Luke

We had only been travelling for a single day, but, already, I could tell that we had covered more ground than the 5 of us had together when walking from Heigou to Xiahu.

2 locations that no longer existed on the map, reduced to rubble by the Fire Nation in the span of just a few weeks.

That was war for you.

It was the second day of our travelling now, and the first had proceeded in relative silence. I would pin that silence down to it having still been rather difficult to ascertain just what we were doing. Even as we'd settled down for the night, split it into 3 separate watches, it still hadn't seemed real. It was upon waking, however, finding ourselves separate from the others, and thus begun our trek once again, that the circumstances finally came to our realization.

"Think they notice we're gone by now?" Zare asked.

"Pretty sure Gordez noticed we were gone less than an hour after we left," I commented. Would be a miracle if we don't turn around right now to find him hot on our tails."

Both Zare and I turned around simultaneously as part of the joke, eliciting a small chuckle from one another over the over-dramatized act.

Even Zek seemed rather amused by the exchange, though not overtly. It was easy to tell that his mind was still elsewhere, made especially apparent yesterday as we'd settled to sleep, and he had promptly volunteered to take first watch. He hadn't slept the night before, while we had been in transit from Xiahu to Jingping, and he had seemed intent on maintaining that trend of sleeplessness.

My watch had followed, and it had taken a great deal of effort to convince him to settle down for the night and for me to take his place.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I had asked.

He'd shaken his head, but I hadn't been so eager to end the discussion there. I had known this man for over a year. I wasn't so keen on forgetting everything he'd done for me, bringing me into the fold of Squad Iron Fire, making me one of them, saving my life on more than one occasion, treating me as his family, what I owed him. Not him personally, not because of any one favor or because he had done anything in particular for me, but because he was family. It went no further than that. "And so I asked again, "you told her. Didn't you?"

He only nodded.

I sighed to myself, quietly, not enough that he could hear. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't imagine putting myself in his shoes, telling somebody I loved of the things I'd done. Hell, it was hard enough to imagine loving somebody the way he loved her. How the hell could I even begin to comprehend.

"I thought I was ready for it," he whispered. "I thought I was ready for her to cut things off, but, it actually happening…" he shook his head.

I was at a loss for words, not because of some overwhelming emotional force keeping me from forming a response, but simply for lack of knowledge on the subject, but seeing him like this now, my closest, oldest friend, who I now was realizing I'd known almost as long as I'd known Danev, I tried anyway.

"She'll come around."

He shook his head. "She shouldn't. I deserve this. She…she doesn't deserve somebody like me. She deserves…fuck. She deserves much better. Not some psycho, killer rapist."

"Zek, for fuck's sake, man. Stop. You're not a…you know you're not that."

"But I did those things."

"We had this conversation before, Zek. We've both done horrible things, things we both want to leave behind. Yes, they did happen, and we did do those things, but we won't do them again."

"So it's that simple?! We get to do these things, renounce them, and then it's just completely fine? All is forgotten?"

"Of course it's not. We'll see their faces until the days we die. That's our curse. We're cursed with the memories of what we did, but we don't have to be cursed to repeat it. That, we can change, and that's what we're doing. She'll see that. She just…she just needs time."

He shook his head, breathing out. "Damnit. I shouldn't have told her."

"You would have had to eventually. You love her."

"I know, but,…"

"And she loves you."

"I'm not so sure of that anymore."

"She wouldn't have reacted the way she did if she didn't. She still loves you. She just needs…time…I guess."

There was a faint scoff. "Wow. Really have a way with words, huh, Luke?"

I shrugged. "I'm a romantic at heart, what can I say?"

He sighed, looking back out into the distance. "Sure you're good taking watch. I can stay up a bit longer."

"I'm good," I answered. "You on the other hand, get some sleep. You need it."

He nodded, getting up to leave, in the midst of doing so before saying, "Hey, remember some lines of those. That kinda stuff will just swoop Zare right off her feet."

I was gladdened then by it being the pitch black of night for what were obvious reasons. I turned to face him, relying on the shroud of 0200 to shroud any giveaway as I hardened my voice, still allowing a tint of humor to remain behind it, and responded with, "I said go to sleep, Zek. You can kindly fuck off now."

