Chapter 7: Black Magic Woman

Finally, we're out of the Academy. The chapter after this one will have our first enemy Stand-user, followed by another one in a two part arc.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.

"And then I beat the shit out of him for 20 seconds straight," I finished, earning me a small chuckle from the redhead sitting in front of me. "After that, some more ANBU showed up to escort us to the old man's office, while the others handled their fallen comrades. Then I had to go through the old man telling us about Naruto's parents, which could have been done without me and Iruka-sensei there, but I guess he wanted to kill two birds with one stone...speaking of which," Star Platinum floated to my left and crossed its arms. "The Hokage clued me in to a bit of knowledged about Stands...specifically Konoha's history with them. Anything you wanna say?"

Kakyoin closed his eyes and steepled his fingers in thought. "For starters, I can tell you a lot about Stands, but depending on what I tell you, I might have to keep myself from breaking the "no interferrence" rule I have imposed on me."

"Can you tell me how the Hokage and others in Konoha would know about Stands at least?"

"Now that, I can give you!" the redhead said cheerfully. "But it'll be quite the history lesson, one that spans back to when an invasion force from the west stormed the Elemental Nations over a thousand years before Konohagakure even existed-"

"Can we just skip to everything involving my village within the last 100 years?"

Kakyoin deflated with a huff. "You're no fun...well, I guess I gotta be blunt huh? During the ending years of the Nidaime's tenure and the beginning of the Sandaime's, a squad of Konoha shinobi found one of the Arrows."

"Excuse me? Arrows?" I gaped in shock. "But I got my Star Platinum from a Devil's Palm, not an Arrow!"

"Both exist simultaneously in this world, Joushirou," the redhead said calmly. "You actually got your Stand from the corpse's heart, ironic given what your ability does to your own."

"How did Konoha get the Arrow anyway?"

"It happened when an enemy shinobi stole precious artifacts from a museum," Kakyoin put a finger to his chin in thought. "Obviously, the museum shelled out a bit of cash to get it all back, so a few teams were sent to retrieve it. Unfortunately, one of the Arrows was among the artifacts stolen...and as they're often inclined to do at the worst of times, the Arrow stabbed the enemy shinobi."

"...How bad was it?"

"Think of something that is as fast as Star Platinum, but has the ability to exchange objects with something of equal or greater value," the redhead gesticulated wildly. "Not like, he turned a worn down katana into "the agent of chaos, Stormbringer" exchange, more like...replace all the blood in your veins with normal water."

I felt bile rise up in my throat at that, since I knew exactly what had happened there. Considering that I myself had drowned, I didn't need to imagine how horrible it was for what was probably a few squads of newly promoted jōnin, some rookie chūnin, and the unfortunate genin team as backup.

"So I'm guessing the museum didn't get it back then?"

"Obviously not," Kakyoin waved his hand dismissively. "Even after they managed to kill the stand user, it was by sheer luck that they did. Suiton and Doton jutsu don't work on stands, and even when they figured out that Raiton and Katon would do damage to it, the guy just exchanged either of them to keep himself safe. One Fūton technique actually caused some visible damage...then the genin who used it was killed," the redhead snapped his fingers. "Like that!"

I flinched at the thought of that. "So after they killed him, what happened to the Arrow?"

"They took it back to Konoha, told the museum exactly why they weren't going to return it, and hid it away. There were calls to destroy it, but one voice actually came up with the idea to use it," Kakyoin leveled a flat look at me. "You already know who it is just by the tone of my voice, don't you?"

"Danzo…" I said curtly.

"As much as Tobirama wanted peace, he was also a pragmatist, I mean you don't get the ability to make water from thin air for Suiton without being pragmatic. So he took the bait and concocted a plan with Danzo to make an army of stand users."

"Let me guess," I said coldly. "All of them died?"

"Every last one" the redhead grit his teeth. "Even Shin from accounting...especially Shin from accounting. The first tests they did with the arrow were on criminals in one group, and willing civilians in another, and all 50 members of each group died not long after they were stabbed with the arrow. One did develop a Stand, but...you remember the woman of my dreams, right?"

I thought about that for a few seconds before my eyes widened. "Holly Kujo? Yeah, she got a stand but then it nearly...oh!"

"Yeah, exactly like that, only it didn't come from a "family member" unlocking it, so there was no way to prevent the Stand-like infection from killing the person. The final test they did was on two groups of 25, each of civilian and shinobi volunteers. Only one person from each group survived and obtained a Stand."

"Jesus Stand-using Christ, I don't remember the things being so fucking picky like this," I growled.

"I would have thought it had to do with chakra, but that's not the case considering the sheer amount of Stand-users in the west, all of whom have chakra as well. I can't exactly speculate why the Arrow didn't find them worthy, but still, the odds that almost 200 people weren't able to handle that should have been slim."

"Maybe it's less alien bullshit like we thought," I mused. "The Arrow seems more like a supernatural object at times, so if it's not something that functions normally, then the force that makes it work was probably prejudging everybody as a way to punish Danzo."

