TBBM IV. RED

I woke up really early the next day; or, did I actually even sleep at all? I'd been playing the scenario in Lit in my head over and over again, hoping to justify my almost carelessness.

"What have you been thinking, Jap?" I asked furiously, as I pinned my head against the mattress. "Did I really think James was going to like me? I mean, he wouldn't save me all these times if he wasn't. But---"

I wriggled like a worm on my bed as I cried fitful tears, torn between "I'm glad I didn't say that I liked him," and "I insanely missed my chance, again."

I never really won in my grapple with certainty and self-confidence, except in rare occasions, like in Lit, yesterday.

As I squirmed and cried and spoke alternately between "he likes me" and "he likes me not," I'd been forgetting that one, my mother could have been there watching me; and two, I just might be running late already.

****************

"Are you... back?" James walked with me to the Auditorium. "Back to being you? You looked really flustered yesterday."

"I worried you, didn't I?" I asked, looking down. Speech and Oral class was plotted for three hours and the second half, we'd spend in the Auditorium.

"Well," he neared his face to mine. "You can treat me in your food tent later if you were that guilty."

"Uh, s-sure," he made my heart flutter again. He smelled manly. Fresh manly.

"But, really… I'm just glad you're okay now."

I nodded.

Dear Saint, how could I keep my senses when he kept knocking me out of rational discernment? Any trip I had towards JFH---the building---never felt this exciting. My heart was beating so fast but not because of the walk; instead, it was because of who I was walking with.

I'd walk this distance over and over if it meant I could be alone with him. He kept telling me stories but I wished he wouldn't ask about them, for I lost track of things again, completely enamored by his face.

We arrived in class. He opened the door for me. The professor was nowhere to be found and the class was in chaos. We were still kids, after all.

Surprisingly, we were assigned to a smaller auditorium this year. We could fit in, no worries; but we had to really take each spot on the bench. There weren't very many countable spots vacant.

The benches were cut out to fit three people in it. Traditionally, no one wanted to be in the first row. But given the situation, we'd have to. I scanned the room for seats and found only a space at the very back, another to the mid left, and two, infront, to the right.

A newcomer sat alone by the corner of the first row. I easily empathized with him. I knew very well that feeling---being the new duck in the barn, not knowing if anyone would take interest in you, enough to make you their friends. His face was buried in between his folded arms. He was probably just feigning sleep to avoid interaction.

I could see curiosity in my classmates' eyes.

"Shall we?" James motioned me to the right. James was a crowd favourite, so he busied himself answering to our classmates' greetings as we approached the corner.

Right that second, the newcomer raised his already red face from what seemed like an eternity of being buried. He stretched a bit and cracked his neck. It was very manly but as well, scary.

He had beautiful eyes. I meant, not chinky beautiful like James'. But I thought it looked beautiful. I couldn't justify. His nose... He had a tall nose, too. It looked just right for him. He wore his hair rugged. It looked unkempt, but strangely appealing. His jaw made him look strong.

I noticed pencil-drawn characters on the desk as we closed in. He probably thought the first period was going to be held here.

"Don't tell me you're sitting here," he spoke brutely with his mouth half-covered, shaking his head at the prospect of sharing the seat with us---to my surprise. He was nothing like I initially imagined. He was sitting casually with an unbelievable air of confidence. Must be another rich kid in the block.

"H-huh?" I took a step back, half threatened, half dismayed. But James held me in the arm and got me seated after him. He took in the middle spot, blocking the new student.

#HowProtective.

I sat in peace but continued to wonder how the new guy actually looked unexpectedly familiar. His appearance was magazine-grade---that could be the reason. I must have seen his face in the library or something.

I didn't really care, though. I meant, I cared a little at first. But that ship had sailed since I heard him talk to me, displaying major abhorrent behaviour. Anyway, he didn't seem to need any sort of empathy. So, I put my focus back on James.

#Loyalty

"James," I giggled to myself.

"You were calling me?"

"No, I didn't." I lied behind tight-pressed lips.

The professor was taking her time, thus, giving the class more chance to roam around and chitchat. Cliffy and Mar, my gay classmates, came to the front. Along with them were three other girls in the class. I knew this would happen. Their group usually made appearances wherever there was a cutie in sight. I thought they'd aim for James again but they happened to target the farthest right this time---the newbie.

