Sinking In

"Hi, baby," I scooped Jax from the crib and rocked him side to side. "What's the matter, little fella?"

As I tried to soothe Jax, I heard Ryan yell something incoherent from the kitchen. A series of loud crashes followed, then I heard the front door slam, hard. I jumped, and cursed Ryan inwardly: I could have dropped Jax.

I took a deep breath as I turned to Jax. His wailing had stopped, but he was still sniffling, his face streaked with tears. I held back tears of my own, and managed a small smile. "You hungry? Let's get something in your belly."

Warily, I made my way to the kitchen. One of the Monobloc chairs was overturned, its backrest broken off. The whiskey bottle was upended on the table. The puddle of alcohol reflected the sunlight coming through the crack in the window.

For a long time, I stared. Then I reached for my phone.

Fifteen minutes later, Dad opened the cab door for me as we pulled up. "Nice to see you again so soon, sweetheart. Where are your things?"

"I didn't bring any. I just wanted to get out of our house for a while." I stuffed a handful of bills into the cab driver's hand, not bothering to count the change.

Closing the gate behind us, Dad took Jax out of my arms and motioned to my mom. "Eloisa, can you take care of Jax for a while?"

My bedroom here has its own bath, complete with gleaming chrome fixtures and a large porcelain bathtub. On the spotless marble counter, there was an assortment of bath oils with different scents: vanilla, green apple, rose… I hemmed and hawed for a while until I settled on lavender. Ideal for relaxation, the label said.

Good. I could use some of that right now.

An hour later, I was dressed and combing my hair when someone knocked on the door. Mom entered without waiting for an answer. "Hello, sweetie. Had a nice bath?"

"Yeah. It was just what I needed. Where's Jax?"

"Oh, manang Dolor is looking after him in the meantime." Mom sat down next to me on my queen-sized canopy bed. "I want to talk to you about something."

This was new. Usually, it was Dad doing the talking, with her just nodding along behind him. Right now, though, she had a grave look I've never seen on her face before.

"Jeez, Mom, relax. It looks like you're the one who's had a fight with the father of her child," I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Her face, however, remained stoic. "Allie, you're welcome to stay here for as long as you like."

"Yes, Mom, I understand."

"I don't think you do." She gazed at me sharply. "Your father and I mean, you're welcome to stay here until Jax graduates from college. And even after that."

I was taken aback. I had expected this from Dad—but her? "Mom, I'm not leaving Ryan just because we had a fight."

"Really? Do tell me, how many fights have you had since Jax was born?"

My eyes dropped as I stared at the plush white carpet. I resumed combing my hair to stall, but Mom grabbed the comb from my hands. "Allison Marie, are you listening to me? Look at me!" She took my shoulders in her hands. Her tone changed to one of urgency, of anger. "Allie, my grandchild is growing up in a terrible home and I will not have it!"

Vehemently, I shook her hands off me. "Jax is my entire world! Ryan and I are raising him well. How dare you say otherwise?"

"Look at how you live! Do you think the best place for Jax is a dilapidated house? Do you think he'll grow up well-adjusted when you and Ryan keep fighting?"

I raised my voice. "Just because the nanny you send happen to see Ry and I fighting doesn't mean we don't love each other!"

I've never heard my mother scoff until this moment. "Love! Is that going to be enough when Jax graduates high school and has no real college options? Is that going to pay your incredible mountain of bills? Allie, you can't even afford your psychiatric medication anymore! Doctor Santillan said you've stopped going to therapy." She took a deep breath before dropping the next bomb on me. "Your father and I have decided: we will stop all assistance unless you—and Jax—come back here, permanently."

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. "So you're saying I have to choose between Ryan and you?"

"No, dear. You need to choose between Ryan and Jax." Mom's voice went back to its usual calm and quiet tone. She reached for my hand, and I didn't pull away. Tears filled my eyes.

"But Mom, I love Ryan."

"I know. But think about it. Your father and I, we're going to provide for you and our grandson. He'll grow up with nothing to want for. We'll be able to send him to a good school when he's ready—I have excellent connections at Brent — and he'll get into any college he wants. Sweetheart, think about Jax. Think about his future."

All the fight went out of me as I sank back down on the bed. Mom put her arm around me, and I started to weep.