Lei'fo

I couldn't feel my body. Even the pain had stopped. There was just, nothing. I could only look up, the pain from even trying to turn my head too much to bother bearing. I just had my eyes, the light above me, and the memories-the small fragments of sight in a sea of nothingness.

Uniforms, red and black, Fire Nation. Gates opening before me. Being hauled across the desert on my back, the heat, the pain, the anger. Luke.

I closed my eyes, the memories all I had. Pho turned his back on me, his friend. Luke, that traitor, stood in my way to defend some nobody Ash Maker. Luke.

I could feel something return to my body. Some energy, some spirit, some adrenaline, passion, hate. Luke. Pho. Jadoh. Traitors. All of them.

The pain that shot through my body the moment I even tried to feel my fingers, imagining them wrangling around each and every one of their necks, was enough to send my entire body into a jolt, resulting in even more ensuing pain.

Fuck!

I lied back down, now trying my damndest to not to move a muscle.

"Better if you don't try to fight it," came a man's voice followed by the shutting of a door following it. Hadn't even heard it opening. Was probably too distracted with my own screams.

"What did?" I asked, between the smaller bursts of pain that came from opening my mouth. "What did you do to me?"

I couldn't see the man's voice, but his voice trailed around the room as I imagined he inspected me from every possible angle, myself some sort of lab rat. "That's shirshu saliva running through your veins right now. You won't have your body for a while, sorry to say. We had to take…precautions, I'm sure you'll understand."

"Who-who are you?"

"That's unimportant. What matters is who you are."

"What do you…even want to know,"

"Oh I know who you are." I held my breath. Fire Nation uniforms. Gates. This isn't good. "And that is one lucky man." I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe an Earth Kingdom patrol found me? "Your wound would have killed you had a travelling band of good Samaritans not hauled your carcass back to civilization."

"Wh-Who?"

"Oh you should be familiar with them. You tried killing the lot of them just a few days ago." Damnit. "As I said. I already know exactly who you are. You're a Nip Sea Separatist by the name of Lei'fo. You and your compatriots were staging a caravan robbery when your bloodlust got the better of you, prompting your so-called 'allies' to intervene on behalf of some very fortunate Fire Nation civilians. Quite the turn of events, wouldn't you say?"

I could now feel the chains that bound me as I tried to fight against them. I wanted to make one last effort to fight. They knew who I was. My time was up. All I could do now was go out fighting, but the pain. There was no fighting it. I sunk back down after the pitiful struggle I put up.

"I told you not to fight it. You should realize, I'm on your side."

"You're a fucking Ash Maker. Furthest thing from being on my side."

"Oh that's not what I mean at all. I mean, you're on my side, whether you intend for it or not. You see, you're an asset, a bargaining chip. Frankly, your attack on my people was one of the best things to happen to this town of ours. Suddenly, our little hole is relevant again, and we have a way of getting some Fire Nation attention. If I were you, I'd enjoy your time right now. Spirits know you won't be enjoying it when the fleet gets their hands on you."

His laugh was the last thing I remembered from that day.

I had a later memory, a sea breeze, droplets falling against my face as the waves hit the wharf, white sea foam rising into the air, giving me the slightest reminder of its fallen impact. Enough to last in my memory as I was bound down to a stretcher, wheeled up a ramp, red and black uniforms on all sides of me. I was done for. This was it.

I remember what I could only assume was the same day, behind bars, arms shackled to the wall, sitting in a pile of my own piss and shit, my bowels having no control over themselves as the venom had not yet worn off. A part of me wished that the feeling wouldn't return. I preferred the numbness than the pain, sitting in my own filth like a pig.

I felt like shit, sitting in my waste, an ever-present pain in my stomach, a prisoner to the Fire Nation. All because of fucking Luke. Fucking Pho. And fucking Jadoh. All of them. Traitors. They better be dead. Kiu better have killed those sons of bitches. If he didn't. No. No. He would have. He had to. They were traitors. There was no other way. Maybe he'd even save them for me. He knows I can make it back on my own. He's waiting for me. I have to get out. I pulled against the chains, confident, assured, positive that I could pull it out from the wall, begin my great escape here and now.

