Convenience and Irritation

///

I'm really disappointed.

I'm really disappointed in humanity

When you see someone die in a movie, anime, manga, or a video game it usually is a big deal. Some people who see the grisly murder are deeply traumatized, changing their outlook on life. Schools are suspended for the rest of the week in solidarity, with the victim's family. And an investigation is called to find out the truth behind what really happened.

But in the real world, people are cruel, and the reality of things is disappointing.

When I came to the school there was barely any sight of change. People did their usual routines. Clubs, gossip, and other things that are typical for high schoolers. But some people did seem to have a sort of atmosphere of unease and paranoia. There was no sadness in the air but there was a worry.

The school was only suspended for the day when that guy was… squashed? Blown up? Punched? I'm still not sure what exactly happened up there. Today is the day after he was killed, and classes go on as usual until the weekends. The weekend is coming soon but that is not an excuse for not letting traumatized people relax.

But I guess that's just a part of the Japanese work ethic. Work till you die for the sake of greater society.

Investigation? What investigation? Based on what? Did someone die? The Imperial Police is too busy?

People are horrible, no one is sad for poor Suzuki or even interested in looking into his death.

…

Eh, who am I kidding, it's not like I'm any better?

I'm not disappointed that someone's death didn't get enough attention or grief.

I'm disappointed that we need to go to school even though someone died in front of me!

And on the next day, I still need to attend all of the classes on the timetable!

Just cancel classes for the rest of the week at least! Let me laze around!

Where is my psychotherapy!

I was right next to Suzuki when he exploded, why don't I get a day off!

And more importantly!

WHERE MY CASH SETTLEMENT!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

I let out a blood-curdling scream.

As I scream out to sky the students around turn to me. My sudden outburst draws the attention of the people near the main school building. Since it's almost time for homeroom, there's a lot of students around. Some of them are giving me sidelong glances. Others just quicken their pace to get away from me. Some are running to my location, maybe thinking that someone is about to be killed again. But seeing it's me letting off some steam they walk off, embarrassed.

Ok, it's out of my system, I can calm down now.

It looks like the incident yesterday did affect the student body. Most of them walk in groups and whispers of the transfer student are going all around campus.

Those present on the roof unsurprisingly talked. Whispers of how the new number one ranker killed an innocence out of blood lust. While the just student council president sensed that the new transfer student was in fact a demon. And taking action to stop the brutal murder by challenging the monster to a fair duel, out of her sense of justice. But almost got killed in the process as a warning from the demon in human skin.

Sounds like a plot out of some shitty manga if you ask me. Are there actually people who believe that?

But the fact is everyone here is afraid of Harumi. And the possibility of the girl killing them, or the possibility of their school lives being ruined, terrifies the students.

So, the fact that someone died in a gory way did affect people here. Although no one is sure whether Harumi is the one who killed Suzuki.

There were no photos taken and all eyewitnesses who saw the victim's last moments said the same thing.

'He just disappeared into nothing but bright red liquid.'

So of course, there is some skepticism that whether or not that is possible in the first place.

And then when I was walking out of my apartment, one of the newspaper articles caught my eye.

I saw it in a convenience store when I was buying something warm to eat for breakfast.

'Gunkanjima Academy student dies in a military exercise.' it said. Well if they consider being annihilated out of existence as a 'military exercise' then there is absolutely nothing I can really add to that.

The Gunka news used the newspaper club on campus as a source for whatever reason. I'm guessing they just need a source that operates within the academy to legitimize their article. And there is no way that anyone had a chance to take a photo of what happened, otherwise it be on the net right now.

The article changed a couple of detail. The biggest one being the change of place of death from the roof to the newly constructed field on the island.

If this isn't some sort of cover-up, I don't know what it is.

I enter the main school building and go to take my indoor shoes from the footlocker and put them on.

"Do you think the police will get involved?"

"If there's any truth to what the rumors say not just the Imperial Police but also the Kenpetai. It's probably just a rumor made by people mad that some transfer student won against President Koshimizu."