And so he had, kindly fucking off, leaving me to my own devices. I was thankful for the note things had ended on, yet still found myself wondering if I had taken the best approach. Seeing as how he had actually managed to secure sleep that night, I wanted to think I had done the right thing.

The day following, however, today, at that, he seemed in better spirits. At the very least, he seemed to be agonizing less over Ka'lira, and that was a marked improvement to say the least.

Time, and the conservation of it, had been a priority.

We didn't stop for meals, eating as we went, limiting what we consumed at that to ensure less time was spent "evacuating." We limited our sleeping to 6 hours, ensuring no more than 7 hours a night was spent immobile. We were efficient, to say the least, managing that first night to have set up camp within 15 minutes, repacking in only 10 the morning after.

Travelling itself, proved to be just as efficient, if not more. We were making good time, that itself being observable alone in that second day, our high spirits, Zek's included at that. Both Zare and I had been then surprised at the sound of his voice to our side as he spoke, seemingly directed towards me, "Damn. I really wish Shanzi was here right now."

I now was compelled to try and suppress the grin rising to my face. I was rather sure I had a good idea of where he was going with this,

"Who's Shanzi?" Zare asked, naturally, a curious eye turning towards Zek and then to me where her eyes lingered.

"Oh," I stated. "Just a friend of ours."

"Oh, more than a friend," Zek added, not keen on dropping the ball and affirming Shanzi's existence as a behemoth of treads and steel. "Needless to say, she has a keen way of making the time pass by all the quicker when she's around."

"What do you mean?" Zare asked now, a tint of suspicion in her question.

Zek nodded towards me, allowing me to be the one to continue. I couldn't help but feel some strange sense of guilt in making Zare the butt of the joke, but seeing Zek's spirits finally being lifted, well, certain sacrifices had to be made. I was sure that, once Zare inevitably learned of Shanzi's existence, she'd find some form of payback or other against me.

"Well. She keeps us company in the darkest of times. In her embrace, well, what can we say, we all instantly feel safer."

Zek was suppressing a grin of his own. "Mhmm. Needless to say, she's enough woman for all of us."

"We do take turns of course. Even she has her limits. Zek himself is quite the afficionado when it comes to her."

Zare had stopped now, and so had we, us no longer having the mental capacity to focus on walking and our string of jokes at the same time. Her look had shifted from curiosity to a state of confused disgust, unsure of just what she was hearing.

"Oh, Luke sells himself short. Nobody knows how to handle her quite as well as he does."

"What can I say?" I added. "I know what the ladies like."

"What-the fuck?" was all Zare could muster. She was more than capable of realizing she was being messed with in some shape or form. Such was, of course, the intention, to allow her enough leeway to know she was being played, but not quite enough to know how. Just enough confusion in her was what Zek and I required to amuse ourselves. And exactly that had been accomplished as Zare quickly pivoted on her heel to resume marching deeper into the woods while Zek and I took the moment to let loose stifled chuckles. To say the least, the morning had been a good one, myself by no means unhappy for the chance to see Zek restored to at least a semblance of his former self.

More time had passed, and by mid-afternoon, we were already able to observe that we were approaching the general region that Xiahu was located in. We had known this by the presence of an Earth Kingdom soldier's strewn out corpse along the trail. We would have found ourselves more on guard if the blood had been fresh, but, fortunately, the body was aged, certainly from shortly after Xiahu had been lost the day prior, likely having run this far in an effort to flee the pursuing enemy.

His desperate effort to make it to Jingping, however, as indicated by his body being here, had only resulted in failure. Zare was quick to identify that the man had fallen where he was struck, no blood trail behind him to indicate his wounds had been sustained elsewhere but here. We were unable to ascertain, however, if his body had been left here out of negligence or as a warning.

We had come across no Fire Nation forces thus far and wanted to believe that trend would persist. Our state of alert, however, had not dissipated, but at least waned enough to allow us to enjoy some levity to the otherwise grim circumstances.

There was something I found myself coming to notice about Zare. I was fully capable of observing the worry and concern she held for the nuns and the others, my knack for observation a skill that hadn't waned one bit since my days in Citadel. She, however, in spite of these fears, had a unique ability of shrouding it, of not allowing it to slow her down.

