Uncharted territory, unknown waters.

I was stuffing my clothes inside the washer and watched as it spun and spun and…

"You know you'll get dizzy if you keep on watching that." I turned and found Alex standing by the door of his bedroom. His room was adjacent to the laundry room so he stood there, a few feet from me and all I could do was stare.

I studied his face, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot and the bags under his eyes were dark. He was wearing a shirt unfamiliar to me, probably borrowed from Josh, but he smiled at me and I melted right away.

I took a careful step away from him, towards the kitchen. I didn't know what happened in the two days he wasn't home because I always hovered between my drunken state. I was mad at him, and then what? He left, I drank with Anna, then she left and I drank by myself. I never felt so alone. And where was he? Drinking with his buddies.

"Hey." He followed me to the kitchen.

I couldn't look at him so I pretended to look at something interesting on my phone. He snatched the phone away from my hands and he pushed me to the kitchen counter.

"I just came back and that's how you'd treat me?" He said, rather softly.

"Why not?"

He loosened his grip on me and rested his head on my shoulder. He smelled different, not the usual shampoo he has in the bathroom, his shirt doesn't smell like lemons. He was Alex but was wrong in many ways. But he's Alex and I missed him. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same.

"I'm sorry for leaving." He whispered. "I had some things that I need to think of." He straightened his back and looked me in the eyes. "Let's talk?"

He led me to the living room, we both sat on the couch. I stayed silent and waited.

"I'm sorry, again. I needed the time to think." Alex started. "Between us, it's complicated and I didn't want you to go through what I had to endure back then. When school resumes I feel it's better that we go back to normal, let's just stay away from each other. It's better for both of us."

I reached out to him and took his hand. He looked at me with sad eyes and said "I really care for you so I want you to have a normal life, ok?"

Normal? What's normal? Was he saying that what I feel about him is not? Then what is normal? What is right?

I pulled my hand away and hugged myself. "I'm sorry for being abnormal, then."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and counted the days remaining before school starts. I hope it would start soon, because I didn't know how I could hold up. I didn't want to argue. I may have admitted to myself that I like him but I haven't told him anything at all. I may have held his hands, hugged him, kissed him but I never confessed. I haven't said anything about what I feel about him. He only says he cares for me. Caring and loving is different in many levels, right? I wasn't too sure because I had no idea how love works.

I stood up and went back to the laundry room. I turned it on one more time and watched as my clothes tumbled and tangled with one another. My head hurt. My heart hurt. My whole body was shaking I wanted to scream. I clenched my hands and calmed myself but I let a few tears slip past.