Chapter 44: I am a Chosen

"What are you talking about? Of course I care about you! You should seriously stop asking these questions! " Joy yelled at him who flinched because of her sudden yelling- his questions were starting to annoy her to a great extent.

"Then don't make me worry about you anymore. Okay? You don't like me to retaliate, right?"

"I'll kill you if you would."

Only then that Joy have realized that he was holding her hand because he started squeezing it and tried comforting her- but then, the light on the necklace of Light started to blink fast that it hurt Joy's eyes.

"What? Are we near to the person we are to save?" she asked Light, who also seemed to be pondering.

"Yes. It seems so. But only mine is blinking. Yours isn't."

Just then, a Senior at their school entered the clinic- she had a long hair that was uncombed and curly, her eyes were somber and her eye bags were huge and black. Her lips were pale- no- almost white. Her skin was also pale and they can see sadness in her aura.

She looked at Joy like she was asking for help... But she then averted her gaze from her, feeling bad.

The nurse took her blood pressure and assigned her bed beside Joy's. As she walked towards them, she glanced at Light then at Joy, smiling slightly with her sad eyes, trying to fake it.

Joy smiled back knowing that she was Light's mission but she can't help but feel secondary sadness emanating from her entire existence.

She must have been suffering.

"I'm Stellar from 4-A1. What are your names?" she said, trying to start a conversation. Joy looked at her eyes with sincerity to make her feel reassured because she can sense her reluctance to talk from her side to theirs'.

"I am Hope."

"Light."

The both of them looked at her and noticed that tears started forming in her wary eyes- for the first time since a while ago, they saw a glimpse of light in her eyes.

"W-what's the matter?" Joy asked, stuttering as she took a hard time forming words.

"Nothing. A ridiculous thought suddenly came to my mind. Nevermind, nevermind." she said, flustered, and smiled at them. She started to pitch her hands and whispered to herself, as if trying to make herself recall that she was awake and not dreaming.

"Can you tell me about that thought?" Light asked in a kind manner, trying to mask his innate coldness.

"Oh, sure thing. Your names made me hope that the both of you were sent from above as my angels." she said, looking down at her hands which she has been constantly pinching to the point that there were wounds lingering.

"Perhaps you are an introvert. Talking to people must be hard for you." Light said.

"Uhmm... Yes, actually, you are right. I hope I'm not creeping you out!" she replied as she immediately stopped pinching herself and looked at them.

"How are you feeling today?" Joy asked her.

She then looked below- again- her right hand was pinching her left- then Joy noticed that tears started to fall down from her eyes.

"Why? Did I do something wrong? I'm so sor-"

"No.. Please stop." she looked at her again and smiled. "You have made me so happy... It's been ages since someone asked me that. Thank you very much! I'm relieved!"she said- still smiling wide and crying. " You must really be angels from heaven! At last.. My lord has heard my plea... If you are my angels, I should tell you things about myself right? I am Stellar. Oh. I have already said that a while ago! Sorry! I hope I'm not creeping you out." she said, wary of her tone and her language.

" It's... Fine. You can continue. " Light said.

"Okay then. I am Stellar and was diagnosed with BPD some time ago....but... Now that I have said that, I've got nothing to say about me anymore." she said, looking down at her hand that we're covered with small wounds.

"Uhmm.. What is BPD?" Joy asked.

"Oh, sorry, it is not a very common- and also not a rare mental illness. BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder and makes one person afraid of being abandoned. Some of the manifestations of this is chronic feeling of emptiness and the mood- especially that- is all over the place! Moreover, we don't have a clear sense of ourselves. That's basically the gist of it. But there are many other things underlying that illness." she replied.

"It must have been so hard for you... I'm so sorry.. And thank you for telling us this... Everything is okay now... We are here" Joy said and placed her hands on her shoulders and attempted to touch her hand.

Suddenly, she snapped her hand out of her shoulder and looked at her with rage- she was very different from the person Joy was talking to a while ago. She had been a completely different person. She's started laughing, waking Ajan at the next bed.

"Everything... Is.... okay... Now? How could you say that? You don't even know anything about me or what I am going through right now! Things will never be okay as long as I am alive! Stay away from me! I hate you! I hate everything!" she said and glared at Joy- she was the scariest person she had ever seen in her entire life - [well, next to the person who looked exactly like her] - but her mood swing was seriously frightening!