There was a military-like discipline behind it, myself now wondering just how much of an invisible burden she may have been bearing on her shoulder, unobservable to the outsider's naked eye. She kept the worry at bay, however, maintaining a stoic image of unfazing calmness. But there was a hesitation behind it, as though she was afraid to allow herself to grow too unwary, not for the risk of being caught by watching forces mid-laughter, but rather, a risk of allowing such levity to precede immediately finding the strewn-out corpses of her old allies.

Such was now a possibility she was certainly considering, especially after the discovery of the soldier's corpse from earlier. Tried as she might to hide it, there were obvious tells, the most obvious of which was the determined strides she had come to take, forcing Zek and I to focus all the more on maintaining pace with her. The dedicated stride of hers was not the remnant of her storming off in the wake of me and Zek's shenanigans, but rather, a newfound desire to find her allies as quickly as humanly possible.

By noon, we had reached Xiahu, or, rather, what was left of it. We had recognized we were nearing it by the surrounding terrain alone, the curvature of the shore to our North beginning to feel familiar to what we had observed in our brief stay there.

Thus, the only rational approach had been to slow down, to shroud our movements, to stick to the thick brush of the forest, taking deliberate caution with every step.

We could smell the smoke before we could see the walls. What was left of them, at least. It wasn't much.

They had been torn down, we realized upon reaching the edge of the forest, any tree between this point and the walls having been chopped down to create a clear line of sight on any invaders, not that it had done Xiahu's defenders any good. Such was observable by the fact that the walls no longer existed, nor a fortress at that. It was all rubble. It seemed the Fire Nation's efforts hadn't concluded with running us off. The fortress had fallen victim next, all of it, the smoke still billowing, the fires only recently having burned out.

"Think they're still around?" I asked to nobody in particular.

Surprisingly, it was Zek who answered first. Or, rather, unsurprisingly given the newfound worry that seemed to be enveloping Zare. "It's possible," he said, "But unlikely. Looks like they just wanted to torch the place, not occupy it. No reason they'd stick around."

"Might be trying to catch anybody coming back?" I shrugged.

"Unlikely," he answered. "Would be best to just go around. You see any bodies anywhere?"

"Only Earth Kingdom," I answered. I shook my head. "Nobody else."

"Hmm. Might still be in luck then. Let's get going."

I nodded, following him, suddenly back in the spirit of things as he proceeded along. A few paces for me were all it took to realize there was no movement behind me. Zare was still watching the scene, her eyes focused on it, the billowing smoke, the torched bodies, black and mangled beyond all recognition if it wasn't for the armor they bore, melded to their flesh.

I was capable of understanding the look. That of trying to reassure herself that the bodies of her colleagues were not among the others.

"Hey. Zare," I called out in a whisper to her, prompting Zek behind me to stop as indicated by the cessation of the shuffling of brush in front of me. "You good?"

No answer. Her eyes remained dead set ahead, the breaths barely escaping from her mouth, her face seemingly frozen with intent eyes, only fazing at the last second to indicate she had heard me. She turned towards me, confused, apparently having not heard what I'd said and so I stated, "They're not there. Let's move on. Might still find them if we move fast enough."

She nodded, realizing the wasted time that was being spent seated where she was. "Yeah," she said, the first statement not affirmation enough, at least by her own standards, prompting her to repeat again, "Yeah. Sounds good. Let's go."

We pressed on then, past Xiahu, maintaining pace. We were now travelling over familiar terrain, having already traversed these paths only 2 days ago, but heading in the opposite direction. We were a small enough group not to grab attention, and while we travelled along the main room, we were sure to remain light on our feet, responding to more than one scare by quickly abandoning the trail and taking cover in the heavy shrubbery.

Ever time, of course, it had turned out to be a false alarm. This land was dead, as were the people who may have inhabited it by the look of things. Save for the forest itself, there was hardly any life around us at that, hardly any animals to be heard save for the unceasing chirping of insects.

Soon enough, the day came to its end, despite Zare's seeming intention to not slow pace. It had been necessary to take a firm hand in persuading her to settle down for the night—an order she was very clearly displeased with.

Notwithstanding, however, she did so. Zek, thankfully aware of the sleep he had missed out on as of late on part due to circumstances he had thankfully forgotten about for the meanwhile, decided to sleep, leaving Zare with first watch on her own accord. A part of me had been somewhat concerned of her attempting to sneak off in the middle of the night and continue her search, but luckily, such had not proved the case, and she was still sitting right where she had been 4 hours ago when I woke up in time for my shift.

