SLEEPING WITH ELLIE

'd only been in bed for a few minutes when there was a knock on my door. It was a little unusual for anyone in my family to disturb me so late at night, but I didn't really mind. If one of them needed something, I preferred they get it now rather than wait until I was asleep.

"Come in," I called.

The door opened to reveal Ellie, the oldest of my three younger sisters. She was wearing a t-shirt and pyjama pants, indicating that she was heading to bed soon too.

"Hey, Neil," she said. "Sorry, I know you're trying to sleep and everything."

"Nah, don't worry about it. I only just got into bed. Do you need something?"

"Sort of. Maybe. I just... I started getting a little panicky about a couple of my classes is all."

Ellie took a step into the room. I leaned over and switched on my reading lamp. The extra light made it easier to pick out the signs of worry on her face.

"Come sit," I said, gesturing to the side of my bed.

I sat up as Ellie closed the door and made her way over to me. She took a seat toward the foot of the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. She didn't look overly upset, so whatever was bugging her probably wasn't too big a deal. Then again, the women in the house were pretty talented at hiding things from me. Sometimes it was tricky being the only male around.

"I wasn't really sure who to talk to," she said. "But I thought we're more or less in the same situation and everything, so maybe...."

"You mean 'cause we're both going to university and I've already taken some of the classes you're in?" I leaned closer. "Are you gonna ask me to help you cheat?"

"What? No! You goof. I just wanted to talk, not get us both kicked out."

"We'd only get in trouble if you get caught. And you'd probably be the only one getting kicked out, unless you ratted on me."

Ellie tried to fight back a smile, but was slowly losing the battle.

"I don't need to cheat, okay?"

"Okay. Just making sure. What did you actually want to talk about?"

"I don't know. Just... stuff. Like, do you ever feel like it's only a matter of time before you fuck up royally?"

"Always."

"I'm serious!" she said, her continued smile betraying her attempt to chastise me. "I just finished a paper and I can't help feeling like it's no good. And that's stupid, because I know it's not that bad, but...." She shrugged helplessly. "Plus I have a test tomorrow too. And I have to keep my grades high enough to maintain my scholarship. And--"

"Whoa, Ellie, come on. You know you'll do fine. You're the smart one in the family, remember? I have yet to see you get a less-than-acceptable mark on anything."

"I know. It's stupid to worry about it, isn't it?"

I shook my head. "It's not stupid. It's unnecessary and counter-productive, but not stupid. Everybody worries."

Ellie nodded, then crawled over to sit beside me. I scooted to the side a bit so we had room to sit next to each other and lean back against the headboard of the bed.

"I was pretty sure I was just panicking over nothing anyway," she said. "It happens sometimes. I think it's worse 'cause there's been more stuff going on with my classes than normal recently."

"Yeah, you might just be a little overwhelmed. It'll calm down again soon. Most professors really aren't trying to make your life difficult. Although I did have one last year who was kind of an asshole...."

"Uh huh. I guess I should just remember that if you haven't failed any classes yet, I'm in no real danger."

"Hey!"

I aimed a punch at her shoulder that was light enough to be little more than a tap. She giggled and pretended to be knocked over by the blow before sitting back up.

"Sorry," she said. "You know I'm just kidding."

"Enh, it's not like you're wrong. Besides, you've been getting the best grades so long that all the pressure's on you to make Mom proud. She didn't even ask me what my marks were for last semester."

"Oh god, like I need to be reminded of her expectations right now," Ellie said while rolling her eyes. "I mean, that one time I failed a test back in high school... I still remember how disappointed she looked."

"Sorry," I said, feeling it was my turn to apologize. "Guess that wasn't helpful."

"Not so much. It's okay though, I'm actually feeling a little calmer now. I think I really did just need to talk about it." Ellie climbed off the bed and made her way to the door. "See ya tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Night, Ellie."

"G'night, Neil."

****

Breakfast the next morning was, as usual, disorganized. None of us ever seemed to eat it at exactly the same time, except perhaps for Lily and Alice. They tended to be more in sync than any of the rest of us were. It probably had something to do with being twins.

I was the last one to make it to the kitchen, just behind Ellie who was in the process of pouring herself some coffee. Mom was already on her way out the door and only stopped for a moment when she saw me arrive.

"Morning, Neil," she said. "I already told the girls, but I left some money and a list of groceries. I don't care who deals with it, so long as it gets done."

"'Kay Mom," I said. "Don't worry about it. Have fun at work."

I put all the sincerity in my words that Mom had every time she'd told me to have fun at school. She never found it nearly as amusing as I did when I gave it right back to her. To her credit, she didn't even roll her eyes this time.

"Alright, see you all tonight," she called as she headed out the door. "Love you."

There was a chorus of goodbyes from the kitchen, then back to near-silence broken by the muted sounds of eating and sipping coffee. Ellie was still standing by the counter with her mug, while Lily and Alice were at the table eating their bowls of cereal.

I glanced at the clock, then back to my youngest sisters. Getting them out the door in time to catch their bus was a bit of a pain at times. They were eighteen and, to my mind, old enough to look after themselves, but they did occasionally live up to their shared status of being the babies of the family.

"We're hurrying," Lily said, not even waiting for me to speak. "You don't need to crack the whip."

"Did I say anything?" I asked.

"You were gonna. You had your serious face on."

Alice just giggled and let her twin argue with me. Ellie was no help either. She just stood there with her mug held in front of her face to hide her smile.

"Well, just as long as you understand you're not getting a drive if you miss your bus," I said. "You've used up your chances for this year. You'll just have to walk if it happens again."

"Hey! It's not like I can help it if the bus driver's a jerk," Lily said. "Sometimes he gets here early and doesn't wait."

"Right. I suppose there's no way that it's just you being slow and not getting out there in time." I held up my hand to cut off her protests. "Anyway, point is, you better get on that bus."

Lily rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me. I took a menacing step toward her, making her hop out of her chair. We held the stand-off for a moment, then Ellie finally stepped in to help. While I distracted Lily, Ellie moved silently behind her and swatted her on the butt. It wasn't a hard blow, but it was enough to make Lily squeal and turn toward her big sister with the look of a girl betrayed.

"Your bus is gonna be here in, like, ten minutes," Ellie said, not falling for Lily's puppy dog eyes any more than I was. "Get your butt moving."

Lily knew she was outgunned at that point. If Ellie or I hadn't been there to back the other up, she could have dragged Alice into the argument and outnumbered us. As it was, the twins had never been a match for their older siblings working as a team.

"Come on, Allie," Lily said, grabbing Alice's arm. "Let's go get ready."

Alice followed her sister to the room they shared without complaint. She was a lot more prone to doing as she was told than Lily was, or at least appearing to. I sometimes suspected that she was simply better at picking her battles.

****

Ellie and I drove to our university campus together, as we did most days. Our schedules weren't different enough to cause too many problems with a carpooling arrangement. More importantly, our family only had two cars and Mom rarely surrendered hers to any of her kids. That tended to leave us with few options.

We headed home sometime in the early evening, after Ellie's last class was finished. I'd pulled the car around to wait for her nearby, so as soon as she got in we were on our way. Aside from her backpack, I noticed that she also had another bag full of stuff that I didn't remember her bringing with her that morning.

"What's all that?" I asked as she shoved her bags into the back seat to get them out of her way.

"School stuff," she said. "Duh."

"I know. I was just questioning why you seem to have twice as much of it."

Ellie rolled her eyes and sighed, though I got the impression that I wasn't the one she was annoyed at.

"I got a project thingy to do. I'm supposed to use library resources for research, or some bullshit like that. I think it's supposed to teach me something about not relying on the internet. Mostly it just means more books to carry."

I couldn't help chuckling.

"Let me guess. Is the professor who assigned this, like, ancient?"

"He looks like he pre-dates the pyramids, yeah. Has to have a TA do anything computer related for him. Fun times all round, let me tell you."

"I bet. You're not gonna get all crazy and overwhelmed again with this project, are you? Should I expect you again tonight?"

Ellie sighed again. This time it was unquestionably directed at me.

"Great," she said. "I go to you with a problem one time, and now you'll be teasing me about it forever. This is the sort of thing that gives people issues, you know."

