Risk

Two days passed at the hot springs. Between eating, making love, resting , and dancing to his music, I was able to get to the reading that Mitsunari sent. Nobunaga receives updates from Azuchi twice a day from Hideyoshi and every time Nobunaga mentions him it sends me into those daydreams.

The fighting styles he sent me were focused on ninja and techniques and assassination strategies, topics he knew I was fond of. I filed it away in my mind near my dream as a tool that could be useful.

I found the scroll of mythology much more intriguing. The ancient struggle between the spirit siblings, constantly fighting to rule the human world. For a millennia the throne was in endless fluctuation until the oldest, the kitsune, tricked the all the other siblings into giving him pieces of their power, making no one stronger than the other, accept him. Under the foxes control there was peace for a millennia and that's where the scroll ended.

A storm had rolled in, our room was lit by candles and the sky rolled out its symphony above us. I lay on my stomach facing the end of the futon and engrossed in the story for the second time when Nobunaga stirred beside me. He held one of my feet and kissed the arch of my foot with a hum. He continued kissing my ankle and my calf, leaving trails of warmth and desire on my skin. When he reached the top of the back of my thighs his warm strong hands pressed and squeezed my cheeks firmly and hummed again.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" I asked as his hands continue to press and move my muscles.

"I do enjoy touching you." He said as his hands left my body. I missed them immediately.

"Then why did you stop." I pulled my hips back towards him, stretching my arms and shoulders forward, making a show of it all with a moan, beckoning him to touch me again. He laughed as he got up on his knees behind me and ran his hands from my hips pulled me back and into his lap as I giggled.

He cradled me in his arms and kissed my forehead. "We have plenty of time for more of that later, I want to know what has my Phoenix's mind so captured."

I shifted in his arm so I could wrap my legs around his waist and sit in the nest that his legs made for me. "Mitsunari continues to find and send me things to read like you requested him to." I rested my hands on his shoulders. "Did I ever thank you for that?" I asked as I moved my hands up the sides of his neck and into his black soft black hair.

"It made me happy to do it." He rubbed his nose to mine. "I read the tactical information. That's not the one you're reading for a second time." He said as his hands pressed against my lower back.

"I've been reading the story of the great spirit animals and how the first kitsune tricked them into submission and gained his tails." My mind was far from the story, it was flooded with the desire to be consumed by him and his warmth.

He pulled away with a half smile and light in his eyes. "I know the story well. It's one that inspires me.�� His hands moved over the black silk robe up my back.

"You aspire to be like the kitsune?" I asked as I rocked my hips towards him.

"It can be an effective tactic of control and rule." He leaned back on his elbows. "As long as you can guarantee that none of them will band together to overthrow you."

"So that's why Mitsunari sent it." I mused as I climbed off of him. He huffed in disappointment when I dismounted. . "Why did you leave my lap?" He pouted.

"I'm sorry by love. I wanted to see the storm." I grabbed a blanket from the pile near the bed. I reached my hand back towards him. "Join me?"

"Always." He rose, and took my hand and I lead him towards the patio off the back that looked out over a small garden with a large water feature that allowed for a small bridge. Near the water the irises are still in bloom and the paths are shaded by wisteria.

The wind gently pushed the rain and tees to one side and filled the atmosphere with the truly unique smell that rain brings to a place. We stood there on the balcony, his strong arms wrapping himself and the blanket he brought with him, me inside his wings wrapping my own blanket around us.

His heart beat in one ear and the storm in the the other reminded me of the conversations I'd been holding back.

"Nobu—" I looked up at him, a slight wrinkle between my eyebrows.

"What is it my phoenix? You look worried." His eyes were warm and I wondered how long that would last.

"I have a few subjects on my mind that I'd like to discuss with you." I said with that diplomatic tone he hates.

"Well try to not sound so removed from me when you speak and I will try harder to listen." He smirked.

"Forgive me?" I leaned my forehead on his chest.

"Forgiven." He kissed my head. "What is it that has you so worried you feel the need to protect yourself like that?"

I rested my cheek on his chest hoping his steady heart rate would help calm my racing one. "I suppose it��s because at least two of the things have to do with Kenshin."

His arms tightened around me slightly and when he spoke his eyes were fixed on one of the wisteria trees. "I promise I will kill him for you."

I pressed my hands into his chest and lifted my face to see his. "I don't want you to kill him."

I expected anger but instead he looked confused. "I thought you wanted him dead?"

"I do. I want him dead. I just — Mitsunari and I have been researching— and it made me realize that a dream I thought would be impossible may not be." I had a difficult time keeping my eye on him, instead I shifted back and forth, finally landed on the ground.

He gently lifted my chin up and waited for me to continue, my eyes still lowered until I spoke. "I want to be the one to kill him." His eyes searched mine as frustration filled them.

He gently rested his hands on my shoulders as he stepped away from me. "I apologize that your research alongside Mitsunari gave you false hope." He released me when he saw the flames of anger that engulfed my eyes.

The volume of my words was slowly slipping from my conscious control. "So you won't let me achieve my dream?" I asked, holding back the urge to hit him.

"No, not when it could risk one of my mine." His voice and eyes are fully serious, not a hint of humor or gentleness.his voice steady and not riding with mine.

