Because of Me?

"Please, she did nothing wrong mother! Please don't make me!"

I yelp as she grabs a handful of my hair and glares down at me.

"You have your orders. You follow through with them or you will suffer the consequences."

She lets me go and I fall to the ground, landing on my knees causing pain to shoot up both my legs.

"Another outburst like this and I'll send you back to the arena. Have I made myself clear, Zero?"

I wipe the tears from my face and stare at my hands. I was afraid to look up at her.

"Yes mother. I understand."

"There's my good girl. Now hurry and finish the brat off, she's heard too much anyway."

I slowly pull my blade from my waistband and stand to my feet. I look straight at the girl, she was a crying mess. She had tears and snot running down her face, I felt sorry for her.

"Well? We have places to be Zero!"

I inch towards her and she throws her hands up.

"Please, please! You don't have to do this! Just let me go! I- I swear I'll never tell a soul about this. I swear it!"

"I know you won't."

I quickly cut her throat and her eyes go wide. She desperately puts her hands around her neck in an attempt to stop the bleeding but color drains from her face and her body slumps to the floor.

"That took far too long. I'm sending you back."

"BUT YOU SAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE PUNISHED!"

"I know what I said! You showed weakness today, Zero. You hesitated and in that moment you could have lost your life. To make sure you won't repeat this mistake again I will send you back to the arena."

"Mommy please, don't send me away again. Please."

"How dare you?!" She strikes me across the face hard enough to bust my lip and I cry. "I told you never to call me that. You are not a baby, so stop your whining and go prepare yourself at once!"

***

"No! No you can't make me!"

"Kaz, Kaz wake up baby. You're dreaming!"

Her eyes open and she frantically looks around the room. I pull her into my arms and gently rub her back.

"It was just a bad dream, mami. I'm right here..."

"I- It was so real. That horrible memory felt so real, like I was reliving it again."

Her body starts to shake and I feel a piece of myself break. Seeing her like this made me livid. I had killed the ones who caused her pain but the memories were still there. Now it was my job to replace them with better ones.

"She's gone now, hermosa. I swear that no one will ever hurt you again."

She pushes away from me and sits on the edge of the bed with her head hung low.

"What time is it?"

I glance at the clock on the wall. "It's 4:45."

"Fuck... I can't go back to sleep."

I move from the bed and pull on a pair of sweats and put on my shoes. She looks over her shoulder and at me with her brows scrunched together.

"Where are you going?"

"We're going for a walk, so throw something on."

"Ricky, I don't know. It's late and I don't want to leave the kids unsupervised."

"Oye, they won't be. There's plenty of guards here and your little friend too."

She scowls at me and rolls her eyes.

"Don't be like that. You know Lina. I don't know what happened between you two but all the fighting is annoying."

"I'd never waste time arguing with someone I don't care for, but that's not the point! Let's go look around the property."

She ponders for a moment then slowly gets up from the bed. She grabs one of my hoodies, slides on her shoes and holds onto my arm.

"Okay, let's go snoop around."

I wrap my arm around her and we head out into the large foyer. Just before I go to open the door for her, she pulls my hand away from the knob and stares at the door

"¿Qué pasa?"

(What is it?)

"Someone's out there."

"What?"

"Do you have your gun?"

"Kazmaria, what the fuck is going on?"

"Someone is standing right outside this door at 4 in the fucking morning and I intend to beat the shit out of whoever it is. That's what's going on."

She pulls the door open and grabs the dagger I've been keeping tucked in my waist band rather than my gun.

"Oh shit!" A familiar face throws up his hands and laughs awkwardly. "How the hell did you know I was here?! I hadn't even knocked yet!"

"Goddamnit Carlos," She hands the blade back and I stand there in shock. "I almost just killed you." She steps back and invites him in. I follow after her as she leads him through the foyer and into the common room.

"It's late, I need sleep and you have five minutes to tell me what you're doing here." She folds her arms across her chest and sternly watches him.

"I was stopping by to say hello!" He gives her a large smile but she just stares at him with an unchanging expression. "Okay, you don't care for jokes right now, I get it. Honestly? I was seeing if Ricky was still here." They both look at me.

"What? I'm so lost right now..."

"That makes two of us." Kaz sighs and lies back onto the couch.

"If you needed to see me that bad why didn't you get here sooner?"

He smirks and runs a hand through his hair. "I had er um, some things to handle."

"Tch, what couldn't wait till tomorrow?"

"You're mama..." His face saddens and he looks down at his feet.

"What about her?" Anxiety began to gnaw at my insides as the silence between us grew. "I said what about her Carlos?!"

"I'm so sorry Ricky." He shakes his head and covers his face with his hands.

Kaz abruptly stands up and cautiously walks close to me.

"Ricky? Are you okay?" She reaches for my arm but I step away.

"When?"

"Last night."

"Was- Was it because of me... Because of what I did?"

"No man, she had a heart attack."

I didn't respond. I didn't know how to. My mama, the woman who convinced me that her abuse was love, who let me believe that my father was just a mean drunk who hurt his family was finally gone.

I didn't understand this feeling. I wasn't happy but I wasn't sad. My head was full of thoughts but I had nothing to say.

"Thank you for stopping by Carlos. I know you're probably tired so take one of the guess rooms."

"I appreciate the offer but I don't want to intrude. Nos vemos por la mañana, hermana."

(See you in the morning, sister.)

He pauses to look at me for a moment then leaves without saying anything.

"Ricky, if you-"

"Kazzie! I think Josiah's getting hungry and I don't have another bottle!"

Linas voice cuts off Kaz as she turns the corner with my son in her arms.

"Tsk, okay. Come here baby." She sits on the couch and Lina hands her the boy. "Thanks Lili. Is Anthony okay?"

"Mhm, he woke up and played with his socks until he fell back asleep. God he's so precious." Lina looks at me with a scowl and scoffs. "Well I'll leave you to it. Call if you need anything."

The house grows silent again. The only sound was coming from Josiah as he ate.

"Ricky? Will you hug me again? I think I'm starting to get tired."

Kaz has a sleepy smile on her face. I could see the bags under her eyes starting to grow larger due to the lack of sleep. She was my main focus now. Not Carlos, not Lina, just Kazmaria. My wife. My love.

"Sí mami, por supuesto que te abrazaré."

(Yes mami, of course I'll hug you.)

I drown out the thoughts in my head and pull her as close to as I can. Her back was turned towards me and her head rest on my chest. She felt so nice, so warm and soft, and she smelled so sweet.

"I love you, Ricardo. Anthony, Josiah and Carlos do too. I know we've been through it but I promise that it's getting better."

She closes her eyes and lets out a soft yawn. "Don't worry Ricky, you're doing amazing. I'm so proud of you."