"Considering the quality of the Stands they did get, that isn't an impossibility."

"What can you tell me about that piece of information?" I asked quickly.

"I can't tell you about the living user, you need to find him yourself, but his Stand is one you might recognize. It's practically harmless," then the redhead narrowed his eyes. "You want to know about the one they had to put down, I assume?"

"The old man said they were a shinobi, so I'm guessing they went Nukenin?"

"In a sense...he went on a small murder spree towards some civilians and locked himself in a butcher shop. Hiruzen sent a few squads to take him down, but his stand was practically immune to all types of jutsu, so they couldn't get a good read on him. Since he was a shinobi, he could avoid any traps and surprise attacks set."

"What was his ability?" I asked nervously.

"The Stand itself was relatively weak in physical strength, but had incredible speed and range," Kakyoin closed his eyes in thought. "Its ability...it gave him the power to change the effectiveness of different parts of the human body."

"Change the effectiveness of the body? That sounds exclusively beneficial."

"Oh? Having no insulin is beneficial?" the redhead gave me a disgusted grin. "Having so much blood sugar that some of your limbs fall off? Having multiple brain cells work so fast they literally explode with how much information they're processing? Your heart pumping so fast that it actually bursts? All of that is beneficial?"

"Alright, I get it!" I growled out. "I'm sorry that I don't know any other Stand-users that aren't you, but I've gotten so used to how straightforward Star Platinum can be. The only things that nearly blindside me nowadays are ninja techniques, so part of me is actually waiting for a good Stand fight."

"You won't have to wait long, you'll meet your first enemy Stand-user within the next month," Kakyoin held a hand up before I even opened my mouth. "No, I cannot tell you about them or their abilities, just that they're not a shinobi and that you and your sensei can't kill them."

I jolted at his last words. "About my jōnin-sensei...you wouldn't happen to know about them, would you?"

"I do…" the redhead trailed off as a perverted grin spread across his face. I sat there cringing for several seconds before he snapped his gaze back to me. "Oh, you want me to tell you about them?"

"I kind of implied that with my tone."

"Yes, but you should have said it flat out...and no, I can't tell you."

"Sonuda Beetch!" I hissed angrily. "You can't give me anything? Not even a hint? Some morse code?"

"Sorry, anything like that would be interference," the redhead said smugly.

My comical scowl fell when I heard a loud whooshing sound from behind me. I turned to see a column of bright light surrounding an extremely tall figure. Before I could get a good look at the person, the red headed angel let out a sigh.

"Oh boy, guess the time ran away from me…" Kakyoin said nervously. "Sorry about this Joushirou, I have to get onto my next appointment here" the redhead motioned to the person standing behind me.

"Wait, does this have anything to do with that guy from earlier who looked like had been struck by-OH SHEET!" I grimaced. "That guy was actually struck by lightning? What the hell happened to this guy then?" I jabbed a finger towards the figure behind me.

"Haierofanto In Hebun!"

"DON'T DODGE MY QUESTIONS DAMMIT!"

*CRAAAASSSHHHHHHCCCCCKKKKKKKKKVVVVVVVRRRrrrrrrrrr*

"Move it Ino-bunta! I got in first!"

"Fat chance, Forehead! I got in first!"

"You'd think they'd stop this after becoming ninja," Naruto moaned from his spot beside me. "But no, they'll keep on going at it. How old do you think they'll be when they stop?"

"Can you imagine them doing this in their twilight years," Sasuke grumbled. "Actually I just did...heh, it's kinda funny now that I think about it."

Team assignment day, oh boy! I can't wait to figure out which idiots I get saddled with, unless I really changed canon...in which case I can't wait to figure out which idiots I get saddled with. Naruto and Sasuke are practically fated to be under Kakashi's tutelage, so I'm safe from having a lazyass as a teacher. I can only hope the Hokage didn't choose somebody who has no idea what they're doing.

"Hey, Naruto!"

The blonde looked over to see Sakura standing next to our aisle. "Uh, hey Sakura-chan, you need anything?"

"Move your ass! I wanna sit next to Sasuke-kun!" the pinkette roared.

"Hold it Forehead! I got here first, so I get to sit next to him!" Ino growled.

"Hey, no fair! I got here before you two, I wanna sit next to Sasuke!" another girl cried out.

"And there it is…" the Uchiha grumbled lowly as more girls crowded around our aisle.

"You haven't seen anything yet Sasuke," I said flatly. "Just give it about 3 whole seconds-"

"Screw Sasuke, nobody likes an emo! I wanna sit next to Jojo!"

"Told ya," I said lowly as my own fangirls jumped in, to which Sasuke grumbled in response.

Just as the girls were readying themselves for a massive cat-fight, some idiot behind us accidently bumped his table. Naruto, who had been leaning his chair back on its two hind legs, was hit instantly. In a strange turn of events that I can only take at face value as Fate setting things right, the blonde fell to the floor whilst dragging Sasuke with him. When the dust cleared, we were all greeted to the sight of the Uchiha laying on top of Naruto, lips intertwined with his.