All I ended up doing was creating quite the commotion, pulling against the wall, it inevitably pulling me back, sending me to the ground with a pathetic thump and clang.

"Hey! Shut up in there!" Yelled a voice from the hallway.

I wouldn't be deterred, however. I was confident I could manage it, and so I pulled again, yanking harder and harder, going down harder and harder each and every time.

The cell door opened, and I, in one final burst of energy, made a run for it, positive that when it mattered most, I could defeat Fire Nation engineering, break my chains, make it past the guard, and escape to freedom. Instead, I fell backwards onto my back, a quick kick to my side deterring any thought I had of trying again.

"I said shut up!"

He kicked again, thankfully in my side, narrowly missing my stomach, the wound now feeling all the more pronounced. "Try that again and I'll do worse!"

I spit out the glob of blood sitting in my mouth as the gate closed behind him and he set about his patrols. I wanted to resist, to try again, but the energy simply was not there. The pain, overwhelming. Darkness came again soon.

It was the sea again. I was in the same position, bound down to a stretcher, though this time, not paralyzed. I fought, struggled, desperate to roll off into the sea, confident I could swim my way back home. Naturally, like all else, it failed. I was being moved, though at least not at an incline this time. Still, I fought, and fought, only barely hearing the words, "Dope him up again," soon feeling as though a knife had been inserted directly into my neck, and the darkness came one last time.

I would have begged for more if I knew what would end up coming next. I hardly caught a wink over the next few weeks. At least, t felt like weeks. Could have just been days, or hell, hours even. Time became a concept I had no sense of anymore. Food was slipped under the slit of the door, water given the same way. All I wanted was just to sleep, to let myself slip into the night for just a moment.

That wouldn't happen.

I had no window, no way of counting the days that went by. All I had to tell the time was the meals, but even then, time had become such a flippant subject that there was no way of knowing how often I was being fed a day. Three times, only twice to starve me, maybe 4 times to restore my energy and distort my sense of time? There was no way of knowing.

I marked the time in landmarks. The moment I was thrown in was the first. I remembered the sun. Or maybe I'd only dreamed of it. Couldn't even trust my own memory now. Only one memory still lived on, more pronounced than the real world itself. Luke. I'm going to kill all of you traitors.

The next landmark just so happened to be another visitor. He brought food with him, setting it down by my feet. I'd tried to lunge at him, but my new chain one around my neck, giving me only a foot of leeway, didn't allow for much in the way of attack capabilities. I was hurled back against the wall, and the food was set by my feet. Hands and legs were bound as well, but I, at the very least, would be able to move my arms enough to eat. Least they could do for me.

I was surprised the man had actually come into the room itself. Most times, food was slipped under the door. This time around, it had been hand delivered. What do they want from me?

"Your wounds are healing up nicely."

I didn't bother saying anything. I was stuffing my face with the brown rice and apple as a side they'd given me. I didn't much like apples. The taste, it just didn't do it for me, but now, I was simply happy to get my hands on whatever I could.

"Good. Eat. You need your energy. Then I'm going to have a few questions for you if you wouldn't mind."

If I wouldn't mind? Ah. So he's the good cop. I'll indulge him then. For however long it suits me.

"First I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Harzek. Lieutenant Harzek. I understand you may have some mixed feelings about the Fire Nation, but I want to assure you, that right now, it would be in your best interest to assist us."

I scarfed down another portion of food, belching intentionally soon after. It felt nice to do that, especially is such "esteemed" company as a Fire Nation lieutenant. "What would you like to know."

"I'd like you to start with a few simple questions. Would that work for you?"

I eyed the apple in front of me. I had what he wanted, and he likely had something I preferred. I could milk this. "What else do you have in the way of fruit?"

"Onboard? We have apples, citrus, bananas, berries, ca-"

"Bring me some berries please. Raspberries if you would be so kind."

