34th Dawn - Firm Resolution

Running away is probably a bad idea, after all.

Unexpectedly, Sol goes all through the trouble of chasing after me when I escape. At this point, we're having a feverish race inside the salon. If there's anything that I'm grateful for in this situation, it's only the fact that most of the staff are in the fitting rooms right now. I can't afford letting them see a count's son race after a hoyden like me.

"If you won't stop this instant, I'd really believe that I did something wrong!"

At Sol's outburst, I finally step on my brakes. That sudden exclamation isn't what I intend to make him think of. Flummoxed, I just stand still in the middle of a hallway while he stops running as well. He then saunters towards me, but I only stoop my head low in shame.

"Let's talk there, Lillian," he muttered, nudging his head to a balcony, to which I just slowly nodded.

A moment later, I find myself in an uncomfortable position. Sol has been peering at me for some time now, and I'm still nervous to say anything. If it wasn't for my lack of confidence, I wouldn't have escaped in the first place or let this nerve-wracking silence sprawl between us.

"Is what Fel said true after all?" Sol started, much to my bafflement.

"Huh?"

"She told me that you didn't want to see both us for some reason. She said that you told her that when you met at the gallery the other day."

Though that isn't a lie, Felicity's premise is a bit misleading since she intentionally cut off my reasons. Going by how deflated Sol looks at the moment, he must've thought I hate them or something. Not wanting to drag on any misunderstanding, I just decided to confess how I was under the weather for the past few days and had needed some time to think. I also reasoned that I didn't want to disturb them at that time since they're already busy with their engagement.

"Still, why did you have to hide like that? We'd understand if you just said something," he retorted, making my eyes widened in surprise.

At this, a train of thoughts muddle my mind again.

I hid from them since I didn't want to say something I'd regret. With how brokenhearted I was that time, I might've suddenly confessed my feelings to him and creased my relationship with them. I already knew they like each other since it's painfully obvious. I'm already aware that confessing will never work out. Just like what Felicity said before, I don't stand a chance, not only because they're already engaged, but more likely because Sol probably returns her feelings.

Now, if I have to choose between confessing to Sol right now, even if it means getting rejected in the end, or remaining as friends with them, I'd rather stay the way we are.

"Sol, are you happy you're getting married with Felicity?" I questioned, evading his gaze.

I seem to have caught him off guard. He only stares at me for a moment, looking bewildered. I also think it came out abruptly, so when the meaningful quietude just continues to pass by, I finally let out a sigh. I shouldn't let this issue hang over us any longer.

"Listen, Sol, you never did anything wrong. To be honest, I'm nothing but grateful for everything you did for me. I also believe that you and Felicity should be happy together. And also..." I trailed off, silently contemplating my next words.

"...Don't just let her do anything she wants!"

Sol only blinks at me in confusion. I then realize how ambiguous it is.

"W-What I mean is... If you find out anything about her that isn't right, like a... m-misdeed or something... you shouldn't spoil her, okay?! Make sure she isn't led astray. Guide her as her husband... S-So, what I'm really trying to say is... Be good to each other, that's all!"

I can't believe explaining myself, without creating any room for misconception, is this enervating.

I know about Felicity's hidden side, but Sol doesn't. Even then, I can't just spout out that she accused me of stealing him and called me a pest since that'll only make everything worse. I also don't have it in me to fight with her. I'm already busy as it is, and I just want to solve this conflict as soon as possible.

After all, I really don't have any time for romance at this point. I still have to survive my apprenticeship and pay Lewis, Madeline and Ruben back for all they did to me.

"So then, you're not mad or anything? You won't hide again?" Sol asked with a serious tone.

I then look at him with wonder, expression slowly softening as a realization suddenly dawned on me.

"I'm not mad, and I'm not gonna hide again."

When I said that, it feels like I'm pertaining to more than this particular matter. It's like I'm declaring this to every area of my life - my passion, my future career, my mission to help those I'm indebted to, and most of all, the search for myself. Talking everything out to Sol is a good choice, after all.

"Let's continue being friends, Sol," I eventually blurted out, a refreshed smile gracing my features.

I may not be granting Felicity's wish to stay away from Sol, but I already did her the favor of not revealing her true colors. I wasn't even guilty to begin with. Now, if this leads her to sever her ties with me, I'll just take it as a sign that we aren't really destined to be friends after all. Though it disheartens me that I even cried for days, I decided to just let fate take over this for me.

And I'll do what I need to do.

After reconciling and clearing things up with Sol, I finally find myself feeling lighter. We end our conversation with him telling me not to hesitate about asking for help. This part of him is one of the main reasons why I can't just let go of my friendship with him, though I still think that I'm not going to do what he said anytime soon.

"I have to grow stronger on my own, so that I'll be the one saying that to him next time..."