Part of it was...eerily familiar. Just needed Sasuke to get up, point to himself, and yell "Kono Sasuke Da!" at the blonde. What actually happened was Naruto pushing the Uchiha off himself and spitting on the floor in disgust, an action which Sasuke mirrored. The thing is, most of the Uchiha's fanbase…

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ

"Naruto…" Sakura growled angrily, followed by every other girl in the Uchiha's fanclub.

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ

Well, they obviously took exception to that.

"Kami, I'll move then..." Shino grumbled, sitting up and walking to an aisle below us, taking a seat right next to Kiba.

Sakura happily took the seat next to Sasuke, just as the rest of the girls wailed on Naruto. The blonde just barely got back into his seat, all the bruises he had incurred from his beating already healing due to both his Mokuton bloodline and his tenant.

Iruka arrived just after the beating died down, and faced the entire class. "As of today, all of you are now real ninja!" he called out to us. "But all of you are still only just Genin, the lowest Shinobi rank. Your journey has just started," the scarred chūnin looked to his clipboard. "Now then, onto team assignments. Each team will consist of 3 Genin and a Jōnin sensei, who you will need to follow orders from in order to successfully complete missions."

Alright, let's see who's on each team, and who I get saddled with.

"Team seven will include...Uchiha Sasuke-"

The boy in question let out a disinterested "hn" in response.

"Haruno Sakura-"

"Yes!" the pinkette cheered from her spot next to Sasuke, who let out an unnerved "hn" at Iruka-sensei's proclamation.

"And finally, Uzumaki Naruto-huh, that doesn't seem right..."

"Eh?" the blonde looked to the other two, mortification slowly growing on his face at Sakura's quiet cheering. "Oh no…"

Sasuke simply let out a satisfied "hn" at the knowledge that he wasn't going to be left alone with the girl. Naruto gaped in shock before standing up and slamming his hands on the table.

"Hey Iruka-sensei, what gives?! Why am I on her team?!"

"What did you just say?!" the pinkette growled.

"Believe it or not, I'm surprised as well. Sakura is the top kunoichi of the class, and Sasuke is tied with another student for Rookie of the year...normally they'd be placed with the dead last-"

"Ha, sucks to be you blondie," Kiba growled from the row below us, poor Akamaru yapping in agreement.

"But Kiba is this year's dead-last, so it's a bit strange."

"Awww, dammit," the dog-nin grumbled, his pupper companion whining as well.

"Anyway…" Iruka looked over to the now christened Team 7. "Your Jōnin sensei will be Hatake Kakashi."

"You win some you lose some I guess," I said to the blonde. "Just sit down, be happy you're not the worst student in class...I have to wonder who the other rookie is though."

Naruto stared at me owlishly, an action that was mirrored by Sasuke. I blinked a few times before narrowing my eyes at the two.

"What? What's with the looks?"

"Jojo...you're the other rookie," Naruto said matter of factly. "You're the only other person who can be tied with Sasuke."

"...No, that's not right," I waved my hand dismissively at the blonde. "I'm the class delinquent, I'm the guy who beats the shit out of people when they piss him off, even if they're teachers. I'm always in detention for a reason."

"Yeah, you're not wrong," Sasuke said lowly. "You are the class delinquent...but you're also the only other person aside from Sakura and I with the highest grade point average."

I blinked in thought as Iruka chitterd on about who was on some of the unimportant teams. "Nuh uh…"

"Yuh huh," the Uchiha said flatly. "You're the only other person who meets the qualifications. I can say a lot about you, that you're abrasive, you can be a bit too cocky sometimes, you get pissed off really easily, you really get into beating people up, the list goes on. But our grades are practically tied, and they don't deduct grades even if you do get detention."

...Shit, really?

"Team 8 will consist of Aburame Shino, Hyūga Hinata, and Inuzuka Kiba. Your Jōnin sensei will be Yūhi Kurenai," the teacher looked further down his clipboard. "Hmm, team 9 is still in circulation apparently. Team 10 will consist of Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji, and Yamanaka Ino. Your Jōnin sensei will be Sarutobi Asuma."

"What?!" Ino cried out. "No...I can't believe I'm on a team with lazyass and his fat friend…"

"Mendokusē, we're not exactly happy about it either…"

"Finally," Iruka glanced nervously to me for a split second before coughing right into his hand. "Ahem...we have a bit of an odd number this year, so one Genin won't have a team."

…No.

"Instead, they'll be put under temporary apprenticeship to a Jōnin."

No no no…

"For now, Joushuya Joushirou will be under the tutelage of Mitarashi Anko, until such time that the rest of her team can be filled out, in which case, he will then be on a proper Genin team beneath her with two others...huh, interesting."

SONUDA BEETCH!