"Oh don't worry, I won't tease you forever. Another eight or nine times tops. It'd just get boring after that."

Ellie twisted in her seat and raised her arm to hit me, then thought better of it since I was driving. She reluctantly resumed facing the front and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I owe you a punch," she said. "Don't think you're not gonna get one."

"I'm kidding, El. You know that."

"I know you are. Doesn't mean I am."

I tried to look innocent, but it was tricky when I had to keep my eyes on the road. Not that she would have bought it even if I could have given the attempt my full attention.

We continued on without further incident until I made a turn off the main road. Ellie frowned when she noticed we were no longer headed for home, then turned to me.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Grocery store," I said. "Or did you forget?"

"I actually did. Probably because we didn't have any kind of argument about it to make it stick in my mind. Guess you volunteered me to help you, huh?"

"Well, look at it this way. Either we both stop in on the way home, or we go home first and drag Lily and Alice into a four-way fight about who gets to make another trip to deal with it."

"Ugh, fine. It probably is easier this way," she conceded. "You're not going to be a pain, are you?"

"Who, me?"

I pulled into the grocery store parking lot and found an empty space. Ellie and I got out and made our way to the entrance of the building. I grabbed a cart on our way through and pulled out the list Mom had left that morning. It was snatched from my hand before I could even start reading it.

"Let's start with the fruits and vegetables," Ellie said as she scanned the list.

"Sure," I said.

I wasn't about to make an issue of Ellie taking charge. We'd done groceries together enough times over the years that we'd settled into roles; Ellie led the way with the list, and I followed with the cart. Occasionally I'd sneak something into the cart when she wasn't looking, which was one of the ways I kept myself amused on these trips. It was always funny when she realized two or three aisles later that we had half a dozen packages of cookies that needed to be put back. I wasn't sure how she put up with me sometimes.

Minutes passed, and our cart slowly filled up. I followed Ellie between aisles, not yet bored enough to cause mischief. Part of that was the pants my sister was wearing. Since I was behind her most of the time, I quickly discovered just how good her butt looked in them when she walked or bent over. Admittedly, it was kind of a pervy thing to do and I felt slightly guilty about it, but not guilty enough not to look. I was too distracted to realize that being so quiet would arouse my sister's suspicions that I was up to something.

"Are you staring at my ass?"

I jerked out of my butt-induced trance and tried not to look embarrassed. I'd been caught.

"Yes," I said, knowing it wouldn't do much good to lie.

Ellie opened her mouth, then closed it. Apparently she didn't know how respond to an open admission. She took a step toward me and punched me hard on the arm.

"Ow! Hey!" I protested, trying to keep my voice low enough that it wouldn't attract attention from other shoppers. "I don't think I deserved that."

"I still owed you one from before. Now we're even for both things."

She grabbed a couple cans off the shelf and lobbed them at me a little harder than necessary. I managed to catch both of them and set them safely in the cart.

"Well... sorry," I said. "But your ass looks really good in those pants."

I got half a smile out of her for the compliment.

"Thanks," she said. Then she sighed. "How sad is it that the only compliment I get all day is from my brother?"

"How sad is it that the nicest butt I've seen all day is my sister's?" I countered.

She smiled even wider this time, but I could see she was trying to fight it.

"Cut it out," she said. "Seriously. I mean, I appreciate it... sort of... but it's, you know, kind of weird."

"No more compliments. Got it."

"That's not what I... oh just shut up."

We carried on through the store, with me now making an actual effort not to check out my sister. I was pretty sure she was keeping an eye on me, but that could have been simple paranoia. I couldn't really blame her if she was. Either way, I hoped she understood that it had just been a case of my male instincts taking over. It wasn't like I'd made a deliberate decision to assess her body.

"Did you ever think this what your life was gonna be?" Ellie asked.

"Um... it kind of depends on what you mean by that," I said.

"Like, you know, still living at home, going shopping with your sister instead of a girlfriend... that sort of thing."

I shrugged. "Sounds about right. We're still young, we've got time to get to all that other stuff."

"Yeah, but... did you ever think maybe it would be different if Dad... if he hadn't left?"

"Ellie...."

She was pretending to examine the grocery list intently, but she wasn't fooling me. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure where she was going with her line of questioning, which made it hard to know what the best response was.

"I mean, look at us," she said. "We've started being responsible for Lily and Alice, at least a little bit. Mom hardly ever bothers parenting you or me anymore. I can't help feeling like we've grown up, but not quite the way we're supposed to."

"At least we did grow up. I know plenty of people who haven't managed that yet and probably never will."

"I s'pose. It could be a lot worse, couldn't it?"

"It could totally be worse."

"Mm-hm. I mean, perving aside, you're not exactly the worst brother to be stuck with."

"Gee, thanks."

Ellie laughed, and I felt a sense of relief that she wasn't going to slip into a bad mood after all. If she really wanted a serious discussion about our issues in life, I'd much rather she wait until we had some privacy.

****

I took up temporary residence in the living room that evening. I had some reading to do for one of my classes and one of the chairs there was ideal for that purpose, in my opinion. It was both comfortable and positioned such that I could get good light from a few different angles.

The downside to not staying in my room was that I was subject to the occasional interruption. The first of the evening came from Lily.

"Where'd you put the car key?" she demanded. "I'm going over to a friend's house for a bit."

I arched an eyebrow and lowered my book slightly.

"Must be awfully urgent for you to forget to be polite about it," I said, deliberately choosing a tone of voice that would irritate her.

Lily bit back her instinctive response. If she had vocalized it, I was certain it would have been even less polite than her previous attempt. She took a deep breath and mustered an obviously fake smile.

"Can you please tell me where the key is?"

"Probably on the counter by the fridge. If not, ask Ellie."

"You couldn't have just said that in the first place?" she asked, instantly dropping her pretense of cheerfulness once she had her information. "It would have saved us both time."

"Wouldn't have annoyed you nearly as much though."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't push the issue any further. She stalked off toward the kitchen, nearly running into Alice coming the other way. The twins shared a glance, then moved past each other without a word.

"Is she really going to a friend's house?" I asked Alice, who unlike her sister didn't seem to be in a hurry to get anywhere.

Alice made sure Lily was out of earshot, then slipped closer, taking up a perch on the arm of the couch.

"I think so," she said. "But she didn't say much about it."

"Oh well. As long as she doesn't get into too much trouble."

I went back to my reading, but Alice lingered. I assumed she was deciding whether or not to watch some Netflix, so I didn't pay much attention. However, it turned out there was something else on her mind.

"Neil?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"I can't promise an answer until I know what the question is."

"That's...." She shook her head. "Anyway, I just... I was wondering, like, am I too boring?"

I set my book down on my lap, leaving my finger between the pages to mark my spot.

"First off, no," I said. "Secondly, why would you think that?"

"Well, Lily's always doing more stuff than me. She's more popular at school too."

"You don't think that maybe your sister is just more...." I waved my free hand as I tried to think of an appropriate word. "Aggressive? Out-going? Some might say obnoxious? Being a little quieter isn't a bad thing. You two don't have to be exactly the same just because you're twins."

Alice smiled, and even giggled when I referred to Lily as obnoxious.

"I know," she said. "I just worry sometimes that I'm, I don't know, doing something wrong."

"You and everyone else in the world. I mean, look at me," I said, holding up my book. "I'm not exactly spending an evening full of excitement."

She nodded, and I was pretty sure it wasn't just to humour me. At the very least, she looked a little more confident than she had a couple of minutes ago.

Mom walked in shortly after that while Alice and I were still just kind of hanging out. She sat down on the couch and got comfortable.

"What are you two up to?" Mom asked.

Alice glanced at me, then back to Mom.

"Nothing much," she said.

Mom nodded. "Well, I think I'm ready just to relax for the rest of the evening. Either of you interested in watching a movie or something?"

"Sure," Alice said with a shrug. "Which one?"

"Doesn't matter. Why don't you see if you can find something interesting on Netflix. You're good at picking out movies."

Alice hopped off the arm of the couch where she'd been sitting and went to pick out a movie. In the meantime Mom turned her attention to me. I'd been trying to get through some more of my book while partly following their conversation.

