Confession of a Longing Boy

Flummoxed, Noah only returned a speechless reaction at Eli's uncalled-for proclamation.

Eyebrows scrunched together, chin slightly lifted, gaze fixed and firm, a stern yet thoughtful expression - she perfectly captured that motherly image he'd often find on his step mother's face whenever he fell sick. Noah's extremely befuddled at the moment, wondering if Venus had suddenly taken over her without him knowing. Even if that's the case, however, he doubted she'd still make that kind of face in front of him.

As Noah was about to open his mouth again, Eli pulled her hand out of his grasp all of the sudden. She just stood up from her seat and started to walk away, not even sparing one last glance. Silence only dragged on between them. Seeing her retreating figure, he then felt his stomach churn, a storm of emotions swallowing him in one gulp. Dread eventually filled him as he watched her pull the curtains surrounding his bed open, suddenly recalling the time when Venus turned her back on him.

"W-Wait!" he called, making her halt on her tracks in surprise.

"Don't go..."

Now, it's Eli's turn to be caught off guard.

For some reason, his voice came out soft and brittle, amethyst purple eyes glistening with tears. Noah looked like a small, trembling puppy that had been abandoned in the middle of a street. Fangirls and fanboys alike would certainly pay to see this. All it did to her was dumbfound her, though. She had no idea what's running in his mind this time. It could just be because she called herself as his mother out of nowhere, but she thought he'd only brush it off or something.

"O-Oh, yes... Don't worry. I'll just get the soup," she clarified a bit awkwardly.

"You'll come back?" he asked timidly to which she only nodded in reply.

"Yes, yes, of course."

At this, Noah sighed in relief before turning to stare at the ceiling. Not knowing what to think about anymore, Eli decided to just shove this on the back of her mind and proceeded with her caretaker's duty. She then took the soup she covered with an aluminum foil from the nurse's table, went back to sit on the stool, and waited for him to snap out from his daydream. Judging by how he's still having a bit of difficulty in breathing, she could tell that his fever hasn't gone down yet.

"Do you feel good enough to eat by yourself, Noah?" she asked, concern laced in her voice.

"Feed me," he demanded out of nowhere, making her flinch in flummox.

"E-Excuse me?"

"You said you're my mother, and I want Mother to feed me."

Then, she stiffened.

Eli didn't expect he'd react to what she said this much. It's already a given that she's his step mother since basically, she and Venus were one in the same body. Sure, she did it out of the blue, and it's her fist time feeling intrepid enough to say that out loud, but then, it still didn't make sense. He'd been treating her like some kind of a disease because he's aware that she was his step mother's human vessel, after all. She wasn't sure why he'd turn like this now. The fever's probably responsible for it this time, but nothing's going to clear up at this rate if she just kept all her thoughts to herself.

"Noah, how do you really feel about me being Venus's other half? You're confusing me, you know. I'm not sure how to make of it. One minute you're acting like you couldn't stand me, then on the next... It's really confusing," Eli confessed all of the sudden, catching him off guard.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up when you're in this condition, but after all that went down this afternoon, I don't think I can last on this guessing game anymore."

Momentary quietude then stretched to all the corners of the room. Head hung low, Eli only evaded his gaze as she waited for his answer. She didn't really mind whether she screwed up or did something to make things better, though. All she wanted was to hear his honest thoughts. Since he used to hope for the day when he'd be able to see Venus turn over a new leaf, she'd certainly take this as a reason to finally settle their scores, but if that desire has now turned out to be a mere remnant of the past, this situation would just turn out to be all the more bewildering.

"I was just upset..." Noah finally blurted out, making her look back at him, ears peeled open.

"I never wished to see her again, so I was revolted when I learned she came back. I don't want to see her doing those 'things' again, perhaps to the point I'd rather have her dead instead of falling deeper into an abyss of no return... Then, I met you and found how she changed so much. I didn't want to fall for that at first, so I tried to shred off your sheep's clothing and hypocritical facade by peeving you all the time. I also get riled up whenever I see you because I felt like you're taking Hal and Allen away from me. I mean, I already had my mother taken away. I couldn't afford losing them either."

Noah felt like the fever's getting the best of him. Though he couldn't think straight, he knew that everything he's saying at the moment was his true emotions. Gushing out like an unstoppable tide, they just poured out and made him come bare to her. Now, he understood that he never actually wanted to drag on this drama in the first place. Those years of believing, hoping and longing in vain had led him to shut his doors closed, so he had a hard time figuring it out and repeating that cycle once more.

"Then, I learned that these sheep's clothing and hypocritical front didn't really exist all along, which made me more upset for various reasons. Just like you, I also wanted Mother to change. I had sacrificed everything for that - my best friend, my humanity and my freedom. My hands became tainted with blood, but even after all that, she only got worse, and in the end, I just turned out to be a mere pawn... But there's you all of the sudden. I don't know which kind of trickery you used. You're probably a witch or something! First there's Hal and Allen, but now, I honestly thought that you seduced Mother too!"

At this, Eli only smiled in understanding. Despite his ludicrous accusation, she knew what he truly meant by that. She was taken aback after learning that he was actually thinking this deep all this time. He'd been cautious because he knew better with his years of experience, and he only decided to test the waters to this extent because he couldn't believe how Venus changed that much. She couldn't quite fathom how much he suffered under that futile longing.

"Venus still has a long, long way to go, though..." Eli trailed off before stretching her hand out to him and mustering a smile that rivaled the sun.

"...Why don't we do it together from now on, Noah? I don't believe that all your hard work had been for nothing. Venus did confess how much she regretted living that life more than committing suicide, after all. Doesn't that mean she regretted not changing for the better? Things may have not turned out good in your past lives, but you can always treat this new one as a second chance. Why don't we try it again? Together."

Enlightened, Noah looked at her in awe and wonder, eyes gleaming with a newly-found purpose. He then pondered for a moment in silence, staring down at her small, frail hand, which appeared to be very identical to those he took during his father's funeral. A rush of emotions began to overwhelm him at that very second. He couldn't even figure out which one of them is that of solace, gratefulness, joy or reassurance. The only thing he was certain about was that he wouldn't blame it to the fever this time.

Then, finally feeling lighter than ever, Noah slowly reached for Eli's hand and mustered the same sunny smile she never got the chance to know about before.

"Yeah, let's do that."