Time Apart

I jolt upwards in my bed, a sense of emptiness and longing lays in my heart. Zack and I had spoken yesterday, over messages. He said he wasn't in the mood to call, which I was fine with. He apologized for me getting upset and uncomfortable around his friends. Although when I asked him why his friends didn't know about me, he didn't want to talk about that either. Which I guess is fine, I guess that he probably thought I would be upset by the reason. Which I won't deny, I probably would've. I push the covers off of me and shimmy out of my bed. I really want someone to talk to, and I can't message Zack because he prefers not talking to anyone in the morning. I'm not used to not talking to Knox everyday, I should message him. Wait, no! If he wants to talk then he can message me first! Not like I will respond anyway. You know what? Screw him! He can't support my feelings and relationships, so there's no point in me trying to be nice to him!

I finish my morning routine and nearly go to Knox's house after sneaking past my dog. Luckily I reminded myself of how much of an asshole he is before I ended up knocking on his door. I put on my headphones and start walking to school. I haven't used these in months since I usually go to school with Knox every morning. At least now I can listen to my music once again.

I get to school feeling lonely and empty despite my music being upbeat and energetic. I'm greeted by several people upon my arrival, my music blasting through my ears yet still not having any effect on my mood.

"Hey, Alina!" A girl in my English class waves. She has short blond hair with one side shaved and she's wearing a variation of clothes yet all of them are blue. She's average, but kind. Although her name currently escapes my mind. "I heard that you and Zack started dating." Her face turns concerned and slightly worried. Before I get the chance to respond she says in a quiet voice, "Just be careful, okay?" I twist my head slightly to the side, her concern doesn't fade. "I know I shouldn't be saying this while you two are still together but, Zack is an asshole, I should know, I dated him, and you helped me get over him." I raise an eyebrow at her and she continues. "Just… be careful okay? You deserve better, like that boy you're always with." Don't say his name, don't you dare say his name. "What was his name, oh yeah, Knox!" She smiles at me, "You two are always having fun and laughing together, I personally think that you two are perfect for each other." She looks around, suddenly noticing that he's not around. "Where is he? Is he sick today?" Her eyes go wide at the sudden realization, "Oh, you two aren't talking right now." She nods, "Makes sense." She looks around, thinking of a way to get away, "Um, I got to go, see you in English." She scurries off, I didn't even get the chance to say a single word during that entire thing.

Zack appears behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Fuck that bitch is annoying, does she ever even shut up?" I think that she's actually pretty nice. I spin around in his arms and he kisses me. It was quick, but warm and scary. I don't feel like he's actually kissing me with love, but more for show. I feel suffocated and trapped in his arms, almost to the point that I push him away from me. "I love you."

I force a smile on my face, "I love you too." I feel imprisoned by him. That was my first kiss. Although, I guess that I should be happy that I gave it to him, he is my boyfriend after all. I don't like this. But I should. I should love this, just like how he loves me.

"I can't believe how much she dissed me like that," He rolls his eyes as he breaks the hug. At gazing at me side long with a smile, "Well, at least you're no longer talking to that boy. Especially since he'd definitely try to tear us apart." His arm goes lower down my waist and I can see him smirk, "I wouldn't want to lose you, Alina. I love you so much."

I force a smile and tilt my head onto his thick bicep, "I don't want to lose you either, I love you more."

He holds me tight against him as we walk inside, "I'll walk you to class today."

"What about not wanting to talk to anyone in the morning?" I ask, gazing up at him.

"Well I heard what that bitch was saying from a distance and decided that it would be best to stay with you," He scratches the back of his head, then laughs to himself. "I guess that hoe's mad." I force myself to laugh, trying not to be too loud since the girl's friends aren't too far away. Zack continues to talk about his plans with his friends after school as he walks me to class. I guess that he already forgot about making plans with me after school today, but that's fine, he enjoys hanging out with his friends and I want him to be happy. We stop outside of my classroom and kisses me once again, I feel even more suffocated now than I did before. "I'll talk to you later." Before I can respond he rushes off to three of his friends down the hall, one of them being the girl that was looking at me like she was warning me. She looks even more concerned for me now than three days ago.

I once again choose to ignore it and walk into my classroom. Feeling irritated, uncomfortable, and lonely at the same time. Why am I feeling this way? People can think whatever the hell they want! I know that Zack loves me, and I should love him too. After all... he's my boyfriend… I shouldn't feel so uncomfortable and trapped whenever he tries to kiss me. In fact, I should be happy that he is my first kiss since he is my boyfriend! Though, I was hoping for my first kiss to have more of a moment and feel more meaningful. But I guess that I should be grateful that I ever had my first kiss in the first place. Also, I most certainly shouldn't be feeling lonely! I have Zack and a few friends that are actually happy for me! It doesn't matter if Knox is here or not, I don't need him. I'm actually happier without him! Yeah, I have a boyfriend! I'm happy!