"We aren't going to bother you, are we Neil?" Mom asked.

"Hm? Oh, no, that's fine," I said. "I knew the risks of reading down here. I can go somewhere else if I get too distracted."

"Okay. I wouldn't want to get in the way of your schoolwork is all."

"Nah. I'm keeping up with it pretty well."

No more was said about it, and soon Alice had a movie picked out. She and Mom settled in together on the couch to watch it while I kept reading. My attention was grabbed by the TV every now and then, but the movie wasn't anything I was particularly interested in.

****

Ellie spent most of the evening in her room. That wasn't indicative of any real problem on its own, but given recent conversations with her I wanted to be sure she was okay. Admittedly, I also had some lingering guilt from getting caught staring at her ass earlier that I wanted to make up for.

I decided to check on her just before going to bed. There was a chance she would already be asleep by then, but I didn't think she would be. I made sure to knock softly before entering, just in case.

"Come in," Ellie called.

I opened the door and took a half-step into her room. She had apparently been getting ready to go to bed when I interrupted her. She was wearing a pair of pyjama pants and a loose tank top. I assumed she had just finished changing since she scooped up her discarded clothes from earlier and threw them into her laundry basket as I came in.

"Hey," I said. "I didn't know if you wanted to talk or anything."

"You sure that's what you wanted?" she asked with a faint smile. "You should have stopped by a couple minutes ago, you could have watched me change."

"Are you really not gonna let that go? I look at your butt one time...."

"Yeah, your little sister's butt. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you're supposed to be looking at all. And who knows how many times you did it before you got caught."

Ellie folded her arms across her chest and faced me with a steady gaze. Only the smirk on her face gave away the fact that she was just teasing me.

"I'll make you a deal," I said. "You drop this, and I won't pick on you about last night anymore."

"Hm, I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "I think you being a perv has far more teasing potential than my little freak-out."

"Aw, come on," I said while attempting to look repentant. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again, et cetera, et cetera."

"You could at least try to sound sincere."

"Yeah, I could. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure you already know whether or not you're gonna keep picking on me and nothing I say is going to change your mind."

"That's a rather poor attitude to take. A little groveling might very well help your case."

I rolled my eyes and started to turn away.

"This is so not worth it," I said. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Wait. I... I'll try not to go on about it too much, okay?"

I paused and looked back. As far as I could tell Ellie was making a genuine offer, despite it being worded such that she wasn't really committing to anything.

"Yeah, okay," I said. "Good night."

"G'night, Neil."

****

Ellie was the last one to get up the next morning. Mom and the twins had already left, and I was beginning to think I might need to check on her to make sure she was awake when she finally stumbled into the kitchen.

"Ugh," she said. "Forgot to set my stupid alarm clock last night."

"Yeah, that'll do it."

"Don't suppose all classes have been canceled for today due to... I dunno, rampaging zombie dinosaurs or something?"

"I haven't heard, but I suspect not."

"Crap."

Ellie filled a mug with the remaining contents of the coffee-maker. She slumped down into a chair by the table and sipped the now-lukewarm liquid.

"You gonna make it?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just, you know, not a great start to the day."

"Indeed."

I went about my business getting ready for the day, leaving my sister alone in the kitchen. We weren't in any great rush, even contending with Ellie's late awakening. That was one of the perks of the university years; as long as we had a little bit of luck when signing up for our classes, we had no need to get out of the house at an ungodly hour. Ellie and I had managed to hit a pretty good balance this year when it came to our schedules. We were able to coordinate our schedules for the most part, as well as satisfy our desire for sleep.

We eventually got ready and walked out to the car together. Lily hadn't 'forgotten' to return the key to me, as she had once or twice before, so we were all set. I drove partly because I usually did, but also because I wasn't sure if Ellie was even up for it. She seemed happy to just stare out the window at the passing scenery.

"Neil?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"I know you didn't mean to stare at my butt. I'm sorry for teasing you about it."

"Well... thanks. I think." I watched her in the corner of my eye, trying to judge her mood. "I'm not sure you've ever apologized for something like that before. It's actually a little worrying."

Ellie smiled faintly. "Yeah, well, you know."

"I actually don't. I mean, you know it didn't really bother me that much, right? No more so than lots of other things that you've never shown any remorse over."

"Maybe this is different."

"In what way?"

"Look, do you want me to call you a perv some more? Would that make you happy?"

"No."

"So maybe just drop it then. Gift horses. Mouths. All that good stuff."

I took Ellie's advice and shut up. I still didn't really understand what had just happened, but it hadn't exactly been a bad thing. Apologizing was generally considered to be positive in society. It was just weird to have it come from a sibling who wasn't under any kind of duress.

****

Mom and Alice watched a movie together in the living room again that evening. I half-watched along with them, while also getting in a little more class-related reading. Mid-way through the movie Lily came in and dragged Alice off to their room. I wasn't sure what that was about, but Lily must have had some idea because she went along without question.

Lily was replaced about twenty minutes later by Ellie. I wasn't paying much attention at first, but I glanced over as she sat down on the couch and thought I was seeing wrong. Everything about her demeanour suggested that she was casually watching the movie. What confused me was the realization that she wasn't wearing any pants.

Mom noticed the same thing I had a couple minutes later. Ellie had done a great job of not drawing attention to herself.

"Ellie! What are you doing?" Mom demanded.

"Well I was gonna watch the movie with you guys," Ellie said. "But I don't have to if it's a problem."

"Go put some clothes on," Mom said, pointing toward the stairs.

"What? Oh, come on Mom. I spilled my drink all over my jeans and threw them in the wash. I'm gonna be going to bed soon anyway."

"Yes, and you can wear what you want when you do. You can't just be wandering around the house in your underwear."

I was doing my best to stay quiet during the exchange. Somehow I managed to not let so much as an errant chuckle escape my lips. I also decided it was in my best interest not to point out that the girls occasionally ate breakfast in little more than a shirt and panties. It wasn't exactly unheard of. It was, however, rather unusual for any of them to be so scantily clothed any time after first thing in the morning.

"Fine," Ellie said after a brief stand-off of silent staring with Mom. "I'll go put something else on. Happy?"

"Yes, I am," Mom said. "Just because your brother is the only boy around here doesn't mean you don't have to dress properly."

I purposefully didn't look up after that statement. I could feel Ellie's smirk without looking, whether or not she showed it physically. She'd told me she wouldn't tease me anymore about checking out her butt, so this couldn't be about picking on me some more. At least, it probably wasn't. Still...

I risked a glance upward as Ellie left the room, but she gave no sign of even acknowledging me. I really hoped that her choice of outfit hadn't been about me at all, and that I was just reading too much into the situation. It was better than the alternative.

****

Ellie didn't come back down to finish the movie. I wasn't particularly surprised by that. Regardless of what her earlier intention had been, getting scolded by Mom would most likely have sent her off to sulk in her room.

I only ran into her again when I went upstairs later, just as she was coming out of the bathroom. She met my gaze for a second before turning toward her room. I couldn't help noticing that she hadn't put on any more clothing since I'd last seen her.

"Thought you weren't gonna tease me anymore," I called just loudly enough for her to hear me.

She stopped and after a brief hesitation turned back to face me.

"Maybe I lied," she said.

"Yeah, maybe. I don't think you'd do that though. There's no point to going out of your way to apologize, just to renege less than twenty-four hours later."

"Does it bug you?"

I sighed and tried to step around her.

"Whatever. Come see me if and when you want to have a real conversation."

Ellie sidestepped to block me. I tried going around the other way, and again she placed herself between me and my destination.

"Serious question," she said, somehow giving me the impression that her next words would be anything but. "Do you like how I look when I'm dressed like this?"

"Oh fuck off."

I pushed her against the wall and tried to walk by her, but she tangled her leg between mine and managed to stall me.

"I just want to know is all."

"Fine, you want more material for your oh-so-hilarious repertoire? I think your butt looks better when you don't wear pants. You should prance around in your panties all the time so I can perv on you even more. Is that enough? Can you work with that?"

"Are you mad at me?" she asked softly.

