Illilitimate.

I enter my house thinking quite seriously about my afternoon. The meeting with Dr. Mwangaza was as serious as I had thought and it bothered me not just because of the changes that were happening, but because of the other thing that Linda had told me.

My anonymity in writing is everything to me. I get to do what I like, while making a lot of money and still maintaining an air of privacy, something that popularity would steal away from me. Not that I am bragging, but after my book was made into a setbook, my pseudonyms popularity skyrocketed and it is now a household name within many circles in East Africa. Therefore you see why I would be concerned about a presidential award and making an appearance to receive it.

I heave out a sigh of exasperation and close the front doors behind me. For a house that is full of people it is eerily quiet and I strain my ears to listen. A faint clang emanates from what I believe is the kitchen and as I listen more faint sounds drift towards me from my study.

I readjust my handbag and begin to walk to my study. I pull the door open and the sight that meets my eyes has the blood draining from face.

"What are doing?" I yelp staring at the pair that is bent over my desk. Four pairs of eyes look up to face me with a varying degree of curiosity and confusion etched on each face.

"Why?" Troy asks me his confused gaze taking in my frazzled state. "We're just doing her homework." He goes on to tell me and it takes all that I am to contain myself.

"No! I help her do her homework, not you!" I grit out careful not to scare my curious daughter away.

"What is wrong Attara?" My father asks me and I feel like a little girl bringing up something to her.

"She's crazy, that's what." My cousin says and I turn to glare at him.

"No." I say turning back to my father. "This days I'm either at work or Bri is at school. We hardly spend time together, that's why homework hour is our personal time to bond."

Silence reigns in the room and if you listen keenly you can almost hear the gears turning as they chew my words around.

"I am sorry." Troy says, the look of confusion finally leaving his face as he breaks his silence. "I didn't know. Otherwise I am not trying to take your mother and daughter time away from you."

"I know." I reply walking forward to take a seat on the brown leather sofa. "I am just stresssed out and I am taking it out on you." I add thinking more soberly through my reaction.

"I told you... Crazy!"

"I swear Dom what have you been taking? You're not the same person I knew!"

"Never mind him. He's just tired. With the extra work he's been doing for your company, I doubt that he's getting any sleep." My father tells me obviously trying to ease out the tension that has been brewing between my cousin and I.

"Oh,"I say awkwardly. "But that doesn't give him the license to be mean with me. If you had any issues you should have said something." I direct the last part to Dom and at least he has the decency to look ashamed. "I am not God. I can't know everything unless you tell me." I add, albeit a little bit more softly.

"I can help after all, we're partners now." Troy says and I feel my father's eyes in me.

"I told him."

"More like she was forced to tell me." Troy jokes.

"Do tell. It all sounds like a very interesting story." My father says and I nod at Troy.

"Why don't you tell him, I'll take over from you." I stand and begin to walk to my desk where Briella is busy scribbling all over her nursery school workbook. I push Troy from his seat and he gives me an amused look before walking over to join the rest of the men on the lounging area.

"So, how was your day?" I ask Briella drowning out all the conversations around us.

"It was okay." She tells me, but I can feel her sadness.

"What's wrong Bri?" I prod her further.

"I am no longer friends with Joy."

"Why not?" I ask my mind already recalling the features of the little asian girl that is my daughter's seatmate.

"She said she likes Ken and I like Ken best."

"Briella..." I say looking around to see if Troy is listening. After that episode with Aoko's Tim, there are things I just can't risk. "Who is Ken?"

"Mum, You don't know Barbie's Ken?" Briella tells me and I breath out a sigh of relief.

"Sure sure, I know." I tell her while openning her work book to a new page.

"And when i told her no! She shoved me and called me ililitimate."

"Ili...what?" I ask scrunching my face in confusion.

"She said because dad and you did not have a wedding...that makes me ililitimate." I finally understand her and my jaw drops in horror.

"That was a very mean thing for her to say..."

"Yes...that is why i punched her and the teacher had to call Maggie to pick me up."

"What? Why am i hearing this now?" I ask horrified. Briella shrugs her shoulders at me and then i remember my day and the certain beef i now have with my little sister.

Briella stops her scribbling and turns to look at me."Mum...i want to go home."

"But you are home sweetheart."

"No...home. With daddy."

Understanding dawns on me and i heave out another sigh finally realising what it is that i must do.

"Don't worry. We will baby, we will."

***

"Shea!" My voice reverberates in the empty space that is Shea's bedroom and I move to check in the bathroom. I find her bent over the sink, a red liquid dripping from her hair and it stops me in my tracks as i start to stare.

"Shea...what are you doing?" I finally manage to whisper now that i am convinced that the girl is not bleeding out in my sink.

"What does it look like i am doing?"

"Shea..." I start but she cuts me off again.

"What are you doing with him?"

Understanding dawns on me and i shake my head in frustration.

"He is my daughter's father..."

"But he cheated on you. I saw the pictures..."

"Is that why you were tampering with my phone?" My sister's head rises up from the sink and i wince at the red drops dripping to the tiled floor.

"What happened to you? Has his money and gifts finally blinded you?"

"Shea..."

"You were mad at him for years and now you are okay with this?"

"I assure you that he didn't do it!"

The girl shakes her head and returns to bend over the sink.

"I truly do not understand why you are mad, but please next time, don't leave my phone in aeroplane mode."

She still does not respond to me and i shake my head incredulously.

"Okay, i'll leave you to whatever it is you are doing now." With that i withdraw to my room to process everything that now happened to me. I first take out my tablet and process the numbers that David has just set me, I also approve the payments on the office renovations before leaning back on my pillows tiredly.

"Ah...what i would give for a massage now." I muse as i remember that i am yet to do my devotion and i reach for the bible that i keep on my bedside table.

"What now Lord, everything seems uphazard and i really need some order in my life. It's like a storm all around me."

I think as i flip through the pages. An idea flashes through my mind and i drop the leather bound book to take up my planner.

"Tour of the premises with the investors... and maybe i should finally spill my secret to mum and siz...Review of my assets at the publishing house...I should also make a point to visit Bri's school...Review contracts with my lawyers...I should make time to talk to Dom, maybe take him out to dinner and the tour too..."

Armed with most of the answers to my problems, i reopen the bible and restart my devotion.

"Thank you God..."I smile as I start reading.