standing. Bad form, you know?"

He remembered something of that nature being whispered whenever someone tried to approach.

The Oribe girls were beauties from the time they were in the cradle. Everyone leapt at the chance to fuss over them. They were bred to be diamonds in the rough, but diamonds are brittle things, easy to snap under enough pressure.

"I remember your siblings, powerful even back then, dominating the games with the other children. I wanted to play too. I just wanted to talk, if nothing else, but I'd never get the chance. And then, I heard the smallest voice say, 'I'll play with you, if you want?'"

Gaara stared, completely captivated by the tale, watching it unfold before him.

"You were so sweet, even back then, Lord Gaara. You made me a rose out of sand and placed it on the table. The adults didn't notice us talking. They never noticed me when I was quiet. You stayed by my side all night talking about your uncle, your sand, you even told me about your stuffed bear and for the first time in my life, I had fun. You showed me what fun could be that night."

Mai took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Lord Fifth…"

"Yes?"

She turned to look at him and it was the first time she'd held his eyes since the grand hall, only this time was different. This time, there was no show, nothing to prove, she was just looking at him, really and truly looking at him.

"I'm so sorry for everything you went through. When I heard about your father's order, I pleaded with mine to do something, but he said we couldn't stand against the Kazekage's will. Especially when we were all evacuated that one night."

He knew the night she spoke of, the one where he fell asleep and went wild, destroying everything in his path; homes, shops…. innocent people…

His gaze turned down. "It's one of the greatest shames of my life. I apologize if I frightened you then. I wasn't in control of my demon."

To his surprise, he felt a warm hand take his, holding it firm, so he would pay attention.

Mai's face was pleading, sincere despite the painted strokes to make her look more catlike. "Please don't apologize to me. I'm the one who should apologize to you!"

"I'm afraid I don't follow."

She looked down, her hands still clasping his. "You asked me to be your friend that night and I agreed. I should have stood by you. I didn't. I ran like everyone else."

"Well…."

"No. It's not something to be dismissed. I couldn't stand by you when your life fell apart. I just couldn't believe it was true. You couldn't have been that demon. Not that sweet little boy who gave me a rose at the party. You were still trapped inside, but they wouldn't let me get close to you."

"That was wise. I was far too dangerous."

Mai shook her head, dark hair falling over her shoulder. "Be that as it may, I never stopped."

"Stopped what?"

She took a deep breath. "I never stopped caring about you, Lord Kazekage. Even if I wasn't allowed to be near you. I kept watching from afar. Originally, it was believed I would be betrothed to Lord Kankuro when he came of age or Lady Temari would claim one of my brothers if she took the seat, but, when I heard it would be you, everything changed. I changed. I studied harder than ever before. I dove myself into my studies to be the perfect bride for you."

"Lady Oribe…"

"Mai. Please call me Mai."

"Mai."

She shivered when he said her name, so naked and exposed on his lips. She'd dreamt of him saying it for long. "I'm going to show you that I'm worthy to be that bride, Lord Kazekage and I hope, if you'll forgive me, that I can be your friend again as well?"

Gaara was astounded by her words, almost as much as the heat in her hands when they held his. He wasn't used to such heat.

No, there was a warmth he longed for and this wasn't it.

The sigh that left his lips was a sad one.

In one fluid motion, Gaara placed a cool hand on top of the one that was holding his and squeezed. "Thank you, Mai. I appreciate your words and your concern. It doesn't change the sins of the past, but it makes the memories a little less lonely."

She said nothing, her eyes darting from his face, back to their joined hands.

Gaara held them tight and then gently placed her hand back to her chest. "I can't commit to anyone in the Cleansing just yet. It wouldn't be fair to the other contenders."

Mai exhaled, looking away from him. "Only one contender, you mean."

"Pardon?"

"You think you're really fooling anyone?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You do. Please, don't insult me by pretending anything else. I'm no fool." She removed her hands, gave him a sharp bow and made ready to leave.

"Mai."

She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn around.

Gaara looked up at the moon, who was a rapt audience to their conversation. "It was never my intention to insult you or to waste your time. Your affection for me is appreciated, tonight especially. You kept me from walking down a dark path I didn't want to revisit. So, thank you for that."

Mai said not a word in reply but gave a quick nod and disappeared back inside.

He fell back against the railing, asking the silent spectator above. "What was I supposed to do?"

As always, it said nothing in return.