Loving Memory

"No!" I murmured.

It was a little less prevalent and pronounced as before. My breathing was quickening and my leg jolted in pain as I was picked up.

"You have to move Kane!" I heard someone yell.

I struggled with myself. I was shaking and trembling so hard that It was hard to focus on the ground in front of me. The gunfire had stopped and there was yelling behind us. Why would he do that? I tried to pull him with me... I swear I had tried. My leg shook me once more. There was blood pouring out pretty consistently.

I began to pick myself up from the small tree as someone ripped their shirt and tightened it around my leg. Blood rushed to my head and I became so dizzy that I fell on that person.

"Kane!" she yelled.

Becca was strong I had come to realize and she, along with help from Emma, began dragging me away from the compound.

"Leave me," heaved. "Y'all won't make it dragging me like this. Go!"

Becca began to slow her pace and looked over to me as she dragged me through the tall grass.

"Should have left me to fall in that pit, because I'm not leaving," she answered with a large sigh from exhaustion.

"Move away from him," Kamil muttered as him, Z, and the Rachel girl came over to us.

Becca and Emma put me on the ground with a heavy sigh and put their hands on their knees with their hands down.

Kamil looked at the compound, "They're sending out dogs, we have to move soon."

"If they send out dogs, they'll send out people with them too, no?" Emma chimed in.

"No way they'll send out guards," Z said, "We are already running on low guards, they wouldn't want to risk another escape by other people."

Z looked at the direction we had to go. The small little patch of trees that we had luckily hid in was small. It ended not too soon towards the east. There was small amounts of grass and shrubbery past that with mostly a desert landscape to hide us. I glanced over to the east and squinted hard to focus my vision. The landscape wasn't as flat as I had previously thought when we originally got here. I groaned as another round of pain shocked through my body.

"Well, we have to start moving now," Becca said, "whether we like it or not something is coming after us."

"You're right," he told her, "but who is going to help Kane?"

Everyone sat there for a moment for a few seconds of silence. Everyone was so encompassed in the chaos that no one realized how tired and pained they were. I looked at Z who had blood flowing down his chest and drenching him and his shirt. There was a light westwardly breeze that brushed my hair and the air smelled earthy and dry. The vegetation was greening up for the hot summer that was sure to be ahead and prepared itself for any rain that might come. Under different circumstances, this was a beautiful patch of small forest in an otherwise desolate landscape.

I was ready to be left alone.

"Wait," Emma asked looking over to the compound "how do they release the dogs out?"

Z looked "They'll probably have two or three bikers drive alongside them now that I think about it, to follow our tracks with the dogs."

She looked over to the compound. They were carrying back the limp body of the boy with no family. Connor was a ghastly sight and I quickly turned away. Two guards had him on their shoulders. Seeing him like that was more painful than my leg. My body shrunk and I tensed up in anger. It may have been anger, although it could have been any emotion. I couldn't focus. There was too much going on at once.

"So," Emma said, "why don't we ambush them and take the bikes?"

"What about the dogs?" Z asked, "it's kind of hard to ambush a dog."

Emma said nothing and only looked at me. She then reached down and took the knife out of my pocket.

"They wouldn't expect us to fight back," she said.

She looked at the blade and flipped it in her hands. She turned over to Z, " how many dogs do you think they'll send?"

"We had five last I checked," Z responded, "but I don't know, those are pretty malicious dogs, they bit one of the guards pretty badly."

"Oh don't you worry," Emma said, "I used to fight off coyotes on our property. Me and Bailey used to..."

Emma took a pause at the moment she mentioned Bailey's name.

"The point is," she said looking at the compound, "I'll handle the dogs if you all take the guards."

Z looked at the compound and to Rachel. She was a quiet girl with long brown locks down the side of her smooth toned face. When she blinked, I noticed her large and defined eyelashes. Her uniform however, really showed her in her more true form. She stood like a soldier. In another life she could've been a model.

"Lets do it then," he said, " and quickly, they should be sending them out any second. Hide behind and bush or tree you find..."

"And what about Kane?" Kamil interjected.

Emma and Z locked eyes for a moment. They looked at each other not saying a word and nodded. They both turned their heads to me in eerie unison.

I was bait.

"Let's do it," I said.

Everyone dispersed around me. I watched them go: Kamil behind a nearby tree to the east, Z and Rachel behind a bush to the north, Becca took the south in the tall grass, and Emma took the east, the direction of the compound near another tree.