"I'm definitely kind of annoyed. And I have no idea at all what game you're playing. Maybe you'd care to let me in on it?"

Ellie shook her head and did a good job of feigning a look of regret. I had to assume it was a pretense anyway, since that was the only thing that made sense.

"I... I'm sorry," she said. "I really didn't mean to do this to you." She brushed a few errant strands of hair behind her ear, using the action as an excuse not to make eye contact. "I'm not sure I can really explain why I did. Sorry."

"Uh huh. It was more believable the first time."

She shrugged and slipped away from me before retreating to her room. I might have simply imagined it, but it looked like her hips were swaying a little more than necessary as she walked. I really needed to stop watching her ass.

It took me a moment after Ellie had disappeared to realize that I wasn't actually alone. Further down the hall I could see Alice peeking her head out from her doorway. She smiled hesitantly when she saw that I had noticed her. I stayed where I was, unable to decide on a course of action, and waited while my younger sister approached me.

"Ellie's been acting kinda weird, huh?" Alice said.

"Yeah, she has," I agreed. "How much of that did you eavesdrop on?"

Alice blushed. "I wasn't eavesdropping. I mean, I was gonna come out, but then you two were talking and I didn't want to interrupt and--"

"Let me rephrase. How much did you hear?"

"Not much. Mostly I was just confused why she didn't have any pants on."

"Seems to be a common question this evening," I said, staring at Ellie's closed door. "I think she thinks it's funny. What's bothering me is she's not acting like she's having fun. What's even the point of her pestering me if she's not getting any amusement out of it?"

"Maybe she wants attention?"

I looked back at Alice, who once again blushed under my gaze.

"You think so?" I asked.

"Well... maybe. I mean, if so it's kind of working, right? Maybe she was hoping for compliments or something."

I thought about that for a moment. Ellie had asked me what I thought about her appearance, though at the time I'd assumed it wasn't a genuine question. It wasn't inconceivable that she'd been looking for some sort of validation rather than trying to mock me further.

"You think she'd do that?" I asked.

"I don't know," Alice said. "It seems kind of weird for her, but she's been acting weird, so... maybe?"

"Yeah. Maybe."

****

I waited until later to go talk to Ellie. I wanted to make sure no one was paying any attention when I went to see her. Alice probably hadn't been spying on us on purpose, but I'd still rather not risk her, or anyone else, overhearing anything more than she already had.

I made sure I was alone in the hallway before sneaking over to Ellie's door. I knocked softly and listened for a response.

There was a pause, just long enough for me to think she might not answer, before I heard her voice. "Come in," she called quietly.

"Hey," I said, pushing the door open. "Um, can we talk for a second?"

"Are you sure you want to?"

Ellie had changed and was wearing one of her standard nighttime outfits. Her pyjama pants did a much better job of covering her lower half than her panties had. She'd also changed shirts, but that wasn't quite as big a deal to me.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said. "I think... well, I've come to the conclusion that maybe you weren't just being mean earlier. If so then... sorry for overreacting, I guess."

She smiled a little and gestured for me to come closer. I walked over and sat on the end of her bed, leaving some space between us.

"I wasn't trying to torment you," Ellie said. "I mean, I mostly wasn't. But, you know, making you uncomfortable is kinda fun."

I decided not to start an argument with her about her last statement. I was pretty sure she hadn't meant it that way.

"So you, like, actually wanted me to look?" I asked.

Ellie fidgeted with her fingers, then eventually nodded.

"I actually did spill my drink on my pants like I said," she explained. "But then when I took them off I kind of got ideas. In retrospect I guess they weren't particularly good ideas. It's so much more obvious looking back." She glanced at me and forced a smile that faded as quickly as it appeared. "I think I was just hoping for a little confidence boost if I could get you to check me out again."

"Even though it's such a pervy thing to do?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Like I said, kind of a bad idea in hindsight." She shrugged. "At least now we're kind of even, right?"

"I s'pose we are. Me staring at you is no worse than you wanting me to look."

"So... we're good?"

I hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah, we're good."

Ellie moved to sit a little closer to me, then crossed her legs and resumed toying with her fingers as a distraction.

"I just need attention sometimes," she said softly, not raising her head to look at me. "And I don't always feel like I have any way of getting some. It's been worse ever since Dad left."

"Oh," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.

"Yeah, I know," she said, forcing another insincere smile. "What a surprise that I'd end up with daddy issues, right?"

"All things considered, I think you've been dealing with everything pretty well."

"'Cept for wanting the wrong kind of attention from my brother of course," Ellie said, her voice barely loud enough to hear.

I reached over and gently traced the side of her face with my fingertips, brushing a few strands of hair away from her eye. Her head tilted almost imperceptibly toward my hand. After a moment she finally let her gaze meet mine.

"There are worse ways to get attention," I said. "And I promise I won't say anything about it to anyone else."

"Thanks."

I started to pull my hand away from Ellie, but she stopped me and guided it back. I cupped her cheek in my palm while she closed her eyes and sat still. Apparently she just wanted some physical contact. I didn't mind helping her out with that.

After a few minutes I shifted closer so that we were side by side. I guided Ellie to lean her head on my shoulder, then I put my arm around her. She let out a small sigh and snuggled up against me.

"Neil?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to maybe... actually, never mind."

"No, come on, what were you going to say?"

Ellie shook her head. "It's another one of my bad ideas."

"So tell me anyway."

"Okay, well... I wanted to know if you'd maybe, you know, stay a while?"

There didn't seem to be anything too odd about her question at first. It took me a moment to realize that she was probably asking me to sleep with her, rather than just sit with her. That interpretation would explain her hesitance at any rate.

"Is that what you want?" I asked.

"You don't have to. I know it might be kind of weird. But my bed's big enough we wouldn't even have to be that close. And--"

"Ellie, I don't mind," I interrupted. "I'm fine with the idea. But I should probably go get changed first."

"Oh, yeah. I guess you probably should."

She reluctantly pulled away from me and allowed me to stand up. I smiled reassuringly, then went back to my room. I quickly changed out of my clothes into just a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I didn't always wear a shirt to bed, but if I was going to be sharing it seemed like a good idea.

Ellie was in bed and under the covers when I returned. She had propped herself up against the headboard so she wasn't actually lying down. I turned off the light before slipping in beside her. I mirrored her half-sitting position and got comfortable.

At first we just kind of sat in silence, but then Ellie started talking about one of her classes from earlier in the day. That led us into some light conversation regarding the day's events and other such things. I had the sense that she didn't want to talk any more about some of the deeper topics we'd discussed recently. Since she didn't bring any of them up, I didn't either.

****

I was a little confused when I first woke up the next morning. Ellie's room looked nothing like mine, and it took me a couple seconds to remember that I hadn't actually slept in my own bed. I was facing away from my sister, so I rolled onto my back and looked over at her to find that she was still asleep beside me.

It seemed we'd managed to stay mostly on our own sides of the bed during the night. The exception was Ellie's arm, which was sprawled across the middle of the bed toward me. I gently took her hand and moved it away from my shoulder so as to not accidentally roll onto it. Her alarm clock was on her side of the bed, which meant I had to lift myself slightly to see it. It was still early, so I settled back down where I was. I wasn't quite ready to get up yet.

My sister's sleeping position was decidedly undignified. She'd kicked the blanket down enough that her tummy was showing where her shirt had risen during the night. It also appeared that she'd drooled a little as she slept, judging by a small wet patch on her pillow near her mouth. I was pretty sure one of her legs was actually dangling off the side of the bed, though the blanket made it difficult to see for certain. I wondered if I'd slept through a lot of tossing and turning, or if it was something that happened naturally to her during the night.

I rolled onto my side facing Ellie and just watched her for a moment. It didn't take me long to notice something I'd missed at first glance: her shirt had somehow gotten pulled tight across her breasts. I could even see the faintest little bumps of her nipples through the material. Once I realized they were visible, it was hard to look away from them.

It was hard to know where I stood, morally speaking. I wasn't supposed to be checking out my sister; that was pretty much a given. On the other hand I felt like the more important issue was how she would feel about it. After the events of the previous evening, her thoughts on the matter weren't all that clear to me. Either way, as long as she was oblivious to my gaze it couldn't bother her.