The Lieutenant gave a small smile. He knew I simply wanted to be pampered. I smiled back at him. He knew I had control over this situation. So he simply turned to the guard by the door and nodded. The man set off, and he turned back to me.

"The way to the kitchen takes some time. Might take a few minutes for them to get back. The silence will be less uncomfortable if we can discuss something in the mean while."

"I'm not uncomfortable. Thank you for asking though. Really considerate."

His previous grin now turned into something more resembling a grimace as he began to realize what my intentions here were. My smile was only just beginning to grow. I was going to be having a good time while I was here. Until I made my escape of course. I'd caught a glimpse of the hallway outside the cell door. I imagined I was being held in the lower levels of the ship. I'd have to find my way up. That'd be the tricky part. I was a strong swimmer, however. Good lung capacity too. I was raised by the sea. How couldn't I be? It was just a matter of getting overboard, then I was home free.

The minutes passed, and I ended up breaking into a whistling tune to pass the time. I decided to play a game with myself. Well, rather, I decided to play a game with my captor. The game was titled, "See how long it takes good cop to become bad cop."

A knock came at the door soon afterward, and a small ceramic jar of raspberries was slid beneath the door, caught by Harzek's expecting hand. I extended my hand expectingly, but it seemed his patience was in short supply.

"You can get one for each question you answer."

"I think better when I have something to chew on."

"Then answer my question. I'll give you one to think with, and another once you answer my question."

"Ask away then," I grinned.

He tossed a raspberry as he asked, "You are a man, is that correct?"

I came quite close to chocking on the delicacy as he asked his question. I coughed a few times, soon regaining my composure. "What gave it away?"

"Just answer the question."

"Then yes. I am a man. I'll take another raspberry."

He tossed it over, and I consumed it, less of an incident this time.

"Next question. Your name is Lei'fo, is this correct? He tossed another raspberry. Same routine.

I considered giving him a bullshit answer, but the truth was, a taste had been eft in my mouth, and besides. It was inconsequential information. They already knew. "Yes," I answered. "That'd be me. With questions like these, you're going to be needing more berries."

"Oh I don't think I will."

Another small fruit.

"And you are a member of the Separatists of the Nip Sea, or have I made a mistake there?"

"I'm afraid I've never heard of them," I mumbled as I rolled my tongue over the individual beads of the berry, enjoying the taste while I could.

"Oh, I'm sure you must have heard of them in your time in the Nip Sea area."

"Well, sure. I've heard of them, but I've got no connection to them."

"Right. We assumed as much, especially after the state they left you in. I'm afraid you were yet another of their casualties in their so-called "righteous" war. They robbed a band of innocents and eft you for dead. It was a silly question. Of course you're not one of them. They treat each other like family over there. And they would never turn on family."

The hell?

"Here. Take the rest. You've earned them. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Wait. What the Hell was happening right now? Was he…actually trying to bribe me with berries? What in Raava's name is going on?

"Hmm," He said. "I'll take that as a 'no.'"

"Wait," I called out, not even planning to, the words just coming out. "What time is it?"

"It is 30-something minutes past noon. You'll be receiving dinner in a little under 5 hours and 30 minutes."

"Wait. Are we done?"

"For today? Yes. You did good. I'll have some more questions for you tomorrow. And oh, I'll get somebody to come in and replace your bucket. Get some good rest. We pick up where we left off tomorrow."

With that, he took his leave, closing the door behind him, gone as quickly as he'd come. A few minutes after, as he'd promised, my shit and piss bucket was replaced, and thank the Spirits for that. The smell was starting to get to me.

What the hell had just happened? He knew I was lying. They had to know I was with the Separatists, right? So what was all of that bullshit about knowing that I wasn't one of them. Of course I was. Saying I wasn't, he's just trying to get into my head. Make me doubt my loyalties. It won't work. He can try, but I won't give up my friends. I looked down at the food in front of me. But I will enjoy him thinking that I will.

