The Beginning Of Something More

When Sasuke woke up the next day, he started feeling like shit after only 10 minutes. Needless to say, he wanted to go back to sleep. He wondered how he was going to make it through the year like this.

Sasuke didn't want to be too incredibly pessimistic but he started thinking about how miserable the world was. Humans only became friends with others because they, themselves were lonely. For most people, friends were a source of entertainment.

Sasuke saw humans as selfish. He himself didn't care much about many people other than his brother. It was the same for Itachi. Sure, there were people like Kakashi who would be upset if he were to die but they'd get over it quickly. He was tired of feeling like shit all the time.

Thoughts of death hit Sasuke's mind and, per usual, he stopped himself from thinking too much and started getting ready for school. When he was all dressed and ready, he went outside to wait for Kakashi. Kakashi was late as always but he didn't have the energy to be annoyed.

They didn't say anything more than a "good morning" and a "hn" on the way to school. When getting into the main building, Sasuke sighed and walked to English. The classroom was noisy already when he got near the door. Walking in, he saw that most of the class was crowded together minus Karin, Jugo, and Suigetsu who weren't even there.

"Hey, Sasuke," Sakura greeted him. Unfortunately, this made Naruto notice he was there. "Sasuke. Come over here. Don't be an antisocial jerk." Now, the crowd was looking at him too. Sasuke frowned but having no energy to argue, he dicided it would be better to just comply and walked to the group of people.

Kiba smiled teasingly. "Surprised the emo even came to school." It would've been offensive to most but, again, Sasuke had no energy to argue. Shino looked at Kiba and said, "You're wrong, Kiba. He came here because he had no where else to go just like us. He has no choice but to be here."

Kiba had a look of interest on his face. "Speaking of that, why were you guys expelled?" Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I got expelled because I got in trouble for talking too much. Also, the teachers got tired of me arguing with them."

Hinata looked at Naruto thoughtfully. Sakura looked at Hinata in interest. "Actually, why did you get expelled? I can't imagine you getting in a lot of trouble." Hinata looked down, embarrassed. "I didn't get expelled. I-I had to go here because.. of.. social anxiety," she ended quietly.

Naruto looked surprised. "Really? I didn't know you could go here if you weren't expelled." Sasuke gained some energy back and replied, annoyed, "Do you not know anything about this school, idiot?" Sasuke huffed, "at the very least, it was said when the principal interviewed you." Most likely, she told everyone else what she told him.

Kiba laughed, Shikamaru half-smiled, and Sakura agreed with Sasuke. Naruto looked like the whole world was against him. "Hey, jerk! Not everyone listens to lectures that long. They're boring, y'know!" Sasuke "hn"ed and Ms. Kurenai entered the room.

"Alright. Everyone take your seats and I'll do roll call." Sasuke spotted Suigetsu, Karin, and Jugo. They must have come in while everyone was talking. He decided to sit next to Jugo as he was the quietest of all of them.

Jugo nodded at Sasuke as he took a seat next to him. Sasuke "hn"ed back and waited for roll call to end to listen to music.

English, math, and history ended pretty quickly. By the time lunch came around, Sasuke followed the same routine he had yesterday by following Suigetsu to the abandoned house.

The weather was warm with a cool breeze. Sasuke wasn't sure what they would do when winter came. When they got to the house, Suigetsu made sure to avoid getting hit by the door and they made themselves comfortable when they got in.

"Got any cigs?" Suigetsu asked. Karin nodded and took out a pack of Marlboro reds. "Here." She handed one to Suigetsu and one to Jugo, then looked at Sasuke. "You sure you don't want one?" Sasuke thought about it but decided against it with the same argument he had with himself last time.

"Okay," said Karin. Suigetsu sucked in a breath and held the smoke in, then released. "You are really missing out here, Sasuke. But, more for us, I guess." Suigetsu finished his cigarette and started talking again. "If shit ever gets hard, though, we have shit for you. If you ever need it, that is."

Sasuke didn't say anything. Karin checked her phone. "Alright. Five minutes until our next class. Let's hurry." She sprayed air freshener on them and they all fast walked to class.

The last classes went by smoothly and school was over. Sasuke quickly walked to Kakashi's classroom so he could get home as soon as possible. Kakashi gave a look that said he was prepared for something. Sasuke thought nothing of it and followed him to the car.

