How To Eat Rat

"We gotta save all the food we can you dumb bucket of bolts!"

"My maestro won't be eating a rat cooked by an idiota like you!"

Jumping up in frustration I picked up a nearby shotgun and blasted the ceiling. A little debris showered me and I tossed the weapon away in rage with a crash. I roared,

"STOP. BLOODY. ARGUING!" I sat next to Robin as the two went silent, "Now, calmly, what was this about?"

"I was just proposing, sir," she went on carefully, "that we should try to save our canned goods for the road. All the groups here prior had traps for rats set for pest control and the protein. It's… not as good as lizard or squirrels but it's protein."

"Is lizard and squirrel good?"

"Is nothing better?"

"I presume that is a no senorita," Esperanza started, "with respect, we have enough canned goods in town to last us a few months. I'm sure we can find some place with a more stable food supply in the mean time."

"Ok," I replied, "but Esperanza, do you eat? How do you know if it tastes bad?"

"You-you can't be serious!"

"I'm not a Vault dweller anymore, I'll need to blend in. While I'm sure Diamond City has food I think I should harden myself up a little."

"That rat is undercooked! You can't-"

"Wait, did you scan it?"

"Yes senõr, I did."

Robin was just about to bite into hers when she glanced at the robot as she said that. Stopping, she removed the knife from her boot and opened up her rat a little, poking it. A small stream of grease came out and she cussed saying,

"I'll cook these a little longer."

"See! She tried to poison us!"

"Did not!" Robin replied, "I almost bit into it! I wasn't the bloody cook!" She pointed at a body torn apart by my hacked robot, "That was the cook!"

"Alright then," I said, "Esperanza can help you learn cooking. Esperanza can help keep us all safe and make sure we don't grow an extra leg from bad mutated rat. Perfect compromise."

"I know how to cook," Robin mumbled, her pride wounded, "just not food."

"So drugs and explosives?"

She only smiled in reply. Bloody psychotic woman. Once done, and Esperanza confirmed it was good to eat, she handed me my smoked rat on a stick.

"So…" I asked again, "for someone who's never tried it. What's the best way to eat it?"

Robin answered casually, like everyone had a way that one supposed to eat rat, "Some people like the head but usually start at the sides for the ribs." She continued, "But I like slurping up the intestines and then nibbling on the legs and… back strap? I don't know what they call it."

I began to feel queasy. Robin laughed at me,

"Look at him growing pale! How in the world did a wimp like you wipe the floor with," she waved her free arm to the bodies in the room, "these guys?!"

Ignoring her, I tried the sides but couldn't get myself to eat the guts. I handed it to Robin and she ate that bite with a smile, the guts like spaghetti noodles before she handed it back. This kind of savagery was my life now. This is Fallout, a how to eat rat while sitting atop a pile of corpses simulator.