I finally had a grasp on time. And I had no intention of losing it. I didn't concern myself too much in counting down the hours until dinner came, knowing that, in time, it would. The hours did drag on, however, to the point that I even began to wonder if, in fact, dinner was coming, or it had been a mere trick to make me lose sense of time once more. How long had it been since our meeting? There was no way of knowing. I knew that 30 minutes past noon was already said and done. Or maybe he was lying about that as well.

Nothing was the truth anymore. Everything was a lie. Everything was nothing. I was lost.

Dinner came about an hour after my freak-out.

I ate, now dedicated to not let time escape me anymore. But after 5 minutes of trying to count second-by-second, the thoughts dancing around my mind soon overshadowed any sense of time I was trying to hang on to. I would just have to believe that tomorrow would come. And when it did, a new round of question.

I couldn't help but wonder what he'd ask. Would it be like today? Just tiny things that he already knew? No. He just wanted to give me a false sense of security. Odds are, come tomorrow, he'll drop the real bombshell questions. Is it possible he had actually believed what I'd said about me not being connected with the Separatists? No. He has to know that. He's just trying to play with my head. Get me doubting my loyalties. It won't happen.

But no matter how many times I assured myself of that. His words stuck in my head. "They treat each other like family over there. And they would never turn on family." We were family, but that hadn't stopped Luke and his converts from turning on me. They were the traitors. And they were endangering my real family. I would get out of here. Not for revenge, but to save my family from those who sought to hurt it. And hey, a little revenge wouldn't hurt.

I actually managed to sleep that night, of quite considerable surprise to me. What annoyed me more than anything, however, was not knowing what time it was. I was unsure how much time had passed since I woke, but eventually, what I could only assume to be the day's first meal was slipped beneath my door.

"Hey," I asked, hoping that since yesterday, the guards were more inclined on helping me if it meant "information." "What time is it?"

It was a woman's voice who came back, somewhat surprising me, though I wasn't sure why. The Fire Nation had a habit of mix-gendered units. Not like the Earth Kingdom. We knew how to stay organized. Introducing outside elements would do more harm than good. The Separatists were different. We had to make use of all resources we had. I was sure, however, that once the Earth Kingdom was back in full force, we'd be able to make things whole again. As they were meant to be. Though I will admit, I'd have appreciated the eye candy. "0800," she said.

Hmm. I slept quite a while. It felt good, like I actually had some energy back inside my body for once. Maybe today's the day I get out of here. I can ask for some meat. I'll tell him to send the guard to fetch me something. When she's gone, I'll use the bone to stab the Lieutenant. Possum chicken. They've got sharp bones. Hopefully, they have some. He probably has the keys to my chains on him. He has to. I'll undo my chains, grab his weapons, his armor, push through the ship, jump overboard, and swim away. I can do it. I feel ready.

I bided my time, just waiting, anticipating, not wanting to wait another moment to be back home. Just a few more hours, and I'll be with family again.

He came, eventually. I wanted to assume the same time as yesterday, just to provide some semblance of structure for my mind. He came with food once again. The same as yesterday, though with hot tea instead of merely water. Of course, he'd brought water too. Just in case.

"Before we begin. Is it possible I could get some meat as well? Been a long while since I've had any."

"That can be arranged. What would you like? "

"Possum chicken"

"You're in luck. We'll have some brought down." He knocked on the door, and when it opened, sent the guard away for my request. In the meantime, would you mind answering a few questions?"

It wouldn't matter anyway. Whatever answers I gave him would die with him soon enough. And I must admit. I was curious. "Sure. I guess."

"Great. Then allow me to ask. What do you want?"

What? "You mean? The possum chicken?"

"No no. Going beyond that. What do you want from the world? From yourself?"

To watch your country burn. To save my friends from the traitors who tried to kill me, and, given the chance, will kill more of us.

"I want. I want to be there for those I care about. To be able to protect my friends and family from those who threaten them. And to be able to punish those who hurt me."

"Excellent. And ah, perfect timing. The kitchen was fast this time. Your food is here."

She'd been gone for around a minute and a half. Enough time for me to do what needed to be done. I could manage.