The silence had a sad undertone to it and continued all the way to Kakashi's car. After getting in the car, Kakashi turned to him. "Did you hear about Itachi?" Sasuke felt panic take him and calmed himself down. "No. What do you mean? What happened?"

Kakashi looked slightly surprised. "He didn't tell you?" The feeling of panic was replacing with relief as Itachi was still clearly alive but, at the same time, alarm and annoyance came.

Annoyance because Itachi was always at work so he didn't tell him, which Kakashi should've known. Alarm came because something big was clearly happening and he didn't know how bad it was. "Itachi's going on a big business trip and won't be back for a while."

Now, Sasuke was surprised. Itachi was working at a fairly small business where they would sell items online at a lower price. They were large enough to have a building but small enough to only have one. The business was like the Dollar Store and Amazon put together.

Sasuke was confused because he had no idea when it got big enough for a business trip. But, for now, what was most important was how long Itachi would be gone. Kakashi, knowing the next question, answered.

"I don't know how long he'll be gone for. If you didn't know, Itachi was recently updated as a manager." Sasuke's eyes widened. "They're wanting to make a new building in the next state over. Itachi will call me when he gets a rough estimate of how long it'll be. In the meantime, you'll be staying with me at my house."

Sasuke felt bad as he thought of the times Itachi was home but couldn't talk to him because he was asleep. Memories locked in his head started coming to light as he saw images of his parents' murder. He tried to shake the images out of his head but they stayed, haunting him.

He saw his mother's head, bloody and almost detached from its body. There was a thick layer of skin holding it to the rest of her neck. There was a bloody axe next to it and whoever cut her head off must've not been able to do it all the way. Her lips were cut at the corners and staples were holding them up to make her smile.

Her legs were broken badly as the bones protruded at different angles, making her legs look zigzagged. Her arms were severed off at the elbows and every single finger was cut off. The person who killed her stapled her fingers all over the wall in front of Sasuke, making them point at him.

Sasuke didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure if he should make sure she is alive or if he should just get over there. He was frozen.

"You okay?" Kakashi startled Sasuke out of the memory of his parents' dead bodies. Sasuke was more than grateful for this and tried to stop thinking about it. "I figured you wouldn't want me to touch your stuff so I'll let you get it."

Sasuke looked out the window and realized they were at his house. Pretending he knew that all along, he got out of the car and went into the house. After getting a couple suitcases from the garage, he packed all of his clothes and accessories in one and all the items he wanted to have with him in the other.

Halfway through after packing the second suitcase, he spotted a box he'd kept in his bookshelf for years. Feeling terrible from the memories, he decided to open it. There were several razor blades in the box that he'd kept over the years for just in case.

Feeling really unstable, he grabbed a few for if he ever needed it. He used to cut himself all the time when he was in middle school but after Itachi found out, it changed to several times a year. He thought he'd be able to just stop but there always ended up being moments where he had to cut himself to keep from committing suicide.

He felt a bit bad for considering cutting again but he knew how to hide it. Also, because Itachi would be busy, if Kakashi found out, he wouldn't be able to do much about it since Itachi wouldn't be around. All Kakashi could do was telling him to stop and that Itachi would be upset when he got back.

Sasuke already wore long sleeves all the time so it wouldn't seem suspicious to be wearing them. After finishing packing, Sasuke put the suitcases in the back of Kakashi's car and got in. It'd been a while since he'd slept over at Kakashi's place so he decided to enjoy it because it would get old really quick.

It took 5 minutes to get to Kakashi's house. His house was medium sized and dark blue on the outside. It was brown on the inside of it. Kakashi never really looked like the type of person to like dogs, let alone take good care of them because of how lazy he was.

In reality, he owned a few dogs and often trained dogs that needed to get used to other dogs so there wouldn't be problems when they went home with their owners. Sasuke heard the familiar sound of paw marks on the door when they walked up to it.

All of Kakashi's dogs were familiar with people and didn't bite or bark. Sasuke prepared himself for the dogs to jump up on him when Kakashi opened the door. Luckily, as the door swung open, Kakashi stepped in first and got most of the bombardment.

"You can choose which room you want," Kakashi told Sasuke. His house had 3 rooms but he lived alone so there were 2 free rooms. Sasuke chose the room with a bathroom attached to it and unpacked everything within 2 hours.

The feeling of instability hit him again after unpacking and he thought of cutting himself for the second time that day. He wanted to do everything he could to not think about the murders. He knew if he didn't cut now, he'd do it later.