Eventually I decided I should try to fix Ellie's shirt. I was pretty sure it was stuck underneath her, and hopefully it would come out with a simple tug. If I was able to free her shirt then I could rearrange it so that it would both cover her tummy and drape more loosely across her breasts.

I tried pulling on her shirt from my side, only to find out that it was caught on the other side instead. That made things more difficult. Short of getting up and walking around, I wasn't sure that I could dislodge it without disturbing her. I reached over her as far as I could and tugged gently, but had no success. All I accomplished was waking Ellie.

"Whatcha doing?" she murmured sleepily, her eyes flicking open.

"Fixing your shirt," I answered honestly.

"Sure you were." Ellie didn't sound like she believed me, but she also didn't sound upset. She stretched lazily, once again drawing my attention to her chest. "Because there's no way you would have taken the chance to get in a quick feel of your unconscious little sis, is there?"

"I didn't," I said, trying not to sound defensive. "I was just... your shirt's all weird."

I pointed at her torso as though she might not have known where to look. She didn't so much as glance down at herself.

"Whatever. I don't mind. It's not like I'd feel it anyway. It's kinda like a victimless crime."

"But I really didn't do--" I stopped mid-sentence as I detected a crack in her otherwise neutral expression. "Oh, you're just messing with me again, aren't you?"

"Maybe." The smile that had been threatening to break out on her face finally did. "Okay, yeah, I am. Sorry."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am. It's just so hard to pass up an opportunity to get a reaction out of you. I honestly don't plan these things, they just kind of happen."

I sighed. "That's actually plausible."

I reached over and pulled on her shirt, this time with more force. The part that had been trapped beneath her came free, and I straightened it out so that she was covered properly. My fingers ran along her skin a little in the process and I found myself wanting to linger. I resisted the urge.

"So," Ellie said, glancing at her alarm clock, "do we get up, or do we choose to be lazy for a while?"

"Well, I don't want to get up, but... yeah, I probably should. I'd kinda rather be up before anyone has a chance to catch me in here. You know."

"That's fair. I wouldn't really want to explain why you were sleeping in here either. I think I'm gonna get a few more minutes of lazy time."

I nodded and took her hand for a second, squeezing it gently. Then I rolled out of bed with a groan and stumbled to the door. I listened briefly to make sure there were no obvious sounds of movement outside, then exited into the hallway. As long as I seemed to be the only one up, I decided I might as well get a shower in while there was no one else waiting for it. Living with my three sisters for so long had taught me the value of grabbing the bathroom when it was available.

****

I assumed sleeping with Ellie would be a one-time deal and didn't give it much more thought. However, I realized that wasn't the case when she crawled into bed with me the next night. I kind of liked having her next to me as I fell asleep, and waking up beside her in the morning was nice too, so I allowed us to slide into a new routine. We didn't sleep together every night, but it became fairly common for us.

My only real concern with the arrangement was that if we kept it up, someone was bound to find out sooner or later. I was mostly worried about Mom finding out, since she usually woke earlier than either of the twins. I wasn't sure what her reaction would be, and I didn't want to find out. The best case scenario I could come up with involved an awkward conversation at the very least. She was generally pretty understanding about personal things, but that didn't make them any less embarrassing to talk about.

Still, aside from the slight change in my relationship with Ellie, family life continued. I tried not to get too comfortable and let my guard down, but it was tricky to constantly stay on alert when there was nothing to watch out for. Mom, Lily, and Alice all went about there lives seemingly oblivious to anything strange going on.

I came home late one evening after hanging out at a friend's house to find that everyone else had gathered in the living room. I wasn't sure what that was about, but from what I could hear they seemed to be having a good time. I ran into Alice in the kitchen before I could go find out what was going on.

"Oh, hey Neil," Alice said.

"Hey. What's up with the whole... that?" I asked, gesturing toward the living room.

Mom, Ellie, and Lily all burst out laughing at the same time, as if to emphasize my question.

"Girl night," Alice said. "Sort of. Not officially, but... well, you might want to stay clear. Mom's letting us all have some wine, and we're talking about, you know, girl stuff. I think she's been missing Dad again."

"Oh. Well thanks for the heads up."

"No problem. Do you know what we have for snacks around here? I'm supposed to get some. Actually I kinda volunteered. I've been trying not to seem too much like I just want to go do something else."

I smiled and gave her a quick hug.

"Be strong, little sister. They'll all get tired and drunk soon enough."

"That's what I'm hoping. I kinda wish wine didn't taste so gross to me. Seems like it'd be more fun if I wasn't the only sober one in there."

"That's probably true."

I helped Alice find some suitable food to keep the other girls satisfied, then retreated to my room. I admired her ability to put up with the rest of them, but not enough to try and emulate her. Besides, it would probably just ruin the mood if I tried to join them.

It wasn't that much longer before bedtime, and it was easy enough to keep myself amused until then. I heard the occasional sound of laughter from downstairs, but nothing else. I had no idea when they'd wrap up their evening, but they weren't making enough noise to keep me from getting to sleep, so it probably wouldn't end up mattering that much.

I lay in bed for a little while, slowly drifting off to sleep. I was still awake when my door cracked open. I opened my eyes and lifted my head just enough to see Ellie closing the door behind her before padding over to me. Wordlessly she lifted the blanket and slipped in beside me as I scooted over to give her some space to lie down.

"Hey," she said with a faint giggle. "I was hoping you were still awake."

"It was a close thing," I said. "How drunk are you?"

"Only a li'l," she said, holding her finger thumb about an inch apart.

"Uh huh. Did you drink some water?"

"Yeah, I did. You prolly shouldn't make me drink too much though, or I might pee the bed."

She giggled again, a bit louder this time. I was kind of surprised when she snuggled up to me, though I supposed her inebriated state might have had something to do with that. She didn't seem drunk enough that I had to worry though. At least, I hoped she wasn't. I really didn't want to have to clean up after her if she threw up or something.

"I'm kind of surprised everyone else is in bed already," I said instead of pursuing the subject of her physical well-being any further. "You all seemed to still be pretty rowdy not too long ago."

Ellie shrugged. "I don't know if they are. I mean, they probably are now, but I didn't want to have to wait. It could have taken a while."

"You at least made sure no one saw you when you came in though, right?"

"Duh. I'm not stupid."

"Okay, just... we shouldn't take unnecessary risks like that. I don't think either of us want to deal with the questions we'd get."

Ellie was quiet for a moment. I actually started to wonder if she'd abruptly fallen asleep on me.

"Is it that bad that we're sleeping together?" she asked softly. "I mean, they'd understand, wouldn't they? Even Mom would, I think."

"Yeah, but do you really want to find out?"

She paused again, then shook her head. "No, not really."

"Okay. So let's try to make sure it doesn't become an issue. Alright?"

"Mm-hm." She snuggled a little closer, then fell still. "Neil?"

"Yeah?"

"G'night."

"Night, El."

****

Ellie and I were in almost the same position when I woke up the next morning. She was still cuddled up against me, possibly even closer than I remembered. I thought she must have spent the whole night like that until she shifted slightly and I realized she was already awake. That made it more likely that we'd separated during the night and she'd simply moved back to me upon waking. It would certainly explain why my arm didn't feel like it had been trapped under her for several hours.

"You're allowed to leave before I get up, you know," I said.

"Mmm, yeah, but that would deprive me of precious snuggle time," she countered.

"It would be safer."

"Well... I s'pose it would. I can't help remembering that you never snuck out on me though. That's a little hypocritical of you."

"Fair point." I yawned and stretched my free arm off to the side, then let it fall back onto the mattress. It wasn't really a proper stretch without both arms. "What time is it?"

"I dunno. Doesn't matter 'cause it's the weekend."

"Whatever. You're the one who has to sneak out of here without being caught."

Ellie grumbled and lifted her head, propping herself up a bit with her arms. Her hair was tangled and sticking out at funny angles on the side she'd slept on, but she didn't seem to notice. It was kind of a cute look on her.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" she asked. "Because you sound like you are."

"No, I'm not. I can't help worrying is all."

