The crackles of vulnerability

Ashley took a taxi out to the park and sat over at an empty bench. It was starting to get dark but there were still a few people enjoying playing with their dogs, picnicking, and just relaxing. She sat and observed how happy all the people present looked to be. She mostly focused on a high school couple that sat on a blanket enjoying each others company. How good it is to be young and in love, she thought. At one point in time, she also had that. The carefree life where she didn't have to worry about anything except enjoying life and thinking of what adventure she would be able to take next. She used to go on these spontaneous and happy dates. But since when did life get so complicated? In a blink of an eye, her life support had collapsed and everything that was comfortable, happy, and habitual to her was taken away. The last five years, everything in her life changed - everything was new.

The night breeze started to get a little chilly but she wasn't ready to go back. It was rare for her to go out and have some time just to do nothing except enjoy nature and breathe from her hectic every day life. It has been five years since she took a break from her responsibilities and live out her youth while she still had it. After a little while longer when she wasn't able to stand the chill anymore, she got up and smiled feeling that a weight has been lifted off her. She walked out to go find a taxi to go home.

It has been four hours since Alan had arrived home but to him it felt like days had already passed by. When he had arrived home, he browsed through the bags that Ashley had handed to him. Every one of her purchases that day was for him. There was not even one item that belonged to her. As he ruffled through all the bags trying to find anything, even something small that she bought for herself, he couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. He was such a fool, he thought to himself. How could he have behaved so immaturely? He wanted to develop a relationship with her but even the most basic trust he wasn't able to give her. At the time, when he saw them together, he didn't think of anything. He just wanted to go over and break them apart. He had just finally completely had her all to himself and he wasn't willing to let it all go. He didn't want to lose what he just waited so long to get. He was scared that all the happiness he just felt would slip away and be taken by someone else. He failed to think that if it is really yours, then you will never lose it. If Ashley's feeling towards him is real, no matter who came along, whether it was a stranger or someone with past emotional ties, she would never be swayed.

Alan was pacing the living room thinking of what he should do to alleviate some of her anger, of ways to coax her back to him when he heard a pair of footsteps approach him. He turned around suddenly was embraced by someone. He looked down as Ashley wrapped her two arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. His heart warmed up as he wrapped his arms around her shoulder. Before he could say anything, he heard a faint whisper.

"Let's start over."

Alan was still savoring their embrace and was a little confused, "What?"

"I want us to start all over."

She pulled her head away from his chest and looked up to him. "I want us to date and cultivate our feelings. In the past, we got married because of each other's interest but now, after thinking for a while, I want more."

Alan smiled down at her. What she wanted was exactly what he wanted as well. "Alright, let's start from the beginning. Let's be in love, fall in love, and love each other until old age."

Ashley leaned back on his chest and smiled, "Yes, let's completely fall in love. Let's trust each other, protect each other, and cherish each other."

Alan held her a little more tightly. "Sounds like the best plan I have heard in a while.

"My life's best plan." Ashley quietly replied.

"No wonder your company has been doing so good. You have good insight." Alan lightly joked.

"That's right, I have good insight or else I would have never agreed to marry you." Ashley teased back.

Alan chuckled. "Then I will have to make sure you never regret."

Alan cupped her chin and lightly kissed her lips. Yes, let us never regret, he thought.

After standing like that for a little while, they both released each other. "Did you eat yet?"

"No, I just went out for a little bit of a breather. Have you ate yet?"

"No, I was thinking of what an idiot I am and how to get you not to be angry at me."

Ashley smiled. "Let's go for a quick dinner date then."

"A dinner date?"

"Yes. I want us to go on dates. Earlier I saw a pair of high schoolers on a date and it was just so sweet and lovely. I want that feeling. I want to enjoy the rest of my youth. I want you to also experience youth as well. I want you to enjoy the happiness of the little things."

Alan smiled softly over at her. "Ok, I will go change and then we can go. Let us experience all the good things in life together."

The next day came and while Alan was at work, he called his secretary in to ask a few questions. His secretary was in his mid-40s and married so he figured that this would be the person to ask for relationship advice. If he wanted to win over Ashley's heart, he would have to put in some effort. After all, which person doesn't like to be romanced? He just didn't know where to start and what to do.

"Are you happily married?"

His secretary, Secretary Gu, looked at him awkwardly. His boss never asked him a personal question before nor has he ever talked about personal things during work hours. All of a sudden, he was being asked about his happiness and his marital status. Nevertheless, there was nothing to hide so he directly responded. "Yes, sir."

It took a while before Alan responded back to him, "what kind of dates do women like? What do you do on dates?" He paused for a second and then continued, "how does a person date?"

Secretary Gu raised an eyebrow. Was this work related, he thought. "I am not quite sure I understand what you mean, sir."

"Do you still go on dates with your wife? How did you do it before?"

Alan really didn't have any experience in cultivating relationships with women so he wasn't sure what to do. In the past, people catered to his wants and need and he never had to put in any effort. All he did was take them out to dinners and then gave them a card so they can buy whatever they want as a reward to themselves.

Secretary Gu thought for a while. "For dating, I believe people go by instincts and then adjust according to the preferences of the other party. Dates can be planned or spontaneous, anything can be a date really. You can date by taking a stroll, dining together, going to the theaters, doing sports, and etcetera. Basically, i think a good date is where both sides are doing something they both like and enjoying the presence of one another."

Alan thought it over and just replied with a simple "hm."

Secretary Gu boldly asked, "Sir, is this work related?"

Alan simply replied, "No."

Secretary Gu was then even more confused, "Are you having troubles with your marriage or are you planning on just having a little fun on the side? I thought..."

Before he was able to say anything else, Alan slammed his palm on the table. "What are you talking about?!"

Secretary Gu was a little shocked and scared that his normally even tempered boss was angered. "I am sorry. I just don't really understand where you are coming from."

"Don't ever say anything like that again. The missus and I are doing very well. We will start dating."

Secretary Gu apologized again. In the beginning, it was he who organized their first meet so it could be said that he experienced their whole relationship together. He always thought they were very good together, they both had a tacit understanding of one another's need and they never had a problem before so he was worried that his boss might be having a mid-life crisis. Knowing that this wasn't the case, he bowed his head and quietly retreated out of the office.