Chapter twenty one: Crying in pain

~~~ I wish that you could see the pain that I've seen and all of the times I spent being not me. I hope you know that it's not always happy in my head 'cause I don't know the perfect road to go down. But I know I'm trying my best, I'm trying my best to be okay, I'm trying my best but every day it's so hard. And I'm holding my breath, I'm holding my breath 'till I can say all of the words I wanna say from my heart~~~

-Anton Seabra-

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"Ahhh..."

I was woken up by the strange sounds that I didn't know where it came from.

Crunching my forehead, I got up and checked the time from the small alarm clock near my bed... it's 2:30 in the morning.

"Ahhh... oh, my God!"

I heard it again. I blinked repeatedly as it got louder that I was fully awake. It took me a few seconds before I finally understood what those strange sounds were and where it was coming from. It's a woman's voice...

"Oh, my God, babe!"

... from my husband's room.

My heart began to beat faster with the things that came across my mind. I just hope that I was wrong. I decided to get up and walked in tiptoed to the connecting door of our rooms. Holding my breath, I put my ear near the door to confirm if what's running in my head was true.

"Ohh... you're doing great babe."

And that's it! A loud gasp escaped from my lips as my tears started to fall on my face. I covered my mouth to prevent the choking sobs that bubbled in my throat,, but I failed, so I added my other hand.

"H-How dare you? How d-dare and you do this to me?" I asked bitterly between my sobs.

And even though the sounds and thoughts almost made me lose my mind, I don't know but in a few seconds, I just found myself grabbing the door handle. I opened it enough, enough to see what's happening inside and what I saw broke my heart and soul into million pieces.

Two figures were both naked on the bed, groaning and panting and one of them was my husband. I don't know who the girl was, but I'm sure she's not Cherry. She has her legs spread over Luke's waist as he moved fast and hard on top of her in which she returned it with loud and noisy moans. The two were drenching on their own sweats but it seemed that it wasn't in their mind as they continued to share and bind each other's body. Now I understand what hell was he was talking about.

I closed my eyes and so the door tightly. I couldn't stand it anymore to watch him or watch them do that kind of immorality. I don't know how to explain the hurt and pain creeping in me as the scene of him on top of her kept dancing in my head. I couldn't stop the tears no matter how I tried to wipe them, it seemed like a river, streaming endlessly in my face.

How would you feel if you found out that your husband is cheating on you? It hurts, doesn't it? But how would you feel if you saw him having sex with someone right in front of your eyes? He's fucking someone in his room and he purposely doing it to hurt you?

I felt numb and I don't know how to move from my spot. I didn't know he was able to do such a thing because he wasn't the Luke I knew based on Dale's story. Yeah, he's right, I underestimated him.

I crawled back to bed, took the pillow and covered it to my ears, but it's useless as I can still hear them in my head.

"Ahgg! Get out of my head and please let me sleep!" I cried repeatedly.

And deep down I wished this was just a dream or a nightmare that I would wake up tomorrow and that somehow I would forget everything that happened just like the other dreams that I forgot every time I woke up.

I don't know what time those annoying, frustrating and painful sounds coming from the other side of the door stop as I ran to the bathroom and sat on the bathtub. I was about to fill it with water but I immediately stopped when I remembered I was pregnant. And the tears never leave me because of it.

Closing my eyes, I leaned on the other side and placed my hands on my belly.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry. I wish I could back in time and change everything I've done. Or I wish I had a magic wand so I could make your dad love me and stop hurting me. If only then I had a magic mirror that can see or glimpse the future, I'm sure I would never have ended up here in this bathroom, sitting inside this bathtub and crying my heart out."

Because of tiredness, I felt not only in my body but also in my heart, I didn't notice that my eyes were slowly drifted and drowsiness took over me.

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I woke up with dizziness and a slight headache the following morning due to lack of sleep. I immediately ran to the connecting door and tried to hear sounds from inside, but nothing reached my ear. I glanced at the doorknob, but I took a step back before I could find myself opening it again.

Looking in the mirror, I noticed the slight swelling of both my eyes and without thinking, I left my room and went down to the living room where I found Rory, wiping the frames placed over the grand piano.

"Ma'am Samantha---"

"Have you seen Luke?" I asked seriously that it shocked her for a few seconds.

