Chapter 6

I stared blankly at the gray ceiling above my bed, wondering if every night would be this restless from now on. I hadn't even taken off my boots. I had honestly forgotten they were on until they made a loud thud when I jumped up out of the bed in frustration.

Part of me wanted to punch something, but something in my mind told me that it was a terrible idea and that it wouldn't help with the bland decor around me anyway. I ran a calloused hand through my tangled hair before throwing it into a sloppy braid.

If I wasn't going to sleep, I might as well train. Or at least try to, considering I had only had one lesson. And most of it had been Kylo jabbing me in the side, telling me I need to build more walls around my mind.

I didn't see much of a point, especially since he'd already rummaged through everything I knew. And that every single memory was of no use to anyone. Unless they wanted to know how to make a makeshift treehouse of sorts.

I doubted anyone would want to know that.

Slipping out of my room quietly, I began my trek to the other side of the ship. I only had a vague idea of where I was, but it was enough to keep me walking in the right direction.

It was odd, walking through the long corridors with only a few guards on duty. I was almost positive one of them was asleep when I walked by. For the rest of my walk, my mind wandered, wondering what it was like to be in that suit, what it was like to fight for the First Order.

I assumed it was a high honor; they were restoring peace to the galaxy after all. Yet, part of me was curious to see what they all thought about this. Did they have their doubts like I did? How did they overcome them?

I shook myself out of my thoughts as I entered the training room.

There wasn't much to the decor; the most exciting thing was the giant window that gazed out into the abyss of stars and planets. I hadn't had much time to gawk earlier, so I stared at it for a minute, recalling when my father would occasionally take me with him on his trips to different systems.

I had always made an effort to press my face to the glass until my breath fogged it up. The stars had always fascinated me with their fiery brilliance. Every night I would watch them, climbing up the tallest tree for the best view. And every night, I would see a light shoot past the stars to a different system, unaware of me, of my signal for help. Every night I filled myself with hope, and every night I shut my eyes knowing that nobody would come for me.

I stepped forward and placed my hand on the cool glass, taking it all in. Not only the stars, but my freedom. I wasn't alone anymore. I could make a life for myself once I finish training. But how long would that take? What would I even do?

The Supreme Leader had offered me power, offered me the chance to lead. But what would I lead? The First Order was already in capable hands, they wouldn't need me. I had no idea what they would possibly need me for.

I pulled my hand back from the glass, now smudged with my handprint, and made my way to the center of the room to the slightly raised platform that stood there. I sat down in the middle, taking a deep breath as I closed my eyes.

Despite his rough tactics, Kylo had been able to talk me through how to tap into the Force. I still wasn't exactly sure what it was, but I knew enough to understand that it was everywhere and that it gave certain people abilities. Apparently, mine was crushing everything in sight when I got scared.

Inhale.

Kylo's voice echoed in my head as I focused on what he had taught me earlier. It took all of my strength to not let my mind wander from the task at hand.

Reach out with your mind.

That was always the tricky part for me. He was asking me to reach out to something I couldn't see or touch. Part of me had hoped he wanted me to actually reach out and grab something, but in the moment, I knew he wasn't the type for humor.

Feel the pulsing of every living thing around you, feel the sparks that run throughout this ship.

I pushed my mind out further, hoping it would grapple onto something. I slid my right hand out in front of me, mimicking the action so that my mind might do what I wanted it to. Reach out. Do something.

Frustrated, I forced my eyes open and stifled a gasp when I wasn't met with the sight of the training room. Instead, I stood in an empty archway that opened into an endless chasm. The echoes of crumbling rocks rang in my ears and in the blink of an eye I was plunged into darkness.

I reached my hands out, hopelessly searching for something to grab onto. I heard a cry and startled at the realization that it was mine. Looking down at my impending doom, I took a deep breath and braced myself.

In a swirl of darkness, I immediately stopped falling. When my vision cleared, I was left standing in the middle of an endless corridor of shining obsidian. I looked up to see if I could make it back up to the top, but there was only darkness.