Well, if the Police, Kenpetai, and even the school board don't care, no one can blame me for being a little indifferent too.

And there would be a chance that someone would spread false rumors about anyone who hurt Koshimizu in some way. She has a big following in the school after all.

"Then how do you explain Suzuki's death?"

"Well, I don't know." An understandable answer. Even me, a person who was sitting right next to the perpetrator isn't sure what happened.

I start heading to my classroom people. All this gossip about the same subject is getting annoying.

It doesn't take me long to reach my classroom since it's located on the first floor. But as I get close, I notice an unusual sight.

A huge group of students is standing near the sliding doors to the classroom. All of them my classmates. Worried looks on their faces, some looking as if they're about to faint.

I approach the class representative, a girl with black braided hair.

I don't remember her name, because why remember names when someone has a convenient title as class representative.

"Hey, four eyes, why are you standing around here for?" I call out to her as I always do.

She turns around to face me.

The same annoyed facial expression on her face.

But no glasses?

"That's unusual. Why are you on time today of all days." She honestly sounds surprised.

The lack of glasses on her face catches me off guard.

"…Where are your glasses?" Such a shock it was that whatever I wanted to ask her slips my mind.

"I decided to change them for contact lenses." A curt answer, she almost sounds proud of that.

"Why?"

"Why do you think." She gave me a look of annoyance.

Of course, I know why.

"You don't like being teased would be my guess."

She sighs.

"I have to admit four eyes is very unoriginal of me. Sorry for not thinking up something better." Any person with glasses just kind of ticks me off.

Personally, I blame Kimura.

"And that attitude is why your unpopular with women. Or anyone else for that matter."

Wait I didn't start this conversation to get reminded of my reputation in school.

"Who gives a rat's ass about what people think of me. I was asking why are you standing in the hallway. Is the entire class being punished by Munataka-sensei or something?"

That old man always makes me stand in the hallway. It's kind of annoying, but better than listening to boring lectures all the time.

Why couldn't I get a more easy-going teacher than that crusty old guy? Maybe after Munataka-sensei retires after this year, someone better will come in.

Although I doubt it, most instructors here are hard asses in one way or the other. With no exception.

"…" She didn't respond, a strangely uncomfortable look on her face.

'She's the one who's going to transfer into your class.'

And what Kimura said resounds in my head.

Okay, I think I get it. I did skip homeroom yesterday, so no wonder I keep forgetting that Harumi is now my classmate.

Now I can finally understand what's going on.

"You were on the roof yesterday?"

Her face instantly went pale, her eyes had black bags underneath. What she saw is probably affecting her heavily.

"Yes, I didn't see what happened exactly but... I saw the aftermath. I hope to convince Munataka-sensei to-"

"I'm going inside."

She's probably is going to try convincing our homeroom teacher to cancel our classes.

That's a dumb idea, Minataka-sensei isn't a person who's going to cancel classes, just because of some rumor. Even if the rumor is true, he's just too set in his ways.

Maybe he's the reason that school is still ongoing?

I move to the door.

"Hey, Suzuki!" Four Eye- no that doesn't work anymore. The class representative doesn't sound too thrilled with my complete lack of worry.

Opening the sliding door, I look inside.

At the back row next to the window there is a person.

So, she's sitting to my left.

Without much thinking, I go to take my seat.

My classmates who were whispering with each other before became even more hushed. Some are now looking into the classroom out of curiosity. Maybe they expect me to meet the same fate as the guy on the roof.

We are both Suzuki's after all.

So, I turn my gaze towards my new next seat neighbor.

She's just sitting there. Barely moving if moving at all. Her body does not show any signs of her breathing. If not for the periodical blinking I might have thought that she's a statue.

No difference from yesterday.

I guess the only difference is that she's not eating anything right now.

But seriously what's with those red eyes of hers, they can't be natural.

///

The kid with the ******* gaze is staring at me. No, not me, but my eyes. As if she sees something very familiar in them. Yet does not dare to approach to look even closer.