"Naruto...Sasuke, there is something I have to tell you two," I said lowly. "Somewhere in my house is a box with several journals of importance," I fished a few vials of red liquid from my coat and handed it to the blonde. "This is some of my blood, you'll need it to open the box when I do not return home."

"Don't you mean "if" you don't return home?" Naruto asked nervously.

"No, I do not," I said coldly. "I know exactly who my sensei is, and I'm not going to survive past the next few hours. I'm trusting you with this."

"Ok, that is enough Joushirou!" Iruka growled from the front of the class. "I know there are rumors going around about her, but Anko-chan is a very nice woman once you get to know her."

"I'm not listening to you, you're biased," I growled over to him.

"I am not biased!"

"You said "Anko-chan" before, so yes, you are biased," I sneered as the scarred chūnin blushed furiously. "Naruto, don't forget what I said. When I don't come back, go into my house and use my blood to unseal that box."

"Ahem," the scarred chūnin cleared his throat. "You'll meet your senseis this afternoon. Until then, it's time for lunch."

"Yare Yare...oh well, guess I can try and get my affairs in order," I grumbled, standing up alongside everybody else so I could head off to lunch.

Or at least, that was my intention until somebody crashed through the window, accompanied by a huge banner held up by several kunai.

"Not so fast!" a voice roared. "I'm Mitarashi Anko, sexy and spoken for Jōnin sensei of Konoha," I looked up to the busty purple-haired woman clad in a trenchcoat and mesh shirt, doing my best to remove myself from her gaze. "Which one of you gakis is Joushuya Joushirou?!"

Everybody I had hid behind, including Naruto and Sasuke (THE TRAITORS), slid away from my form. I stared dumbly at the crazy Jōnin, hoping that the Joestar bloodline would save me by giving me a sudden, unstoppable plan to escape my fate.

"Never heard of him," I said nonchalantly.

My response was a Kunai flying right past my face, shearing off two strands of my dark-blue hair.

"Don't play games with me gaki! You're coming with me to Training Ground 44, no if, ands, or buts," the woman blinked from existence, before appearing in front of me and roughly poking me in the forehead. "You got that, punk?"

"...Yare Yare Daze," I looked back to Naruto and Sasuke. "Don't forget what I said, when the day ends and I don't come back, open that box damn it."

Training ground 44 (The Forest of Death)

*Insert Mista screaming in an alternate universe*

I looked up at the crazy woman who was currently sneering at me from her spot on the tree branch hanging over me. I met her deranged smile with my resting bitch face, hoping to diffuse the palpable tension within the air.

"...So, how do we do this?" I asked. "Do we introduce ourselves, talk about our likes and dislikes, our dreams for the future? Give me something at least."

Anko's wild grin stretched further. "Sorry kid, I don't make a habit of talking to dead men," she hissed menacingly, before nearly breaking out into a fit of giggles. "Although the man part might be a bit of a stretch."

...Bitch.

"Well, lay it on me then! What's my Genin test supposed to be?"

"Oooh, you're a smart one, you even knew about the Genin test," the purple-haired woman chuckled darkly. "As for what your test is...it's survival."

I dodged several kunai aimed towards me, then dodged a greenish appendage spearing at me from behind. "Agh! What the fuck?!"

"Your objective is to get to the tower at the center of the forest," the Jōnin motioned to the massive structure in the distance. "The catch? You have until the afternoon to get there, and you can't kill any of the animals living within the forest, even if your life is threatened. You can't even seriously injure them to the point that they wouldn't be able to fend for themselves for an extended period of time."

"I can kill any of the animals?! What the hell kind of rule is that?!"

"Well, this training ground is also a wildlife preserve," Anko twirled a kunai in her hand cheerfully. "A lot of the animals are endangered…" the woman tilted her head. "If you're wondering what I nearly killed you with, keep in mind that the plants might be gunning for you too."

With that, my Jōnin sensei threw a smoke bomb at her feet, nowhere to be seen after the cloud dissipated. I was left to myself, the multitude of animals most likely crouching around me, and the huge carnivorous plant several feet away. Said plant wasn't able to extend its vines far enough to grab me, so I was safe...well, safer at least.

The first thing I did was grab all the kunai my sensei had discarded. Whether or not she intended to give me extra weapons, she did, and I wasn't gonna pass up the opportunity. As for my course of action, there was a river not too far away if my hearing was correct, so following that would probably be a good idea.

Halfway to that river, I ran into a tiny little problem however. That problem being GIANT FUCKING SPIDERS!

For how spiders go, they were all the same species at least. They were all stick-like creatures with elongated bodies and spindly legs, the ends of their front legs holding large nets of silk webbing. At first glance, it seemed like they only had two eyes, but it became apparent that it was just that their primary pair were absurdly large. The damn things looked very familiar, but I was kinda busy dodging their netting attempts and spearing legs to really figure it out.

I rolled out of the way of one spider-net and jumped right as a monstrous leg speared into the ground. I ran straight for the river, right into the bright sunlight, which the giant spiders shrunk away from. I looked up to see the massive tower at the center of the forest further up the river, a small bridge leading to it completely out of my reach.

