Chapter Sixteen

Grace looked up as Stern opened the doors and entered the library. He cleared his throat and nodded. "Madam, his grace is here."

Grace's face broke into a smile. "Vernon? Tell him to come in." She rose from her seat and held out her hands to Vernon. Vernon entered, gladly accepting Grace's outstretched hands and kissed her on both cheeks.

"Oh, Vernon, how was your trip? When did you return?" Grace asked curiously, returning the kisses. "I am so glad you have returned. Victoria is melancholy most of the time."

Vernon laughed and seated himself on the sofa next to Grace. "Mrs. Watson, you are looking quite well. Speaking of Victoria, I met her on the way here. She stopped off to see Sarah."

Grace sighed. "Yes, Sarah. I cannot believe that girl is going to be married next year."

Vernon frowned. "Next year? I thought it was going to be this November, Mrs. Watson."

Grace nodded. "Yes, it was supposed to be. But Gerard Valois seems to have some business to take care of." There was a slight frown on her face. "He was rumored to have been a rake, and that he had a mistress to take care of. You know, their deal."

Vernon nodded understandingly. "No more needs to be said, Mrs. Watson. Yes, it is true Gerard has a mistress, but it has been over for quite some time. If indeed their wedding was postponed because of Gerard's business, it is probably because his father is ill, Mrs. Watson."

Grace looked concerned. "Oh, dear. How ill is he?"

Vernon shook his head. "He had a heart attack recently, Mrs. Watson. But he is recovering."

Grace nodded, relieved. "Well then, I have one less worry." She waited as Stern entered the room and placed the tea tray on the table. She nodded, motioning for Stern to leave. She poured Vernon a cup of tea before taking one herself. "Well, Vernon, when you do you plan to announce your engagement to Victoria?" she asked, smiling slightly.

Vernon crossed his legs, balancing his tea cup on his knee. "Soon, I hope. It is really up to Victoria."

Grace sighed. "I have been at Victoria to announce her engagement, but she simply will not. I suppose it is her stubborn streak that is showing."

Vernon nodded, smiling ruefully. "I know that streak well, Mrs. Watson."

Grace hesitated, pausing, trying to find the right words for her next question. "Vernon, you do not think Victoria is having second thoughts?" she asked anxiously.

Vernon shook his head firmly. "No, ma'am, I do not. Victoria may be many things but she is not fickle."

"No, she isn't," Grace conceded gratefully. "But I am worried about the matter of your engagement. She is not even planning her trousseau or anything. But then, her mother has not written to her since she became engaged to you."

"Victoria does not speak of her mother at all," Vernon remarked. "Why are they at such odds with each other?"

Grace shook her head, shrugging helplessly. "Heaven knows, Vernon. It is obvious Guenevere is not happy about your engagement. She thinks that you belong to Amanda even if she did jilt you, dear. Oh, I know that is wrong, but the feeling cannot be helped. Even if you had been engaged to another young lady, the feelings would have been the same, but with less intensity." She smiled sadly, putting down her tea cup. "I love my sister dearly, Vernon. However, I also love Victoria very much, and I really do hate to see their fighting all the time. Gilbert is really no help," she added with a rueful laugh. "He is always siding with Victoria."

Vernon nodded. "Unreasonable of her ladyship, isn't it, Mrs. Watson?" he asked politely.

Grace nodded but sighed with resignation. "No one ever said Guenevere was ever sensible, Vernon. She was set in her ways ever since we were children. But I suppose that has to do with the fact that our mother passed away with my birth." Grace looked thoughtful as if she had just realized something. "Guenevere raised all of us, Vernon. From an early age, she learned how to handle things with impeccable calm and strength. She never learned how to express her emotions very well, even with her own husband and children." She shook her head. "Like my older sister, Victoria usually hides her feelings well. However, Victoria is a very passionate person."

Grace smiled wistfully. "When I was younger, I used to think that Guenevere was so solemn and so serious. I remember my older of two brothers, Michael's, telling me that... Guenevere was different before mother's death," she remarked, looking up at Vernon. "Mother's death could have killed all of Guenevere's passion. She might have seen mother's death as an omen, I suppose. That there would be little or no room in her life for passion... to fill fulfilled."

Grace chuckled. "No, I suppose not. After all, Guenevere had to raise us three. No, perhaps not," she added softly, taking a small sip of her tea.

Vernon listened to Grace carefully, taking note of her facial expressions and her tone of voice. He realized that he knew very little about what made Victoria who she was. It would take all her family history, especially about Guenevere, to understand Victoria's personality. Somehow, though, this venture seemed impossible. He merely smiled and picked his tea cup up.

