Holding Inside.

Dearest Diary,

Remember that thought of what Troy's wrath would be like? Well, it is time to find out. I have always wondered as well, what this man would make me do to earn his forgiveness especially when I admit that I am the one wrong. Like they say, it should be a defining moment and even though I hate to have to admit, to admit my wrong doing I am kind of curious how all this will play along.

So, until then, wish me well.

Lots of love, ALD.

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"Hi, " The man looks up from his book and gives me a nod.

"How was your day?" he asks me.

"It was fine..."

"And?" he smiles. This man, apparently can do no wrong.

"I owe you an apology. I was so brash and disrespectful and I am ashamed of myself. That should never have happened!" I finish off all in one breath and close my eyes not ready to see what his reaction will be. A rustle of paper, then movement and I feel a presence in front of me.

" Open your eyes Attara." I can hear the laughter in his voice as well as a hint of seriousness in his tone. How he is able to combine them both I cannot tell, but that is Troy White for you and he is truly amazing.

"No, I can't." I know that I am acting childish but he brings out this side of me. He also does not seem to mind it and it makes me realised how very lucky I am. As his hands move to circle my waist and draw me closer, my eyes pop open to stare into his own set of blues that are now looking down at me with love.

" Attara..." he says softly. "I love you and I am not sure if you understand what that truly means.  However and not to insult your intelligence, it means that I am always here for you

Always, to help carry the burdens, to share in your joy and your sorrow and no matter how gruesome it gets, to go through the motions of life with you. For these reasons it would honor me greatly if you'd just feel free to open up and truly share your feelings with me." as he finishes, hishand reaches up and wipes off a stray tear that has escaped my eyes. To say that I have been caught speechless would be an understatement. His words have moved me as I know he is right in saying that I never open up to him. I have not so in a long time and may if I had, maybe if I had those years ago then probably our lives would have been so different as we would have saved ourselves a lot of misery.

" You are my family" my thoughts are cut short as he continues to tell me. "And even though I have not yet asked you, to me you'll always be my better half."

"But I am so chaotic!" I manage a word before his finger moves up to silence me.

"I know, that's what makes us perfect and I hope you will soon be able to see it that way so we can finally be together and build that life we always dreamed about."

I nod.

"Come on I need more than that."

"Okay."I reply in a voice so small that I am sure it resembles a mouse squeak.

"Now I know that the past has been... Well, painful. I have hurt you, my family has hurt and there has been a lot issues.  A lot of unresolved issues between your own family because of me. Trust me Attara. It has never been my intention to harm you and because of that, because of the thing with my own mother, I can never force to take the step that is before us.

No. I cannot force you but I can only hope that you accompany me and I promise, I promise that I will be beside you every step of the way and even if you are not ready, I'll respect that too as I am sure we will find a way through that too, okay? " I nod again. "yes, I can handle anything but seeing you cry, seeing you all torn up and feeling stressed and me being unable able to help. Locking me out of your life is the worst thing you can ever do to me my love. And smile," he says as he wipes of another tear from my eye. I hate to see you cry. Be mad be ferocious but please don't cry, okay?" 

I nod. By now my tears have become tiny rivulets soiling my face and his shirt as I turn to hide my face.

" Come on. I still need to hear you say it. "

" Okay," I croak as a small laugh escapes my lips and I wipe of the rest of my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. It is messy I know, but this is Troy. Even in reprimanding me this guy is awesome and in the world that I live in such awesomeness is hard to come by which makes me realise how right Linda was.

"And I love you too..." I whisper shyly as a wide grin finally breaks out across his face. "What?" I swat his hand punishing him for the wide smile that is now playing on his lips.

"Why Attara...?You tell me something like that and expect me to keep a straight face? "

"It's not like you do not hear it all the time..."

"From Briella, yes! But from you, I believe it's been almost five years !"

"No it's not ! "

"I am being serious by the way and since all this makes it into  such a momentous occasion, why don't I treat you to a surprise?"

"because you hadn't thought of that before?"he grins, this coming from the King of surprises could mean anything, but as I am not yet done saying what is in my heart, I put a finger on his lips and silence him.

"As I was saying, I love you and I want this to work... "

" Finally!" he says it so dramatically, cutting me off that I turn threatening to leave. "Sorry, sorry... Don't leave!" he laughs as he pulls back into his arms. "I promise, this time I'll behave."

"You better!" I threaten with a stern look and a stern finger to his face. I can tell that he is about to laugh, but he holds it in even though his eyes are twinkling with the mirth that he is struggling to hold on inside. "Where was I?"

"You love me... "

"Yes, and I am done cowering. I am done fearing the unknown. The unknown where your mother is concerned and where our future will lead. I am done holding on to pride. Not only is it stifling me, but it is bad for my life. For my relationship and for my prosperity. I want to be free Troy. Free of unforgiveness and every self imposed prison that pride has created for me. I want to be free and to be happy and I want joy and all the beautiful pure things that this life has to offer. I guess, what I am trying to say in so many words is that I will come. I will go with you to Perth and we will get our daughter. Then maybe I'll go to China and there is that presidential ball..."

"Wait, China? Presidential ball?" I look up to find a very confused looking Troy.

"Long story but I'll update you in due time." with that I patt his hand and begin to walk towards the kitchen.

"China?"

"You have your Nepal, why can't I have my China?" I ask as I continue through the dining area.

"Sweetheart, that is not the same thing. Why do you have to make it into a competition? " he laughs as he follows me there.

"I don't... But, where is the fun in that?"

"Okay, how about we make supper then, "the man swiftly changes the topic and I can only smile as I  imagine what he is already thinking up.

**************

"You call this a surprise! So much for it not being a competition!" I complain as my feet refuse to move so that my eyes can stare.

"Why is it that bad?" Troy laughs and I move to slap him. He quickly jumps out of the way as he moves on to follow the steward into the vessel.

"Never in my life could I have guessed. How did you even manage it?"  I take a few steps only to stop again to admire the artwork on the side of Ella. It is not a boat or a yacht, but it is equally fabulous. For who could have thought that the White family was actually capable of owning a private jet or a stream of jets as this was apparently their latest acquisition?

" I like the name Ella. Whose idea was it?"

" What do you mean by whose? It's just me so it was simple." the man answers me with a shrug of his shoulder before disappearing inside the cabin.

"Just you?" I laugh. "How old are you? You are not even thirty five..."

"And I had an early start on life more than most can say or afford and also the best business advisors that money could afford. So..."

"Cocky aren't we! Why Troy White I never took you for a braggart!" I laugh as I follow him inside.

" You know you love me."

"Oh please... Please don't make me take that back."