MelanieLover

So i know that people will mostly ignore if they think that some diaries, just because there’s nothing interesting in the title, will totally ignore reading but what if. What if there is someone out there who has a lot to say. 

So here I am, typing down whatever comes to my mind and not caring the slightest about what everyone will think about me but only here, where I can stay anonymously. Because we all know how much of a chicken we all are out there in the real life. 

So basically I’m still a teen, a teen who doesn’t recognize the meaning in life. The unspoken world where everyone is trying so hard to fit in. What are we? And what if every step in our life weights so much on our shoulders that lastly you can’t stand it anymore and with a light movement you can end it all. Well if you think that I’m a depressed teenager who is doing drugs and I’m outside drinking with a gang where everyone’s a slut and are getting wasted, then you’re wrong! 

So now I’m here with all my bubbled up emotions that I can’t say to anyone but myself. So stay tuned because I’m about to bring out some attitude and fricking shit into everyone that’s reading whatever the heck this is!


Update: hopefully everyday :)

Diary of a basic teenage girl

The date is 30 Nov 2022, current time 14.58.


As I'm writing this I can't help but wonder. It took me 1-2 years to remember that this app exists. This "diary" thing exists. 


I can't remember anymore why I even published this from the beginning… was it because I was bored? Or perhaps that I wanted someone to read this? Or maybe it was because I was so damn lonely! But now it's kinda interesting to come back and read whatever shit it Is I mentioned. 


The friends I have had have been toxic, you know the feeling when your nr.1 friend doesn't have you as their nr.1 friend? Yeah it was that kind of feeling that I had before. But now I know that it gets better! It started with this one girl talking to me just because I like watching anime, read manga and novels, and play games etc. To her bringing me into a friend group that I can be a part of. I did develop a little crush on her but that was only at the beginning. Now it's just best friend material. 


I want to say that school is great now but it's not. If I thought before that my grades are bad, they have never been as bad as they are right now. I still hate myself and feel like a failure in life. But since I'm 18 now I just have to hold on a little longer until I have enough money to move somewhere else and hopefully together with my best friend. 


If it's not already obvious, I have a major depression. I don't know when it started but it was not this year at least. Some long time ago for sure. I refuse to go to a psychologist, I don't believe that it's that bad yet. I want to kill myself but only after I have fulfilled some of my goals in life; 


8. Go to a hunted house that's super scary


That's my top 10 list before I die/kill myself. 


When I read through it, there's nothing major or abnormal but to me it's enough. 


Speaking of boyfriends, I have a corridor crush now. I met him at a Halloween party this year and he was super drunk (like most of the others) and at some point someone mentioned playing cards. His turn was before mine and he tried to sabotage for me and was teasing me, I teased him back of course and for the simp I am, that's enough for me to simp for him. I saw him today and he was as cute as that day. We are entirely different (As I'm familiar with). But that's fine. I really want to talk to him and get to know him more and if it just gets awkward instead, I will probably give up. I dont want to wait my whole life for someone to come up to me and ask me out first. I have been waiting and waiting that it's enough! Gotta take matters in my own two hands right?! 


I will probably upload this and start looking for something to read. Under the period of time that I was absent from this app there has been so many new updates and new novels to read. 


30 November 2022