"Goodmorning, Alina!" Mr. Shuck greets me. He hands me a paper going over the drama plans for today, including a script for a short monologue, "You will have fifteen minutes to look over the monologue then everyone will present."

I nod, "Alright, thank you." I head to my little corner. Struggling to focus, it even feels like I'm struggling to breathe. I try to read through the monologue, from what I managed to pick up even through my lack of focus and lack of breath, the monologue is about a girl that made a huge mistake and ended up losing all of her friends because of it. I begin to panic even more, does everyone think that I'm making a mistake? Even the teachers? The air feels like it's becoming thick and I try to hide my struggle. One guy- whose name I still don't know since it's still early in the school year- is looking at me with a slight bit of concern. Does he think I'm making a mistake? Is he judging me right now? I bet he is, I mean, look at me! I can't even handle being kissed or having a boyfriend without panicking. I bet everyone is judging me. I bet Knox hates me. I bet everyone hates me. Why am I even doing this? I just need to calm down. Am I the laughing stock of the entire school? Wait, no, who am I kidding? This is high school, not even a quarter of the school knows who I am. But what if they do? What if everyone does know me and they're all talking shit about me right now? I- I feel like I'm going to throw up.

The boy that was staring at me cautiously treads over to me, "Are you doing o-" I run away before he can say anything. A thick mouthful of vomit resting in my mouth as I sprint to the washrooms, doing my best to ignore everyone staring at me and even my teacher running into the hallway calling after me.

I manage to make it to the washrooms in time, just barely getting everything into the toilet. Sadly though, it's before class so there's a bunch of girls standing around and doing their makeup. The entire room goes silent as I spew my guts into the toilet, I start to cry, heavily. Where did I go wrong? Why am I like this? Why am I so stupid! I sit on the ground and do my best to muffle my crying.

The bell rings and I hear the girls shuffle out of the room, saying judgeful things about me, which is expected. After all, a girl randomly runs into the washroom, throws up loudly, and starts to wail in tears. You can fully expect to have girls judging you.

I sit on the floor a few minutes longer crying my eyes out, I wouldn't be surprised if people can even hear me in the hallway. Then, after a few more minutes of weeping and furthering my embarrassment even further, a set of footsteps enter the washroom. I try to muffle my cries once again, failing.

The steps stop just outside of the stall door, and after a moment of silence, I hear a soft voice say my name. "Alina?" They carefully tap the door, almost like I'm a wild animal and knocking will spook me. "Alina, you doing okay?"

I force myself a response, not sounding at all believable, "Yeah, I'm fine." You can hear how much I've been crying just by hearing me speak.

"Alina come on out," The soft, caring voice says. "We're the only ones here, and don't worry, I'm not judging you."

I take a big breath of air and gulp down my fear, the lingering taste of vomit still in my mouth. I stagger up to my feet and try to wipe my face dry as I open the door. When I open it I see the girl from earlier, the one that keeps on looking at me with concern and warning. "What are you doing here?" I walk past her, trying to avoid eye contact.

"I saw you run in here, almost everyone did," She speaks gently, it feels like her voice is slowing down my heartbeat.

I stop in front of the line of sinks and droop my head down, "Did Zack see?"

She shakes her head, thank god. "He only saw a girl running down the hall crying." She hesitates for a moment, "He's currently making fun of you without knowing it's you." She calmly places her hand on my back, she's so comforting, "I never got the chance to introduce myself, I'm Adelle Sharp."

I take a deep breath, finally allowing myself to calm down. A tear rolls down my cheek, "Please don't tell Zack, he would definitely break up with me if he knew about my outburst."

"Why does that matter?" She asks in a smooth tone. "You know Zack, you know what he is like."

"What are you to him?" I ask, finally turning to face her.

She's shocked for a moment then softens, "I used to date him, now I'm dating one of his friends." She pauses for a second. "I've known him for years, I've watched him manipulate and break every single girl he's been with." She giggles for a second, "I can see how uncomfortable you were a few days ago. I understand, not everyone is comfortable around people who get high every single day."

"Who was the person that was actually spamming his phone?" I suddenly ask her, completely unsure as to why.

She looks down, avoiding my eyes, "His next few girls, and a few exes." She looks up at face and hers turns to shock, "Oh, I'm sorry, please stop crying." I wipe my face and realize that I started bawling again without even noticing, I guess that my face must be numb from everything. "Want me to get someone? How about Knox?" I fall to my knees and start crying uncontrollably from the sound of his name. Adelle kneels down next to me, this time she has a malicious smirk on her face, she whispers to me, "Want to teach Zack a lesson?"

I'm in shock for a moment, "W-what?" She grins and begins to explain her plan to me. This is going to be good.