I sat up onto my butt and grabbed my leg. I began to apply pressure to help stop the blood. I winced in pain with every ounce of pressure I applied and I grunted quietly. The motorbikes could be heard starting in the distance and canines were already barking and on their way.

I tightened the cloth on my leg and began to breathe in and out faster so as to simulate running away unsuccessfully.

There was one dog headed in my direction specifically for sure. Its barking was getting louder and louder. It was no more than 50 feet out. I heard Emma shuffling with something in the grass. She was preparing.

The dog was getting really close now, and any second it would bark that a body had been found.

I jumped back at the sight of it. A large black canine growling at might sight. As if by some command, it began to howl into the sky, creating a beacon of sound that there was something unique in its location. It didn't instantly attack, which gave Emma just enough time to throw a ball of dirt at its face from its side.

The ball slammed with a thud and the canine fell over with a squeal. I flinched at the squeal, a bit saddened, as Emma jumped on its mouth before it had time to recover and thrusting the knife into the neck of the creature in a swift but effective jab. The canine had enough time to lash out but once with a bark and a bite before it was ended. The engines of the motorbikes had heard the howl though, as well as the other dogs for sure. I could hear the engines getting louder and heading straight for me.

Sure enough, I quickly noticed three motorbikes headed straight for me, but there was two guards on each. There were six guards, we were at bad odds. One of the guards saw me and pointed. Emma dashed to the side to not be spotted and dragged the dog with her. There was blood splattered on the floor from the dog.

I quickly crawled a bit closer to the puddle to make it seem more like it was mine.

The bikes reached me and they encircled me and got off the bikes to look at me. They turned off their engines and all of the mudded sound became a lot more apparent. There were two more dogs coming from the south.

"looks like we got another," said one of the guards and he kicked me in my side which collapsed me onto the floor with a large grunt. Pain exploded throughout my body and flooded my head.

Where was everyone? I clutched at my side and struggled to breathe, taking in slow breaths to try to focus myself.

"What happened?" the guard said, "your friends run off on you?"

He threw another kick at my side. This time though, I jumped to the side and he threw himself almost off balance. The other few guards chuckled at his missed step.

"Shut up!" he commanded.

He grabbed me by my arm and dragged me up. I acted powerless and didn't fight it. I let him do the work of holding me up. Two other guards joined in helping him hold me.

"Let's go."

As soon as he said the words, Z jumped out with Rachel from the tree. Everyone joined in right after them. Z jumped one of the three guards that were not holding me and grabbed the guard's gun as he tackled him. Rachel took another one down in a fell swoop and disarmed him. Becca took the last one and by the time the people who were carrying me could drop me down, I had taken the guard who had kicked me in a weak choke hold and brought him to the ground as well.

I saw Emma jump nearby into some unseen grass to hear some dog barking. Kamil had taken to attacking the other two guards who had attacked me. Kamil was a very good fighter and the few glimpses I caught of him indicated that he would easily win his fights.

This was just like the fights we had during the competition I thought to myself. Only this time they were armed. I supposed it would be a bit harder then. They had the numbers, but we had the conviction.

I fought to keep the choke hold but the guard kicked me in my wounded leg and I let my grasp loose enough for him to roll over and out of my hands. I couldn't let him get up, or I'd really be disadvantaged, so I jumped on him and threw my best attempt at a left hook at his face. His reaction was quick but inexperienced. He dodged poorly and I hit the side of his head, turning it a bit, revealing his profile better.

My hand, however, his the ground and I yelped out in pain as I threw my other hand at his face. My legs were almost in position to lock him down, but my wounded foot was being stubborn to move.

He kicked at me again and hit my backside, throwing me over his head and off of him. Luckily for me, another guard fell on top of both of us. I couldn't tell who had thrown him down, but I was sure glad it wasn't one of us. I dashed to the side and attempted to pounce on the guard again, but this time, he caught me coming to him and rolled away. I missed my pounce and fell on the ground, letting myself get pinned by a kick to my head which sent my mind rattling.

My vision began to blur out more and I staring seeing black around my vision. My head shook and seared in hot pain and I grabbed at my face. I couldn't feel the pain in all the adrenaline but my body acted on its own.