Ellie nodded, then sighed. "I kinda wish Mom would just burst in here right now, just so we could get all the suspense out the way."

"There's a fair chance she'd want us to stop sleeping together."

"Yeah, but at least then we'd know what we're up against instead of just guessing." I started to respond, but Ellie placed a finger against my lips to silence me. "I know, I know. Trust me, I understand we have to be all stealthy and shit. Doesn't mean I have to like it."

She laid her head back on my shoulder and let out a long, slow breath. I was still antsy about getting caught, particularly when I could tell the sun had been up a little while already, but I honestly didn't want her to leave any more than she did. It was nice lying there with her, sharing body heat and feeling her soft curves against me. I noticed her breasts pressing against me, and that brought a little guilt, but I soon stopped worrying.

****

We did eventually get out of bed, though it was late enough by that point that everyone else had beaten us to it. Luckily it wasn't too difficult to smuggle Ellie out of my room. We just had to be a little more careful about it.

I ran into Lily as I made my way to the kitchen. She was in the middle of a texting conversation with someone, but was apparently interested enough in my arrival that her phone briefly took lower priority.

"Are you just getting up?" Lily asked.

"Yeah," I said. "So what?"

"Nothing. Just wondering. Do you know if Ellie's up yet?"

If it had been anyone else I would have assumed she was just making conversation. Unfortunately, I sensed Lily was up to something. Maybe it had something to do with how quickly she'd dropped her texting in favour of talking to me. I didn't often rate higher than her phone.

"How would I know if she's up?" I asked, purposefully evading the question. "You've been up longer than I have."

"You're being awfully defensive."

"And you're being awfully annoying."

I grabbed Lily, pinning her arms to her sides before she could react. Despite her protests and kicks, I manhandled her toward the front door and shoved her outside. I closed and locked the door before she could stop me.

I ignored her as she swore at me and pounded on the door, opting instead to go back to my original plan of getting some food. It was a nice day out, so she'd be fine until she found a way back in. If nothing else, Ellie would probably rescue her when she came downstairs.

****

Lily didn't do anything else out of the ordinary for the rest of the day, though I wondered whether I had only imagined she was acting strangely because of my guilty conscience. I really hoped I wasn't becoming the sort of paranoid person who sees accusations everywhere. Maybe Ellie had a point about how getting things out in the open would make things easier on us.

Despite Lily being fairly passive after our first encounter, I still felt like she was giving me funny looks. Both Lily and Alice, actually. I wanted to attribute it to my own sense of paranoia, but I wasn't convinced that was all it was.

At least Ellie and Mom were both perfectly normal around me. That helped convince me that I wasn't just going crazy.

****

Ellie might have been the one who had needed me at first, but sleeping with her had become just as important to me. It was so comforting and safe to crawl into bed next to her. After spending the day worried that my younger sisters suspected something, I needed the reassurance of the one person I knew would never judge me for the secret that we shared.

I made sure everyone was at least safely in their rooms, though probably still awake, before going to Ellie. Even after telling her we needed to be careful, it was hard to follow my own advice.

As it turned out, I walked in on my sister just as she was getting changed. Things were so different between us lately that I hadn't even stopped to consider knocking first. It didn't feel like permission was necessary between us as far as entering each other's rooms. I'd forgotten that sometimes a little warning was still a good idea.

Luckily Ellie didn't seem to mind the intrusion. She'd been in the process of stepping out of her pants, and she kept on going once she verified that I was the one walking in on her. She was still in her panties, and I'd seen those before.

"You mind turning around for a sec?" she asked.

"Um, yeah, sure," I said, turning to face the wall. "Sorry. I didn't realize you were changing."

"That's okay. It was bound to happen sooner or later the way we've been going."

I heard the sounds of clothes being taken off and put on, as well as a drawer being opened and closed. I couldn't help wanting to look during the process, but I restrained myself. Whatever was going on between us, it didn't justify me trying to see my sister naked.

"You almost done?" I asked.

"Almost," she said. "I'm kind of surprised I haven't caught you peeking yet."

"I'm not sure how to respond to that."

"It was a joke. Obviously not a very good one. Anyway, I'm done now, you can turn around."

Ellie flipped up the covers and climbed into her bed. I turned off the light and followed slightly behind her.

"How bad is it that I kind of wanted to peek?" I asked once I was settled.

"Um... not that bad really. I mean, you didn't, so it's not like you actually did anything wrong. It's not like I could expect your mind to stay totally pure and innocent under the circumstances."

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

"And let's face it, neither of us are exactly models of innocence anyway."

"No, we're definitely not. I know I lost any chance of being one a while back."

Ellie giggled and propped her head up on her arm. I emulated her movement so that we were more or less facing each other.

"Neil, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It's just... it's kind of an awkward question. But it's something I've been wondering."

"You can ask me anything. I can't promise an answer until I know the question, but you can ask."

She hesitated and seemed to weigh her options in her mind. I was kind of curious about what she wanted to know, but not enough to try and hurry her.

"Do you ever think about me when you jerk off?" she finally blurted out.

"Wow. That's... not at all what I was expecting."

"I know. Kind of awkward, right? I did warn you."

Even in the darkened room I could tell she was blushing. Her voice wavered, also betraying her embarrassment.

"It's fine," I said. "It's obviously a little weird, but it's fine. I'm not really sure how to answer though."

"A yes or no would both be pretty solid choices."

"Uh huh. Okay, how about this. You've clearly given the question some thought, so I'll answer it if you do first."

"You want me to...." She trailed off and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. "Well, I guess it would be fair that way. Okay." She paused again and took a deep breath. "I haven't really, you know, gotten off while thinking about you. Not exactly. But yes, I have kinda sorta had you in my head while I was playing with myself."

The nervousness and embarrassment that she felt were even more obvious than before. She wouldn't even look directly at me, and I could tell she wanted desperately to know that she wasn't alone.

"That seems pretty similar to me," I said. "Like, I can't help thinking about you inappropriately sometimes. I try not to but, you know, there are times like at the grocery store...."

"Can't help yourself, huh?"

There was a trace of humour in her tone and a general sense of relief in her posture.

"I think it's been getting pretty clear that there are things that we just can't help."

"No kidding."

Ellie shifted closer to me. She didn't get as close as she sometimes liked to, but it was enough that she must have felt somewhat reassured. I found one of her hands with mine under the blanket and squeezed it softly. She squeezed back a little more firmly.

We let go of each other a moment later, and Ellie moved her arm away. My hand was left resting on her tummy. I didn't immediately pull away, instead rotating my wrist slightly so that my palm was flat against the material of her shirt.

I could have slid my hand upward to her breasts if I wanted to. I wasn't sure where that thought came from, but once it was in my head I found I couldn't get rid of it. The closeness and intimacy we'd shared recently were affecting me. It was becoming all too easy to forget where the lines were that I wasn't meant to cross.

I briefly considered the idea of telling Ellie that we shouldn't sleep together anymore, that we needed a certain amount of separation. I didn't like the idea even in my head. I didn't want to sacrifice what we had, but I was afraid that maybe I wanted more.

After a moment I moved my hand down until I found the hem of Ellie's shirt. I slipped my fingers underneath it and slowly worked my way back to my original position. She didn't say anything about it, nor did I feel her tensing up at my touch. I let my hand rest on the bare skin of her tummy, unwilling to go any higher, but not wanting to pull away either.

I was drifting off. Neither Ellie nor I moved from where we were, and my hand stayed right where it was until we fell asleep.

****

Ellie and I woke up cuddled together even closer than we had been the night before. That was fine with me since I loved waking up that way. As usual, the experience was marred somewhat by the constant nagging feeling that we should probably get up sooner rather than later.

Ellie finally groaned and rolled away from me. She stood up and stretched as I watched in undisguised fascination. She smiled when she caught me looking.

"Gotta hit the bathroom," she said. "Should maybe take a shower too. Although I could just come back...."

"That'd be nice, but I should probably be getting up too," I said. "There's more chance of that happening if you aren't here with me."

She nodded and left me alone in the room. I lay there for a moment, too comfortable to move. I didn't really need to get up for any specific reason, which left me precious little motivation to do so. Part of me hoped Ellie would come back and snuggle with me some more.

