Judgment: The Mirror We Hold Up to Others

"Never judge a book by its cover." We repeat this so much that we never even notice its meaning. We toss it about to get ourselves out of, or someone else out of, a situation, but how many times do we stop to think about what it actually says? Judgment is easy; it doesn't require any effort, empathy, and understanding. But to truly look at somebody—to look beyond their actions, their mistakes, or their circumstance—requires patience, empathy, and a desire to see deeper.

Recently, I came across a short video that left a lasting impression on me. It is a story that best illustrates the dangers of judging and the poignancy of empathy. Bear with me for a moment, and I shall walk you through it. It is set in a church. A young child, no more than twelve, approaches a lady who is sitting quietly in one of the pews. The girl, her anger and frustration intertwined, accuse the woman of being a hypocrite. "You go to church every Sunday," she says, "but you don't do what you learn here. You judge people without listening to their stories." The woman, clearly stunned, replies: "Your mother is an addict and a baby killer. I don't want to talk to you." The room is silent. The girl's eyes are full of tears, but she does not lose hope. "My mom is not addicted," she speaks unsteadily. "She's not even my real mom, but she's never treated me any other way. She didn't murder the baby—the baby died because of medical issues. She was on medication for it because she couldn't cope with the death, and that's why she had the accident." The woman, stunned, is reminded of her mistake. She regrets it, her regret heavy in her voice.

A good reminder of Matthew 7:1-2: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Judgment is like a mirror. When we judge others, we're not just showing their weakness—we're exposing our own.

Judgment is human nature. We do it without even thinking, mostly unaware of the harm we're causing. But why? Why do we judge so readily? One reason is the illusion of perfection. Judging others produces an illusion of superiority. It gives us the impression that we are perfect, that we're better than the people we judge. But this is an illusion. As Jesus teaches us in Matthew 7:3-5: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Another reason is convenience of criticism. It is difficult work to know someone's story. It requires us listening, empathizing, putting ourselves in their shoes. Judgment is easy and automatic. It allows us to criticize others without the effort or time to learn about them. Finally, we judge what we don't know. When someone's action or choice doesn't fit our own, we are uncomfortable. Instead of attempting to understand, we judge. It is a defense mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from the unknown.

Judgment not only wounds the person being judged—it wounds the judge as well. Judgment closes us off to empathy and connection. We build walls, not bridges. Judgment kills relationships. It brings about separation, leading to resentment and bitterness, driving a wedge between people. The woman in the story almost lost a moment of connection because of her judgment. Judgment also prevents growth. When we judge, we forfeit the ability to learn from others. There is a tale behind every individual, and each tale has something to teach us. But if we are so busy judging, we will never hear them. Furthermore, judgment is really a blinkered view. It causes us to care about the fault of others without noticing our own. As per the Bible, we become blind to the "plank" in our own eye.

The remedy for judgment is to comprehend. When we listen, when we feel with another, when we see the world through another's eyes, we bring into our lives a larger, more abundant relationship. The young woman in the story could have responded to the judgment of the woman with rage. Instead, she chose to share her mother's story. Her words opened the woman's eyes and softened her heart. Empathy is to feel what another individual feels. It is putting oneself in their shoes and seeing the world from their vantage point. Empathy takes judgment out of commission. Let's examine ourselves before we judge others. What are our weaknesses? What are the "planks" in our eyes? When we acknowledge our weaknesses, we are tolerant with others.

Judgment is a habit, but it's one that we can break. If you find yourself wanting to judge, pause for a moment and ask yourself: Do I know the whole story? Am I being fair? Don't jump to conclusions and assume the worst. Ask questions. Listen to the other person's side of the story. You might be surprised at what you hear. Take time to reflect on your own flaws and mistakes. When we're honest with ourselves, we judge less. Compassion is the opposite of judgment. It's seeing someone's pain and reacting in compassion. It's choosing love over criticism.

Judgment is a mirror, but so is grace. When we choose to extend grace to people, we reflect the love and mercy that we've received. As we go about living our lives, let's remember Matthew 7:1-2: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Let's commit to seeing others not with eyes of judgment, but with the eyes of grace. Let's choose understanding over criticism, empathy over condemnation, and love over judgment. By doing so, we'll not only revolutionize the way we do relationships, but also our very hearts.