The tray holding a chicken breast and wing was slid over to me, and I immediately got the work on the leg, gnawing off the skin and meat, enjoying the taste of the meat, but beyond that, impending freedom.

"Now I have an additional question for you?"

"Shoot."

"What do you fear?"

"What do I fear? Not being able to do what I want, I suppose. Not protecting friends and family. Not being there for those who need me. Not protecting myself, letting myself get pushed around."

"Of course of course. A clever answer."

I was about done gnawing down to the bone, sharpening it at the edge with my teeth. It would be ready soon. I picked up my water, quickly drinking through it, intending on asking him to get her to fetch some more. Soon enough, I was down to the bottom of the glass. "Do you think I could get some more water please?"

He took the glass from me, handing it to the guard, saying, "Fetch some water, and take your time. Don't rush yourself." She nodded, leaving. Why would he do that. I shrugged. Beats me. Gives me more time though. Fine by me. Now ask me one last question.

"Then I have one final question for you." Good.

"I'm sorry. I can't hear you very well. Would you come closer please?"

He ignored me, proceeding with his question anyway. No. "What would you do to get what you want, and avoid what you feared?"

"I'm sorry, but I really can't hear you. It's the pressure or something from being locked down here so long. Can't hear a thing." Just do it, damnit.

"You'd do a great lot, I imagine. Face insurmountable odds, put yourself in extreme danger, do whatever needed to be done."

"If you could just come a tiny bit closer, I'm sure I'd-"

"You're not going to stab me with that bone, Lei'fo. I know you would, given half the chance, and you'd be dead before you even took the knife out of my neck. You'd be of no help to anybody then."

No. "I wasn't going to do any of that."

"So you can hear me then, good. That's all of my questions for today. I'll ask that you think about what was discussed here today. What you wish for, what you fear, and the lengths you'd go to. We will be meeting again tomorrow, at the same time. Now finish your meal. Your water will be here shortly. Until tomorrow, Lei'fo of the Nip Sea Separatists, or so you want to believe. I look forward to our conversation tomorrow."

I dropped the shiv fall behind my back, a pathetic clack all the noise it made upon kitting the ground. What the hell was I even thinking?

I had no appetite. I couldn't eat. I passed the rest of my meal untouched, save for the water, beneath the door, the chicken bone along with it. It was a fool's gambit from the start anyway.

I still had no appetite by the time dinner came. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about what he'd asked. Not just about the Separatists betraying me anymore, which he apparently now knew beyond all shadow of a doubt, but everything he said about fears, wants, lengths I'd go to. No. No. He just wants to get inside of my head. He just wants me doubting myself. To keep me off guard. I shouldn't have given up the shiv. I should've tried using it to cut through my chains.

Even I, however, knew just how stupid that thought was. He was right. I'd be dead in seconds. I was trapped here. Now literally and mentally.

I couldn't sleep. I just wanted the day to come. I wanted to talk to him. I needed to talk to him. At some point in the night, I'd knocked against my door for what felt like hours until a guard came, a man this time, asking, "Hell do you want?"

"I need to talk to the Lieutenant. To Harzek."

"He told you when he'd speak to you. Now go to sleep."

"Please! I need to talk to him."

"You'll talk to him when he wants to be talked to! Who the hell do you think you are to try demanding an audience with him?! Screw off and go to sleep."

I disengaged, but getting sleep was one order I couldn't follow through. I thought about my wants: loyalty to those I cared about, protecting them, revenge against those who threatened them and threatened me. I thought about my fears: failing those I cared for, losing them, never standing up for them or myself. And I thought about what I'd do: anything. Anything in the world. I'd do anything to protect those I loved. I'd do anything to hurt those who hurt me. To get revenge, no, justice.

Even resolute in my beliefs, sleep evaded me for the most part, I myself only catching a few winks from time to time.

I forced myself to try eating some breakfast when it came, moreso reveling in knowing it was the next day, and I'd talk with Harzek soon. I just needed the closure. Needed to feel right again before I could plan my escape once more. Smarter this time. Because I would. The only ways I was getting out of here was by betraying my family or busting out. And I was never betraying family. Never betraying those I loved.