///

Her skin and hair color also don't show her suffering from albinism.

If that is not the case then…

Then those eyes are natural? Can red be natural eye colour. Maybe I should check it on the net to be sure.

Wait a minute, why do I care what eye colour someone has.

"Hey, why are you standing here?! Get inside the classroom pronto. We're starting homeroom now." An old but stern voice resounds through the entire hallway.

In a couple of seconds, the classroom is full.

It looks like they think of Munataka-sensei is scariest right now.

"As you've heard there has been an accidental death during practice yesterday. It's an embarrassing moment for our school. And most likely effecting you too." His voice doesn't show any sadness. Munataka-sensei was a soldier after all. "But don't think this means that you can laze off. You heard that right Suzuki?" I get special attention.

"Yeah, yeah." I just mutter my response.

I expected as much.

Even the teachers are ignoring what happened. Or maybe someone is forcing them.

Maybe the principal?

Well, whatever. None of this concerns me I suppose.

///

Taking the handle, I open the door and take a step forward.

Now it was completely empty.

Conversations buzzing in my ear.

Laughter resounding through my brain.

Noise in general.

Completely gone.

Bliss, true bliss.

At least that's what I would like it to be, but things rarely go my way.

A big, bright red spot coloured a part of the roof.

And you would think someone would clean up that by now.

On the bench that I was sitting yesterday, there is a person.

This is the second time Harumi's sheer presence is scaring people off.

It looks like the saying that 'the criminal doesn't return to the scene of the crime' is bullshit.

Harumi is eating the same thing as yesterday. Some kind of energy bar covered in unmarked packaging.

I unpack my melon bread and start eating. The bread is not bad, and the weak aftertaste of melon makes the whole thing taste good.

It makes me want to eat a real melon.

And then… nothing happened.

I just sat and ate. That's it.

She was just sitting there. And that's it.

Harumi didn't approach me, move from her spot, or do anything. Neither did she glance or even seem to take notice of me.

But it feels like she is aware of my presence but took no interest in it.

I'm not a threat after all.

When the bell for classes rang again, she stood up and left the roof. All of her actions seem to be completely mechanical. Not having any inefficiency or feeling behind them.

It made me wonder for a moment what could make a person act so inhuman.

Now I was left alone on the roof. Classes started but I really didn't feel like moving.

Yes, this was good. The lunch was quiet. The weather is good, neither cold nor hot, there are no rain clouds and the wind is pleasant. The lack of people really amplifies the best aspects of this place. Even Harumi's presence wasn't much of a bother.

But it makes me wonder how long it will stay this way.

At least for this moment, the rumours are very convenient for me. The roof will remain empty for some time, depending on how long the gossip keeps circling around. Harumi did manage to beat Koshimizu with what I assume was a kick. So maybe for a while.

Now the only thing left to see is how much the student council cares about keeping the roof vacant.

I needed to get to class but for whatever reason getting the roof all to myself made me even less motivated to move.

Oh well, don't get this chance very often might as well take a nap until I feel like waking up.

///

Nothing really left for me to do at the Academy I head for the pier. The bus was empty since the club activities are not cancelled; most students remain on campus. Others probably just went straight to their dorms or Nagasaki proper.

But when I arrived at the pier I saw a scene similar to the one I saw in the morning, but on a different scale.

All three ferries are docked, but two of them are overcrowded

One of them seemed to be completely empty.

Let me guess Harumi is on the empty one.

How convenient, no other passengers.

I had no intention of letting the fiery leave without me, so I got on board. Getting on to a crowded transport is not a thing many people enjoy. I'd personally get on a bus with a known serial killer just to avoid getting into a packed transport.

Which is what I'm basically doing right now.

Onboard it was completely empty like I thought it would be. None of the seats were taken, most other people on board were service personnel who seemed to be confused at the emptiness of their boat.

The only other passenger on board besides me was the fragile-looking girl. She was standing at what seemed to be a completely random location. Even though there was no one around with every single seat open, Harumi just stands there like a statue that only blinks from time to time. Just having the same vacant look on her face as always.