My eyes were closed and I was in the verge of drifting back off to sleep when I heard the door open. I assumed it was Ellie coming back and I smiled a little at the thought that I'd get my wish after all, despite knowing that I really shouldn't let myself stay in bed any longer than I already had.

Suddenly there was a burst of movement. Before I knew what was happening my arms were pinned down and I found myself unable to struggle free. I opened my eyes to find Lily and Alice on either side of my body, each holding down one of my arms.

"What the fuck, Neil?!" Lily demanded in a hushed, angry voice.

"Um, what do you mean?" I asked, my heart rate going into overdrive.

I tried to pull my arms free again, but both of my sisters held on tenaciously. Working together they had the advantage, especially when I'd been taken so completely by surprise.

"Don't play dumb," Lily hissed. "We caught you in Ellie's bed. Are you really gonna try and pretend you don't know what the problem is?"

"What's the big deal? We just... we were...."

I faltered, unable to come up with a reasonable explanation. I desperately hoped Ellie would walk in and rescue me. She'd be able to defuse the situation.

"You've been sleeping together," Alice said in a much softer voice than her sister. She sounded kind of sad when she spoke, rather than displaying the same anger as her sister. "You've been doing it a lot. I didn't want to think that... that you were... but...."

"Hey, Alice, come on. It's not--"

"Shut up!" Lily said. "Just don't."

I was shocked by her vehemence. She must have assumed a lot more was going on between Ellie and me than actually was.

"Look," I said in the most reasonable tone I could manage. "Can we just talk about this? Calmly?"

Lily had to think about my suggestion for a few seconds. Alice was simply unreadable, other than the obvious fact that she was upset.

"Fine," Lily said, lifting her weight off of my arm. "Why don't you explain how we shouldn't be pissed off about what you're doing to Ellie."

"What?! What do you mean 'what I'm doing to Ellie?' Look, I don't know what you think is going on, but I'm not doing anything to her. We're just sleeping together. That's all. It makes her feel better, and... well, I kind of like it too. But that's it."

Lily and Alice looked at each other, communicating silently in front of me. Lily appeared to be at least a little bit calmer, which I took as a good sign. Alice still seemed pretty withdrawn. After a moment, Lily sighed and looked back at me.

"I guess... I mean, we were hoping that's all it was," she said. "We really didn't want it to be anything... well, you know. But, what you two have been doing, it looks really...."

"Looks really what?" I asked.

"You could have been doing sex things," Alice mumbled.

She looked away as soon as I shifted my gaze to her, so I looked back at Lily.

"Well, you two were being so sneaky about it," Lily said, sounding slightly defensive. "What were we supposed to think?"

"You could have trusted us."

"Yeah, we could have. But if I learned one thing from Dad, it's that you can't always trust people to do the right thing."

I had no response to that, and the three of us fell into an uncomfortable silence. Lily looked like she regretted her words as soon as she said them.

"Well, you could have just asked," I said mostly for the sake of saying something. "We could have talked about it. You didn't have to jump straight to accusations."

"You would have denied everything," Lily replied sullenly. "And besides, this is about the way you're handling things, not us."

"You mean me and Ellie. Why aren't you talking to her too?"

"Because of the two of you, which one do you think is gonna get hurt? What do you think's gonna happen if and when you ever decide to move out? Or if you find some other girl you want to 'sleep' with?"

"I... hadn't thought about that too much. You think she'd take it bad?"

"Uh, gee, I don't know. Does a girl who's sleeping with her brother for emotional comfort sound like she'll take his rejection well? Perceived or otherwise?"

"You can't abandon her," Alice added in the same soft voice she'd used the few times she'd spoken at all. "'Specially now."

"I know," I said. "I... I know that. I wouldn't. But I just... haven't really thought about it that much."

"Well maybe you should," Lily said.

She and Alice climbed off of the bed and stood up. They walked out, leaving me alone again, only this time my head was spinning. Mere seconds later Ellie returned. I wondered if Lily and Alice had heard her coming, but didn't dwell on it.

"Did Lil and Allie just come out of here?" Ellie asked, her forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"Yeah," I said.

Ellie sat down on the edge of her bed. Her hair was damp and she had a towel wrapped around her body.

"Does that mean what I think it means?" she asked.

"If you mean 'do they know we've been sleeping together,' then yes. They do. And they felt the need to berate me over it."

"Oh. But were they... I mean, are things okay? They aren't too upset by it, are they? Should I talk to them?"

"Honestly, I kinda think they were just worried about you. Like, more worried about you than they were about the possibility that we were doing, you know, other things."

"Really?"

Ellie looked surprised and glanced toward the hallway. She chewed on her lip and appeared to get lost in thought for a moment.

"So, uh, maybe I should leave for now and let you get changed," I said.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Maybe." She looked down at herself and the towel that covered her. "This probably isn't the sort of thing I should be wearing around you, is it?"

"It's fine. But... you know."

"Uh huh. Wouldn't want to have it accidentally fall off or anything."

Ellie toyed with the corner of her towel where it was tucked in. I immediately pictured it falling away. I couldn't help it. That was probably her intention, judging by the faint smirk on her lips.

"You shouldn't toy with me like that," I said. "You get me too interested in seeing what's under there and... well, I might just have to find out."

We had a brief stare-off. We each knew the other wasn't serious about pushing things, not really, but there was still a chance that one of us would do something stupid. I didn't know whether I was hoping for or against that possibility.

Ellie pulled her hand away from the towel. Before she could say anything, the part she'd been fiddling with suddenly slipped. She managed to grab the top edge and hold it in place before her breasts were exposed, but it was a close thing. She sat frozen in place for a few seconds before I reached over and carefully tucked her towel back in so it would stay put. I couldn't help my hand brushing against her skin as I did.

"Thanks," she said.

"You're welcome. I'm, uh... I'm just gonna go."

"Yeah, okay."

We each forced an awkward smile, then I left.

****

I didn't like not knowing exactly where I stood with any of my sisters. Ellie and I had been going through a slow shift in our relationship, and we hadn't quite stabilized yet. On top of that, now I had to deal with Lily and Alice too.

I was pretty sure things were mostly okay between my younger sisters and me, but at the same time I couldn't know for sure. Even if we were good, that could easily change if they suspected I did something wrong. I hadn't been entirely confident I was making the right choices with Ellie before, and now I had to worry about how my actions appeared to others as well. The extra scrutiny made things even harder for me.

Even Mom seemed to notice the tension present between her children. It was kind of obvious when we were having so much difficulty maintaining eye contact and holding conversations at the dinner table. It wasn't that any of us refused to talk or anything, but we stuck to short, noncommittal sentences.

Mom pulled me aside after supper that night. She tried to be casual about it, but I had a distinct feeling that it was going to be another uncomfortable conversation.

"So what's up?" I asked her once we were alone. I wanted to play it casually on the off-chance my instincts were wrong.

"Well, here's the thing, Neil," Mom said. "I know I seem oblivious at times, but it's pretty obvious something happened that I don't know about. Something that affects all of my children, from what I can tell. Now I'm usually content to let you all work it out amongst yourselves, but I need you to tell me that I don't need to worry about it."

So that was why she'd chosen me. She probably figured that if there was something going on that she should know about, I'd be her best bet for caving. Well, me or Alice. It was a bit of a toss up.

The thing was, if any of my sisters were in any real trouble, there was a reasonable chance I'd give in and tell Mom even if I'd been sworn to secrecy. I wasn't certain what particular set of circumstances it would take, but it was a possibility. She probably knew that as well as I did. The thought annoyed me slightly.

"You don't need to worry about it," I said.

"Good. I didn't think I did, but... well, you know I'll always worry about each of you. It's just something mothers have to do."

"I know, Mom."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me anyway? I can't help being curious."

I hesitated instead of politely declining. My knee-jerk reaction was not to say anything, but my rational side wanted to explore the matter a little more thoroughly.

Lily and Alice already knew about Ellie and me sleeping together. They hadn't taken it all that well in some ways, but they hadn't reacted as poorly as they could have either. At least now it was out in the open between us. There was a good chance that things would go the same or better if I told Mom. In that moment, it seemed less likely than ever that we could hide the truth from her indefinitely.

