Chapter VI - Repugnance

What she said about my "selfishness" bugged me. I looked back to how we began as lovers. Angel was my childhood friend. Comparably, we were also together during kindergarten – but she also vanished thereafter.

Prior working in Manila, I was initially with a prominent BPO company in our province. By that time in 2016, Angel was on her final year in college. A bit of good kismet saw us dating by then. However, it didn't really work out because I was too unstable.

Come 2019, destiny brought us back together when we accidentally met in Manila. We threw everything away in the past, and made sure that it will all be worth it – until she got sick.

Ironically, the only way for me to save this relationship was to continue understanding her dire situation. Nevertheless, one question really flummoxed me – until when can I keep this up?

It was a hard pill to swallow. Yet, I tried pushing us forward. Even if she incessantly blasted on, dissed and disrespected me, my heart told me to keep on moving– to never stop attempting to calm the storm – even at my own expense.

What if this storm already reduced my dignity to rubble? Her unceasing cursing made me realize that I was better than her cusses; that I deserve to be loved because of the sacrifices I already invested in this relationship. These agonizing thoughts resounded in my head.

As I gasped the smoke, its soothing effect travelled through my esophagus and into the air sacs. A humungous relief, it was. I couldn't help but to look at the cigarette pack. An image of a gangrened foot caught my attention.

"That's an ugly foot you got there," I mouthed.

It had me thinking, "What if I get that shit?"

Suddenly, her mom arrived. "Are your things ready?"

"Yes, they are. We were just really waiting for you. She's ready to go home now," I happily replied.

Finally, we got to their residence. After making sure that Angel was alright, I went home too.

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While Allan and I were consolidating the article drafts, Ma'am Merl and Joyce came along with the reproduced copies of our newsletters. It didn't take long until the printing press finished them.

But as we checked them out, I noticed that there were a number of crucial mistakes from its layout. Moreover, there was a graph featured at its front cover which was downright erroneous.

"Isn't this line supposed to represent these set, and vice versa?" I curiously queried.

With a snooping look, Joyce also found out what I was talking about.

"What are we supposed to do now? You just came back from the printing press. This is my fault," Allan contritely said.

Knowing what to do and where to start, I immediately consoled everyone – to prevent any sort of impulsive reaction from the quandary.

"Guys, relax. Let's not point fingers, instead work together to fix this. I know just what to do," I assured them.

I briefed Joyce to rectify the graph upfront. At the same time, I sought Allan to already edit the flawed pages identified after we scanned the entire newsletter. It wasn't even twenty minutes when Joyce finished the graph via Adobe Photoshop – Allan corrected the selected sheets too.

"You've changed, Pat. This is a better version of the Patrick I knew," Ma'am Merl assessed.

I gave her a funny look, "How is that so?"

"You see, immaturity coated you. But as you went along with life, you've grown so much. And I'm the happiest to know you did."

"Am I supposed to cry now?" I laughed. "Kidding aside, thank you. I've learned a lot in life, Ma'am. The bullshits I've been through shaped me to become whoever I am now."

"Going back, how are we supposed to apply the corrections they gathered?"

I lit a cigarette as adrenaline flowed through my senses. Whenever I wanted to have great results, masking my lungs with nicotine and tar helped.

"How long have you been a customer of the printing press?" I enquired.

Ma'am Merl answered, "Nine years, I guess? They're cheaper than the others."

As I blew the smoke, my eyes looked from afar. My imagination tried to search for an experience which may probably supply us any sort of major plan out of the shithole we were in – until my erudite bulb lighted.

"Aha! Okay. Here's our plan: When I worked in Manila, our customers would usually call and ask us to give them discounts for future purchases. We would normally check how long they've been a customer – and if they pass the requirements, say at least four or five years, their request shall be granted. What if you make a call and seek a request from the printing press to allow you to remedy our newsletter?"

She was dubious, "Wait, what if they don't?"

I suddenly felt nervous, but I chose not to show her. "What if they do?"

It wasn't really a sound plan. Yet, we took our chances.

Somehow, I knew along the way what the possible upshots were: It was either our demand gets approved and the printing press applies the corrections for a lower cost, or they do not and we shall find ourselves slowly sinking in a deeper quicksand.

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"Sweetheart, are you alright? It's been a couple of days and you still look gloomy. Are you not glad we're home?" her mom asked.

Angel gave her a blank look, "Look at me, Ma. All these bruises and blemishes? I couldn't even do the things I want? I couldn't eat on my own? What do you want me to feel, huh?"

She was furious. Angel was the type of person who loved to explore and travel, especially with her friends. She was acquainted to such lifestyle – and her past was a big part of it.

After we dated in 2016, she worked as a front desk receptionist for one of the biggest hotels in our district. She met Alex, a Danish tourist who came to the Philippines for a vacation. He set his sights on Angel, eventually winning her heart on the same year. They journeyed to different islands across the country. But all great things came to an end for them.

Because of work, Alex had to fly back to Denmark. They agreed to stay as couples even if they were apart. After a year, he went back to the Philippines for a two-month vacay. She even brought and introduced Alex to her family in our province.

However, Alex never went back to the Philippines again. One ill-fated day, Angel saw Alex with a Thai woman together in Thailand. From there, she realized that it was all over for them.

Surely, he spoiled Angel with the expensive food, presents and trips – and I couldn't even bring her to a first-class restaurant.