I signaled them not to, but the next thing I saw, Mar was seated on the desk greeting him. Mar had a big and healthy stature, causing some to initially second thought upsetting him. But in reality, he was amicable. He worked part time at a restaurant nearby every other day.

The guy smiled back, but slapped the desk with his palm, after. It was only moderately loud, but he looked like he gym'ed allot so I feared for Mar.

Mar descended from the desk and hurried back to Cliffy. Cliffy---he was amicable just as Mar was but he liked doing sexy impressions more than the other. Maybe because he frequented pageants? Or maybe, it was because he totally killed it every time he wore make-up---his passion was beauty.

I voicelessly told them not to poke fun at the new student anymore but Cliffy gave me a determined look. He moved closer and slid a piece of card in front of the new face.

"Hi! I'm Cliffy. I'm cute. I wanna know your name, please," he said, doing one sexy lip bite. He probably developed a liking for the new comer. The girls behind them giggled, too. And soon, the class went cheering for them.

"My name?" the newcomer asked, while rubbing the back of his hand by his chin. He smiled sourly but full of air. "I don't really mind gays being in this planet, you know? What I hate is, when you're acting cute and you're not. Don't you hate that, too?"

"Ouch..." Cliffy bellowed.

I watched, with eyes almost gouged out in awe, as Cliffy slowly and dramatically pulled away with his gang. I meant, it had hit me, too, when the newbie said about acting cute when you're not. I wondered if James felt like that, too? I was starting to get embarrassed so I hid my face with my hair.

#HarshReality

"Enough!" to my surprise, James howled, as he angled his body my way.

He couldn't take it, either. James was a peace-loving guy but at that time, he sounded strong and firm. He looked at my side of the room to deflect tension. I thought that was indeed smart and admirable. I remembered him saying, "Footwork is a primary skill in basketball: one must know when to move and when to just fake a move."

"Look at you, strangely well-behaved," just in the nick of time, the professor came in. I was afraid that James and the new guy might clash or something. "I'm sorry I took so long, the Dean had so much on her list."

#Whew

"So, where were we, again?" the professor's tone started to level back to her usual caring sound. She must have run through the stairs going here.

"Miss," I raised my hand coyly. I couldn't focus until I was sure the new guy wasn't going to trouble James. "Excuse me. I'll just move one seat to the left..." I hastily pulled James away from the newcomer and took his spot.

"Jap---"

"I was scared you'd---never mind, just sit down here."

"Flirt," I heard Angie of the PAC Girls coughed.

"Oh my Golly," exclaimed Cecie. "Hickey wants the two boys."

"Ho, yeah. My eyes hurt," Phao complained.

Many of my classmates laughed with them. I knew it'd happen if I drew attention but, I didn't want to risk James. That was embarrassing. But at the same time, I couldn't focus on being embarrassed. I'd say I was more horrified by the person next to me. He covered his nose as I sat near him. He was breathing heavily.

"Girls... Come on, don't be mean," the professor smiled sweetly at us. Then she turned to me. "By the way, Mrs. Bagui spoke to me earlier. She mentioned you missed the introduction activity yesterday. You are Jopet, am I correct?"

I half-laughed.

"And, she said there'd be a transferee on the list starting today," she flipped through her notebook looking for the name. "Hang on, let me find his name."

"It's me, Professor," suddenly, the guy beside me was sitting upright. He was totally opposite the way he was earlier.

I watched him, despised.

"Great. Just great," the professor clapped. "And you chose to sit together? Isn't that lovely? How about you two come over here in front and introduce yourselves, then? After, I have something the two of you can do."

"M-me?" I stuttered.

"Yes, Jopet," she winked. "And the new guy, too."

James was about to interrupt but I grabbed him by his sleeves and shook my head.

"How about a round of applause?" the professor touted. "Jopet, first."

Don't mess up. Don't mess up. Don't mess up. I kept telling myself.

"I'm pretty sure you've already heard of this," I started off. "But if I were to be a character somewhere, I'd probably be the unlucky one. My neighbours, specifically the men on our streets called me the "jinx." Sometimes, I thought they were being cruel but I couldn't seem to prove them otherwise. I was born on September 8th. It was a Friday. But they said that day felt even more torturous than a Friday the 15th. At the site of my birth, my father saw the midwife for the first time. On my twelfth birthday, he confessed he was leaving us for her. I've never seen him, since. Many times, when I was younger, I wished I was never born---my mother would've been happily married by now," I looked away trying not to cry. It was supposed to be a light introduction. "But, I admit to really being disorderly and out of step. I meant, I always tripped and fell, walked the wrong direction, got lost, slept while praying, always missed my stop, always got ganged up on---"

Angie's eyes were rolling. She was the queen-bee in the class: rich, socialite, pretty, except she couldn't enunciate well due to her braces.