"Guess I'm taking a dip then," I grumbled, taking a step towards the water.

*SNAP**SNAP**SNAP*

*CHOMP**CHOMP*

"Guhh!" I wasn't even a foot away from the water when two small shapes jumped out and buried their small but pointy teeth into my arms. "What the?! FUCKING PIRAHNAS?!"

*WOOOOSSSHHH*

*POP**POP**POP*

"WHERE THE FUCK DID THE OCTOPUS COME FROM?!"

"SCREEEEEEEE!"

"WHY IS THERE A GIANT LEECH?!"

So, obviously the river was a no go, unless I could get to that bridge. For now, the lesser of two evils was the giant spiders, believe it or not. Said spiders were glaring at me from their spots beneath the canopy, ready to strike.

By now, I had at least figured out they were Ogre spiders, which have absurdly good eyesight in the dark, better than owls or cats. Their main problem of course was the lack of protective layer for their eyes, so the part they used to see so well was always burned off...at least, when daylight hits. Since this canopy wasn't letting the right amount of light through, they were perfectly fine as long as they stayed away from the light.

Luckily, I could fix that for them.

"KOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

With a loud growling breath, I lit myself up like a christmas tree. The giant ogre spiders surrounding me let out pained screeches as their vision was fried right into blindness. As the sightless arachnids continued shrieking and covering their eyes, I skedaddled right on past them, further into the forest.

The first thing I fought once I got away from the spiders? Lions, Tigers, and Bears…

Oh my~

My first thought was to bring out Star Platinum and charge through, then I remembered I'd probably fail if I hurt them too badly. Best to just go with smoke bombs and make an escape through the trees. What I wasn't expecting as I jumped across the branches was the fucking dinosaur pouncing at me from the trees.

"Son of a bitch!" I growled at the raptor-like creature I was grappling with, trying my hardest to ignore the vicious mammals snapping at my legs. "Piss off! WRYYYYAAAHH!" with that cry, I landed several hamon infused punches towards the theropod and knocked it away.

Getting away from the multitude of mammals was easy after that. In fact, the tigers actually shied away from me after I landed between them, for some strange reason. I paid it no mind, instead taking off further into the forest.

My third roadblock, unfortunately, had a lot more legs than any of the others.

"SRCRYYYYYHHHH!"

"...Kaneki Ken?" I asked dumbly.

The giant Red-Headed Centipede ignored my question and dove towards me with it's monstrous pincers. The beast's clawed limbs passed just inches from my face as I dodged, and I had to duck low as a massive spined tail swung towards me.

I blanched when I saw a small tree splintering in half at the strike from the chilopod's tail. The centipede screeched again and dove for me, swinging its antenna around to try and nail me in the legs. I grabbed onto one of the antennas and held on tight, growling at the giant bug as I prepared to crush its sensory organ.

The funny thing? The centipede stopped immediately after I grabbed it, instead just staring at me blankly while clicking its mandibles. I realized why the thing had gone placid when I saw the glowing energy dancing around the antenna I held, which also explained how the creature found me.

"...Of course!" I gasped out, flinching as my breathing grew slightly unsteady. "It's kinda like what Caesar did...only instead of a pretty girl, it's a giant centipede," I smirked as I grabbed onto the other antenna and jumped up, landing right onto the beast's head. "KOOOOOOOOHHHHH!" I let out a growling breath and turned the antenna towards the tower at the center of the forest. "ONWARD!"

When I finally got to the bridge that led to the tower, there was a giant snake.

Huh...Anko is Orochimaru's old student. Orochimaru summons snakes, Orochimaru taught his students to summon snakes. There's a giant snake right in front of me, glaring at me and my makeshift mount, which was reared up in a threatening position…

Anko summoned snakes to sabotage me.

"Okay...why don't you let me down then," I told the reared-up chilopod, patting the back of its head. The centipede's upper body went to the ground gently, and I slid off. "Alright, get going!" I cried, releasing the giant bug while giving it one last hamon command.

"Alright then, I know you can probably talk," I said to the giant snake. "And I know you're not alone, so why don't the rest of you come on out?"

At this, several large snakes of different colors joined the largest snake, each one either my exact size when rearing up or towering over me. The mega-snake leaned towards me with a fierce glare.

"So let me guess, you're here to stop me from passing my Genin test?" the giant snake nodded, to which I smirked. "So then, you're not native to the forest then, right?"

The giant snake blinked at me in confusion. Fortunately, one of the other snakes slithered forward and stared me down.

"We do not live in thisss foressst, nor were we born here, if that isssss what you are asssssking," the serpent rasped out.

My mouth turned into a cocky smirk as I willed Star Platinum into existence. "That's all I needed to hear. Come at me then!"

