Cemetary visit

I woke up in an empty bed. My head still hurt from the day before, but it was a dull and tolerable pain. Hearing noises in the kitchen. I climbed out bed and headed down to find my brother cooking something at the stove.

"Good morning, Tars. I ran to the corner store and grabbed some basics to make breakfast. Don't forget to contact your work to let them know you will be taking the next few days off before you forget. Breakfast shouldn't be too long, but you have time to take a quick shower before it's ready." He walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead before handing me two Advil. "Are you feeling better today?"

"I am, thanks. Thanks for taking care of me Sean. You will always be my knight in shining armor." I hugged him tightly before heading to the bathroom to shower.

As I washed my body, my mind tried to process yesterday. It was both one of the best and worst days I've had in a long time. I thought about Rose and what a great lunch we had. I smiled, remembering her face when I gave her the flowers, but my face quickly turned sour as her reaction from my confession flashed in my mind. She was horrified, her eyes wide in shock. The thought of her possibly wanting nothing to do with me now weighed me down and my chest grew heavy. Feeling like I couldn't breathe, I sat down in the tub and let the water cascade over my body. I sat there, in an unmoving daze for a few minutes as I willed my thoughts to stop. When my mind was finally blank, I rinsed off and got out. I focused on drying my body and brushing my hair and teeth.

In my bedroom, I went to my closet and got dressed in some leggings and an oversized t shirt. Usually I would dress nicely to visit Rya's grave, but today I didn't care enough to put in the effort. I was too exhausted and emotionally spent. I picked Rocky up from his cat tree, knowing he was upset at me for yesterday and headed back to the kitchen to eat.

As I enjoyed the eggs, bacon, and fried potatoes that Sean had prepared, I tried to avoid his frequent worried glances my way. Neither of us talked throughout the meal, not knowing what to say. After we finished eating I took the dishes off the table and went over to the sink to wash them.

"Let me do it," Sean came over to me, trying to take over. Wanting to argue, but also still being exhausted, I let him take over without a fight. "You still want to visit Rya, right?" he looked over his shoulder to look at me.

"Yea. I just need to stop by the store to pick up some flowers for her. I am going to go call my work really quick and we can head out."

We reached the cemetary around 1 o'clock. As always, I had picked yellow roses to bring her as they were her favorite. We reached her grave and I bent down to lightly brush off the dirt and dead grass that littered the headstone. I hated how quickly her memorial got dirty. It had only been a a week or so since I visited. I unwrapped the roses from their paper bouquet wrapping and placed them in the small vase that pulled out of the stone. Sean and I stood there looking at the grave.

Aryanna Reese Rodgers

May 5, 1990-September 16, 2018

Beloved Fiance and Friend

The song is ended, but the melody lingers on

After a few silent minutes passed, Sean spoke, "I will be right over there when you are ready to go sis. I miss ya Rya" Sean rubbed my head, messing up my hair and bent down to touch the engraved name. He then walked over to a nearby bench so I could have a moment alone.

I sat down and fixed my hair, "Rya...you won't believe the last couple days I have had." tears almost immediately began to stream down my face as I told the story of meeting Rose and all that had happened afterwards. I didnt feel awkward about talking to a headstone. Talking to Rya's grave always gave me a sense of calming and helped me process any problems I had. It was as though I could feel her listening. "I remember the police saying there was a girl with you when you died and now, knowing who it was, I'm even happier. Rose is a good person. I know she did all she could to make things easier in your last moments."

"I feel weird moving on Rya. I want to, but at the same time I never saw myself with anyone after you. You were my always and forever." I picked at the grass as I talked, "I miss you....everyday I miss you. It's not fair, what happened to you. I know you would be telling me life isn't fair and no one can control these kinds of things, but it shouldn't have happened to you. You deserved a long and happy life. You had such a shitty life for so long. When I asked you to marry me you said that that moment is what all your hardships were for. All the pain you dealt with was we could find each other and be together. It's just not fair. " I sat there a little longer saying nothing. Birds sang and the day was not too hot or sunny. The wind blew slightly, keeping the day cool, but not cold. These were the perfect kind of days. Sometimes when I came to visit Rya on days like this I would pick up a sandwich and spend the whole day at the graveyard.

"I want to just lay here in the grass with you all day, but I need to clear things up with Rose. I hope she will see me, even if only to clear the air and then part ways. I love you Rya. I will visit soon." I stood up and started walking over to Sean.

"You ready?" he wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked."How do you think she will handle all of this?"

"I don't know. I am extremely nervous. Do you think I should text her? Or should we just go to her work and hope shes there?" I asked.

"Try texting her and see if she replies. If not, then we will go to her work and see if we can find her there."

-Hey we need to talk. Can I meet you?