* * *

Guenevere walked into the hallway, her hands neatly folded together in front of her as she took slow, stately steps, inspecting her household. The butler, Bearen, followed his mistress quietly, always taking care to be exactly twenty-five steps behind.

Guenevere halted abruptly and turned around, causing Bearen to loose his balance a bit. Bearen, due to years of experience and training, immediately regained his composure and nodded his head.

"Yes, your ladyship?" Bearen inquired.

Guenevere gave him a rueful smile and shook her head. "I was imagining that I saw a speck of dust over there, but I realized that could not be. You are in charge of this household, and you really do an impeccable job, Bearen."

Bearen was pleased. "Thank you, your ladyship."

Guenevere nodded, continuing her walk. "Did the mail arrive, Bearen?"

Bearen nodded. "Yes, your ladyship. The mail is in the drawing-room next to your favorite chair, your ladyship."

Guenevere nodded approvingly. "I know this seems ridiculous to ask, Bearen..."

"If I can be of any assistance, I will try, your ladyship," Bearen assured gravely.

"When I left this morning to run an errand, I believe his earlship left the house to tend to a patient. Who was the patient and did he tell you when he would be back?" Guenevere asked, frowning slightly. She glanced at the clock, which read three in the afternoon.

Bearen shook his head. "He did not tell any of my staff when he would be back, but I believe the patient was Lady Bailer. She has called the doctor often for treatment."

"Nonsense," Guenevere said a little sharply. "Lady Bailer is a perfectly healthy woman. I do not understand her having any problems with her health."

Bearen frowned slightly. "I believe she called his earlship because of her mother, the Dowager Lady Welburn, your ladyship."

Guenevere nodded. "Yes, that would make sense. All right, Brearen, your duty is done. You have the whole day free now."

Bearen looked slightly surprised. "And your tea, your ladyship?"

Guenevere smiled warmly. "I am sure one of the staff could handle that. No one is coming over today. Besides, you need a day off, Brearen. With all the parties and such of late, you have been extremely busy."

"But, your ladyship, I really have done nothing of importance," Brearen objected earnestly.

Guenevere placed a motherly arm on Brearen. "Do not be nonsensical and run along, Brearen. I am sure your poor mother must be frightfully angry with us. Please send her my respects, Brearen."

Brearen conceded gracefully, as an excellent butler should and bowed elegantly. "I will be sure to do that, your ladyship. She will be gratified to know that you are sending your respects."

Guenevere smiled slightly. "Tell one of your staff to send in the tea at half past three. I believe that I need some. And tell your mother that I will visit her shortly, perhaps in a fortnight or so, Brearen."

Brearen moved slightly, ready to depart from Guenevere's presence. "Yes, your ladyship. Tea in the drawing-room?"

Guenevere nodded slightly. "Yes. Good afternoon, Brearen. I will see you tomorrow morning."

Brearen bowed and left Guenevere's presence. Guenevere quickened her pace a bit and opened the door of the drawing-room, shutting the door behind her. She seated herself in her favorite chair and smiled at the hot cup of tea that was placed next to her mail. How thoughtful, Guenevere complimented, taking a sip.

Guenevere briskly took the mail off her table and started looking through. There were many invitations to balls, tea parties... nonsensical things of the sort, a duty that was required of her, being an earl's wife. She decided to think about them later when she would be in a more tolerant state of mind.

Guenevere found two letters from home: one from Grace (of course) and the other from Victoria. Grace's letter really did not interest her very much, for Grace had always written letters to her ever since they were children. But Victoria... when had she last read a letter from her? Some time ago, I believe, Guenevere thought curiously.

Guenevere took her letter opener and slit the envelope open. She unfolded the thick paper and skimmed through the letter. The tone was polite but cold.

February --, 192--

Dear Mother,

I am quite aware of the fact that I have not written a letter to you since I became engaged to Vernon. It has not been due to the fact that I have forgotten or that I was neglecting my duty, but that you have not written to me since then either. But I see now that I am neglecting my duty for I am the daughter after all, and you are the mother. It is my duty to tell you what has been of importance in my short life, and how I miss you.

Aunt Grace, Uncle George, Freddy, Serena, and Peter are all well. Of course, as you know, Serena is getting married in late June, and the preparations are going well. Serena is preparing her wedding trousseau meticulously and carefully. Her going away honeymoon traveling suit has not been prepared yet, but she is not sure what design and what color to choose. As you probably know, she is engaged to the second child of Mr. and Mrs. Beau Callahan, one of the socially prominent couples of New York society. Her fiancé's name is Steven Rush Callahan.