The mega-snake dove towards me, mouth opened wide to engulf my form. A few punches from my stand knocked him out of the fight for the time being. Every other snake had begun slithering towards me the moment their larger comrade attacked, now falling on me like a mass of taught rubber bands flying into the air. When one snake moved to bite into me, I snapped its mouth shut with my left hand. With one hand occupied, I was forced to use my free hand to stab at the remaining snakes with my wakizashi.

Somewhere along the entire fight, the mass of snakes formed into a ball, with myself inside it. And as balls often do, it rolled around for a bit before all of us were treated to a dip in the river. At least I wasn't the only one dealing with all the piranhas. The octopi and leeches, however, were less inclined to attack the snakes.

Another thing to worry about, was the fact that snakes are just as at home in the water as they are on land. One snake darted towards me, mouth open and ready to tear into me with its curved fangs. I spotted something from the corner of my eye and made the right series of handsigns for the Kawarimi. Instead of biting into my supple flesh, the serpent found that it had sunk its teeth into a river shark, which responded in kind. There were just enough river sharks around that the scent of blood in the water caused a frenzy, one I was quick to escape.

Most of the other snakes went to assist their comrade, but a few continued chasing me throughout the rapids. One snake made to knock me down with a blow from its tail, instead meeting a rough, scaly surface. The crocodile it hit was very unhappy about being woken up, and made sure the limbless reptile was aware.

The other snake was by far the largest, aside from the mega-snake waiting at the surface. I fell to the bottom and faced him, holding my fists out as his hood flared up. The only way I could think of to deal with this guy, since he was out of SP's range, was through Hamon.

"Turquoise Blue Overdrive!" I cried through my stand as I let loose a Ripple-infused punch forward. A great underwater tempest filled with Hamon slammed into the giant cobra, knocking it far into the depths.

When I finally got to the surface, I gasped for air. The moment I could see clearly, I swam as fast as I could to the nearest beach, hoping to get my bearings. The underwater technique was a one-time use thing, unless of course you were able to breath underwater, so I was completely out of breath from using it.

It was the low hissing that tipped me off as to where I had arrived. "So, you got back up huh?"

The mega-snake didn't say anything, or rather, it wasn't able to speak any human languages. But it still tried to lock me down with a cold glare nonetheless, one that I was perfectly happy to match. After several seconds, the massive serpent finally struck, diving straight for me with monstrous jaws wide open.

Star Platinum took it out easily, slamming a fist onto its skull. Before the giant reptile could right itself, my stand locked its mouth shut and dug his heels into the ground. The entire time, my breath was a low growl as I did everything to reignite the glowing twin suns that were my lungs.

"Maybe you should come up with a better strategy than that, big guy," I called out to the serpent as he thrashed around. "As for me, I'm ready for my passing grade, so go ahead and stand still…" I took a deep breath and allowed the glow of my Hamon to surround me. "KOOOOOOOHHHH! SUNLIGHT YELLOW OVERDRIVE!"

"HISSSSSSS?!"

"ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!"

"HISSSS….SSSS...SSS...sssss….s..."

Soon enough, the rapid rush of Ripple-infused punches were too much for the giant snake. I finally let up when I was sure it was unconscious, adding one or two extra punches for good measure. I immediately began my trek across the bridge, tiredly walking over the rickety planks of wood. When I finally reached the tower at the center of the forest, I was practically ready to pass out.

*CLAP**CLAP**CLAP**CLAP**CLAP*

Unfortunately, I wasn't quite done yet.

"That was pretty fun to watch gaki," Anko called out from a ledge on the tower, flashing me a wild smirk. "Unfortunately, you only have one test left punk."

"Tch, what's your next test then?"

"Me!" the purple-haired woman jumped down several feet away from me, and locked me into a deranged stare. "You're gonna fight me, and if you can't get one cut on me, then you fail," the crazed Jōnin pulled out a kunai and held the blade towards me. "Your final test starts now gaki! GET READY TO FAIL!" with that, she ran towards me with a mad giggle.

*VRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM*

Giant spiders, giant leeches, piranhas, freshwater octopus, monstrous mammals, a fucking dinosaur, a giant centipede, and a bunch of giant snakes. I had to fight all that, and I've been stuck in the damn forest for the entire fucking morning. I am tired as fuck, and I'm not dealing with this.

*SHINK*

I pulled my tanto from its sheath and held it out towards the woman. "Get Joestar-ed, bitch!"

*VRRRRRRRRRRRRRmmmmm*

I looked behind myself, seeing Anko continue her charge for several seconds before realising I wasn't there. The real kicker was when she froze and put a hand to her right cheek, pulling it away to stare at the small amount of blood trickling from her fingers. The purple-haired woman turned around and gaped at me in shock.

"H-HOW?!"

"Yare Yare Daze…" I sneered at her angrily while holding up my tanto, a small spattering of blood decorating the blade. "What the hell does it matter to you? I passed your damn test didn't I?"

"Then the blackboard eraser fell on my head," Kakishi seemingly finished, adding a dramatic hand gesture for effect. When Iruka and Hiruzen stared blankly, the silver-haired man let out a sigh and decided to continue. "I honestly should have seen the eraser thing coming, but at first I figured it'd bring their guard down."