Joy looked at her- still afraid- and when Stellar saw that, she began to cry again and she collapsed on the floor and held her head - Joy knew why- it was because she can feel that Stellar was also afraid of herself in that state.

"I'm sorry... I have no control of myself whenever something gets on my nerves. I really sorry... Hope. I'm sorry..." she said.

Joy was about to subconsciously touch her again but Light did not let her do so. Joy looked at him because she did not get the entire idea.

" Depersonalization- that is... " he said.

" I watch what I am doing like I was on the cinema. I have no control over myself." she said.

"I don't understand you." Ajan- from the other bed said. Stella's laughing woke her up and she spoke as she yawned. "But I hope you will be fine."

"Hope , Light.. I still believe that you are my angels... If you please... Can you answer my question?" Stellar asked.

"Of course, as long as we know the answer." Joy replied.

"It has been told that killing oneself is a mortal sin." Stellar said, refusing to look at their eyes.

"Yes, that is what they say."

"But... Is killing oneself makes that person assured to go to hell?" she added, making Hope slightly afraid of answering. That was when Stellar realized that she doesn't know how to answer her question.

"God is not different to our sufferings. If you read the holy scripture, you will see that when he came to the family of Lazarus- who- at that time- was dead- he wept with them and shared the pain with them. God is not different to all people's sufferings. He knows everything and feels everything. He knows your pain and suffering. He knows how much you fight everyday to keep yourself alive and sane. So no, suicide doesn't mean hell. " his eyes locked onto her and only then that she realized that his eyes were like the sun... And Hope's... Like the moon." That is exactly the reason why we are here. "

" Really? Is that so?"

" Yes. " Light said.

Suddenly, the door of the clinic opened and Stellar saw her sister running to her.

" I told you that I don't want to be here, sharing a same space with you! I told you that I DON'T CARE! You are such a nuisance!" she screamed at her and made everyone shocked, even Mari who started sleeping again.

'This person really hates me- what do I do..... I'm so angry again....` Stellar thought.

"Shut up. Go home. I DO NOT NEED YOU."

' What? What did I just say?! No way! She is going to abandon me! I don't want that.... I hate myself! Why did I ever say that?! I'm stupid!'

"Fine! You go home alone yourself. Stupid." she screamed and went away.

Stellar's body was about to chase her to hurt her sister but she tried so hard to hold it down. Light pushed himself to her and they fell on the bed- her body was still struggling to be set free from his grasp as she tried to calm down while her body can't.

" Calm... Down..." Light said and locked his eyes onto her, making her feel like there was a force trying to pull her up from the ground. Just then, Stellar felt herself in control of her body again and seeing Light above her- eyes still locked onto hers- was..

'Surreal.'

Joy pushed him away from her and helped Stellar sit down.

"I'm sorry about that. Are you okay?" she asked..

"Y-yes.. Of course... I am. Don't worry."

"Why was her hair pure white? She is not Albino." Ajan asked.

"Marie - Antoinette Syndrome. Her hair turned white overnight. That was my sister, Polaris."

Hope and Light looked at each other, as if sending a telepathic message Ajan and Stellar can never comprehend.

When the girl with a snow-white hair, pale skin and somber eyes angrily walked towards them, the blood-colored necklace Joy was wearing started to rapidly blink- and that was her indication that the person was her next mission. However, when she saw the way she walked and impulsively shouted, Joy helplessly admitted to herself that she was- in fact a LOT scarier than her sister Stellar. She thought that the mission will be such a drag and for sure not an easy one because she knows Stellar was not showing her real self in front of them and that there iwas something deeper and darker inside of her- something inconceivable, terrible and maybe that something drains her out- her happiness, her energy, and her entire existence.

It was Joy's first-time hearing about the so-called Marie-Antoinette Syndrome (MAS)- the not very common condition of Stellars sister- the scary-looking Polaris- just the thought of her scares the hell out of her. MAS turns ones hair white overnight because of fear.

Joy was in the middle of deep pondering when she realized that Light was staring at her necklace that was no longer blinking rapidly like it did a while ago- maybe he was damn mad because he prohibited her to participate in the next couple of missions but now she was obliged to partake in this mission because it concerns two people- one for Joy and one for Light.

