37th Dawn - Worst Kind of Goodbye

Fate seems to be not satisfied enough.

It already took Madeline and Ruben from me. Felicity and I have fallen apart. I can no longer see Sol the same way as before. Now, it wants to send my only remaining companion away.

Lewis is a peddler - someone who has no permanent place to stay in. He'd been moving from one city to another for who knows how long. He travels to far places and even visits towns that are outside of Ellicht. Worst of all, Julius said that he's not coming back once he leaves.

Too shaken by the news, all I did at that point was float into space and eventually lose track of time.

"Lily, I'm sorry for coming so late! Did you wait long?"

Lewis finally arrived a short while after. I don't know how much time already passed so I only stay quiet. He responds to this in puzzlement, peering at my deflated figure with a question mark written all over his face. The awkwardness drags on until he catches sight of the beret I've been gripping tightly since Julius left.

"What's that, Lily? A new design?" he asked to which I just slowly nodded.

Even when Lewis is visibly fascinated, my silence keeps him from reacting to it like he usually does when he sees something that captivates him in. He then continues prodding me to spill it, but I remain unmoving.

"If you won't speak now, I might never have the chance to hear it again," Lewis muttered out of nowhere, much to my flummox.

"Y-You're... So, you're really...?"

When Lewis just smiles at me, I feel my eyes glisten with tears. My heart sinks several feet below. It's as if I'm being poured on with cold water. As my insides scramble around at the surge of these dampening emotions, I only muster a look of pain and misery.

"It was supposed to be extended longer, but things came up. The reason I'm late today is because I just received the news. I almost didn't make it, though... What about you? How did you know?" Lewis questioned before joining me on the bench.

"Julius came... I was caught off guard..."

"I see. I'm sorry for not telling, Lily."

At his crestfallen tone, I finally burst into tears.

Lewis is one of the greatest friends I have. He's this nerdy glasses boy who loves drawing so much that money mysteriously pops out in his pocket and lets him buy all sorts of tools out there. He's reserved and guarded most of the time, but once he opens his mouth, insightful words of prudence gush out almost immediately. Within this past month we've been together, he never showed signs of suddenly disappearing.

"Will you at least tell me why you hid it? Was it also related to the reason why you can't tell many things about yourself?" I inquired, voice barely audible and brittle.

"The truth is, my departure is scheduled yesterday. I planned to prolong it until next week but I wasn't able to in the end. I didn't say anything because I wanted you to focus on your apprenticeship... Also, you've been through so much already. I don't want to add to your worries..."

I want to retort that life won't just give me the things I want only because I suffered for too long, but I know Lewis means well when he said that. He has always been this considerate and thoughtful, and even when I don't know much about him, he doesn't hesitate to show his kindness. I believe that is the real him despite his many veilings, but even then, I still want to clear some things up with him.

"I understand. I also know it's to be expected for a peddler..." I mumbled, clearly disheartened.

"But, Lewis, if you still won't tell me all about yourself right now, I may never know them either... You said it yourself."

At this, his eyes widened in surprise. I then steel my gaze at him despite my blurry vision. He ponders for a while, defeaning silence prevailing amidst us. For a moment, he looks troubled and deep in thought, but eventually, he faces me again with unyielding resolve.

"I still can't say anything, Lily. I'm sorry."

My heart shatters at that. It's as if our month of friendship is just all about me unfolding my life to him while I remain in the dark about him. Perhaps, he just doesn't really see me as a friend all along.

"I can't say it right now, but I will in the future. I promise we'll meet again."

Then, I stiffen.

Hope instantly lit up in me as soon as Lewis said that.

I look up to him expectantly while he just continues grinning. He then pats my head. As he does so, his sapphire irises aren't clouded with lie or deception. With that, I can already feel another batch of tears coming.

"Julius said you won't be able to, though?"

"Don't listen to that guy. He's not the one meeting you."

I then find myself smiling. Wanting to hold onto his promise, I raise my pinky finger to him but only earn a flabbergasted look from him. Seeing him unsure of what to do, I just take his hand and make his pinky intertwine with mine.

"It's proof that we made the promise to see each other again, Pinky Swear!" I enthused, beaming at him.

Lewis only mirrors my expression. We then stay that way for a moment longer until I finally pull away.

"I also want you to promise me not to hide this kind of thing ever again. I admit that I'm heartbroken about my loved ones' departure, but I realized that it's just simply inevitable. While life is full of new beginnings, goodbyes are also there. Mother tells me that it isn't really about the losses. It's about how you'll deal with them..." I trailed off with a smile before facing the sunset.

A bit taken aback, Lewis only watches me silently. Eyeing the horizon, I continue mulling over my next words before finally spouting them out.

"....But, leaving without telling - that's the worst kind of goodbye I can imagine, Lewis."