Would Anyone Care?

WARNING: This chapter contains topics of depression and suicide. Kindly refrain from reading this chapter if you're easily triggered.

//

Standing by the windowsill

Feet ten storeys above the ground

Gazing at the shining stars

I ponder.

What if I just let go?

What if I just let myself fall?

Releasing even breaths of air

Brain clouded with thoughts

Heart heavy with emotions

I wonder.

Would anyone care?

Would it make a difference?

Focusing on the cars passing by

Arms crossed across the chest

Teeth biting into the inside of the cheeks

I perpend.

Am I that brave?

Am I that cowardly?

-©andthatsjustmyself

//

Prashvi was playing her electric guitar in tune with Tarun's acoustic one. Their friends had not arrived yet and well, they were always in the mood to play some sick beats. However, despite being physically present in the room together, their minds couldn't be farther from each other.

Tarun couldn't believe what he had done last night. He had kissed Shanaya. The same girl who became his friend when he was just 8; the same little miss who became his best friend at 9; the same diva who was his buddy's ex- girlfriend; the same woman who didn't like his girlfriend, and the same Shanaya who completed his shy self with her bubbly temperament.

On the other hand, Prashvi was angry; angry at herself, angry at Rushabh, angry at her parents, and angry at the whole world in general. Somehow, she was always the one to end up with the shorter stick of the bone.

She had managed to get her drug habit under control after so long just to end up falling off the wagon with just one glance at Rushabh with Sonia in one of their most passionate moments.

All she wanted was to be loved by someone. Anyone! Thankfully for her, the anti- depressant drugs managed to dull those centers of her brain which made her feel anything.

She hated herself, the bitter person she was becoming, the person she really was not!

Feeling the burn in her eyes, she excused herself and sprinted across the corridor towards the female washroom. After making sure it was empty and locking it from inside, she splashed water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror above the sink. She was being haunted by her inner demons.

Feeling the nagging urge in the back of her head to escape from this world, she pulled out the anti- depressant pills from her bag. She dropped one pill from the little container into her hand, then another and then another until her tears blurred her eyes.

For a moment, she contemplated swallowing the whole handful of pills. She wondered how it would make her feel; whether it would be She raised her hand towards her mouth and closed her eyes.

//

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Vivaan was staring out of the window of his hospital room when Avyan entered his room silently. The ambience inside the room was so unlike Vivaan that he had to do a double take at his friend's face to ensure that he was in the right room. However, he understood what it was like and he could empathise with Vivaan. In some corner of his heart, he even pitied the jolly lad who had landed in this state now.

Avyan himself had never experienced the love of a family but Vivaan did; he had the most amazing mother they all envied him for. And to lose her love and support at a time like that, when even his lover wasn't there by his side, was truly pitiful!

Thinking about his situation made Avyan angry at Manav, a professor at their University and Vivaan's 'supposed' lover. He didn't understand or even try to understand what made Vivaan choose Manav or even imagine the two of them together. If he hadn't seen the pair of lovers together with his own eyes, he would've thought that it was another one of those elaborate pranks by Vivaan, albeit a really disturbing one.

As selfish as it sounds, he didn't like to see his friend gloomy for his own personal reasons. Vivaan was not meant to be sad. He is supposed to be the happy, gay guy (works in both contexts!) who lives happily and spreads joy in other's lives. Kind of like Santa Claus!

Silently walking towards his injured friend who laid wrapped up in bandages on his bed with his mind wandering somewhere else, Avyan sat on the stool near his bed and took out the take-out boxes from Vivaan's favorite breakfast place. Serving one for himself and the other one for his friend, he placed both of their coffees in a set of Styrofoam mugs on the short portable table attached to his bed.

"Do you want me to feed you too, now?" Avyan asked rolling his eyes as he jabbed his fork into his omelet. Vivaan, who was aware of Avyan's presence in the hospital room the whole time but just didn't want to acknowledge it, couldn't help but let out a smile at his hard-yet-so-soft friend.

"Aaaaaa" He made an audible sound while opening his mouth in a reply to his sarcasm.

"Shut up and eat. Or I can just finish these off myself too." Avyan shot back, shoveling another bite into his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah. Why will you feed me now when you have Nitya with you?" Drama was Vivaan's forte, indeed!

"Hmph, like that's gonna happen anytime soon." Avyan snorted to himself as he thought about the short girl who had managed to sneak into his heart as he stood by the sidelines watching her do so without any opposition; not like he was complaining.

"Soon? Woah! It seems like your little love boat managed to get a bit on track last night, is it?" Vivaan had recently turned into a self- proclaimed confidante for Avyan, a role which was previously taken up by Tarun. But now, since Avyan couldn't share anything about his heart troubles with him anymore, Vivaan the Cupid, had come to his rescue. Obviously, the Cupid could help everyone but himself. Sigh!