"Uhm... h-he's in the kitchen and---"

"Thanks."

I didn't wait for her next words as I headed fast towards the kitchen. And there he is, enjoying his breakfast. I looked around hoping to see the woman he was fucking last night, but I guess he's alone.

"How dare you, Luke Marcuz Williams!" I shouted, taking the spoon and fork from his hands and threw them on the floor.

He was shocked for a moment but immediately got himself back and started to frown.

"What's your problem, woman? Why did you---"

"What's your fucking problem, Luke Marcuz? You really did it on purpose, didn't you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He stood up.

"And you really had the audacity to deny it, huh? Where is she? Where is the woman you're fucking last night?" I screamed, my hands were shaking because of anger.

"Ohh, so you saw us having sex last night." He smirked. "So how did you feel when you saw us enjoying the night, sweetheart?"

"How dare you?" Forming my fists, I gulped the lump in my throat and looked him in the eyes, trying not to show him the pain and mask it with anger.

"I was just starting to show you what I promised, sweetheart and I'll make sure you will feel the pain up to your bones."

"Why are you doing this? Why do you want to make me suffer? Are you forgetting that I'm pregnant?"

"Tss! Don't use the baby in your drama, slut!" He whispered-yelled, but his last word seemed like a bursting sound to my ears and I couldn't help gritting my teeth.

"Slut? Did you just call me a slut?" I repeat, asking.

"Yes, because you're a slut! What you did that night was just the same as what those women do---"

He didn't get the chance to continue what he was saying as a loud, stinging slap reached his face. He clenched his jaws and looked at me as if I were his prey and that he's ready to attack me at any moment, but I pretended not to be afraid.

"Don't you ever use that word to me, Luke Marcuz Williams, because of all the people, you're the one who should know that I am far from that kind of woman!"

"Damn it, woman!" I gasped when he held my hands and put them above my head as he pushed me to the counter. His face was just a few inches away from me as he spoke. "The hell I care! How would I know if I was your first if I was drunk and drugged that night, huh? And I'm warning you, Samantha, never lay your hands on me again or else---"

"Or else what?" a sob escaped my lips. "Or else what---are you gonna kill me? Then do it! Do it so I can finally escape from the hell you're putting me in!"

"You're fucking insane!" He let go of my hand and with one last hard glare, he stepped back. "This is my house and I have all the rights to do whatever I want to do without asking for your opinion! I will bring any woman or as many as I can whenever I want!"

"But I am your wife, so I have equal rights as you are in this house! Aren't you afraid of what you're doing?"

"Why? Are you thinking of telling our parents about this?"

"What if I do?"

He smirked. "I know you're not doing it because if you do, your parents were the first to pull you out of this marriage and I'm sure you'll never want that to happen. Am I right, sweetheart? I believe you love me that much and you will never do things that will bring you back to them."

I hold my breath when he tucked my loss strands behind my ear. And with what he said, I suddenly lost for words. Deep inside, I hate myself that he's right. I love him insanely that I'm willing to stay even if he hurts me again and again.

"Rory!" He shouted after a few seconds, but his eyes were still on me.

And the maid he called came rushing to the kitchen.

"Sir---"

"Throw all the food you see on the table!"

"But Sir Luke---"

"I've already lost my appetite!"

I haven't heard Rory's answer but I've seen her nod from the corner of my eyes. And when Luke left the kitchen, she approached me with concern laced in her eyes.

"Ma'am Samantha, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" She asked and I shake my head.

"I'm fine, Rory, he didn't hurt me." I breathed deeply. "Well honestly, I wish he just hurt me physically than hurt me mentally and emotionally because it's really killing me slowly and I don't know how long can I stand with all of this."

She gave me a half-hearted smile and then held my hands. "I understand what you feel, but you need to stay strong not only for yourself but also for your baby, ma'am Samantha."

"Yeah, I know Rory, that's why I'm trying to be strong and do the best I can. And I just hope that one day he will realize my worth." I smiled, wiping my face.

"I believe everything that happens in our lives has a reason and some are just blessings in disguise. We just have to be strong and patient while waiting to know that every reason."

I smiled at her and nodded. I really wanted to ask her if she and Elaine knew what had happened last night and if they had seen the woman this morning before leaving the house... but I chose to keep it myself for a while.