39 Skipping the tournament

Elder Irvin was exasperated when I came to him barely able to walk and in great pain. According to him, I managed to damage my Insides critically. He spent the whole night healing me. He took the chance to teach Engilde about the body, which was kinda embarrassing to listen to. Not because it was my body, but because it seemed so horribly inaccurate. Seems like he doesn´t need to know about a body's composition to heal it or my body is completely different from my old one. Can´t be too sure about that, yet.

The next few days I was only allowed to learn, eat and sleep. Elder Irvin ordered me not to train at all, since my body needs more time to completely heal. During that time I finally managed to learn the runic script of the spoken word and was ordered to write about my experience with Aer. Nobody before had the opportunity to be blessed by her and so I had to write what it was like. Elder Irvin gave me some specially treated skins and charcoal. That is what I did while they went outside to attend the tournament. The written script wasn´t all that different from my old one. Except I had fewer letters, only twenty which in strange combinations did sound a bit different. Luckily it wasn´t like the nordic runic system in which runes could mean everything and nothing. Well, I never learned it so the comparison is kinda bad. Basically, I wrote about the dance and the single steps I took, my conversation with Aer leaving out the other world and curse stuff, and invented more lines so the conversation didn´t seem like a blank slate. Basically, in my script, she spoke about dancing and freedom as a concept. You know like everybody yearns to be free and yet true freedom is nothing that anybody wants to achieve since it means loneliness, too.

True freedom can´t be achieved in any society. Expectations and regulations as well as their enforcement of them are what binds a community together. Makes it safe for the individual and living together makes it safe for the community so that some focus on war, some on advancement, and others on the preservation of knowledge and tradition.

I kinda hoped that this will give the villagers more to think about, but I doubted it. Better not to have any expectations.

Later that evening Engilde and Elder Irvin returned. Engilde´s blond hair was a mess and her face was swollen to a terrible degree. She scoffed at me when she noticed me staring. I could guess that Engildes day at the tournament did not go well.

We sat down together to eat in awkward silence.

"You don´t have to worry."

Irvin finally spoke in his deep voice.

"When I was young I had the same problem."

He scoped up some meat and bit into it.

"Those who are blessed by Uisque are healing fast often even during a fight."

He shrugged swallowed the meat and fixated on me with his gaze.

"This one´s mother often beat me up even more badly than what happened to you."

I shrugged helplessly. I can´t undo what my mother had done and since he was nice to me I don´t think he does either.

"I know I´m not a great fighter."

Engilde´s voice was so soft, that I had trouble hearing it. I swallowed the meat I was chewing and looked at her.

"There is nothing wrong with that."

Engildes head shot up and stared at me with hostility.

"Look, everybody has some talents that others don´t. You learn fast, you are able to heal and you look beautiful isn´t that enough?"

Engilde´s stare softened a bit but changed to look depressed.

"I want children."

I stopped chewing looking awkwardly toward Elder Irvin. He doesn´t have children and I can only imagine why. He wasn´t strong either. To be honest he might be one of the weakest adult members of this village. And in this society strength is everything.

"You don´t?"

I never thought about that since my rebirth it seemed kinda early to think about it. Do I want to carry a child for I don´t know how many months and care for it the rest of my life?

`I don´t!` is what I wanted to answer, but when I remember my mother's loving face I wasn´t so sure anymore. A Family even without a father could be quite a fortunate thing. Maybe I could discover something like that with my own child? Yet the society I live in isn´t exactly my ideal environment to raise a child.

"I don´t know."

An awkward silence began to permeate the room once more. I hesitated to speak since what I wanted to say is wrong to say I think.

"But I don´t think that will be a problem, soon."

Unless we manage to change something very soon. They both gave me a tired look as if saying this again. I thought about mother fighting in this cursed wrong way and gave a silent prayer to keep her safe. They knew what I wanted to say, but that didn´t hinder me anymore. We needed to change!

"Soon only us. The weak ones will remain."

Elder Irvin shook his head and Engilde sighed loudly. Seems like I got on their nerves during the last month.

"Engilde, train with me."

I tried to appear as honest or beneficial as I could.

"You will see. Those tactics I talked about are possible even in a one-on-one fight."

If I wanted to change something I should start with those who actually wanted a change. The weak ones. The smart ones. Those who are despairing. Because they want a change. They want relief from their anxiety. They want to be relevant to their people.

Just like the early Christians spoke about equality in gods eye and tried to be equal during mealtime, so want the weak ones here to directly contribute to this war.

That was easy enough to be done. There is a multitude of jobs in a war that requires brains over brawn, but to get there I needed a few people to listen to me.

Let´s start with her.

And maybe Athala?