I wished Ellie were there. Or better yet, I wished I could have had a secret conference with her beforehand. I could always tell Mom nothing for now, then revisit the issue later if necessary. The problem was that if I didn't say anything now, I'd probably lose my nerve. It wasn't an easy topic to bring up out of nowhere.

"Ellie and I have been sleeping together," I blurted out.

Mom's eyes narrowed ever so slightly before reverting to their usual shape.

"And when you say 'sleeping...'" she prompted.

"I mean literally just sleeping. It's... look, I know we probably shouldn't be doing it, we both know that, but it's not really a big deal. I mean, hopefully you don't think it is."

I watched her reaction carefully. She didn't give much away, but at least she didn't show any overt signs of anger.

"Dare I ask why you two feel the need to sleep together?"

I shrugged. "Because it makes Ellie feel better, mostly. Like a... I don't know, a security blanket or something."

"I see. So that's what's causing all the tension, is it?"

"Pretty much. I don't really want to go into details."

I looked everywhere except directly at Mom while trying not to be obvious that I was avoiding her gaze. She stood there in silence for a few seconds that seemed longer than they actually were. I kept waiting for her to tell me to knock it off and stop sleeping with my sister. She would have been justified in doing so, but I absolutely did not want to hear those words. I wasn't sure what I'd do in that scenario.

"Neil?" she said eventually, her voice soft enough to give me hope.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, okay? I know you will anyway, but... just be careful."

****

"This is kinda messed up, huh?" Ellie said.

Despite everything, she snuck into my room that night like nothing had changed. I wondered if she had become more dependent on me than I thought. Maybe Lily and Alice had been right to worry.

"It kind of is," I agreed.

"I mean, they probably know we're together right now. I don't even know what to think about that."

"Try not to. It won't do you any good worrying about it."

Ellie propped herself up on her elbow. She pushed her hair behind her ear and looked down at me.

"Why do I get the feeling you're worrying more than I am, mister hypocrite?"

"I'm not worrying. Just thinking. And yes, that does still make me a bit of a hypocrite. I'm aware of that."

"Thinking about the girls too?" she asked, nodding in the general direction of our sisters' room.

"Partly." I sighed and tried to work up my nerve. I had to tell her at some point. "I told Mom what we were doing."

"You did? Why did... oh, right, she wanted to talk to you earlier. She must have known something was up, huh?"

"Kind of, yeah. It seemed like the best course of action at the time. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first."

"No, that's okay. I trust your judgment. Obviously it didn't go too badly."

"Yeah, I think we're fine. At least for now."

I rolled toward Ellie and she giggled as I enfolded her in my arms. She lay back down, snuggling against me like it was the most natural thing in the world for her. In that moment, I was so glad we didn't have to give it all up.

"It's all so complicated," she whispered. "I never wanted it to be complicated."

"I know."

Holding Ellie helped quiet my mind. I decided I might be able to fall asleep after all. I could feel her heartbeat as we lay together.

Suddenly she shifted. It wasn't a very big movement, but she did roll her head slightly so that her face was tilted upward. Before she could settle back down against her pillow, I took her chin in my hand and held it in place. Without stopping to think about it, I kissed her. It was so soft, our lips barely brushing together, but it was definitely a kiss. There was no way she could mistake it for anything else. Even afterward I wasn't sure why I'd done it.

"Good night, Ellie," I whispered.

There was a slight pause, then just as I was beginning to worry I shouldn't have done anything after all, she spoke.

"Night, Neil."

****

I felt like the interactions between family members were less strained at breakfast than they'd been at supper the night before. Maybe I was just in an optimistic mood. I'd come to the realization that given everything that had happened the day before, things had turned out pretty well.

The best part was that no one was actively upset with me. Every member of my family had a reason to be, if they so chose, but interactions with each of them remained perfectly civil. Things weren't quite back to normal, but I felt confident that we could get there.

More than anything, I was glad that Ellie hadn't reacted badly to me kissing her. I hated knowing that I could easily have made her uncomfortable over something that I didn't even have a good reason to do. I resolved to stick with hugs in the future if I needed a way to show affection. They were a much safer bet.

As usual, Ellie and I drove together to the university campus that morning. She was unusually quiet, though, spending most of the trip staring out the window at the passing scenery. She seemed to be in a contemplative sort of mood. I hoped that's what it was, at any rate. There was a chance she just didn't want to talk to me, but I didn't think that was the case.

"What're you thinking about?" I asked after several minutes of silence.

"Hm? Oh, just stuff," Ellie said. "Nothing important."

"Okay." I wanted to leave it there, but I still had a nagging little fear in the back of my mind. "Ellie, we're good, right?"

"What do you mean?" She looked over at me with a hint of a smile on her lips and an arched eyebrow. "Is there any reason we wouldn't be?"

"I don't know. I'm just, like... I kissed you last night. I don't know why I did it, and I don't really know what you think about it, and I hope you didn't mind too much 'cause you don't seem like you did, and...."

I trailed off from my nervous, rambling sentence partly because I didn't really have anything else to say. Perhaps more importantly, Ellie's grin had gotten noticeably wider while I'd been speaking.

"You were still worrying about that?" she asked.

"Kind of. Just a little."

"Well don't. I kinda liked it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was surprised that you did it, but... it was nice. It really was."

I couldn't help matching Ellie's smile. There was no doubt in my mind that she meant every word of what she said. I should have known better than to think I'd done something wrong. The sibling bond between us had grown into something more lately, something stronger. One small action wouldn't be enough to do any real damage to that.

Once we arrived and I found a parking space, we still had to head in the same direction for a bit before we split off to our respective destinations. It was pretty common for us to walk together, side by side during these brief intervals. Ellie slipping her hand over to mine and entwining our fingers, however, was not so usual. She caught my expression of confusion, but only laughed at it.

"What's the matter, don't wanna hold hands with your sister?"

"It's not that I don't want to. I just want to know what you plan on doing when someone sees us. 'Cause you know those awkward conversations I had to have with Lily and Alice and Mom? I'm not really in the mood for more of them."

"You're overthinking things. No one'll even notice. Plus, holding hands is nowhere near as sketchy as being caught sleeping together."

"That's... a fair point actually."

"Damn skippy it is."

We walked for another couple of minutes before hitting the point where our paths diverged. As far as I could tell, no one had given us a second glance. Granted, to anyone who didn't know we were siblings we weren't really doing anything that would have drawn attention. Either no one who knew any better had seen us, or Ellie was right and I was worrying too much.

"Okay," Ellie said, finally letting go of my hand. "I'll see ya later."

I started to say goodbye to her too, only to have her interrupt me with a light kiss. She grinned impishly and skipped away before I could reorganize my thoughts. Instead of going after her, I shook my head and kept walking. She knew the risks of pulling stunts like that just as well as I did. Chastising her wouldn't help anything.

It took me the rest of the morning to admit that I actually didn't mind Ellie kissing me. I had tried to view the matter from a practical standpoint, but my emotional side wouldn't have that. Every time I thought of my sister's lips against mine, out in the open where anyone could see, I couldn't help smiling just a little.

****

Ellie didn't try kissing me in public again for the next few days. She must have known it'd be harder to catch me with my guard down a second time. The thing was, I honestly wasn't sure whether or not I'd stop her if she tried. I was conflicted, and there were plenty of other small changes in our relationship that kept me from focusing on that one question too much.

Now that the other members of our family knew Ellie and I were sleeping together, it meant we didn't have to be quite so careful anymore. For the most part everyone seemed to get used to the idea of either Ellie or me being in the other's room. We didn't draw attention to it, but we didn't try to hide it either. Since everyone already knew what we were doing, being open about our activities was probably better than sneaking around.

Another thing I noticed was that Ellie was getting far more comfortable with casual displays of affection. The public kiss she'd given me had been the most obvious sign of the change, but there were other, less dramatic examples. For instance, I was sitting on the couch one evening because Alice had gotten to my favourite chair before me. Ellie came in a little later on and before she even greeted me, she sat down and curled right up next to me.