I should find a good seat. The ride only lasts about 20 minutes due to these ferries being the state of the art naval vessels.

I should just ignore the statue standing at the corner.

But my legs instead start walking into Harumi's direction. For some reason, I can feel electricity running through my body.

As if I'm getting incredibly excited at the prospect of talking with her.

Not afraid, terrified, or scared. But excited.

Or maybe it's something else.

I stand next to her.

Harumi just keeps staring at the same spot.

She really is not looking anywhere. Just wherever her eyes fall upon.

Even someone standing close and staring at her doesn't seem to faze the girl. Harumi does have a self-preservation instinct right? What if some sort of sexual deviant attacked her?

…They would probably die.

I guess I should break the ice. Not like she's going to start talking herself.

"Why did you kill him?"

Usually, you would expect the person to be shocked or surprised at being asked this question.

But she doesn't seem to react as most people would.

"I do not understand." An immediate response. A flat tone with no emotion in it.

Is she playing dumb or does she really not understand what I'm saying?

"Yesterday on the roof you did something. I'm asking you why?"

"I have already given you an answer." …huh? "Up there." her gaze moves a little to the side. She's staring at something and I follow her line of sight.

Hashima Island? Up there? The roof?

"You already give me an answer?" When? I can't even remember talking to her a single time. "Looks like I forgot?" I mutter to myself nothing unusual, I forget a lot of things.

The last thing I said evokes a somewhat strange reaction out of the girl.

"Forgot?" this time even though her tone was still flat, there was something in it. The way she repeated the word was strange.

Was she curious about something?

"Yeah, I forgot. So, tell me again why you killed that guy."

"Killed?" And again, the same reaction. But after a moment she finally seems to grasp what I'm asking. "I was ordered."

"By who?"

"…" This time she stays silent.

The fact that she just answers my questions without hesitation, made me think she doesn't know how to keep secrets. But it looks like she knows how to at the very least stay quiet.

All right let's try a different question.

"Why did you come to this school." I try to ask another question and see if she will answer.

"I was ordered to attend." And she does.

"And why are you still here after completing your order?"

"I was ordered to remain here."

It looks like she can only answer in one way. 'She was ordered'. There is no clarification or detail in her answers.

As if the 'order' is the only thing Harumi herself is certain of.

"By who?" I try to ask that question again.

"…" As expected, she stays silent.

It's getting kind of annoying to get the same responses.

"Why don't you answer."

The question came out due to irritation. I completely expected her to give the same answer she always did. Either silence or the that she has 'orders'.

But the answer was a bit different.

"Because that would contradict my purpose"

Huh?

Her purpose?

"Then what is your purpose?"

"To save the world."

…Huh?!

What is she on about?

Either she's pulling my leg here or she honestly believes that 'saving the world' is her purpose.

It looks like we got someone with a messiah complex.

Or at the very least a person ordered around by someone with a messiah complex.

"Do you want to save the world."

"…?" she gave me a strange look.

As if she legitimately cannot understand what I am asking.

Then let rephrase that.

"Were you ordered to save the world?"

And as if parroting what I said.

"I was ordered to save the world." Harumi answers with her usual lack of emotion.

I understand what is making me annoyed.

Anything she does is not out of a free will. But someone else's influence.

The killing on the roof is the same. All of her answers seem to be genuine.

All she does is follow orders, the only reason why Harumi even bothers to answer me is that no one ever told her to shut up.

Fucking automaton.

I and her have nothing left to talk about. I should go and take a seat somewhere.

As my legs start to move, I feel irritated for some reason.

///

She was crying even more tears, an ****** ****** **** on those small fragile shoulders. A ****** I cannot even come close to understanding.

"I beg of you! Tell us what we should do! Please, *******!"

And she was asking for my help. My words can decide *** **** ** *** *****. People, homes, streets, towns, cities, regions, countries, the world. Their fate will be decided. My words can **** or ****.