"You didn't wake me," I commented as I took a seat beside her, having stalked to her side from where my bedroll had rested on the soil beneath.

"Mmm. You woke anyway. No harm, no foul."

Joking words but with no life behind them, eerily mechanical, just reflex, no heart nor soul.

I didn't respond immediately to her comment, settling into at least a semi comfortable sitting position by her side, looking into the expanse of darkness ahead of us. We were deep in the forest now, far off from the trail, no fire to mark our positions, unnecessary it being the midst of summer, the natural warmth of the season enough to keep up alive. "Should get some sleep. I'll take watch now."

"Not tired." Of course she was going to say that.

"Doesn't change the fact you should get some sleep. You'll need energy for tomorrow."

"I have plenty of energy." She paused, deliberating what to say next, seemingly concerned she may have offended me with the tone in which she had spoken. She had not, but notwithstanding, that concern was there, added to an already overflowing list of worries. "Besides," she added, not intent on letting the list grow any more. "Don't think I'll be able to sleep until I know what happened to them."

"We'll find them tomorrow," I said, knowing that one way or another, we'd make it to Heigou. We were close enough as it was, and it had already been somewhat concerned that we hadn't yet stumbled upon them, no sign of them anywhere. Perhaps it was a good sign, but, on the other hand…I pushed the idea aside, feeling no need to dwell on it, especially lest I accidentally let my notion slip. "Staying up won't make it come any quicker. Just try to get some sleep."

She had seemed to ignore my request, instead only asking, "Do you think they're alive?"

Damnit, Zare. Don't make me lie to you any more than I already have.

She spoke before I could answer, myself wanting to think she'd forgotten the question as she continued with, "We didn't find them today. We should have found them. We're almost at Heigou, and still…" the last word drifted into silence, lost in the light Nip breeze, flowing away into the leaves, ruffling them in their wake, escaping into the night sky, the sentence never to be completed. She had not, however, as I had hoped, forgotten the question, and so asked again, "I asked you a question. Do you think they're alive?"

"I-I don't know," I answered truthfully and shamefully. The more bitter truth would have been to simply tell her that I believed them dead, but it was still an honest truth to say I didn't know. That wasn't lying. It was…simply…better this way. "I don't think we should count them out just yet," I added. "There's no way to know if they're alive or-

"I think they're dead," she interrupted, not keen on allowing me to finish what I was saying. What? My eyes drifted to hers. She was hugging her knees to her chest, chin rested upon them, looking off into the sky. "You saw what they did to Heigou. If…if they knew the job at Heigou hadn't been finished, they'd have gone back, made sure it was."

"You don't know that," I responded defensively, now finding myself, still in opposition to her, but now defending the life of those she had already seemed to be counting out. "We've seen no troops. The Fire Nation came just to destroy Xiahu and left. They wouldn't have the motive nor means to go back to Heigou."

"The Rhinos," she answered simply, seeing the name of the infamous band as all the answer she needed. "They would do that. They tried it before. They're not the type to leave a job half finished." She spoke of them as though she knew them, had seen them in action before. I suppose, however, she had, in Heigou for starters. But, to speak of them in this light, it felt as though there was more. She didn't however, elaborate, and I didn't prompt her to. There would be room to do so another time.

She let out a soft exhale, repeating herself as she said, "I think they're dead."

I didn't know what to say. On one hand, perhaps there was some solace. Should the worse come to worst, at least she would have been somewhat prepared for it. Still, however, seeing her like this now, it was by no means comforting nor enjoyable to watch. "We'll see tomorrow," I said.

"Hmm."

"But, really, please, get some sleep. I got watch from here."

She only nodded. She didn't want a fight. I think, right then, she only wanted to not have to think about it. She stood up and crept over to where her bag lay, and promptly set herself down within it. She went quiet, but, though I was unsure just how, I seemed to know she was not asleep. Perhaps she had tried, only to be awakened by a nightmare, but sleep had not come to her one way or another. \

My eyes settled on the darkness lurking behind the gaps in the trees, wondering what lay beyond there, to the east. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I wanted them to be alive. How could I not? I wanted them to be alive for the mere fact that they were decent people, and I had no intention of wishing such horrible death upon others, but mostly, I wanted them alive for her sake. It wasn't affection, wasn't some base emotion that Zek and Ka'lira would have made jabbing remarks in relation to. Or maybe it was, and I was just incapable of recognizing it. Damnit, Luke. Focus. I sighed.