"The condition originated in the guillotine of Marie-Antoinette. It was reported that she suddenly had white hair at the day of her execution. Many other people who faced execution was also reported to have their hair turn white overnight." Light explained.

" Precisely!" Stellar cheerfully yelled, enthralled by Lights knowledge." Why do you know so many things about mental illnesses?" she added.

" I just happen to study well." Light replied. Joy guessed that his ever-freezing coldness can never be erased in his tone because no matter how hard he tried to conceal it by changing his tone, it still showed. 'So cute.'

" But besides that condition, she also experiences panic attacks often when she sees something." Stellar said, looking sad and aghast at her own helplessness.

"What is that something?" Ajan from the other bed asked, pretending to care about what was happening. The girl was really a sulky one.

"I really cant tell you. I'm sorry but to describe it-it is not a good thing. It looks terribly striking. It is something so hideous and so scary. Just the thought of it scares me too. I never want to see it." She answered, pinching her bleeding hands again.

" So, you have seen it already. Have you not?" Joy asked her, making her almost jump out her bed because of shock when she spoke. It must have triggered her.

"Yes, but not anymore. I haven't seen her like for a year now." She replied. It seemed true but there was something so eerie about the entire happening. Joy wondered why her cheeks suddenly turned to a shade of pinkish blush because she was a 100% certain that she looked ghostly-white just a while ago.

She seemed jolly on the outside despite how she looked-- but Joy still wondered what she could be on the inside. 'What could she be hiding behind that sad smile of hers?'

"Actually, we want to talk to you for a longer time but we three have to go to class." Ajan said in a sulky manner.

"Oh no! I have forgotten about my class! But wait- what do you mean you also have to go to class? Does this mean you transferred here?!" Joy asked the sulky Ajan, who was in the middle of hoping to get out of the situation.

"Yeah, for sure. Stop making a ruckus. Lets just go. Light, are you coming?" Ajan asked as she turned to Light- flipping her long hair straight onto Joy's face so she ended up eating her dusty brown hair! Joy glared at her, but she just ignored her. Suddenly, Joy remembered Cammy telling her that Ajan was the kindest and the most caring person of all, but- she thought about the sulky person in front of her that annoys her the most.

Light wasn't paying attention to her sulking because he was busy looking at Stellar, who seemed to talk to herself as she forces to make a smile.

"Hello? Light? Are you even listening?" Ajan said with her irritating tone that was getting into Joy's nerves!

"I'll probably stay here. You two can go now. You are both disturbing other people who should be resting." He answered without looking at them- but his tone really was very sharp and cold, instantly freezing Ajan and Joy as they stood behind him.

"W-why would you want to stay here?!" Ajan asked again but she was more irritated this time. Light turned to her and looked into her eyes.

"Just... Go.." He said and turned away from her-but Ajan blushed even when Light was clearly pushing her away.

He looked at Joy and smiled a little, signaling her to go find the person she was to save- Polaris. His smile was an indication that he was permitting her to partake in the mission despite having a heavy heart that Joy did not understood.

"You are not dreaming." He said, looking at her eyes with such force that she immediately responded to his voice. 'How could this person know that I have been thinking about that since a while ago? What is he- an angel sent by god?'

'Should I talk? No maybe he will run away if I would. I dont want to be abandoned by anyone anymore! Especially him- he looked at me with such an amazing gaze like it was convincing me to do something good- no- to live-I still want to know what is up but how do I make him stay? I am so awkward. What do I d-'

"You know what, this is a safe place. You can talk whatever you want here. I will listen and will not leave. I will not judge you." Light said, still not averting his golden eyes from her- and it made her want to trust him even if they didn't knew each other.

" Why would I trust you?" she asked with a sharp tone. 'Oh geez. He is going to run away now. He is going to abandon me.'" Why do you care?"

"I know many things about your condition so expect no judgement from me. I will understand because-" he paused as he heard Ajans loud shout from a distance.

"What a loud girl." the nurse, who was at that time napping said.

Light hadn't finished what he was talking about just a while ago and it really made Stellar very curious.' Will he say that he is my guardian angel? Or is he just a normal human being or-'

" I am a chosen."