"I told you before I would never distract you from your dream. I fully support your vision to unify Japan." I met his stare with my own intensity now.

"Not that dream." He left my gaze now, looking back out to the storm with a heavy sigh.

"What other dream do you have?" My voice was raising, in part because of the storm, mostly because of my frustration and confusion.

He walked to me again placing his hands on my hips. "It isn't clear to you?" A slight smirk played it's way to his lips as he lowered himself to his knees and bent so his nose and lips were at my stomach. "I want you, I a future with you in it." His thumbs pressed at the front of my hips. "A future with many many dark haired, fiery spirited, children."

"I want that too." I whispered, as I pushed my fingers through his hair and tilted his head back. A little smile on his lips from my words.

"How could I possibly allow you put yourself in danger?" His brows knit as he stood and brushed my cheek.

I pulled away from him and this time I was the one staring at the storm. "What if we minimize the risk?"

I could feel his eyes on me growing angry. He confessed his dream for us, and I'm still focused on another. "No." His words were cold.

"Invite him to Azuchi, to congratulate him on his marriage and assertion wether or not the rumors are true." My eyes were glue to a Japanese maple leaf being pushed by the wind, starting to lose its attachment to its branch. "I was working on a dance with my teacher, and I was planning—"

"No." His anger was beginning to build and radiate towards me. Without looked at me I guessed that his fists were clenched. "I cannot possibly allow you to put your life at risk to kill that beast."

Angry hot tears started to build in my eyes when I turned to him. "I've been envisioning and planning to add weapons."

"I won't say it again. My word is final." He turned to walk back into the room as I turned to watch as the leaf was pulled away from its branch.

Is that all this is? We didn't have that long to build a connection before we were married. Would it be that easy for me to remove myself from him emotionally? Perhaps I can. This marriage was arranged for political alliances any way. I gave him my word that I wouldn't get in the way of his dream. I can keep my word. I will fulfill my duty as his wife and provide heirs. I can find solace with another, maybe Hideyoshi. No. He needs his own wife and his own heirs and he's committed to Nobunaga. I'll retreat. I don't need love to live. I can live on duty and pride. I'll stay at Azuchi, I'll ask for my own chambers again, I'll provide heirs and welcome his next wives.

The tears were relentlessly spilling from my eyes and my lungs felt like they were being squeezed as I held back the urge to breath through clenched teeth. No. I refuse to allow it to be just as easily severed as that leaf. He took me back, ruined, broken, and angry. He gave me room to make up my mind. The thought of not building the fires between us anymore is unbearable and I collapse to my knees, sobbing as my hands and forehead meet the floor.

My cries built, as the winds of the storm began to settle and I could hear the soft padding of his bare feet approaching me. "Rina—" his voice sounding as broken as I feel.

He didn't come to my side to comfort me. He sat on the floor a small distance behind me and waited until I stopped crying and sat up to speak. "I'm sorry I cannot give what you want the way you want it." His words were softer now.

I turned on the floor to face him. My head still low, shaking with rage that part of me wished wasn't there. "I don't know— how to come back to you right now..."

The sigh from him was heavy. "No man would let his love do something so risky. I'm not being unreasonable."

"I know." I whispered. I started to crawl towards him slowly until I was in front of him. I sat there in front of him, head bowed. "I need to see him die." I said as I raised myself to look him in the eyes again.

He smiled when he saw how resolute I was. He leaned towards me until our foreheads met. "I promise, if I can also guarantee your safety, you will see it."

I kissed him. Letting the rage and anger melt away as his big hands cupped my face. I believe him, I have no reason not to. He began to laugh in our kiss before we pulled away. "So, is that acceptance?" He asked, hands still on my cheeks.

I sat back on my heals. "You have proven before that I can believe you."

A concerned look in his eyes formed. "You said there was at least one more thing about him…"

"Yes…" I whisper.

"Tell me. Let's get this all out so our bed is not cold tonight." He rose to his feet and offered me his hand. I took it to rise but when I stood I gently pulled my hand away. His brows lowered as rejection crossed his features.

I began untying my robe, the look of rejection on his face morphed into confusion as he watched. As I lowered the robe I turned to make him look at the brand. I didn't have to say a word for him to know this is about the mark that beast left on me.

He cautiously stepped toward me. "May I?" He asked in a low tone. I nodded yes and when his fingers traced the edge of the scar I let out a quiet huff. His voice was low and serious. "I spoke with Ieyasu the night we brought you back, after I saw that you were resting in your chamber. He told me about your request to have it removed and he told me in detail how long it would take to heal and everything that could go wrong. I spent hours reading his tedious notes and research on the subject. Rina—" He sighed again. "I hate having to keep denying your requests." I slowly raised the robe over my shoulders and tie the robe closed again before turning to him and placing a hand to his cheek. I kept my voice soft as I spoke. "It's too risky."

"Thank you for understanding." A sound of relief in his voice brought a smile to my face. "I feel like my monkey with how much I worry about you." He laughed before going to pull me into a kiss. Both of our shoulders relaxed into this kiss. I wasn't getting anything I wanted so far, but his concern for my wellbeing was touching.