A blinding flash of light caught my attention and a whirlwind of brilliance rushed past me. I looked to where it was coming from, but there was no end in sight.

Memories, I realized as I focused in on the speeding light.

Flashes of my time with the Noxii passed by me in a blur, and then it was when I was building my house. And then...

"Papa!" My hand instinctively reached for him. In my daze, I stumbled forward and found myself in another place.

Yet, this one was familiar. I was in a small hallway and before me was a door. I went to flip the switch to open it, but it flew open in an instant and a young girl bolted past me, her dark hair swinging in its braid.

I bit my lip as she disappeared into another room, completely unaware of my presence. Completely unaware of just how much her life was about to change.

I turned and slid into the control room just before the door shut, choking back a cry as my eyes landed on my parents.

I had never realized just how young they both were. My mother's face was only then beginning to crease from when she smiled at my father.

And Papa didn't even have a strand of gray in his raven hair. I kept staring at him but he just smiled at my mother, keeping his hazel eyes locked into her silver ones.

I glanced past them for a moment and noticed a ship approaching us. It was an old x-wing fighter, its white belly accented with streaks of red. As it neared, I noticed a round insignia on the side that I could just barely make out.

That was when I realized what day this was, exactly what was about to happen. I lurched forward for the control panel, but it was too late.

The x-wing began firing on our ship mercilessly, only stopping when one of the compartments exploded into a million pieces of shrapnel.

"I need to get Lori." My mother jumped up from her seat and Papa screamed for her to come back. She never did.

He cursed under his breath and tried his best to steer toward a nearby planet. Lights were flashing and so many alarms were blaring, all I could do was curl up and cover my ears.

I couldn't watch this. It was so hard to lose them once; reliving it was just cruel. I let out a sob as another explosion sounded from the back of the ship. A scream escaped my lips as we hurtled through the atmosphere, the ground quickly becoming a vast maze of trees and rocky slopes.

"PULL ME OUT!"

I shut my eyes and everything went silent. Cold metal pressed up against the side of my face, and I realized that I had collapsed onto the floor of the training room. I refused to open my eyes.

What if this was another mind trick, what would I do then?

"This is not a mind trick, you are safe."

Kylo's voice rang out clear in the otherwise silent room. I took a deep breath in and pushed myself up onto feeble legs. I wobbled and he held out his hand for me to steady myself.

I eyed him wearily for a moment before I took it. His hand was just as calloused as mine, but it had a warmth I lacked. I could feel a gentle pulse just beneath his skin, beating a slow, steady rhythm.

"How did you know I was here?"

Kylo's eyes were locked on mine, but I only stared down at our hands.

"I felt you, felt your pain. I thought you were in trouble, so I came to check on you."

It was then that I looked up into his dark eyes. "Why do you care if I'm in pain?"

He paused, clearly caught off guard by my question. Once again, he had switched from menacing to caring. Kylo couldn't seem to make up his mind on who he wanted to be.

"I care because it is my duty to the Supreme Leader." I yanked my hand back as if I had been scalded by the mere touch of his fingers. Any warmth in his gaze vanished.

I took a few steps back and shoved my hands in the pockets of my trousers. Swallowing hard, I did something I thought I would never do.

"I'm sorry," I lowered my gaze to his feet, "I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier. You were right, about me not knowing anything. But if you want me to understand, you need to teach me. You were the first person I had seen in twelve years, you can't expect me to know everything. I didn't even know there was a rebellion, or what it was fighting for."

I gently scrubbed away at the now dried tears on my face and looked at Kylo. He just stared at me, as if my apology had just flipped his stomach inside out. I took that as a sign to leave.

I needed time to process what just happened. My mind was racing, trying to understand it all. I now had a clue on who killed my parents. I also realized that there was no point in trying to wrap my head around Kylo.

Take it one step at a time. That's all that I could do. And maybe along the way I could learn exactly what is going on in the galaxy.