Aunt Grace has always been one of my favorite people in the world, and she still is. Of late, she has been tired often, but that may be due to the fact that she is preparing Serena's wedding gown by hand. Serena's wedding gown is the one Aunt Grace wore when she married Uncle Peter. I am sure you know what the gown looks like, but if you forgot, this will hopefully remind you: it has Venetian lace on the hem, and the whole gown is made of yards of satin and silk. The sleeves are flowing, and the neckline is rounded. The train of the gown is quite long. I believe it is about seven foot long. The veil is an heirloom: it was Uncle Peter's mother's wedding veil, and it was also Aunt Grace's wedding veil. Aunt Grace is sending the veil to be redone at a dressmaker's.

Teddy has moved here and is living in a lovely home not three miles away. He says he will bring Brian and his nanny to live in the States after he remarries, if he can. I believe he is looking better now than he ever has before. He has lost that pallor, that tired look that gave his face much more character than it ever did before. Of course, he has matured and is very serious about his business.

I suppose you are slightly angry that Teddy is not going to stay a widower, but I believe such a desire is unreasonable. Teddy is still a young man, and he needs a wife to have more children, and a mother for Teddy. I do not want to see his marrying a shrew, for I love Brian dearly, and that would be unbearable.

As for Vernon, he is well. I know that I did not mention my engagement to him in the last letter I wrote to you, but I was not engaged to him then. I know you must be feeling both angry and disappointed in me, for I am going to marry Vernon. I assure you, mother, that Vernon will always love Amanda and only Amanda. I am only a shadow, mother. Vernon's heart always belongs to Amanda; it will never belong to me. I thought you might like to know this. You did love Amanda very much.

My regards and my respects,

your daughter,

Victoria

Guenevere's eyes roamed over the letter again before folding it and putting the letter away. Her duty. Victoria's duty to write letters to her, her own mother. But you haven't really done anything to earn her love, have you? a small voice said to Guenevere. Guenevere recalled the conversation that she had had with Grace in the States some time ago. She folded the letter up. No, nothing at all.

Victoria watched the activity outside of her window, seated in her window seat. Her knees were slightly bent, and her golden hair was unbraided. "You're getting married in June, aren't you?" she asked uneasily.

Serena looked up from her packing, surprised by such a question. "Yes, I am. But you know that, Victoria. You've known that for a long time." She returned to her packing, looking thoughtful.

Victoria smiled faintly, almost mockingly. "March is almost ending."

"Yes, it is," Serena agreed without feeling, snapping her valise shut and turning to her next one.

Victoria turned to look at her cousin. "Do you not feel anything else but happiness?" She waved a hand to her surroundings. "Do you not feel as if you will miss your home? The home where you have spent many years of your life?"

Serena stopped packing and seated herself on the double bed. She glanced around the room she had shared with Victoria the last three to four years. She shook her head, smiling apologetically. "To be perfectly honest, Victoria, I do not think I will ever miss my home. It will always have a place in my heart, for I am not as heartless as everyone in society would like to think, but..." Serena bit her lower lip and sighed.

"Victoria, I don't believe in missing people or things. What has been done is done," Serena explained quietly. "You can call me cold-hearted, but there is no point in missing things that one cannot return to anymore. I can't go back."

Victoria shook her head. "No, Serena, what you have just said is logical and right. You are not a cold-hearted being." She paused, trying to find the right words. "But I know that I would miss this place, Serena. More than anyone could ever know or understand."

Serena tried to fathom the meaning behind Victoria's words. "Is it because mother has always been more of a mother to you than Aunt Guenevere has been?" she asked boldly, but quietly.

Victoria glanced down at her feet for a second before nodding. "Yes, I suppose that could be a valid reason," she answered without emotion.

Serena rose from her seat on the double bed and continued to pack again. "I wish I could find it in my heart to empathize with you, Victoria," she said earnestly. "But I can't. I am looking forward to marrying Steve and having a life together with him. There isn't anything else more that I could want."

Victoria eased herself off the window seat and nodded. "Yes. Forgive me for making you go through a grueling moment." She glanced at the valises and trunks. "I suppose you're visiting Mr. and Mrs. Callahan for two weeks?"

Serena nodded. "Yes, I am. Mother and I agreed that this would be a good time to ship most of my things there. Mrs. Callahan agreed with us."

