chapter 2

you heard right gay totally utterly gay and I hate it my parents are very much homophobic and the idea of them hating me I can't even explain how bad I feel how could someone hate another person for who they want to kiss it doesn't work that way we're all human beings and so we should treat each other like it but they don't seem to care I first knew I was gay when I was in middle school there was this boy and we hung out a lot but nothing more but I started to realize I wanted more that's when I knew and I couldn't stand it at all, I still can't, but here I am I hate me I will always hate me.

it was Monday I was waiting for Clay to pick me up I was just thinking about how life could be if I was normal and no guy sparked my interest suddenly a car horn was blowing "dude I've been calling you for ten minutes, hurry we still need to get Carrie" clay said "right I'm coming" I got into his car and immediately started thinking again " what's wrong pretty eyes" clay said I chose to ignore him I was not in the mood "carter what's wrong " "none of your damn business" I snapped back "the fuck it is my business because you're my best damn friend so what is wrong with you" he said surprisingly calm "everything, everything is wrong with me but it's not like anyone cares about me or my feelings my achievements nothing!" at this point, I was on the verge of crying but it was true there was nothing good about me nothing right but I needed him to say something "say something, please "I said barely a whisper "well okay you did answer the question " he said stuttering a bit "um you missed carrie's street" "I know I need to take you somewhere else she already told me she wasn't coming " soon after we pulled into the park the very place the three cs started " look earlier you said everything was wrong with you that know one cares but that's not true Carter you are one of the most unique and special people you could ever find you have a personality no one will ever be able to understand you are the human form of unpredictable I've never met someone with two colored eyes and pulled them off so well(one green one blue)you have a great assortment of freckles and you have perfect skin also you are cared for, me ,your sister,Carrie, we all care and it doesn't matter if your parents do or not,know you have us you have me I love you alright and so many others do to so don't think we don't your my best friend and I'll be damned before let you think for a second that I don't care, you were there for me and im always here for you " at this point we were crying nothing held back and after that clearly heartfelt speech I kind of had to tell him. I walked up to him and gave him a hug and a small but meaningful thank you but before we could pull apart I made sure to mumble a quick "I'm gay" only loud enough for him to hear "I know, I always have since Colvin died I knew he was always sure of it he would have freaked and gone into big bro mode if he heard what you said in the car " he said slight smile pained from talking about his brother "oh well I just thought I should tell you... I just... umm...please don't tell anyone "I said nervous out of my mind "I won't and thanks by the way" he said teasing smile on his lips because of how nervous I was "for what? "I asked genuinely confused "for being there for me" "any time" "I'm happy we became friends it's nice to always have someone there you know? " he said walking back to the car "yeah, me too ." I said smile taking over my face "me too"