The Hokage chuckled and shook his head. "Don't worry Kakashi, if they start to think so little of you, go ahead and prove them wrong tomorrow during the bell test…" Hiruzen hummed lowly as he fixed his pipe. "Still, I'm surprised that Naruto went for something so tame-"

"Oh, you thought I was finished?" the copycat nin gave the two of them a mocking eye-smile. "Oh that really cute Hokage-sama...you see, after the eraser fell on my head, I picked it up, stared at the three, and called them idiots. That, for whatever reason, was some sort of keyword for whatever seal Naruto put on the eraser," with that, Kakashi went through a handseal dispelled his henge.

When the smoke cleared, Iruka and Hiruzen were treated to the most ugly color of puce green. The color covered the copy nin in clear splatters, as though somebody had thrown a bucket of pain at him. Kakashi let out a dry chuckle at the disgusted looks of the other two.

"Now you see what I'm gonna have to deal with, huh?"

"That explains so much…" Iruka gasped lowly. "Now I know who covered that doorway in that ugly paint. I'll get Naruto to clean it by the end of the week."

"What about me?" Kakashi grumbled.

"What about you, Kakashi?" Hiruzen took a puff on his pipe. "You're on your own there, I can't help with that. Now then-"

The Hokage was cut off when his doors burst open by a very tired looking Anko, a large bandage visible on the right side of her cheek. The woman glared flatly at the Hokage for several seconds before letting out a long sigh.

"Joushuya Joushirou...passed," the woman said begrudgingly.

Hiruzen let out a soft chuckle. "You know, when I first heard from Iruka that you were giving the boy his Genin test immediately, I was rather concerned...Obviously, he was more trouble than he was worth," the aging Kage tilted his head at the woman as she groaned. "Anko, this is something every full Jōnin has to do, don't be so sour about it...Did you get the footage?"

"Che, yeah I got your footage, what do you take me for?" the purple-haired woman pulled a VHS tape from her coat. "I already looked it over by the way, I have no idea what it is."

Hiruzen picked up the tape and scrutinized it. "Kakashi, would you mind coming with me for a bit? I have need of your...talent."

Kakashi let out a sigh as he followed the aging Kage out of the room. Anko paced alongside them tiredly, a sour look on her face. Iruka immediately darted to Hiruzen's side, a nervous look spreading across his face.

The scarred chūnin gaped when the elderly man brought them into a windowless room, a television sat in the center. The Hokage addressed a familiar Eagle-masked ANBU guarding the room, the masked woman visibly nursing her sore shoulder.

"Hokage-sama, what is this?" the scarred man asked.

"I believe this is a television, Iruka."

"No, I mean, what is this about?"

"I figured it'd be obvious," the aged Kage popped the tape in. "This is about Joushirou, and his Stand...specifically his Stand's ability."

Iruka blinked at this before narrowing his eyes. "Why are you trying to find out what his special power is? I thought you were going to respect his privacy on the matter."

"I really want to, Iruka, I do...but I'm slightly worried," Hiruzen rubbed his temples as the tape began. "Joushirou's loyalty to the village isn't in question, he's proven that more than once now. He cares about the people close to him, and he's fiercely protective of them," the old man grabbed the nearby remote and sped the tape up. "It might just be my own paranoia, but knowing his Stand's ability will just put me at ease. You remember the story I told you about the last Stand-user in our forces?"

"Kimura…" Kakashi growled lowly, accompanied by Iruka's solemn look. "Minato-sensei told me about it after all the interest in that event died down."

"My exact point! Stands are just...ah, what's the word I'm looking for?" Hiruzen put a hand to his chin in thought. "Bizarre! They're quite bizarre, since Enton and Suiton are useless against them, Raiton and Katon fizzle out before they can do enough damage. Fūton can work from time to time, but the end result usually isn't good enough. Fighting them is basically like fighting a ghost," the aged Kage pulled the pipe from his mouth and blew a cloud of smoke. "To be honest, a ghost might be better. Stands reflect their users in every way, including the abilities they obtain, and their users can be quite creative in how they utilize their powers, making them extremely unpredictable."

"So you want to know what Jojo's ability is, that way you'll know what you're getting into while he's in our forces…" Iruka cupped his chin thoughtfully.

"Well, there's that, but there's also the fact that I could better protect him from the parties that have taken an interest in him," Hiruzen let his statement hang in the air for several seconds.

"...Danzo?"

"Yes Kakashi, Danzo. He's the only person who could show an interest in the boy," the aged Kage looked at the speeding footage.

"Wait, play it here!" Anko cried out. "This is the end of the test, you'll see it then."

"Kakashi, your Sharingan."

The copy nin pulled his Hitai-ate up and stared at the screen just as the footage began at a normal pace. "How the hell is he holding that snake down without even-" the silver-haired man cut himself off. "That's with his stand, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess they just don't show up on film," Iruka mused. "Just imagine a buff, shirtless person with long hair, and you'll get Star Platinum."