I spent the hours in between meals, awaiting my next meeting with Harzek, by simply twiddling with my thumbs, insisting that I pass the time however possible. I pissed, I shit, did whatever my limited mobility would allow.

It felt like days in themselves until the next knock came. And there he was. I had to suppress the relief I felt, hiding the smile on my face knowing the time had finally come. I could finally tell him what I needed to say. To tell him to "go fuck himself, that he would never make me turn against my family, my friends."

And so he walked in, sitting down in front of me, no feed in hand this time. "You'll be fed afterwards. I'd prefer that you pay full attention to me for the moment."

Fine by me. Hell, better even. I want to look you in the eye when I tell you to fuck off.

"Works for me. Let's get started then. I only have one question for you today?"

Wait. What?

"Why did you join the Separatists of the Nip Sea?"

"I-what?"

"You village in the Anwar province was burned to the ground by the Fire Nation around 5 years ago. You were separated from your parents."

"Separated," I scoffed. "Funny way of putting it. They're dead. Your people killed them."

"On the contrary, your parents are very much alive."

I looked up, "What?"

"When the Fire Nation attacked your town, your parents told you to flee, and you ran. South. Eventually, you found the Nip Sea Separatists, who inducted you into their family, making you one of them."

"And I returned to my village. It was burnt to a crisp! Your people, You Ash Makers had destroyed everything!"

"The village was destroyed. The Earth Kingdom had been recruiting conscripts from the village to attack our holdings. We destroyed the place, but the people survived. The refugees were taken to Miaowan, your parents among them."

"Bullshit."

"Not at all. This was written by your parents, Shenao and Monah, of the Fehan Dynasty, and this is their signature. You can verify it if you want." He handed me a sheet of paper. It was their writing. Their signature.

Lei'fo. We are so happy to hear that you are alive. We are okay. Your father and I are making ends meet in Miaowan, but we want you to be with us. We want you to be safe. Please, do what they say.

Your mother and father, Shenao and Monah Fehan.

"You forced them to write this!"

"Maybe, maybe not, but they are alive."

"Where are you keeping them?! What kind of sadistic prison camp are you keeping them in?! Tell me! How did you know about them!?"

"We told you. They are living comfortably under Fire Nation protection in Miaowan. You father is a craftsman, and your mother is a servant. They are by no means wealthy, but they make a modest living, and are getting by. And we know everything about you, Lei'fo. Your parents were very willing to indulge us for details when we went looking for connections."

"You tortured them!"

"Not in the slightest. They want to protect you. They want you to be safe. And they can be."

"What do you mean they can be?"

"Life for Earth Kingdom nationals in Fire Nation territory is volatile. Subject to change at any moment."

"Are you threatening my parents?"

"How you interpret what I say here is up to you. I merely am offering you a chance to do the right thing, but you haven't yet answered my question. Why did you join the Separatists?"

"To take back my home! To get revenge against the Fire Nation for destroying my life! To kill each and every one of you!"

"Is that what you really want, however?"

"Of course it is!"

"Yesterday, I asked you what it is you wanted most. You said it was to protect those you cared about, and to stand up, and get justice against those who hurt you, that you feared losing your friends, family."

"Where are you going with this?"

"You know where I'm going with this. I'm offering you a chance to do exactly what you want to do. Your family is alive. I can bring them here if you want, as proof that I will keep my word."

"In exchange for what?"

He chuckled. "Great question. You told me when we met that you think better while you're eating. I suggest you do a lot of eating. We'll talk again tomorrow."

He left, the door closing behind me one more time. There was no relief to be had. No closure to be felt. I'd been left with more questions than answers, an even bigger knot in my stomach than I'd began the day with. I had no idea what came ahead. All I knew was that, somehow, my parents were alive. I was still in something of disbelief, but that had been their writing. I read the letter again. It was them.

What the hell did Harzek want?