As he attempted a stop to the head, surely a hit enough to either knock me out or kill me, I saw Emma throw herself over me at him, catching him off guard and throwing him off balance. She however, had a quick recovery and drove the knife towards his face. He caught her hands and began to force it back at her.

I reached out my hand and moved further towards her as best as I could. I took my good left leg and pressed it against the earth in an attempt to stand up. I opened my eyes and squinted through the blurred vision to make out their bodies struggling on the ground.

I couldn't stand for more than a second, so I dove onto the guard with all the strength I still had, collapsing the struggle between Emma and the guard. I landed on top of him and instantly drove my fist into his face. It landed. Again I drove another and another fist into his face. His legs tried to kick at me again but I moved to the side in time to not get caught. I drove another punch into his face which I noticed had weakened him. His punches at me and his kicks were becoming less and less powerful and he was letting go.

I wished I could tell him that this was payback for Connor, this was payback for all of them. I hoped he felt every inch of the pain that I had. I hoped he understood what it felt like to see your friends, those who were close to you, in pain. As I darted more and more fists at him, and as I noticed his moving stopping, I began to yell.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled at him. "Why?" I cried. Tears began to flood my eyes and my cheeks began to flush. I gritted my teeth and spat on his face.

"Please," I heard him croak, "please..." he attempted.

I drove punch after punch and eternity flowed through me. I didn't stop. I only gritted my teeth in the pain and in his crying and in my crying and in our crying. His struggling stopped and noise seemed to fade as my vision darkened. I saw my mom for a moment. She was standing there, a observant onlooker.

"Help me," I cried to her.

She looked at my victim and back at me.

"Please," I cried, "help me..." I let out in a heavy bawl.

I only saw her for that moment and she saw me for eternity.

She frowned at me and said, "Who are you Kane?"

I stopped punching and I looked at my bloody hands. I could see nothing but darkness and my mother, standing on a few dry blades of grass. I sat there on my knees, motionless to her question and without answer. Who was I?

"I want to go home," I moaned through my tears. "I just want to go home."

My back began to crumble as I envisioned my home. I smelled the same dust I had for years. My room was still there, my geometry homework was undone and waiting for me to return. My bed was empty and yearning. It was morning and it was time to go to school.

My mother watched me, quietly.

"How's Andrea?" I quickly asked.

She eyed me up and down inspecting every part of my body. She smiled and came close to my shrunk body and picked me up off the darkness I was kneeling over. I stood on my feet and I looked down. My leg was healed and I was able to stand without problem. My head and my face didn't hurt anymore either. My mother grabbed me by my arms and embraced me.

"Oh Kane," she said as I dove my head into her chest.

After a few moments I drew myself back and looked at her eyes.

"How were you so brave?" I asked her.

She ran her hands through my hair and smiled while looking forward and past me at something in the distance.

"I believed in what I was fighting for," she said.

I studied her eyes, "but why did you have to fight? Why didn't you and dad just have normal jobs? You never told me why..."

She looked at me curiously, as if trying to see what I was really asking. I didn't know what I was asking. I didn't even know what was going on. As soon as I thought about it, she began to walk away from me. I tried to walk after her but my feet wouldn't move. They were stuck in place.

"Wait for me!" I yelled. "I'm coming, wait!"

She kept walking though, disregarding my plea.

"Mom!" I yelled louder, "please!"

I pulled my legs from the ground in attempt to move, but it was futile. My feet fell into the black ground beneath me as if it was quicksand. I grabbed my leg with my arms and tugged but to no avail. I struggled as my mother left me. She was far away now, but she turned around to look at me one last time.

"Who are you Kane?" she asked.

As soon as she said that, she evaded my vision and all was lost.

The darkness consumed me and I couldn't see my body anymore either. I peered into the darkness to try to see anything. My head began flaring up again and my leg began tickling. In the distance I heard an echo. It sounded like my mother. It got closer and changed its tone. I listened carefully for every movement. There was a buzzing that began attacking my ears.

With a sudden rush of energy, I opened my eyes.

I instinctively reached for my leg but a hand slapped it away.

"Probably best you don't touch that," Kamil said smiling down at me.

I was situated on a makeshift dirt pile pillow on my back. Kamil was sitting on a small boulder staring into the flame. There was a large cliff above us and a few tress surrounding us. The ground was more green than where we were before, at least as far as I could tell in the darkening night. It was probably around ten or eleven at night by the looks of the moon.

