Pessimist’s Reincarnation

[A/N - This is a side project I started after getting some writers block, hope you enjoy, and check out my main novel, The High Human.]

"Oof"

Unfortunately, I wasn't playing Roblox today....those were my last words in life.

Why you may ask?

Well as the steel beam descended over me from the construction site of a skyscraper above, I thought fuck it, I'm about to die, why the fuck not.

So, 'Oof'

Those were my pessimistic self's last words as a steel beam rammed my cranium right into my spine until I was nothing but an audible 'splat' on the ground.

Now you may be thinking, why aren't you freaking out? What about your family and friends?

And I say right back at you, who gives a shit I'm dead anyways, doesn't matter anymore.

"HAHAHAHAH!"

Who's this fucker?

"Boy, that's the best laugh I've had in millennia!"

"What? My Nihilism?"

"Haha, yes! Yes!"

Damn, fuck this guy.

I stop caring about the conversation then soon forget about this fellow and slowly drift off back into my pessimistic hibernation....

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"Answer me, boy!"

I slowly pay attention once again, raising a brow while yawning,

"yyYYyyes...."

I finally look at what's been talking to me, I assume it's 'god' or something but I'm indifferent either way to be honest.

The being made up of glowing warm light that bathes over me finally speaks again,

"Haha, boy you have made me laugh! Thank you! I haven't enjoyed myself in a millennia! All other beings go to the afterlife of the respective religions in which they believe in! All, but you! Because you don't care about any!"

—Eh? The fuck. My indifference backfired? Shit! Where's my 72 virgins?!

Damn, played myself.

"But."

Hm? My ears perked at the word.

"I will reincarnate you into any world of your choosing with some randomly chosen powers!"

..ho?

That sounds fun I guess...

What should I choose...?

My mind wandered, still regretting missing out on my 72 virgins....not that I ever got 'sum' in life with my unappealing dead fish eyes and demeanor that looked like a slow hunchbacked moving corpse.

"Haha! Boy you keep making me laugh!"

Hmm....my second brain took hold for a bit and I started imagining the world with those big opais..

"Highschool DxD then!" The God shouts before I even continued my further higher brain functions.

Huh?! Fuck! Well too late, oh well....

Might as well try to get 'sum' this time.

Without dying I guess.....but it doesn't really matter to be honest....

"Hmm....you really need to fix that mentality of yours..."

"I doesn't matter.."

"Well....ok, lets get on to your powers!"

!!

My ears perked once again! Powers! That sounds pretty nice.

"Can I get—"

THUDD!!

I flinched from the loud noise reminiscent of my untimely death.

"Ah, here we are!"

A giant roulette wheel was laid onto the 'ground' in front of me.

I raise a brow while looking into it...

Damn!

I begin to read the categories, and some of them are OP as fuck!

- Mystic Eyes of Death Preception

- X-Ray Vision

- Intangibility

- Reality Manipulation

- Immortality

- Time Travel

- Kaleidoscope

- Denial of Nothingness

Etc.....

Damn! I could laze around all day and do nothing with those!

"Haha, lets spin the wheel, shall we?"

I might be indifferent on almost anything, but even I couldn't help but leak out some excitement! I loved to watch different animes and movies in between my days of monotony.

Soon 'God' snaps his finger causing it to start spinning rapidly, my breaths hasten on each tic as the wedge rapidly hit the stoppers.

Soon the wheel slowed and it reached its chosen category....

'Powers and Skills from a Media Character.'

Eh? What's this?

"Interesting Haha! You get the skills, memories, and powers of any media character!"

Oh I can finally pick something for myself...

THUDD!!

Damn.

Another wheel was set to replace the first's place, I started to inspect it as well.

Like the one before, it was humongous, every section not even an inch in width. I couldn't read all the selections even if I wanted to, they numbered in the millions.

Soon enough, it started spinning just like before...

Please give me Goku or someone OP as shit.....

Please.

Please.

I don't want to actually work for anything.

'Tic'

'Tic'

'Click'

And the spinner ended, the text was too small for me to read, even the godly being next to me had to look up close,

"Hmmmm, Emiya Shirou." He says with a weary smile.

"FUCK!" I couldn't resist but yell out. I have just gotten pretty much the weakest fucker from Fate. Fuck my luck is shit...like always.

I look at the godly being with pleading eyes, like a newborn son getting throw in the trash,

"Please let me go again.."

He gives a conflict look before finally giving off a sigh, "Fine. You did make my day and I can tell you haven't had much of a good life, I'll let you roll two more times."

Pffew, I let out a sigh of relief I couldn't even tell I was holding in, why was I so relieved, did it really matter..?

I push my conflicted feelings away and watch as the roulette begins to spin once again.

'Tic'

'Tic'

'Click'

The roulettes stopped.

"Link, The Hero of the Wild."

!?

Link!...from the Legend of Zelda?

"Yep, you got Link, more accurately the Link from The Legend of Zelda, Breath of the Wild."

Not bad....Link was a fucking super prodigy in that game.

Lost all of his memories and still became a master swordsman, has insanely strong physical strength, can slow down his own perception of time, fuck he even destroyed a guardian with a fucking pot lid.

Crazy motherfucker, I'm fine with him. Better than fucking EMIYA that's for sure.

"Haha, alright next!"

The wheel once again spun,

'Tic'

'Tic'

'Click'

The godly being leaned in to read with his chin resting on his hand,

"Namikaze Minato."

Damn, The Yellow Flash. Not bad, not bad. Sucks I didn't get anyone really OP but, at least I can teleport while in combat and have loads of experience.

The godly being looks over at me, "Well that's all of it! I'm going to send you over now! Oh, wait! Which one would you like to have the appearance of?"

Hmm, well Link is out, how am I supposed to get 'sum' as a four foot elf. So EMIYA or Minato...Fuck EMIYA,

"Minato."

"Very well." He responds as he proceeds to snap his fingers,

"Good luck at your new life and I hope you can find purpose there."

I look over at the godly being who did all this for me because I simply gave him a laugh.

What I do next surprises not only him but me as well, I give him probably the first genuine smile I've given in years before saying,

"....thank you."