Victoria impulsively hugged her cousin, closing her eyes. "I know this is silly, Serena, but I cannot help it. I will miss you."

Serena returned the embrace, having a difficult time understanding her cousin. But then, she had always thought her cousin to be a queer yet perfectly kind individual.

Perhaps it would be difficult to believe that Victoria had difficulty adjusting to the idea of her cousin's marrying. After all, she and her cousin were always sparring in the privacy of their bedroom. But one must remember that they were cousins, and in being cousins, they shared a spiritual bond that much stronger than anything Victoria and her best friend, Sarah, might have ever shared.

Victoria had never believed that one day Serena would really become a matron. However, as the days trickled by, and the nights turned into dawns and dawns into dusks, the fact could no longer be denied. And as Victoria watched the preparations, she felt something of her own reality: that she too, one day would be married to Vernon.

The thought frightened her more than she was willing to admit, even though she loved him. Because of this, she started to avoid Vernon and spent most of her time either studying with a vengeance or with her nephew, Brian, and her brother-in-law, Theodore.

Since that Christmas evening when Victoria had entered the ballroom with Theodore, many tongues had been wagging about how she was as deceptive as her late older sister. However, Victoria being Victoria, she took no heed of society's disapproving eyes and did as she felt was right.

"Hello, Brian," Victoria greeted cheerfully, holding out her hands to the tiny toddler.

Brian looked up with his large grey eyes and smiled. "Aunta," he said, giggling.

Victoria took Brian in her arms and hugged him fiercely for a moment before putting him down. His nanny, Nana, watched in the background. Victoria looked up and smiled apologetically.

"Is it really too much to ask if I could spend an hour or so with him?" Victoria asked coaxingly. "I am sure you would like a break."

"Mr. Wilson said that I could rely on your taking good care of Mr. Brian here," Nana replied confidently. "But are you sure, your ladyship?"

Victoria nodded firmly. "I am very sure, Nana. I will call you when I am ready to go home."

Nana nodded and smiled affectionately at Brian before taking leave. Victoria placed Brian on her knee as she poured herself a cup of tea and sipped it. She placed her chin gently on top of Brian's soft auburn curls and smiled wistfully.

"You know, Brian dearie," Victoria whispered, after taking a quick glance to make sure no one was there, "you look exactly like your mother." She pulled him up to examine his face and physical features more carefully; Brian clapped his chubby hands and gurgled. Victoria put him back on her knee before speaking again. "Maybe your mouth is like your father, but otherwise you look exactly like your mother."

Brian made a sound, which caused Victoria to laugh. "You don't have your mother's temperament, that is certain," she said in mock relief. "I imagine that your father is quite nice to you, isn't he? I believe that he loves you very much, as any good father should. Doesn't he?" she asked seriously.

Brian nodded, clapping his hands. Victoria held Brian close to her breast, sighing. "Somehow you understand what I am saying, don't you, dearest? People say children understand more than adults do, and I do believe that is true. I think I understood more as a child than I do now as a young lady. You should be glad of your youth, no matter what, Brian darling."

Victoria gently rocked Brian and laughed mockingly. "You know, Brian dearie, you are going to have an uncle soon," she whispered softly. "His name is Vernon Andersen, and he is the nicest person in the world, even nicer than your

grandfather in some respects," she remarked, laughing.

Brian grunted slightly, and Victoria nodded sympathetically. "I know it seems ridiculous, but he is. And you know what?" she asked lightly but thoughtfully. "I love him very much." She pressed her cheek gently against his downy curls.

"It seems terrible to love someone who does not love you, doesn't it, Brian?" Victoria asked, resigned. "I know Vernon does not love me, Brian, but I cannot blame him. You see, your mother is still in his heart. He can only love your mother. Your beautiful, charming mother."

Victoria glanced at Brian, who was starting to become comfortable in his aunt's arms and was starting to fall asleep. She wrapped her arms around him tighter. "It is a pity you did not know your mother, darling. In spite of all her faults, she was a really lovely person. She may have not liked your auntie, but she did love your grandfather and your grandmother very much. And of course, you and your father," she added.

Victoria held Brian closer to try to make him more comfortable and to take off some of the weight from her knee. "No, let me amend my last sentence with sorrow. I cannot tell you the truth now, Brian, for it is not my place to say. I am sure someday your father will tell you."