I could see a lot better and my head was clearing up. I looked around us. Z was laying down a few feet away with Rachel in the grass overlooking the stars. Emma and Becca were nowhere to be found.

"Where's Emma and Becca?" I asked instinctively.

Kamil looked at my broken form and back to the fire. "They went on top," he said by pointing to the top of the cliff that towered maybe fifty feet on top of us. "They wanted to get a lookout on where we are."

I looked around at the greenery and the landscape, it was definitely different from what I remembered the compound site looking like, and there was definitely no cliff at the compound. The three bikes were lying on the side of the cliff next to each other, very dusted.

"Where," I said, "exactly are we? What happened?"

"Well," Kamil said, "when we fought those guys you passed out fighting one of the last guys. You almost killed him but for some reason, you didn't."

At that, he darted his eyes toward mine. I nodded.

"Did y'all kill them?" I asked.

"I don't know to be honest," he responded in a heavy sigh, "it was kind of hard to be easy on them. I punched two pretty hard and those two," he said motioning towards Z and Rachel, "easily took most of the others."

I looked over at Z and Rachel, who were whispering to each other in calm voices.

"Yeah, they're pretty well trained for guards," I said.

"Yeah, they're pretty well trained for killers," Kamil responded in a hushed tone.

"...What?" I asked.

Kamil took me aside and put his hand on my shoulder, "Kane, these guys, they helped kill us, heck Emma's sister died because of his competitions--"

"I get that," I said, "but he didn't create the competition, he only followed orders."

"Yeah," Kamil scoffed louder, "he followed the orders of a killer."

Z sat up from the grass.

"I don't expect you to understand," Z said, "but if it wasn't for me, you all would not have survived one minute trying to escape. I could've told the doctor the second I knew you guys were rebellious."

"You also killed Bailey, so I guess you think it's all good huh?"

"No, that's not what I meant," Z rebutted, "I didn't have a choice then, If we don't follow commands than we could get killed as well."

Kamil stood up, "so you think you're just so much more important than everyone else?"

"Listen," Z said, "I'm trying to help, that's it."

Kamil looked at me and back to Z, "Yeah I can see that. Next time you let one of us die, ask yourself whether your trying to help everyone or just yourself..."

Kamil turned around and began walking away.

"Kamil..." I started.

"I just need some fresh air" he said looking into the night.

His large figure fell into the darkness of the night. I looked into the small fire that was situated on the side of the cliff. The embers of the leaves and twigs crackled and popped in the orange hue of the flame. Some smoke was coming from the fire, but not much. The fire needed some larger pieces of wood if it was going to stay up. I looked around the rock that Kamil was sitting on to find an array of differently sized and shaped pieces of bark. I grabbed one and threw it into the fire.

It fell with a a chaotic entrance as it drove hundreds of embers to fly into the surrounding air, flowing with the wind in beautiful rows like little fireworks let out at the same time.

I hadn't seen a firework since Abilene, my hometown in Texas. During the New Year celebrations my family would buy a lot and along with the neighborhood we would shoot them up all together in the middle of the street. The small kids like me would chase each other with the little firecrackers and throw them at each other while the older kids would prepare the big explosion. Each year they timed and wired the big fireworks in the center for the twelve o' clock minute. It was always just so beautiful. The parents would always sit in chairs on their lawns and talk about gossip, about war, and about their jobs. I remember my mom sitting in her lavender smelling chair that was embroidered with little purple flowers. "Don't hurt yourself Kane!" she would yell. She never did get out of the chair until the big firework, when all the adults stood up. They would place their hands on their hearts and watch them pop and explode.

"Kane! You're up!" I heard a voice call.

Becca and Emma had just appeared from the darkness, from the same direction as Kamil. Becca darted for me and threw her hands around me for a big hug. Her blonde hair was darkened and dirtied from all of the dust, but it had a lovely earthy smell.

"Kamil almost dropped you like three times on the bike," Emma chuckled, "I didn't think you'd make it."

Becca let go of me and sat down on a small boulder that was moved to be near the fire a while ago. Emma joined her on the boulder.

"How far away did we make it?" I asked her.

"Probably fifty or so miles until we reached this cliff," she said tapping the wall.

"Yeah," Becca said, "It was getting dark, we were running out of fuel, and we figured we'd let Kamil rest a bit from carrying you."

