Chapter 52: I AM STRONG

Light leaned on his window and he looked at Joy's window with the hope of seeing her. The words of Yvan still echoed on his mind and he can still hear his voice no matter how much he tried not to. He came back to Joy and he never felt so alive and happy, however, the black rays that surrounded the necklace that Joy wore alarmed him because it was so dark, and it was nearly black which could only mean one thing.

He looked up to the heavens and smiled.

"Thank you so much for letting me be with her. Thank you that you gave me a path that led to her. I am so happy. Thank you." He said and closed his eyes as he felt the cold gust of the wind.

Joy leaned on her window as well and she saw Light who had his eyes closed. The sight of him painted her face with a wide smile and tears that streamed her pale cheeks. She missed the very sight of him. She missed being with him and his presence assured her that everything was going to be alright. However, there was something inside her that was too sad when she saw him. She felt like she always need to run to him because if she doesn't, she felt like she was going to lose sight of him. Light slowly opened his eyes and he looked at Joy, who was crying. Realizing that Light was looking at him, Joy wiped her eyes.

"Are you crying because you are happy or because you've had enough?" Light asked Joy from the other window.

"Of course, it's because I am happy that you are finally by my side again." Joy replied.

Light studied her and he knew that she wasn't sure herself.

"Your eyes are sad whenever you speak, and tears dim your loving eyes." Light whispered to himself- and it was then that he noticed Joy's wrists. They were so full of cuts- but he was sure that he had done most of the missions that appeared on their necklaces and 2 or more missions cannot possibly give her fresh cuts and that only meant one thing.

Joy had been cutting herself.

Light took a deep breath and pondered, "Of course. How could I forget such a thing?" he whispered at himself again.

"What did you say?" Joy asked him because he whispered so loud that she heard it.

"Oh, nothing. You should go to bed now, Hope. I'll wait for you tomorrow at your gate." Light smiled at her.

"Promise?" Joy asked, as if wanting assurance for she was afraid that Light was going to disappear again.

"I swear."

Joy smiled at him and she then left her window, but Light remained, still looking at her as she closed them and left him to sleep.

"How beautiful." Light muttered to himself and he looked at the heavens again, yearning for answers. "If only the sadness wasn't evident in your eyes, you'd certainly be perfect." A strong gust of wind made him shiver and he left his window too so he can rest.

He took off the red sweater he wore- but as he did, he pursed his lips because the wounds on his arms stuck to the hard fabric of the sweater.

"I must have forgotten things when I wandered around." Light said and he carefully removed the fabric on his arms. He glanced at Joy's window again and he bit his lip because felt his necklace heat up and glow. "What a sadist."

Both of Light's arms were fully covered in wounds- some were healing quick- and some were slow. He stood up to get some shirt in his drawer, but he saw himself on the mirror on his door. He did not notice that he had cuts on his neck and back as well because it was the first time in that month that he saw himself clearly again and he sure did not like the sight.

"Pitiful. I'm pitiful." Light told himself and the look on his face disappointed him. However, after some thought, he straitened his posture. "Light, stop thinking about this. You are strong. You need to be strong for the people who can't be strong for themselves. You are strong. You are strong. You are str-"

He dealt the death blow upon himself. He hoped that continuously saying to himself that he is strong would make him think that he really was strong. However, he knew that he was lying and that made him fall on his feet and cry.

'Of course, I know it. I am not strong. I am weak- no- I'm the weakest. I am pathetic!' He thought to himself and looked into his undesirable reflection. "You need to be strong because Hope isn't strong anymore. Your mission is to make her happy right? What are you doing now asshole? Don't make yourself seem weak to all the people especially to the most important of all- especially Hope! So, pick yourself back up- Light! You don't have time to be depressed! You don't have time to entertain the pain in your heart." He told himself and reached for the blade in the table next to his bed and held it tight until red, warm blood started gushing from his hands to the floor. He traced lines in his arms until the lines formed the word – 'I AM STRONG'.

Light watched the dark blood emanate from the deep wound he inflicted to himself as it started dripping into the floor. He wanted to shift his focus on the pain in his arms because he knew that it was better than focusing on the pain he has inside of him.

"I have given myself a deep cut but why?" Light asked himself as he looked at his cut on his left arm. He reached for his chest and gasped hard. "Why can't the pain my arms distract me from the pain I have here?"

______

As Joy woke up 5 minutes before her alarm clock rings, she had many thoughts that she helplessly battled. There was a force on her bed that restricted her from getting ready or do anything at all. Every morning has been a tough battle at her because it was the time she battles herself- trying to find a reason why she has to keep fighting.

Having Light back was a relief because she was able to fight of the intrusive thoughts that were so strong. She looked forward to seeing him back at their gate, waiting for her- and she will finally be able to walk, eat, and sit beside him again.

"Oh, Hope, here eat first and your sandwich is on the table too. I prepared another one for Light." Josephine said and smiled at her as she walked inside Ray's room and woke him up.

"Thanks Nana." Joy smiled at her but Josephine did not bother to look at her but she waved her hand. Seeing that, Joy sighed in relief. 'I can now be sad. No one is looking.'

She don't have the appetite to eat the hot dogs and bread that Josephine prepared for her so she just placed it on a zip lock and kept it inside her bag to give it to the homeless.

"Thank you for the meal Nana! I'm going!" Joy screamed as she walked toward their door.

"Wait! It's cold outside. Here's a jacket." Josephine said and handed her a dark blue knitted jacket. Joy was teary-eyed and Josephine saw it. "Stop that face, you don't want to keep him from waiting? Don't you?"

"Thank you Nana. I love you." Joy said and wore the warm jacket that fit perfectly against her skin and she felt like her grandmother was hugging her. She wore her shoes and opened the door- and everything looked like slow motion the moment she saw Light's back- wearing their all-black uniform and the scarf she made him on his neck. She was also wearing her scarf but it was too cold that her breath created smoke. She approached Light, still feeling like everything was in a slow motion and smiled.

"It's been so long since I saw this sight and I will cherish it forever." She told himself and ran towards their gate.

"One step towards you…"

"One step closer… and you aren't moving away…"

"Closer…"

"Good morning Light." She said as she finally reached the gate.

Light turned to face her to give her the kindest look on his face- even if it looked cold. "Good morning."

"Hey yo, Joy! Ohayo!" Nick from the sidelines said, while Mari and Nathan smiled at her.

They all looked at each other and cornered Joy onto the corner. Just as she was about to get nervous, all of them smiled and screamed "Happy birthday!"