Chapter 251 – When did I become like this?

It has been a long time since I even know what I am doing.

What am I doing? I feel sad, I feel like I don't deserve to be alive, I've never felt anything like this before. A pain in my chest that never goes away and always gets worse.

That incalculable pain that you can't even describe to a person who asks you.

That feeling that you are a horrible person because you let your loved one die, but could you do anything about it if you tried.

Why did this happen? What did she do to deserve this? All this because she was my friend and got involved with me?'

I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head. Lincy suffered, she screamed my name, and I couldn't help her. And she only suffered because she met me and became my friend.

It was all my fault, I knew that, and that's why I didn't want to go on living knowing that someone like her lost her life because of me.

Maybe I am being too extreme? Maybe I shouldn't feel so bad?

Her time came to die and she died, it's not my fault, is it? I didn't ask someone to kill her, she died because it was her time to die, right?

What am I thinking? I'm not that kind of person.

I'm not the kind of person who doesn't care about the death of a friend, a girl as happy and young as she died because of me. This guilt is eating away at me.

I just want to scream in my mind and be alone.

I wish I could ask someone for help, but what would they think of me? Won't they cuss me out and blame me for Lincy's death? Maybe they will start to hate me because such a good girl died because of me.

I'm sure that Emily and the other girls will hate me from now on.

If they leave me will I be lonely again like I was in my old world? Now I will know loneliness in this world that I've come to love? I don't want that to happen to me.

Please, God.

You brought me into this world, didn't you? Can't you do something to change the timeline or something and make sure that I never met Lincy?

If I hadn't met her, maybe she wouldn't have died and now I would be happy like before.

But it looks like you're not going to help me, is it? There's no way to just go back in time and change everything, things would be so good if that were possible.

'I feel like crying again.' I looked at Suzan in front of me. She was looking at me with sad eyes. She was by my side all this time, but I can't even thank her.

My voice doesn't come out when I try to say something. Whenever I tried to say something it was as if my throat had been squeezed by someone, my voice wouldn't come out no matter how hard I tried to speak, this feeling was horrible.

No matter how hard I tried to gesture to her.

My arms and body didn't obey me.

How depressing am I now? Because of me, an innocent girl was killed, and now I am suffering so much that I can't even go on with my life? What kind of person have I become?

Wasn't I a girl with no feelings at the beginning of this story who didn't care much about things?

Since when did I become this weak girl who suffers so much from someone's death?

Thinking about it, how long have I been here?' I feel that my magic has returned, but even so, I also feel that I don't want to use it because if I do I will hurt someone.

I'd rather lie here, for now. I don't think anyone will care about that, will they?

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"Hey, it's been a long time, why haven't we heard something about Larissa and Lincy?" I was in the mansion together with Syl, my mom, and dad. Syl suddenly came up to me and asked this question.

At that moment I was preparing dinner.

"I don't know either. The guild master said Larissa was fine and was being taken care of by Suzan. They were the ones who helped her in the first place, weren't they?"

"And they haven't found Lincy yet?"

"Not." I clenched the spoon I was using to stir the pot harder and gritted my teeth.

"I wonder if something bad happened to her." Syl had a sad look on her face; I had never seen her like this before.

For many days she has been asking me about the news of Lincy and Larissa, and unfortunately, I can't give her a satisfactory answer. It has been so long that I can't even calculate.

We haven't received any satisfactory news about the two, only that Larissa was being looked after by Suzan and that was that.

But I could sense that something was wrong. It's a pity that I couldn't just go and break into the guild master's house to find out what was going on, what I can do now is just wait.

I didn't like to see Syl and my mother so worried, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I could only continue here taking care of the mansion in Lincy's place while I waited for the return of the two.

'I hope they come back soon, I miss them.' I remembered the happy Larissa and the passionate Lincy who always looked at Larissa as if she loved her.

I want to see both of them soon.