I nodded.

"What's that on your face?" I asked Emma.

She was sitting on my left and hid the left side of her face towards the wall. She slowly turned her head to reveal a large bite mark running around her cheek. There were maybe thirty or forty bite marks in all covering that side of her face.

"One of them got my face," she said looking at the fire, "but it wasn't too bad, the bleeding stopped pretty early."

I said nothing but looked at the cheek.

After a few moments of silence I finally looked away, "Thank you for that, I'm sorry..."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," she said, "In fact..."

She began rummaging in her pockets until she took it out. A dagger, clean and in pristine condition.

"This knife saved me, I should thank you," she said throwing me the knife.

I caught it and began inspecting it.

"I cleaned it up in a small stream nearby."

I nodded my head.

"What's next?" Becca asked aloud. "Like where do we go?"

"Were going to be chased," Z chimed in as he and Rachel sat down on the boulder on my right. The one that Kamil had sat in.

"That means we have to go to east and across the Mississippi," he said.

Emma didn't look at him. Something told me she had the same problem Kamil had with him.

"To Yorknia?" Becca asked.

"Exactly," Z said.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" I asked.

There was a pause.

"We should follow the river," I heard someone say from behind me. Kamil had come back. "The best chance at finding food to eat or at least a place where we can be safe is in a town. We can't hide in the woods."

"There will be guards in every town, that's suicide," Z interjected.

"It's also suicide to have six people alone in the woods with one knife and three bike that are going to run out of fuel, our best option is to find a town and maybe a map so we don't run into another cliff like this stupid rock here," Kamil responded.

"They all know what I look like, they all know what she looks like," Z said motioning to Rachel, "we'll be caught like no one's business."

"Can you for once think about someone else other than yourself?" Kamil asked.

"I'm trying to be smart, maybe you should too. If we walk in, all dirty into a town where no one knows us, that'll throw off all the red flags. We'd be caught for sure. Besides, you don't know that there even is a town."

"We saw lights in the north, the direction of the river," Becca added.

Kamil looked over at Z, "Listen man, look at us." He motioned to the entire group. "We are tired, most of us are wounded, we will not survive an expedition to the Mississippi without help. We don't have a choice."

"Wait," I said, "We have three bikes. What if Kamil takes two people and goes to town to get what supplies and information he can, that way its a small group to move around with and so he'll have a better chance. Meanwhile," I said, "Z you can stay here with Rachel and who's left and try to catch some game and get a good feel for the path forward."

I stood up by the fire, "tomorrow night, we meet up back here and we leave the morning after. Anyone have any complaints?"

I looked around me, eyeing every person. I ignored my leg which was complaining and straining. No one said a word.

"Were done with the fighting then," I said, "Kamil who do you want to take?"

Kamil looked at us for a moment and judged us. I tried to look strong and stood up balanced.

"I'll take Emma and Becca," he said definitely.

I looked over to Emma, then Becca, then Kamil, then Z and Rachel. The fire had brightened and the yellow glow on our faces radiated beautifully.

"It's settled then," I said. "Kamil you'll leave first light tomorrow."

I left the circle and lied down in the beautiful green grass. It enveloped me and tickled me. The aroma of the earth lifted itself into my nose and lifted me. I looked at the darkened leaves blocking out the shine of the moon. It was near midnight. I wanted to stop thinking and just rest. Maybe sometimes rest is just the compensation of good work I told myself. I wanted it badly. I wanted to know that what I was doing was right. The feeling never came though. I had hurt soldiers back who had hurt me. I had almost killed that man in anger as justice for Connor's death. He was someone like Z, someone that I trusted and had helped me escape the compound. I had dreamed of my mother. I still pictured her, a strong woman capable of solving my problems. How had she done the right thing? Or HAD she done the right thing? Memory was a tricky thing, that our minds bend the experiences we have to fill the puzzles of our brains. Our minds convinced us that it all made sense and worked together. We love our memories, even if they are bad because without them we have nothing to build off of. Without them, we have no conviction, no love, no care, no reason and purpose and will to move forward. That night I slept peacefully in the chaos of my world for the first time. I wasn't afraid for some reason as I rightfully should have been. There was a country that wanted me dead for no reason, but there was nothing to fear. I remembered. I was Kane Hope.

The waves came and rocked me, but I could still breathe.