Sighing, Sasuke took a blade from a pocket in the suitcase and walked to the bathroom. After locking the door behind him, he sat against the door and slid his left sleeve up. There were hundreds of scars all over his arm. Older scars were white and newer scars were tinted pink.

He chose a spot in the middle of his arm and made a small cut, testing how sharp the blade was. It was slightly dull but would do. He was so stressed that he decided to make it really painful.

Tilting the blade so the edge was pointing to his skin, Sasuke put all of his hand's strength into the blade and started dragging it slowly. He felt searing pain and continued dragging the blade across his skin.

An indent started forming on his hand because of how hard he was pressing the blade into his skin. Sasuke stopped after his hand was shaking from the adrenaline, pain, and strength he was putting into the blade. Then, he threw it aside. The cut was so deep that he could see the white fatty layer of his skin before blood started filling it.

The cut was about an inch wide and a few inches long. Sasuke felt much better after the cut and felt like he deserved being hurt. Itachi probably wanted to him many times but he ignored him by sleeping. He felt at fault for his parents' deaths too.

If he hadn't gone to Naruto's house, he would've been there and he could try defending them. He should've died with them. Sasuke started feeling extremely stressed out again and picked the blade back up.

Rather than doing another deep and large cut, he started cutting everywhere on his arm. Left, right. Up, down. Criss crossed. He didn't care. He just wanted to hurt and bleed. When he was done, he took a paper towel, cleaned up some of the blood, and washed the paper towel down the toilet.

When reentering his room, he took a few sleeping pills and went to sleep. In his dreams, he saw his mother walking toward him and being angry with him. She didn't say why she was upset but Sasuke knew it was because he let her and his father die.

Sasuke apologized and cried. She had a soft look on her face now. "There's nothing you could've done about it." Sasuke still felt terrible.

There was a knock on Sasuke's door and he woke up. "It's time for school, Sasuke. Do you want me to carry you to the livingroom to help wake you up?" Sasuke glared at Kakashi and sat up. He knew Kakashi really would carry him to the livingroom to wake him up if he didn't get up. So, he reluctantly got out of bed.

Sasuke wasn't used to being cooked breakfast in the morning so he took a shower and got ready before going to the livingroom. There was toast, jam, and tomatoes on the table. Kakashi must've picked the tomatoes out for him.

"Is this type of breakfast to your liking?" Asked Kakashi. Sasuke gave a "hn" in both an affirmation and a thanks. "Ready for school?" Sasuke frowned. "I feel the same," said Kakashi.

When they finished eating, they walked to the car. On the way to school, Sasuke thought about his dream. Even though his mother forgave him in it, he still felt terrible. He didn't want to think of what happened in the first place. No matter what happened in the dream that he'd had of what happened, he always considered them to be nightmares.

The worst part was that now he was afraid of sleeping. Sleep was his biggest escape from his thoughts and now he couldn't trust sleep anymore. He didn't know what to do. Self harm helped only temporarily. Then, he thought back to when Suigetsu offered some drugs to him.

Doing drugs really didn't sound like a bad idea anymore. Itachi wasn't around so it wasn't like he'd face his disappointment and he honestly felt a little abandoned by him. It was like he was never around in the first place now Sasuke literally had to live with Kakashi because he was in a different state.

He felt like he cared more about his business than him. Sasuke thought about it some more and decided he'd try smoking. If he didn't like it, he wouldn't do it again. He thought that it was worth it to at least try. If it made him feel better, he wouldn't have to kill himself when shit started getting even worse.

Sasuke figured that doing drugs and getting caught would be less upsetting to the people around him than if he were to commit suicide. When they got to school, Sasuke walked the halls with a little more purpose than the day before.

The classes passed quickly as Sasuke felt a bit nervous over possibly smoking during lunch. Naruto and the others tried talking to him but he avoided them like the plague. He decided that when lunch came, he'd play it cool. When lunch finally did come, he got in line with Suigetsu like usual and on their way to the abandoned house, he got Suigetsu's attention.

"Do you have any cigarettes? I was thinking about trying smoking." Suigetsu looked surprised and then smiled as if he felt what he said on a personal level, all the while smiling teasingly. "My dude," Suigetsu patted Sasuke's shoulder, "now you're talkin. This is gonna be great. You're gonna love it."

Sasuke wanted to glare at him for patting his shoulder but just continued walking to the abandoned house.