On the other hand, if they were alive, then would that mean Zare had reached the end of the road with us? It had been her intention to help us get to Xiahu and nothing more. If that was over, and she was back with the nuns, then what? Was that it? I felt guilty upon thinking it, for even nearing the outskirts of attempting to seek some bright side of a worst-case scenario. It was a despicable train of thought, one I was dedicated to stopping in its tracks, but the shadow of the line of self-questioning remained, though I wished it hadn't.

I knew what I was praying for however, base emotions aside or otherwise. I wanted them to be alive, prayed they were alive. For her sake especially. Raava, I pondered. I don't know how this works, but if you do care, if you are listening, please, help them.

Less than a half day later, we were up again, and at Heigou. My prayers, my pleads, whatever they had been, they had gone unanswered. The town was dead, even more so than when we'd left it. The survivors, those we had worked to save, to pull out of the rubble, to nurse back to health, guide them through an epidemic, fight back rogues to protect them, all of it, all in vain.

They'd been slaughtered, down to the last man, woman, child, the tracks of Komodo rhinos still visible in the mud, the blood painting the hidden city square, where the wounded had been sheltered, already dried, the event days passed. They'd been dead for a while.

Had anybody made it?

Gehor's body, or, the parts that had used to compose it, lay motionless at the entrance of the square, where he had made his first and final stand by the look of it. He had been cut from the right shoulder down to the midsection, barely held together by a loose thread of what was left of his body, what was left of him already mid decay.

Miyang, the young acolyte we had first encountered, she lay face down on the pavement, her head stuck to the ground by a pool of dried blood. Her britches had been pulled down below her waist and it didn't take a genius detective to have discerned what occurred. When we had turned her over, there was hardly anything left of her face, msot of it still stuck to the stone floor beneath.

Kala, she had escaped easily, at least relatively. She was only burned from head to waist, her mouth locked in a twisted agonized scream, her final view that of flames dancing before her eyes, twisting in brilliant patterns as they slowly consumed her being around her. There was something sickeningly beautiful at the thought.

And everybody else, their fates had been no different. It hadn't mattered who they were, none had escaped. Some had tried to put up fights, none had succeeded. Only the faintest signs of struggle existed, indicated by the scattered array of weapons across the plaza, no Fire Nation bodies to points towards any value of their efforts.

They had fought. That was enough.

Zare just stood there, taking in the sight she had seen in her nightmares over the last few nights, the fate she had seemed to known awaited her comrades, myself wishing that the reality before us was a false one, that perhaps this was a nightmare for myself, or even that I wasn't real, that I was just trapped in her own nightmare, that she would wake up, and find Heigou still breathing, still alive.

But the blood that stuck to my boots, the smell of copper that failed the air, the stench of rotting decay around me, of burnt flesh, that was all real. There would be no waking up.

And she saw this. It was hard to tell just what was there. Sorrow, obviously, but she was refusing to let it overtake her. I wasn't sure if it was an active struggle, or less of one as she had already seemed capable of knowing what fate had awaited them, the sight she witnessed before her now merely a confirmation of what she'd already suspected.

Zek was securing the perimeter, ensuring no lingering threats remained. It was just us there, and after a few moments, she turned her head towards m, likely having heard me nearing. I wanted to say something, though I wasn't sure what. I wanted to apologize, I think, but I was uncertain as to just what I was apologizing for. For her loss, or for trying to give her hope?

"I-"

"It's alright," she said. She looked down. There would be no time to bury the bodies, to give them their last rites, to honor their remains, to pursue their murders, to find justice. This was the way it was. We had our answer, and a bitter one at that, but as Zare's eyes looked into mine, it wasn't a look of one about to break. There was sorrow in her gaze, that was unmistakable, but the eyes that faced me were those that had seen death. She, much like myself, had prayed she would be able to avoid it this time around, but the result was not one she was unprepared for, but rather, a scene she had observed many times before.