"You're probably wondering why I am confessing like this to you," Victoria continued, speaking in a comforting voice. "I'm afraid, Brian. I love Vernon, but I'm afraid of letting go of what I have known in place of what I know nothing about." She laughed weakly. "I know I'm a coward, Brian, but I cannot help it. I want everything to stay the same. I don't want anything to change," she said plaintively. "I don't want to pretend as the other adults do. I want to be genuine. I've never been a good actress, Brian. Your mother was, but I am not. So if you think that I pretending to love you, erase that thought, darling. I don't know how to pretend. I never learned."

Victoria glanced at Brian, feeling the tears falling on her face. Brian had already fallen asleep and was breathing softly, regularly. She pressed a soft kiss on both cheeks and on his head before gently rocking him and letting her own tears fall.

* * *

Victoria carefully arranged the bouquet of freesias and lilacs in the vase. When she was done, she stepped back to examine her handiwork and nodded in approval. She turned to the next bouquet of flowers and started to arrange them.

"You've always had the knack for arranging flowers, I suppose," Serena remarked, coming into the family room. She flung her hat onto the couch and seated herself down in a chair.

"How was your visit with your ladyship?" Victoria asked kindly, trying to decide where to place the flowers.

Serena rolled her eyes, exasperated and tired. "She kept on giving me sly looks. Of course, she talked about her William incessantly." She wrinkled her nose. "I never had much use for William. He is not the marrying kind."

"No, I suppose not," Victoria agreed. "I hear that he's quite a lady's man."

Serena waved a hand in dismissal and laughed viciously. "William? I doubt that any lady really likes him."

"Serena, it is not very nice to say such things," Victoria reprimanded gently and absently, still concentrating on her flowers.

Serena ignored Victoria, continuing. "Of course, he will have to get married for his dear mother will not be able to endure his not getting married. I've always thought Adelaide Byons was ridiculous and foolish for expecting so much out of her only child," she remarked malevolently.

"You used to prize getting invitations from her," Victoria reminded, hiding a smile.

Serena blushed. "Well... that was... before I met Steve," she objected. "You really cannot think that I prized -- "

"But you do still think of her as one of society's most influential and richest matrons, Serena," Victoria interrupted airily, carrying a vase over to a table near Serena. "You cannot deny that. Deep inside somewhere, I am sure you are extremely pleased that Adelaide is acknowledging your wedding, because you expected her not to. She can be very spiteful when she wants to be," she prompted.

Serena laughed, somewhat embarrassed. "How well you know me, Victoria," she teasingly scolded. Her laughter abated somewhat as she took a deep breath and sighed. "I was very surprised to have received this invitation from her, to be sure, Victoria. I did not think that she would acknowledge my engagement to Steven Callahan." She smiled sardonically. "She does not take slights to her son very nicely."

"No, she doesn't as a good mother does, I suppose," Victoria agreed, deciding to rest a bit.

Serena patted the seat down next to her and continued talking. "Of course, even she cannot deny that I have made a good match," she boasted proudly. "A much better match it is for Steve has more gumption and sense than her William will ever have."

Victoria laughed a little. "What on earth makes you hate William with that much of a vengeance? You usually are very nice about complimenting your former beaux."

"I don't know, Victoria," Serena replied tiredly. "I have never really thought about it."

Victoria studied her cousin. "Because it wasn't you who threw him over, was it?" she asked. Serena's eyes flew to Victoria's face, aghast. "Is it because William is a terrible drunkard and womanizer? Did you realize then that you would never be happy with him?" she asked quietly.

For a second, there was a stricken look on Serena's face. "How... Victoria, how did you know?" she whispered, her face pale.

Victoria took Serena's hands and held them tightly. "Vernon told me that some time ago. William told him everything. When did you find out?" she asked compassionately.

Serena looked miserable as she looked down at her hands. "Almost immediately after I entered society. For a time, I thought that he would change. He promised he would change, but he didn't, Victoria." For the first time in many years, Serena started crying. "He didn't."

Victoria pulled away one hand and gently placed her arm around Serena's shoulders. Soothingly, she said, "I know this is a terrible thing to ask, darling, but do you love Steven? Really love him?" she asked gently, smoothing Serena's bobbed hair. "I don't want you to marry him, because --"

Serena placed her head on Victoria's shoulder and nodded, sniffing. "Oh, Victoria, when I found out that nothing could be done for William, I never thought that I could ever like another young man again. I felt betrayed." There was a smile in her voice as she spoke of Steven. "But Steve changed that notion. He was solid, good, and true. The most important thing, though, was that he loved me and was willing to listen to me. And I loved him. We were

soulmates." Her next statement came out in a whisper, barely audible. "William never listened to me. He only lied to me. I don't think I ever did love him or forgive him."