"Star Platinum?" The two Jōnin in the room gaped.

"It's what he named it…" the scarred chūnin chuckled. "The syllables are kinda hard to say though, so I understand how weird it sounds."

Soon enough, the footage reached the final part of the boy's test. Kakashi's Sharingan burned as he focused it on the footage, watching as the purple-haired kunoichi sped towards the boy with a kunai in hand. The silver-haired man gasped when the boy simply appeared behind the woman, the right side of her cheek dripping with fresh blood courtesy of the boy's tanto.

"Kakashi!" Hiruzen called to the man anxiously. "Did you see it? How fast did the boy move?"

"That's just the thing...it was like he didn't move at all," the copycat nin gritted his teeth beneath his mask. "If he were moving at insane speeds, my Sharingan would have seen it at least, but it wasn't like that. He was just...there at one point, and then he had just appeared somewhere else, all within the same millisecond."

Hiruzen steepled his fingers for several seconds. "Then that must mean that his ability is…" the four ninja in the room leaned forward expectantly. "Teleportation! Joushirou can teleport, as long as he can visualize where he is going. It explains that night a few years ago, with those kunoichi from Taki."

"Ugh!" Anko grimaced at the aged Kage's explanation. "That's stupid, there's no way it's something so obvious," the purple-haired Jōnin huffed at the bewilderment of the other three. "Well, obviously my new Genin can just separate himself into particles of light and move faster than even the Sharingan can detect. He can weaponize it to create inciscions with his own particles, which is how I got a cut on my cheek."

"An interesting theory," Hiruzen mused. "I think we'll keep it as a possibility."

"I have one!" Iruka cried out. "What if...Joushirou can, and stay with me on this because it might sound crazy, what if he...can erase time!" the others looked at him owlishly, to which the scarred man continued. "Ok, some of the things Jojo can do make it seem like he can practically predict the future...well maybe he can do that, and if he doesn't like what he sees, then he uses his stand to select a segment of that timeframe, and erases it...but it still happens in a sense, he can just work around it. That's why Kakashi's Sharingan didn't work, because it can't see through erased time."

"...And how would that work?" the silver-haired man asked.

"Ah...well...you see…" the scarred chūnin scratched the back of his head. "It would just work, I guess."

"Iruka, that sounds utterly retarded," Hiruzen said flatly, causing the man to facevault. "Next you'll tell me that the boy can just stop time. That's just as ridiculous, and equally impossible, you can't just screw around with time like that," the aged Kage turned to Anko. "Now then, I believe you have a Genin to train in the coming weeks. Why don't you get some rest?"

"Rub it in, why don't ya…"

The next day

So, the day had started out perfectly fine, I did my normal routine right until I got to breakfast. I hadn't even finished pouring my cereal into a bowl when something flew straight through my nearby window, which was closed might I add. I felt like grinding my teeth as several shards of glass landed on my counter.

"TIME'S UP GAKI! Get a move on, training starts today!" my crazed sensei glared at me with a sneer. "Oh, did I stutter punk? Get up now or-"

"You broke...my fucking window…" I growled lowly.

"If you don't like my badass entrances, then tough shit!" the deranged Jōnin laughed. "You get used it it or else you'll-"

"ORA!"

I cut my sensei off my slamming into her solar plexus with a hamon infused fist, and throwing her through the window she broke. "YOU'RE PAYING FOR MY FUCKING WINDOW YOU BITCH!"

←To Be Continued

Alright, another one done, now onto the reviews!

Coldblue2015: Naruto's current Affinities are Wind and Wood(Mix of earth and water). Jojo's Timestop abilities will be further elaborated on during the Ninja SATs arc, but he's able to go for at least four seconds. No, Yoshikage isn't in Konoha. Orochimaru knows of Stand-users, but he knows about as much as Hiruzen and Danzo do (which isn't very much). Hinata's personality is still similar to her normal self...for the most part, you'll see it around the Ninja SATs.

DantaliaWright: Yeah, random power ups (Asspulls) will be pretty moderate, at least for the most part. As for Star Platinum's limited timestop being fixed by Senjutsu, it's a neat suggestion that I'll take into consideration.

DankAnon: Dio is gonna be a man, that's not changing. Joushirou getting the Sexy jutsu would be a better replacement than what Joseph did ("I brought Tequila~").

Morgan(Guest): Ohoho boy! I should inform you right now...I am legally allowed to ignore these types of comments/reviews. In fact, it should be a legal obligation for me to make a musical number on why I will not add your Mary Sue to the story. This is not your story, it is made by somebody who puts hours of sleepless nights and half their weekends into writing each of their stories, not because I simply want to please the audience, but because I both want to, and because I have to put the stories down into written(or typed) words for my own sanity because I literally cannot contain them within my own head. If you want your Mary Sue somewhere, make your own story.

Anyway, thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive criticism in your reviews.