An Unfair Fight

I looked out towards the forest, and into the approaching army of goblins.

"I think I get what you mean by more annoying than anything I've fought before."

{Well, you will have to fight an extremely hostile army, mostly by yourself.}

"That's a little more than annoying. And also probably suicidal to be honest."

{The goblins are really only as dangerous as that mushroom crab you fought when they are in a horde like this.}

"Thank you for reassuring me of this annoyance being strong."

{You are welcome.}

I decided to retreat back to my home to tell everyone what the threat is.

"Hey everyone!! I found out the threat's identity! It's a goblin army!"

I could hear running, and then Jacob yelled back:

"That would explain how they found us!"

As soon as I processed those words, I could only say one thing:

"What?"

Jacob looked at me and said one sentence:

"Goblins have a terrible sense of direction. If you tell them to go somewhere, they could easily end up in the underworld trying to find their destination. Their sense of direction is a mystery that may never be solved."

"That is... Some bad sense of direction. I wonder what made it that bad?"

{Not us. They evolved into whatever they are now.}

'And there goes my idea of why.'

I decided to refocus and ask Jacob a serious question.

"How dangerous is a goblin army?"

Jacob was also acting serious about this.

"They are not very dangerous honestly, but they are troublesome to deal with. Most goblins lack a sense of self-preservation, so they will keep attacking you until most of the army is dead."

I was surprised at how stupid they really were.

"Huh. That is something I would expect from something like a pack of giant animals rather than an army of goblins."

"How so?"

"Hierarchy. Sacrifice the lesser to help the greater."

"You are looking too deep into this."

"I probably am. Also, I am still going to get my revenge for seeing me to the underworld."

"Yeah, yeah, you can try. Just don't get your hopes up. I'm pretty hard to fool, after all."

And so we ended the conversation there, with a poorly hidden 'threat' and a dismissal.

-Back outside the house-

I left my home and headed in the direction of the army that was still approaching.

'How are they this slow to approach?'

{Lacking mental facilities.}

'Fair enough.'

I decided that it was a better choice to attack them when they were farther away from my home so that they did not damage my property.

So I charged at the army, hoping to catch them off guard.

And catch them off guard I did.

I rushed into the front ranks of the tightly packed army and used my [mycelial claws] to tear through the low-quality armor of the 'goblin warriors'.

I slashed in every direction I could, and they were extremely effective slashes.

The armors were cut like paper, and I was able to tear through the goblins easily.

It was a little nauseating to watch dozens of humanoid creatures die by my own hands, but I was too focused on removing the threat to worry about my feelings.

As I was tearing through the goblins, I noticed several goblins sneaking away and looting the bodies of the dead goblins.

It was disturbing to watch as a goblin robbed the corpse of someone who might have been a friend at some point.

I doubted that they had friends though.

I refocused on the fight I was currently in and continued my slaughter of the goblin warriors.

-3 minutes later-

I noticed that there were fewer warriors in the area, and looked around to see a field filled with goblin corpses.

I noted that there were still man goblins around me as well, and some were wearing purple robes.

'The heck are those goblins?'

{Mages.}

I felt the urge to facepalm when I heard the Gods' words.

'Well that seems obvious now that you pointed that out.'

{It was always obvious. You are just blind.}

'I never knew.'

{Well now you do. Refocus on the fight now. you are about to be attacked by several mages at once.}

'Oh.'

And so I refocused on the battlefield and saw several firey purple spheres flying towards me.

{Slash them.}

'Why?'

{Trust us, just do it.}

And so I did, and the spheres dissipated right before my eyes.

'How does that work?'

{Goblins are not very talented at magic, so the spells are very unstable.}

'That sounds reasonable.'

And then the mages disappeared.

"They can teleport?!"

{It's a trait of many magical creatures.}

"But still, why?"

{Magic manifests in many ways.}

"Great, you're back to being vague.

{Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. You may never know until the future reveals its secrets.}

"What?"

I never got to hear the answer due to an unexpected arrow impacting my armor. And another. And another.

I was getting hit by a volley of weak arrows, and they stung more than they hurt me.

"Where the hell did that entire volley come from?"

{Over there.}

"You do realize that you are literally just a voice, right?"

{Yes, and that is why we said over there.}

"Now is not the time for satire."

{On the contrary, it is always time for satire.}

I looked around and noticed that there was a group of goblins with large bows around 50 feet away from me, and as soon as they saw me looking at them, they fired once again.

I had to use my hook to pull me out of the way, and even then I was still grazed by several arrows.

[Talon

hp 30/120

Status: hurt]

'Yikes. I must have gotten hit a few more times than I expected.'

{You took an entire volley of arrows to the face. A few more times is an understatement.}

'I guess it is. Well, time to solve my health problem for the moment.'

I downed a normal health potion, restoring my health to full.

"Man, strawberry is a very fitting flavor for a potion."

{We do not know if it truly is, but you may choose your opinion.}

"What?"

{You are possibly wrong.}

"Do you not like strawberries?"

{We will neither deny nor accept that statement.}

'Interesting.'

{Do note that you are currently being surrounded by the remaining 30% of the army.}

I snapped my focus back to reality and looked around.

I was definitely surrounded, and there was no gap between any of the goblins.

"Well this is just unfair isn't it?"

But for which side is it really unfair to?