28th Dawn - Disclosure of Emotions

It's the same with the scrunchies.

I don't know what's up with me and my memories, but it seems to be too unreal for some reason - those bewildering glimpses of a distant past that were engraved at the back of my mind and would only resurface when I was thinking about it, that is. Bothered, I try to dig into it more, but then, I suddenly find myself running out of ideas to think of. It's as if they scramble away right when I recall they shouldn't be there in the first place.

"Lily?" Lewis called all of the sudden, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Uh, yeah?"

"I said it's clever. You don't seem happy about it, though."

I blink my eyes in bafflement until his words eventually sink in. Flustered, I just scratch my head and look everywhere but him. He narrows his eyes in suspicion, probably thinking I'm acting weird. Yet, if he does point that out, I'll make sure to bring up his misleading gesture earlier and slap it on his face.

"I just blanked out, that's all. Thank you for the compliment anyway," I started again before sauntering towards the stairs and sitting down.

I didn't realize it's already this late. The sun has just started setting from the distance. Twilight is already on its way.

"Seriously, what got you bummed out? It's the same as yesterday," Lewis replied, joining me on the stairs.

That's when I remember what we agreed to do today. We have certain matters to discuss.

With that, I begin to feel upset and disheartened all over again as I recall the events yesterday. Though I know I should just let him say his first, I can no longer hold the dam from breaking. Emotions just ascended again, probably because someone made them rise up once more. I didn't know I needed someone to talk these things out until now.

"You see, I..." I trailed off, suddenly feeling nervous about opening up to Lewis.

Though I know he's a trustworthy guy and a reliable friend, I can't seem to find it in me to believe that I can voice it out. Ever since I came to Ellicht, Madeline was the only person I could talk to like this. What's more, I might just appear childish and frail-hearted to him, so I hesitate.

That's until Lewis pats my back all of the sudden.

Glancing at his direction, I can see how genuine and concerned he is with how his sapphire irises glisten underneath the warm hues of the afternoon glow. It's same face Madeline always made when she wanted me to spill the beans, not for the sake of prying, but because she's truly worried for me.

"Listen, Lewis, I'm not really that carefree as you probably think. I'm actually a magnet of troubles ever since I was a kid."

At that, I suddenly find myself confessing all my worries to him, not just from yesterday, but even way back when I arrived at Ellicht - my eccentricity since I was younger, all the failed attempts, my doubts and insecuties, my heartaches from an unrequited first love, and my friends' departure. All the while, Lewis only listens patiently, nodding from time to time as way of telling me that he's still following me.

"...Even when Felicity told me all these, I just can't hate her for it since I already grew to like her as a friend. On the other hand, I also find myself full of regrets when Madeline and Ruben left. I still haven't even paid them enough for all that they did to me."

I just let the tears roll on my cheeks as I continue to be a drama queen in front of Lewis. I might regret getting too caught up with my emotions later on, but just like these tears, I just couldn't seem to stop.

"Thank you for telling me, Lily," Lewis finally voiced out after my confession.

He then offers his handkerchief to me, which I silently take. A moment of silence prevails between us. He's probably taking time to register everything in his head. I also feel a bit ashamed for burdening him with all these.

"The first time I saw you, you're also crying..." he added all of the sudden, much to my surprise.

"What?"

"It's probably around this time too. You were crying so hard that I wanted to comfort you, but I chose not to since I thought you also needed some peace of mind."

I blink my eyes at him in flummox until I finally remember what he's pertaining to. The first and last time I cried in this place was when I learned about the engagement and after my encounter with that crossdressing woman. I can't believe that he saw me at such a vulnerable state.

"You probably think I'm lame or something," I mumbled, deflated.

"Not at all. Actually, that sight had been a thread of hope for me ever since. I knew that I had to make you my muse no matter what."

All of the sudden, Lewis is spouting out such dumbfounding words again.

He then continued to tell me how he used to be alone ever since he was younger. For some reason, that sense of loneliness re-emerged again when he's searching for a good subject to draw. He'd been searching all around, travelling from one place to another just to find it. In the end, all it left was dissatisfaction and hollowness.

"But then, after laying eyes on you for the first time, I realized that I didn't really need a good subject to draw..." he trailed off before locking eyes with me.

"What I actually needed was one that moves people's hearts."

At that, I only stare at him, speechless and unmoving.