And there was that sense of familiarity again. Of something that we both shared even if neither of us knew it, though I believed I was beginning to narrow it down. We both knew what this world was, had lost our childhood because of it. There was more to it than that, I was sure, but such was the simplest essence of it, and I think it was for that reason that her eyes lingered on mine more than they perhaps would have for somebody else. The death in her eyes same in contact with the death in mind, and they understood one another.

It's alright.

The words were spoken, requiring no words to accompany the shared thought.

It's not the first, and it won't be the last.

I nodded.

It's alright.

We left Heigou shortly after. It had been a quiet rest of the day. Zek had tried to comfort her, but had recognized the look on her face the same as I had. He was not too different from us. We were all children at the end of the day. We were children that had had our childhoods torn from us and replaced with only war. We settled down that night in roughly the same location we had spent the night prior. This night, Zare did sleep. I supposed there was some comfort in knowing. At the very least, that had to count for something.

The time went by the day after coming soon enough, and around the latter half of that day, words began to be exchanged once again.

Just small comments on the surrounding nature, on what we though would happen next in Jingping, simple matters along those lines. Over our evening meal before calling it a night, it had been more, and she had been the first then to speak sincerely.

"I…I don't know if it's too much to ask, but I was…hoping that, if it's not too much trouble, I can stick around with you guys. I know…that…I'm not one of you, but I just don't have anywhere else to go…and even if it's only temp-"

"You're in."

"You're in."

There had been no deliberation. No need to think on it. In the last week alone, she had become one of us, whether she knew it or not. Whether we knew it or not. We were in this together, that was apparent now. We were family now, and family didn't leave each other behind.

There was a moment of silence that followed then, her just facing us both, unsure, almost, that it had really been that easy.

It had. Why wouldn't it have been?

The silence lingered, and she looked as if she were mustering a response through the blubbering, yet also relieved expression on her face.

I decided to fix that the only way I knew how.

"There is," I added, "one question however."

Her eyes followed me curiously, as did Zek's.

"What is it?" she asked, almost with a hint of concern that she wasn't out of the woods yet.

"What month of the year were you born in?"

I needed my answer, and as did Zek too, apparently, as his head darted quickly to her, awaiting the response. I knew where his hopes lay—n the solution that would bring me humiliation.

Zare seemed dumbstruck for a whole second or two before shaking her head to release herself from the daze, and answering, "third month, why?"

Son of a bitch!

"For fuck's sake!" I cursed, throwing my canteen of water I had been drinking from onto the ground, not a care for the spilling contents.

Zare still bore an expression of confusion on her face while Zek's face bore no misunderstanding.

"Oh get that stupid ass smile off your face!" I cursed at him, pushing him over onto his side from where he sat next to me.

The assault hadn't disrupted his revelry, however, as he merely continued on mocking my existence as still the teams youngest.

I knew then, however, that I had witnessed a soft smile rise to her face as she watched the scene unfold before her.

Yeah, I could imagine her thinking with sarcastic regret past that sincere smile of hers, finally allowing the events of the day prior to wash over her. So this is my family, huh?

Yes, I answered with my eyes as I myself reached to retrieve my canteen from where I'd tossed it. Yes, it is.

But behind that smile of hers, also a fear, one she wished not to think on, but one that still remained of us turning out like her last family. It was a fear she didn't wish to dwell on, but one that existed all the same.

More than I had in a long time, especially ever since the concept of 'what I fought for' had become so blurred in recent months, I found myself finding something new. A reason to keep on fighting, to live, at that. No, not for her, not necessarily. She was only part of the equation, but as was the man to my right, still chuckling his ass off. So was Gordez, in Jingping, likely still worrying his ass off as to where we were, and Boss with the Separatists along with Jadoh, putting together the pieces for us to all come together once again, one way or another, and perhaps even Zadok and Kosah, though that remained to be seen. This, however, this was family, and I was glad to finally be able to see her as part of it.

So as Zek lay on the ground, his chuckles finally waning, and Zare still sat there, a soft, sad smile on her face, I righted myself, wiping some loose droplets of water from my shirt as I turned to her, outstretched my arms in a theatric show of welcoming and explained, every intent of joking irony behind it, "Welcome aboard!"

It could have been a time for celebrations, but as we let ourselves settle in for the night, my eyes turned to the sky to be met with the waning moon, a message that only told me one thing.

War was coming.