Chapter 8

When I woke up in the morning Ben was gone. I opened the door, it was still raining, but I walked under the eves to look by the lean-too. The horse was still there, I walked back to the door and gasped, "Sorry I scared you," Ben said and held up a pheasant. I followed him inside, "This rain is probably going to last a few more days," he told me. "That's fine," I said solemnly. In all honestly it was fine, I had nothing to go home too, my family was gone, and the house was gone. The only thing to go back to was my brother who would probably make me go through with the wedding to Samuel and I wasn't going to do that. "What you don't want to go back to civilization?" he asked pulling feathers. "I don't have anyone to go back to," I said. "What about Clarence Jr?" he asked. "He would just make me marry Samuel," I said sitting in the chair and looking out the window. "If Samuel really cares he won't quit looking for you," he said. "You did," I said, it came out like venom. "I was doing things right," he shot at me. I stood up, "You couldn't tell me, write me, anything?" I asked. "There was more than what your father asked me to do," he said getting mad. "Like what?" I shot back. "I needed to make my own ranch work first, I needed to make my own sales and know I could do it apart from my father," he explained. My eyes filled with tears and I fiddled with my ring his mother had given me. He started the pot over the fireplace and put the pheasant in the water, before turning back to me "Where did you get that ring?" He asked. "Your mother gave it to me, when I turned nineteen," I told him. "That's how you got the box?" He asked. "Did you go through my stuff?" I asked. "I wanted to see what was so important to you," he replied. "That's really rude," I told him. I now felt self conscious, did he read the letters I wrote him, I stood up to hide in my room. "I never forgot," he began but trailed off. We were face to face staring into each other's eyes, "I never did either," I told him. "It damn near killed me when I heard about you and Samuel," he whispered. "It was just an arrangement between him and my father," I said urgently. I needed him to know I never gave up that I was still waiting. He kissed me but pulled back, "We can't," he said and went to his room. I stood there for a moment catching my breath. I finished cooking the pheasant, we ate silently and I went to bed. It had been an exhausting and emotional few days and I wasn't sure how much of these revelations I could take.

I woke up and laid in bed, thinking was there any point to even getting out of bed. "Ben," I heard Charley's voice call from the front door. I got up and wrapped a blanket around me, "Oh excuse me, I was looking for my brother. I brought ya'll some more food, soap, extra blankets, and a few of my sister's dresses for you ma'am," he said. I smiled, "Thank you," I told him. As I said that the back door swung open, Ben stood naked under the drain pipe from the roof, "Charley, throw me that soap," he said. I blinked a lot and turned around and walked back into my bedroom, "Sure, here," Charley said taking it to him. I heard them talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Charley left and I came back out, Ben was now dressed, "If you want to take a bath that rain spout works great," he said. I did feel gross, but I just stared at him, "Don't worry I'll go out and check on the horse while you're back there," he told me. I was still embarrassed, "Soap is over there, open the door when you're done," he said putting his coat on and going outside. I peeked out the window and saw him feeding the horse, I undressed and walked to the back door. The water was freezing but it felt good to not stink and feel clean. I turned around to wash my face, opened the back door and grabbed the blanket wrapped up, opened the front door and went into my room. Ben came in and stoked the fire as I put on the dress that Charley had brought me.

I walked out and saw him sitting by the fire, I loved him still but I couldn't help but feel he was still mad at me, for the choices my father was making. He noticed me starring at him, "That dress looks better on my sister," he said with a grin. "What's wrong with you, did your mother not teach you manners?" I asked. "She did," he said. "Then why did you just insult me?" I asked. "Aint' got nothing better to do," he said. "Why?" he asked back. "It's hurtful," I said. "Well, I'll have to be more careful then won't I, princess," he said. "Oliver told me to go easy on you, but you are just mean. You don't know what you want," I shouted. "Good, then it's working," he said. "What's working?" I asked. "That is the point," he said getting up, starting to cook. "You don't want me to be in love with you?" I asked confused. "Have you ever been in love before?" he asked. "I don't understand?" I said getting even more confused. "Do you ever wonder why we argue but love each other? That can't be love," he explained. "So because we argue it's not love. Well, thank you for clearing that up. I'll be sure to tell Samuel it's clearly love with every bruise he leaves on me," I said seething. He stopped, "Bruise?" He asked. "Yes," I said looking at the floor regretting that I said that. "He hit you?" He asked. "Not always," I said. I started unbuttoning my shirt, "What are you doing?" He asked putting his hands up. I pulled my shirt down to my skirt where it was tucked in and showed him the finger bruises on my arm and turned around so he could see the pinch marks on my shoulders and back of my neck. "Does this look like love?" I asked holding in my tears. He took a step forward, I could feel his breath on my neck, then a finger tip tracing the bruise on my shoulder where Samuel had pinched me, while we looked at houses, because I didn't show enough appreciation. "He did this to you?" He asked. I put my shirt back on and buttoned it, "I didn't do it to myself," I shot back. "Why did your father," he began. "No one knew," I replied turning back around. He starred at me, "I didn't know what he was going to do if I told and the fact that he was at the house," I explained but couldn't finish. I swallowed the thought and brushed my skirt down. He stared at me confused, "And because I couldn't trust my father. Those letters I took to Oliver the day Lizzie died, I broke into my father's office where he was holding them. My father never let Oliver's notes get to Lizzie and never mailed Lizzie's letters to Oliver," I explained with a pause. "Don't you get it, I was a prisoner. I was told who I was going to see and when," I finished. Ben nodded and went back to cooking. I'm not sure he knew what to say, and neither did I. We ate in silence, before Ben went to bed I stayed up and sat watching the fire; it had been three days since my family was killed and I felt like it was all hitting me. "What are you still doing up?" Ben asked. "Just thinking," I replied. "About what?" he asked. I looked over at him, "What does it matter to you?" I shot back. "Just wondering, you don't have to talk," he said. "I thinking about my family," I explained feeling bad about snapping at him. "What would you do if you married this guy?" he asked. "There was a day in our engagement, his parents had hired a photographer. After the pictures were taken he grabbed my arm and squeezed so hard it bruised instantly. So I imagine I'd probably have a black eye or a fat lip," I answered still starring in the fire. Ben stood up as if he had something urgent to say, he took a deep breath, "I should go to bed," he said. "Good night," I replied with a smile. "Unless you want company," he said. "Just sit," I said looking over. That night we talked here and there until we fell asleep, I felt a little more relaxed.