"Really?" asked the professor.

"Because, Miss," Angie, with her two sidekicks Cecie (the girl with big eyes) and Phao (the girl who sounded perpetually upset). "It is Jopet with hickey in the bum."

I hated it that even the professor had to know that part. I dropped my head in shame.

#Fail

**********

I recalled when I was a frosh (that was how they called frehmen students here) the thief cut through my pocket to get to my wallet which abounded with love letters I wrote to my Future Romeo. Naturally, I lost my wallet. I lost the letters. But what I didn't know naturally, was that some uniform cuts could get big---big enough for one to get a peek of my birthmark.

I wanted to walk really gracefully, then. I meant, at least more confidently that usual---since Romeo could be any man right there in campus. They gave me hot stares. Like I thought it was supposed to be like that in a premiere University; I thought they made you feel warm like that until---

"Prrrrrr..." somebody whistled at my back. "Stop right there."

"Me?"

"Hand me your ID," the woman looked like she could fit in a Space Patrol suit by the manner she took her job seriously. I didn't understand what that was until I read her badge. SWAFO, it said. "It looks like it's your first day. Be cautious when you enter the university. Obscenity of any form is not allowed."

"Obscenity? W-who? Me?"

"Unjust showing of tattoo on private parts of the body," she pointed down at my back. "The iron hands of SWAFO shall bring you to justice."

"Tat---" I ran my fingers to my back right where her stick pointed at. "Skin..."

"Your case will be deliberated upon following just process. It looks like you are also a scholar, this could lead to a revocation of that---"

"Hang on! SWAFO woman. I can explain. This is an utter misunderstanding."

By then, another SWAFO officer came and the two of them carried me to their office.

"No... no.. please. It isn't a tattoo. It's a... uhm, a birthmaaark!" I begged to no avail.

I still occasionally got creeps when each time I remembered that day. All the other students in the area were looking at me, laughing.

This happened to be my third year. People were still laughing at me.

*************

"Bitch," Cliffy dropped his book on the desk. Then he whispered in the air for me, "Don't mind her."

I'd bet my face would have been swollen red as my blood crept up my head. I didn't have a white complexion but I knew I blushed allot. Violet blushing, like Ray said.

I impatiently waited for them to move on. I peeked a little but the newbie seemed to be deep in thought. He looked at me with serious expression.

He stood there confidently. Manly. The class poised to listen to him. He was somebody you couldn't help but listen to. Maybe because of his good built. Maybe because he was fearless. I even saw Rein, one of the boys, copying his posture. The girls giggled. Not me though, I already have my James.

He breathed deeply, balling his right fist to his left palm.

Phao and Cliffy shrieked.

Not me, though. I have my James.

Oh, I said that already.

"Red McIntyre. I'm a semi-pro racer... I adore surfing. Driving, it makes you just focus on one thing---that thing in front of you. I'm part Aussie, I liked my life that way. Just dealing with what's right ahead. Until my dad wanted me to take up HRM, then Business since our family owned a restaurant business. I moved here since it felt crowded in Ateneo. It's exhausting. That's me. What you see is what you get."

The girls in the class looked like they were palpitating. Yeah, he was that cool. His looks suited his personality so well.

"So, why are you in Education?" inquired the Professor.

"I teased my dad by enrolling to the wrong course. I told him the HRM's full."

Right then, that second, Phao, Angie and Cecie, collectively known as PAC girls lost their control. "Loooove you, Red," they screamed. Cliffy, Mar, Hugo, Lorraine and the others joined the craze, too.

The professor wasn't supposed to condone with his arrogance but she seemed pleased by his cool.

In just a few minutes, he was able to win their hearts. Not me, though. I already have James.

He walked back our direction and we gave way so he could get into his spot by the wall. But his eyes were on me, unbreakably, looking savagely despised by my presence.

"Loser," he whispered as he passed by me. Though, he made sure only me would hear it.

Loser, is that what people with a birthmark in the bum were called in Australia?

Dear Saint,

He's so cool. I'm scared of him.