******* is still a child in both appearance and mind. Someone needs to guide her, to show how a ***** ****. She can do as told. If *** ****** **** ***. Because of her selfishness and childlessness.

And my words can change that. My words won't be just empty sounds spoken by a failure. A failure who lost something dear to him due to the hollowness of his own actions.

But here is the thing. I don't **** **** **************. I don't **** *** *****.

It's obvious what my answer will be. I will tell her what I always did. But this time she will have to understand the weight behind what I will say.

The real weight these words carry.

///

"Why don't you try doing something you want for a change." I spew out those words without thinking, probably out of sheer annoyance with her monotonic answers. Even though I wanted to get away from Harumi I still spoke out.

"Something I want?"

"Yeah, something you want. Or you don't understand that either."

"..."

Silence.

I turn back to her. She is looking at me right now. My eyes meet with her red.

"You really don't understand?"

"I do not understand."

Finally, she starts to answer with more variety.

"Want me to explain it to you."

"Affirmative." Harumi's answer is stiff and emotionless as always.

"Doing something you want is just that. If you want to feel pleasure you take action to feel pleasure. Even if someone thinks it's a bad idea. ...Now that I think about it, that sounds kind of bad." wow I never knew how hard it is to actually explain something so seemingly simple. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say."

Managing to get out some sort of half-hearted answer I wait for her response

"Your explanation is insufficient."

Of course, she can't understand. She, an individual who never acted on her own will, can never understand what it means to have something of your own.

Plus, my explanation was bad in more ways than one.

"It's not an easy thing to explain damn it."

"I see." Another phrase I did not hear from her before.

Soon enough we arrive at the terminal. It was empty considering that our ship was the first to arrive after the school day.

I start walking away towards the bus station. My apartment is a bit far away from the pier.

No longer paying attention to the girl.

We're done here.

"I want you to explain." Harumi talks in her usual tone.

Something about the way she phrased her words makes me stop. An unknown sensation runs through my entire body.

I turn my attention to her.

"Explain what?"

"The meaning behind what you said."

All the sounds in the world disappear now the only thing hear is her.

Harumi starts to move away from the terminal and move into the crowd. People going around their daily business buying groceries, going to their jobs, taking their children for a walk. She just goes into the crowd full of those people.

The sensation intensified.

What is this?

I thought I didn't really care what happens to me. Or at least I didn't really care if Harumi killed anyone.

Am I afraid of her?

Wait. Maybe this isn't fear, maybe this is excitement? Excitement to the possibilities of what actions she will take. Or maybe it's fear after all? Or maybe not?

It's a feeling I just don't understand.

///

A cold sensation runs through my back as the ****** makes contact with my brain.

///

Black uniforms flood my line of sight. Other students from the Academy have arrived. Now there is no worry among them, just laughter and friendly smiles. As if they were never afraid in the first place.

But they are not aware that the source of their worries is walking freely in Nagasaki.

She's gone now but for whatever reason, I can't move from my spot.

I stare at the crowd Harumi disappeared into. Cars, people in suits, uniforms, and kimono's getting into my line of sight. The fragile-looking body is gone. The fragile-looking girl who can turn anyone here nothing but a street decoration will stay here. She was and will keep walking around this city.

And I don't care. As long as I don't get close to her in any way, my school life should be smooth cruising. Harumi is an emotional blank, there is nothing we have in common; nothing good will come out of this. The gap in our strengths is too wide, I am a bug in comparison to whatever she is. As I am, there's nothing else for me but to be squashed if I get close to her.

But I don't move.

Because I realized.

That because of my empty words.

She will seek me out on her own now.

///

** ****'*. ** ****'* *** because of my wounds.

But because she's crying, continuing looking at the state of my broken body. She doesn't want to see me like this. *****'* ***** *** ***** *** *** **.

**** ** *******, ******* *** ***** **.

If it's her, then I'm okay with this.

///

Why did I get myself involved with that walking disaster?

I just don't understand myself anymore.